Crazy Ex-Girlfriend – To Josh, With Love
By: Stacy Miller
The episode opens with Paula (Donna Lynne Champlin) and Rebecca (Rachel Bloom) going over their strategy for Rebecca’s law suit. “I’m so excited, suing Josh Chan is the best idea we’ve ever had. Doesn’t it feel great to do something rational and effective?” Paula asks, not able to believe that Rebecca’s first idea was to mail Josh poop in plastic containers. They make fun of what they think Josh’s (Vincent Rodriguez) reaction was when he first showed up at the church.
Next, we see Josh at the church where he thinks that becoming a priest means that he’ll no longer feel guilty about anything he’s done (like leaving Rebecca at the altar). He’s is so happy and free that he sings “Head In The Clouds,” a delightful MGM musical style song with lyrics that include “Reality was getting so complicated, all the drama was getting insane. But now I’ve given my life to Mr. Jesus Christ, so I’m speeding down the carpool lane.” Then, Josh dances with The Holy Ghost. But his bubble is burst when Father Rodrigo (Carlos Lacamara) tells Josh that if he is committed to becoming a priest, he’ll need to study Divinity for four to six years and get his Master Degree. Has Josh really thought this out?
Rebecca tells Paula that she’s not sure that suing Josh is the right way to go (Especially when she learns that the fine would be between six and eight hundred dollars, which is the cost of a pair of shoes for Rebecca). Nathaniel (Scott Michael Foster) vows to himself that he won’t let Rebecca Bunch get to him.
Meanwhile, Tim (Michael McMillian) approaches Maya (Esther Povitsky) in the break room at Plimpton, Plimpton and Plimpton while she is reading a magazine about the orgasm gap. She tells Tim that the article says that women have orgasms thirty-nine percent, while men have sixty-one percent. Tim doesn’t believe the article; he’s sure that he’s given his wife orgasms every time. But he soon starts to doubt his prowess in the bedroom.
Nathaniel announces that the firm represents the company that wants the lot where Rebecca’s favorite Mom and Pop Korean restaurant currently sits so he’s rehired George (Danny Jolles) to do a little character assassination on the owner of the Korean restaurant. When Nathaniel leaves, comments are made on how bad he is, which gives Rebecca an idea.
Later that night, Rebecca shows up at Nathaniel’s house (she got his address from the company directory) and tells him she needs his ruthlessness and someone amoral like him to help her destroy Josh Chan. Nathaniel tells Rebecca that he refuses to get dragged into her weak schemes. We get a Bob Fosse type song complete with back up dancers called “Strip Away My Conscience.” Basically, Rebecca wants Nathaniel to be her teacher in his school of badness. She promises that if he helps her, she’ll let him do anything her wants to her – even those dirty thoughts he’s currently having.
Hector (Erick Lopez) and White Josh (David Hull) visit Josh, who tells them about the years of study and training that he’ll need in order to become a priest. They believe that Josh is hiding and considering becoming a priest because he is trying to avoid having an awkward conversation with Rebecca.
Maya and Mrs. Hernandez (Gina Gallego) want to show Tim a diagram of the pleasure spot on a woman so he’ll be able to give his wife an orgasm. But Tim continues to insist that he doesn’t need to see it as he knows how to pleasure his wife. In fact, after they’ve made love she goes into the bathroom and happily brushes her teeth. The buzzing of the electric tooth brush as it removes her plague causes her to moan so loudly that he can hear her. Mrs. Gallego says that sounds more like a vibrator than an electric tooth brush. Tim is crestfallen.
Poor George, he’s back at work at Plimpton, Plimpton and Plimpton and has to plant dead rats in the kitchen of the Korean restaurant owner while the caring man is out describing paintings to the blind. Rebecca receives a note from Nathaniel written in calligraphy in which he tells her that he accepts her proposal and asks her to meet him on the roof. Along with the note there is a box with a black dress, heels and bra. “Very sexy,” Rebecca says just as Tim walks past annoyed. “Why is everyone in this office always talking about sex,” Tim wonders aloud. Later on the roof, Rebecca walks towards Tim wearing a sexy red number. She tells him that she donated the dress he gave her to the West Covina Middle School Drama Department because only a thirteen year old girl could fit in it. “Well, you do have an unconventional body type,” Nathaniel comments. “The bra was like two delicate tissues held together with floss and the panties sliced my muffin top to a hamburger bun,” Rebecca adds about the undergarments. She asks Nathaniel why he changed his mind. Nathaniel tells Rebecca that it was just because of the sex. When they arrive at their destination, Nathaniel tells Rebecca that it is a masquerade party. “Four people have the ability to ruin Josh Chan’s life forever and one can make it super annoying so let’s skip him. Now, it’s time to destroy Josh Chan.”
Meanwhile, Josh is studying his theology textbooks when he decides to pray. He admits to God that none of what he is reading interests him. So, Josh asks to automatically be a priest without reading or studying religion. “I knew that wouldn’t work. I’m not Aladdin,” Josh says as his wish or prayer was unsuccessful. He wonders why it (religion, being a priest) can’t come to him naturally. Why does he have to fake it? This leads to Tim thinking about everyone telling him that his wife has been faking an orgasm and going into the bathroom with her electric vibrator. He then sings a parody version of “Empty Chairs at Empty Tables” from Les Misérables called “The Song for Men Who Can’t Please Women/The Buzzing From the Bathroom.” Kudos to Michael McMillian for this Broadway worthy rendition.
At the masquerade party, Nathaniel tells Rebecca to keep the three wives occupied while he talks with their husbands. When he’s finished, Nathaniel admits to Rebecca while they are dancing that when he is around her he stops thinking about himself and starts thinking about her. Nathaniel adds that he is confused by these feelings. Soon, Nathaniel and Rebecca are kissing. When they return back to Nathaniel’s place, he tells her that she doesn’t have to go through with their deal. But Rebecca tells Nathaniel that she wants to as “I’ve wanted to for a long time.” Then, Rebecca and Nathaniel make love. The next morning after basking in the after-glow of their love making, Rebecca asks Nathaniel how they ruined Josh Chan’s life. Nathaniel tells Rebecca that part of being ruthless is to go after what a man loves most (No, not video games). For Josh, that is his family. Nathaniel has arranged for Josh’s sister to be accused of plagiarism and kicked out of Cal Tech (Too bad as she just made the Dean’s List) and Josh’s father’s radiology lab will be audited and criminal charges may be filed, which will make him a felon. And as for Josh’s grandfather, Nathaniel has people with access to the hospice and the old man’s oxygen tank. Rebecca wanted ruthless and having someone mess with a man in hospice’s oxygen tank is about as ruthless as you can get.
Meanwhile, Father Rodrigo finds Josh playing video games. He asks whether Josh spoke with God because he still seems troubled. But the Father has something that may cheer Josh up. He’s arranged for Josh to pass out the collection plate at an upcoming wedding. And Josh can wear the suit that he wore at his almost wedding.
Rebecca asks Nathaniel to call it off. She confesses to him that Josh left her standing there in her expensive wedding dress at her expensive wedding and didn’t give her the satisfaction of embarrassing him with a confrontation like he embarrassed her. Rebecca apologizes to Nathaniel for doing all of this for nothing the leaves. When she returns home, Rebecca receives the poop she mailed to Josh; it was returned to sender for insufficient postage. Eyeing her wedding dress on its hanger, Rebecca makes a decision.
Tim approaches Paula and thanks her for her cutting comments that caused him to ask his wife about not getting an orgasm. Because of her, he and his wife had the best night in the eleven years of marriage. Paula saying that Tim’s wife waited eleven years before telling him that he wasn’t satisfying her speaks to communication problems in their marriage. This causes Tim again to worry about the state of his marriage.
Rebecca wants the whole church to hear how Josh left her at the altar without a word and everything she’s done for and because of him. Rebecca then sings a reprise of “After Everything I’ve Done For You (That You Didn’t Ask For)” in which she gives a Cliff Notes’ version of all Rebecca’s done for the love of Josh Chan then storms out of the church. Josh is happy and takes this as a sign that he has nothing to feel guilty for.
Rebecca walks to her car feeling like a big weight has been lifted. When she gets behind the driver’s seat, Rebecca smiles and says, “Oh my God, I did it. I told him everything.” Then, revelation hits and she frowns and says “Oh my God, I told him everything.”