Crazy Ex-Girlfriend – Josh’s Ex-Girlfriend Wants Revenge
By: Stacy Miller
The season premiere episode of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend takes place two weeks after the season finale when Josh Chan (Vincent Rodriguez III) left Rebecca Nora Bunch (Rachel Bloom) right before their wedding to become a priest. The episode begins at Plimpton & Associates where we see Rebecca’s mail that has been collecting for weeks, stacked at her desk in a large pile. Maya (Esther Povitsky) comes to Paula (Donna Lynne Champlin) to inquire about Rebecca’s whereabouts. Maya reminds that she hasn’t asked about Rebecca at all today. An annoyed Paula directs Maya to the sign she (Paula) made in capital letters and tells Maya to read it with her. It says, “I DON’T KNOW WHERE REBECCA IS, STOP ASKING ME. AFTER WE AGREED TO DESTROY JOSH CHAN, REBECCA EXCUSED HERSELF TO PEE AND I HAVEN’T HEARD FROM HER SINCE. I DO KNOW SHE’S ALIVE BECAUSE SHE LIKED MY ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE VIDEO FROM THREE YEARS AGO.” Other employees approaching Paula’s desk with questions about Rebecca gives us the first song of the season “Where’s Rebecca Bunch?” a delightful tune in which the people of West Covina are dressed in 18th century colonial garb asking the question of Where’s Rebecca Bunch?
Cut to Rebecca, who has been staying at Covina Inn and Suites. She’s in the bed, moping and singing about how her reason for living (Josh) has abandoned her and how she doesn’t know how she’ll face everyone at work. Although, at first feeling sorry for herself, Rebecca decides to transform herself from victim to scorned woman. To that end, Ms. Bunch leaves the hotel room wearing her white fluffy hotel bathrobe and a cap that says “Bride” and heads to the store. She returns back to her Covina Inn and Suites room with her scorned woman essentials: bright red lipstick and True 2 Color brunette hair dye. Look out world, Rebecca Bunch is back!
At Paula’s house, Scott (Steve Monroe) is asking her about Rebecca. He is glad that they were able to get pass his infidelity and work on their marriage. Scott is determined to build their trust back; that’s why he is following Paula’s rules by signing in every night. And if he passes three (Scott already passed one) lie detector tests, Scott will get to leave the couch and return to his and Paula’s bed.
The next day, the employees at Plimpton & Associates are waiting in the conference room after receiving a mysterious Google calendar meeting invite. “Who is wasting my time with stupid meetings?” asks Nathaniel (Scott Michael Foster). No one seems to know who scheduled the meeting. Suddenly, the chair at the conference room table turns around revealing Rebecca. She now has jet-black hair, is wearing the bright red lipstick and a white dress. Paula is so happy to see her that she wants to give Rebecca a hug. But Rebecca tells her friend that she is doing “a thing.” Rebecca announces to all gathered in the conference room the reason for the meeting and her dramatic appearance change. “I have emerged from my cocoon of submission into a scorned woman, dagger in hand,” Rebecca says. Nathaniel calls an end to the meeting, since he is the boss and they have work to do. He asks Rebecca to stay and tells her that even though he knows that she’s been through a rough time, she can’t leave calls, texts and emails unanswered. She also should have written a thank you card for the gift basket someone (him) left on her doorstep. Rebecca teases Nathaniel for leaving her “girly” stuff and calls him cute. Nathaniel comments on how different Rebecca is since she left. Rebecca orders Nathaniel to leave because she booked the conference room for the next meeting. Nathaniel wonders what client that will make him super rich Rebecca is meeting.
A few moments later, Paula, Valencia (Gabrielle Ruiz) and Heather (Vella Lovell) are waiting for Rebecca’s arrival for the meeting. Rebecca tells her “gurl group” about her plan, which she has named the Chan Plan: She will mail Josh her poo with a note saying that it is cupcakes that he shouldn’t smell before eating. As Josh made her literally have crap on her face, Rebecca thinks it’s appropriate that he eats real crap.
Meanwhile, White Josh (David Hull) has Darryl (Pete Gardner) taste test his protein ant bars. Darryl is proud that White Josh has been working on the idea like a child “birth to childhood through graduation.” White Josh reminds Darryl that they already had the adopting a baby conversation and he told him that he wasn’t ready.
Since the first Chan Plan wasn’t well received by her friends, she has another idea. Rebecca makes a phone call to a casting agency: Rebecca has decided to hire a Josh Chan look-a-like, make a sex tape with him in which he says that he hates Jesus and make it public as Josh wants to be a priest. Paula, Heather and Valencia give Rebecca the thumbs up, but the look on their faces show that they think the plan is a thumbs down.
Paula tells Scott about Rebecca’s revenge plan against Josh is to make a fake sex tape with a phony Josh. Tonight’s the night of Scott’s final lie detector test. Paula asks Scott some hard questions like whether he talks with Tanya (the woman he cheated on Paula with) at work, finds her attractive and is in love with her. Scott’s answers show that he passed the test so he’s ready to move back into their bedroom. But Paula has to leave for the sex tape auditions.
At the auditions, Heather, Paula, Rebecca and Valencia meet Colin Crowley (also Vince Rodriguez), a British guy who could be Josh’s twin. When Rebecca says that she wanted to hire an American for the role, Colin does various US accents; his Southern California one is perfect and spot-on Josh Chan. He is hired and tells Nathaniel as he is leaving that the role has already been cast.
While they are making love, Paula asks Scott to call her Tanya. She realizes her mistake and never wants to speak of it again.
Meanwhile, Darryl is wearing an anteater costume as he gives out White Josh’s protein bars. Darryl tells White Josh that he had someone design the packaging. Darryl hopes that now that he jumpstarted White Josh’s career, they can concentrate on smaller, tinier things. White Josh is annoyed with Darryl’s interference and the pressure to have a baby with him. Darryl thinks they (he and White Josh) need to go to therapy.
Paula tells Heather how she asked Scott to call her Tanya while they were having sex. At the filming of Rebecca’s sex tape, Paula finally tells Rebecca that if she goes through with the sex tape she’ll only be hurting herself.
Dr. Davit Akopian (Piter Marek), husband of Rebecca’s shrink, is White Josh and Darryl’s therapy. During the session, Darryl takes White Josh’s comments to mean that he thinks that he is an idiot.
Heather, Paula, Rebecca and Valencia sing a girl group song called “Let’s Generalize About Men” in which they clump all men (even Paula’s sons) into the same category as hurters of women. Rebecca admits that she knows her ideas to get revenge against Josh have been off. Valencia comments that is another reason she’s angry with Josh Chan, “He turned the smartest person I know into a sad, pathetic porn star.” She adds that because Josh jilted Rebecca at the altar, she hasn’t been able to book another wedding planning job; maybe Rebecca should sue Josh. Paula thinks suing Josh is the perfect way for Rebecca to get her revenge against him while keeping her dignity. But in the excitement of the perfect plan, everyone seems to forget that it was Valencia’s idea, prompting her to ask herself “Am I dead?” as she is being ignored.
Paula returns home very horny and proud of herself for coming up with the best idea (actually Paula, it WAS Valencia’s idea) and tells Scott to make love to her but to call her Paula.
And White Josh thanks Darryl for helping to get his ant protein bar business off the ground and tells him that he’ll consider adoption.
The next day, Paula and Rebecca are in the conference room working on Rebecca’s jilted at the altar law suit against Josh. Their strategy meeting is briefly interrupted by Nathaniel, who has a blonde woman that he hired from casting, enter so Rebecca can see who he’s dating. Paula is glad that they are going this route instead of Rebecca “pooping into a plastic container.” Although Rebecca seems to agree with Paula, later that night we see her (Rebecca) taking a black Sharpie and writing on the post-it label of a plastic container: “To Josh, From Jesus.” Looking at herself in the mirror, Rebecca begins laughing in a strange way. Has Josh’s rejection turned Rebecca into the Crazy Ex-Girlfriend for real?