Van vs. Emily: Dawn of Justice
By: Jay Smith
Teddy (Danny Pudi) and Ron (Ron Funches) are on the rooftop having lunch and discussing Teddy’s new romance with Hannah when a villain starts chaos in the city. The two men gather their things like it’s a normal day to leave when a fireball hits the balcony and makes Teddy fall. Before his fate is sealed, Green Fury (Natalie Morales) saves him mid air and places him back on the balcony. Of course, he’s captivated by her beauty. Teddy becomes smitten and awkwardly thanks her. The heroine leaves and Ron mentions the near death experience as a talking point for his date tonight and Teddy has forgotten about the young lady already in exchange for Green Fury.
A visitor asks Emily (Vanessa Hudgens) if she validates parking because of where she is sitting and she goes into a rant on her proper job title before assisting the uninterested visitor. Van (Alan Tudyk) is on the phone having harsh words with his mother when Emily walks in. Van asks Emily about her childhood room being converted and asks if she was in a prison when she mentions bunk beds and not having her room touched. She finally cuts to the chase and mentions she’s the only SVP without an office and Van gives a half reason stating she thrives in the cubicle area like a fish and would die if she was separated from the group. She explains an office really doesn’t mean anything, but it does to her and to get him to fully understand she explained it using a butler getting a second pantry. Van understands and wants to give her an office but says there is no space. Teddy is in the break room with Ron and Wendy (Jennie Pierson) explaining the differences between Hannah and Green Fury. Wendy tells him that none of the pros matter with Green Fury because superheroes don’t date normal people excluding Pulitzer prize winner Lois Lane. Ron jokingly tells Teddy he’ll never see the green haired heroine again unless he falls off the balcony again. Despite him trying to suggests she’s actively looking for him, he agrees with the balcony idea to see her again. Van is in his office with the toys his mother sent him when Jackie (Christina Kirk) walks in. Their wires get crossed when he mentions playing with his little pony when he was younger and shows Jackie the ashes when she mentions her daughter can’t put hers down. Jackie is there to inform him of his meeting with Emily in her new office and it sends him into a tizzy when the office is the room he had sealed off because he found a spider in it. An irrational Van explains to Jackie that this move by Emily is her “cutting out the middle Van” to get closer to Bruce Wayne. Emily is decorating her office with Wendy, who calls Emily sad for her boring achievements and takes a selfie with Emily in the background when Van walks in. Emily tells him she went to HR and they said she could have the space as long as she cleared the spiders. Van gives Emily a horrible lie about turning the space into storage and needing her to clear out before jumping and being frightened by the graze of her plant touching him as he walks out. Of course, Wendy is excited for Emily’s spirit being crushed in a matter of minutes and documents the moment by taking a photo.
Emily tries to act like the situation with her and Van is far from over when the team tells her it clearly is. Teddy explains that Van’s ego won’t allow him to sneeze in front of them because it shows weakness. Wendy tries to give a story also, but it just showcases her sexually harassing him and Van not being okay with it. Jackie tries to give advice, but Emily storms a way to Van’s office. Van is playing Green Arrow darts with Steven (Josh Breeding) when Emily barges in. She demands her office back and Van still sticks to his excuse. Emily sees the dart and challenges him to a dart competition for the office with Steve cosigning Van in the background. Ron goes on the roof, gets scared by the Teddy dummy he finds and the real Teddy comes out and tells Ron of his plan. Ron asks if he’s only doing this because a beautiful woman came from the clouds and saved him, but Teddy honestly thinks Green Fury is in to him. Teddy sits on the ledge trying to fix the dummy when he falls from the roof. Instead of Green Fury saving him it’s The Olympian (Joel Michael Kramer). Picking up on his half thankful tone, he realizes Teddy was expecting someone else to save him and flies away after calling him out. Emily is practicing in a conference room when the group tries to get her to understand why she shouldn’t beat him and guides her out to show her the “Employee of the Month” room. Ron almost spills the beans on another office secret when they show Emily they give Van the award every time because the one time he didn’t win, he fired the girl who did for a petty reason and had a recount to show he did indeed win. In the flashback of the event we see Steve is the only one with a sincere hand clap for Van. Emily asks they only do this to stroke his ego and they tell her they do it to survive and it’s not to about her, but it affects all of them so that’s why she needs to throw the competition. Steve walks in to inform Emily that Van is ready for her. She asks if she likes being “Van’s little bitch” when he corrects her by calling himself a “squire.” Of course, Van has a gaudy entrance before finally coming face to face with Emily to start the competition. She tries to be an adult and take the high road without trash talking, but Van makes fun of her for it. Eventually, Emily grows tired of holding back and the trash talk and starts playing for real against Van. Before the game is over Jackie calls a time out to talk sense into Emily, who she shows that Van does need this regardless of Emily thinking he needs a reality check. The game resumes and even though she refuses to throw the game, Emily misses the winning shot and Van succeeds, making him win fair and square.
The next day Teddy and Ron can’t understand why the office is different and Wendy rolls down the aisle telling them they all got new chairs. Van comes off the elevator cheerful and greets everyone with a box of pastries. Emily is annoyed by his attitude, but Van doesn’t notice and gives Emily the office because he’s in a great mood. Ron, Wendy and Jackie come up to Emily’s cubicle expressing their joys for the day with Van’s attitude and congratulate her on her victory regardless of how she got it. Teddy is back on the roof with Ron and a custom Green Fury signal with the idea that she’ll be on him and in love for the gesture. The signal catches fire and Teddy snaps back into reality and he ends up calling Hannah. Ron also tells him to get her flowers. Emily marches into Van’s office, with Jackie trying to get her to reconsider, and demands a rematch. Van of course gloats that she needed this lesson in failure, something he’s never experienced, except spelling it “falure” in a spelling bee to win the competition. After looking at all his winning trophies and a panicking Jackie trying to divert the situation, Emily gives Van the hard truth on his faux winnings and not liking what he’s been told, Van kicks the girls out of his office.
A distraught Van is sitting at his desk with the team commenting on his looks watch him sneeze and Ron tells Emily she broke him. Emily tries to defend her action saying it’s needed for the long run when Jackie gives her a hard truth on the situation being about her ego. Teddy is walking down the street with Hannah (Ariel Mieslin) who gives a slight jab back on Teddy’s lack of communication, when she gets mugged but Green Fury stops the guy in his tracks. Of course, Teddy drops Hannah’s hand and tries to play cool with Green Fury when she asks if they’re on a date after remembering Teddy from the balcony. Hannah notices the way Teddy is acting with Green Fury and the heroine eventually leaves. Emily tries to smooth things over with Van, who questions everything in his life especially the prom date he now remembers was a “lady of the night.” She breaks it down that everyone did those things out of love so he’d never experience a loss and tells him he won fair and square against her. The realization of her wins being his and her losses remaining hers cheers him up and he sends her out so he can sneeze in privacy again.