Wynonna Earp – Everyone Knows
By: Michelle Lopez
In case you forgot that being preggers isn’t going to stop Purgatory’s resident crazy chick with a gun from doing her job, we open on Wynonna (Melanie Scrofano) kicking in the door to the Gardner house. She and Dolls (Shamier Anderson) are there to bring Tucker in. They hear someone calling for help so Wynonna kicks in another door and they find Widow Mercedes (Dani Kind) and Widow Beth (Meghan Heffern) acting like they were locked in the room by Tucker. Widow Mercedes tries to do her best Mercedes impression, but it doesn’t fool Wynonna. She senses something’s up so while Dolls checks the rest of the house, she prods the sisters for info going as far grabbing Beth’s shoulder to check for a Peacemaker wound. When Dolls returns without Tucker, they leave, promising to have 24/7 surveillance on the house to “protect them from Tucker.”
Outside, Wynonna tells Dolls that there’s definitely something going on with the Gardners because Mercedes traded in her “fun bitch” awesomeness for plain old bitchiness. When they get near the car, Wynonna gets a case of the pregnancy vapors and collapses while asking for yogurt. Dolls gives Doc (Tim Rozon) a call to let him know a “code rainbow” is in progress.
There’s a bit of a panic inside the Gardner house as the Widows realize the jig is almost up. Had Wynonna grabbed Mercedes’ arm instead of Beth’s, they’d be looking down the barrel of Peacemaker. They’re running out of time to find the third seal and with Clootie’s beheading, they’ve lost any leverage they had against her. Since she’s useless, they toss her dehydrated head into the fire and as it burns it whispers, “Doc Holliday.”
Somewhere in time, a guy we’ll call Billy (Benjamin Arthurs) wakes a man covered in a thick layer of dust named Reeves (Adrian Holmes). Doc Holliday has finally been de-cloaked and they can finally give Doc what’s been a long time coming. Reeves sends Billy to mark Doc with fire.
In the homestead, while Wynonna destroys a tub of yogurt, Jeremy (Varun Saranga) explains to Waverly (Dominique Provost-Chalkley) that the Widows were kept in storage at BBD for over a century due to a lack of manpower necessary for examining their inventory. Being stuck in a crate with your sister wife for over a century is cruel no matter how evil you are. Much like toxic masculinity, bureaucracy has ruined the party again. Waverly and Jeremy throw around more thoughts and ideas about the Widows until Dolls and Doc enter with a mildly terrified doctor (Imali Perera).
In relative privacy, the doctor examines Wynonna after confirming that she is not a hostage. The doctor begins going through a list of routine questions,= and when she asks about drinking, Wynonna breaks down because until a few days ago she didn’t know she was pregnant so she was living her best Earp life. The doctor assures her that she’s not there to judge, but the problem isn’t with the doctor judging Wynonna; it’s the fact that Wynonna’s been judging herself. She pulls it together and asks about genetic testing, which the doctor is surprised hasn’t been done. If Wynonna and the father provide blood samples, they’ll get that done as long as Wynonna makes an actual appointment at her office. Dolls and Jeremy take the doctor back to town before staking out the Gardner house.
Since cigarillos and pregnancy don’t mix, Doc heads outside for a smoke and marvels at the fact that an Earp and Holliday have procreated. Billy appears behind Doc, asking if he’s the Doc Holliday. Doc assumes it’s just a fan, but when Billy apparates across the yard he realizes something’s not right. Billy informs Doc that he’s there to serve an outstanding warrant from 1882. Billy apparates behind Doc, brands him and tells him to get his affairs in order.
When Waverly mentions Doc’s adjustment to fatherhood, Wynonna tries to “Alex Mack” her way out of telling Waverly about the genetic testing — to no avail. Waverly doesn’t get her sister’s panic until Wynonna admits that Doc might not be the father. He made it clear there were no strings attached and even though he probably didn’t mean it, he made the point to Wynonna. Waverly has her own issues with the situation, but she promises to be there when Wynonna breaks the news to Doc. Cue Doc walking in and forcing Waverly to make good her on promise she just made. Unfortunately, the awkwardness is too much so Waverly “nopes” herself right out of the house. Wynonna thanks Doc for the note, which prompts a heartfelt monologue from Doc that left everyone in tears. He wants to let Wynonna know that he plans on being exactly as involved as Wynonna wishes. He understands that this entire situation is Wynonna’s to control,and all he wants and will fight for is for Wynonna to be healthy and as happy as is possible. Wynonna’s overwhelmed with feelings so she falls back into a safe place in their relationship (snark) and calls Doc an asshole. Doc excuses himself and gets his game face on as he storms out of the house because he’s got some ghost cowboys to deal with so he can keep the promise he just made. Waverly sees Doc’s demeanor and assumes it’s because he heard the news about the baby’s parentage. Torn between taking care of her sister and going after the man who loves her sister, Waverly calls up Nicole (Katherine Barrell) for an assist.
At the Gardner house, Beth takes a break from sweeping the porch to wave at Dolls and Jeremy who are parked just outside the property. Jeremy’s bored, snacking, making a mess and rambling about how the ban on co-workers hooking up is gone. He sneezes and pulls out a piece of the Widows’ veil, thinking it’s a tissue. Dolls takes off toward the station because they can use this sample to create a vaccine for the Widows’ ice breath.
On her way out of the house, Wynonna spots Nicole, who Waverly sent to “mommy-sit” her. Wynonna’s not going to get Nicole in trouble, so she drags her along.
Waverly finds Doc at Shorty’s prepping all the guns in Purgatory for what she believes will be some grand display of patriarchal bullshit to mark his claim on her sister. She tries to explain that he’s a part of the family whether or not he’s the father and Doc’s internal record scratch alerts Waverly to her mistake. Doc figures Wynonna’s probably better off and leaves Waverly to stew over her mistake.
At Pussy Willows, a local strip joint, Nicole’s double fisting beers while learning too much about her girlfriend’s sister. Young Wynonna used to perform at Pussy Willows to raise the funds necessary to get out of Purgatory. A few months ago, after killing the last of “the seven,” Wynonna went on a bender to try and forget everything. Eventually, Shorty’s stopped serving her so she made her way to Pussy Willows and hooked up with Jonas (Mark Ghanime) because she needed to feel something good to ground her. Nicole thinks they’re going to tell Jonas about the baby, but they’re really there to steal some DNA. That becomes slightly less important when Jonas goes the full Revenant while breaking up a bar fight. Nicole tries to wrap her head around the Earp heir potentially procreating with a Revenant when Waverly calls. There are some things you can’t tell your sister and for Wynonna a random one-night stand with a Revenant at the strip club you used to perform at is one of those things. Nicole drunkenly tries to dance around telling Waverly where she and Wynonna are, but Waverly’s no fool and surmises that they’re at a strip joint. Wynonna chucks Nicole’s phone in some beer to keep her from sending Waverly their GPS coordinates.
Jonas spotted them and stops by to take some shots, causing Nicole to drink more than an Earp’s worth of booze. Wynonna tries to get them out of their predicament, but Nicole’s drunkenly dedicated to getting Jonas’ DNA. After Nicole calls for another round of shots, Jonas goes the full Revenant again and admits that he’s known Wynonna’s the heir and start spouting all sorts of crap that has Nicole ready to puke for non-alcohol poisoning reasons. Wynonna threatens him with Peacemaker, but she’s in a bar full of Revenants so the odds aren’t in their favor. Nicole does her best to help by whisper screaming about how she forgot her weapon and the fact that they’re extremely outgunned. All Jonas wants is to humiliate Wynonna and for them to go on a “second date” in the alley behind the bar. He slows his roll when he notices Wynonna’s pregnant belly, giving Nicole time to pull her backup gun from her sock. Wynonna elbows Jonas’ misogyny in the throat while Nicole shoots out the power box and they make a hasty getaway.
Nicole shoves Wynonna her car keys because they need to get the hell out of there before Jonas shows up. Wynonna realizes that they can’t leave because if one Revenant knows about her pregnancy, all Revenants will know. Jonas follows them outside and starts ranting about being the Adam and Eve of a new race. Wynonna’s over this shit ticket so she grabs Peacemaker and prepares to put us all out of our misery when he decides to make a break for it. Luckily, Waverly’s finally found the correct strip club and knocks Jonas out with her car door. She’s pissed at her sister and girlfriend for forcing her visit and consequently gets covered in three strip clubs worth of strawberry scented glitter. Nicole drunkenly explains (with hand gestures) that the passed out guy might be the father.
After a quick drive to the middle of nowhere, Wynonna gives Jonas the opportunity to explain why he thinks it’s possible that he could have gotten her preggers. It’s not supposed to be possible, but allegedly happened before. Wynonna mentions them keeping it a secret, which sends him on a rant saying all sorts of misogynistic BS that isn’t worth repeating. During his entire tirade Wynonna stays stone-faced because every judgment he makes about her, she’s already made about herself. Wynonna’s not going to put up with Jonas’ nonsense and with a “do it” nod from Waverly, Wynonna lets him know that she’s going to raise her kid to be good, strong and everything he’s not because she’s the Earp heir and he’s got a one-way ticket back to hell. Waverly heads over to Wynonna to comfort her and can’t help but ask “what” the baby is. Wynonna doesn’t know much about the baby, but she knows for damn sure that it’s theirs.
When Ghost Cowboys Attack
Dolls finds Doc in the BBD office continuing his collection of every gun in Purgatory. He congratulates Doc and waves the white flag in their fight over Wynonna. Jeremy rushes in and drags the guys to the lab for an assist with extracting the Widow venom. After assigning everyone tasks, he begins by going off script and reciting something in Icelandic. Dolls sees that Jeremy’s hacked into BBD files and interrupts his chanting to ask what the hell he’s doing. Jeremy decided to cast a binding spell to draw the Widows to them so Dolls and Doc can kill them (without Peacemaker or the heir). While Jeremy’s explaining this, the Widow venom vapor dissipates and assaults their olfactory system with a fistful of stink. Doc’s got ghost cowboys to deal with so he heads out, but is stopped by an invisible forcefield. It turns out Jeremy’s spellcasting could use some work because he managed to bind the three of them together.
The trio’s search for an unbinding spell gets interrupted when Reeves apparates into the room, tossing a lasso around Doc’s neck and setting him to hang in the office. Dolls uses some quick thinking and the binding spell to save Doc by tossing Jeremy across the room, leaving Doc floating parallel to the floor. Reeves drops Doc, causing Dolls and Jeremy to fly across the room and pulls his gun out to finish off Doc. But Jeremy can’t let his crush die so he grabs a stapler and throws it through Reeves, who puts his gun away and prepares for some one-sided fisticuffs. Doc can’t land a hit on the ghost, but somehow our resident half-dragon can so Doc evades death again.
Dolls wants to know what crime Doc committed that’s got ghost lawmen after him. When Doc lists off his many crimes, ending with sleeping with a married woman, Dolls loses the chill he was pretending to have over the whole baby situation. He scolds Doc for being selfish and for trying to handle the ghosts alone because he’s finally got something to lose. Doc admits that he might not be the father, but before Dolls’ face can decide on a reaction Jeremy lets them know the spell will wear off in one rotation of something. Reeve’s pops back in to take another crack at killing Doc, but Jeremy’s not a field agent so he freaks out and flees the building, dragging Dolls and Doc behind him. Outside, a battalion of ghost cowboys appears and captures them.
The ghost cowboys march Doc, Dolls and Jeremy outside of town for a good old-fashioned death by firing squad. Doc tries to get Dolls and Jeremy out of death, but the “help” they provided Doc makes them accomplices. Reeves reads off the warrant for Doc’s execution, which prompts Dolls to step up and speak to Doc’s growth since 1882. He closes it with a brotherly slap to the shoulder right on the brand Billy gave Doc earlier. When Dolls and Jeremy see the shape of the mark, they realizes that Reeves is one of the founding members of the BBD and his personal hero. He uses his standing as “deputy marshal” to take jurisdiction of Doc’s case and rip up the warrant.
At BBD, Dolls patches Doc up while they discuss what each of their actual plans was to avoid death (they had no plans). Doc reassures Dolls that despite how things may look he does not always get what he wants re: Wynonna and the baby. Dolls breaks the news to Doc that he’s the father whether or not it’s biologically true. He’s already gone all in and cares about Wynonna more than he cares to admit. Doc doesn’t comment on the whole fatherhood thing, but does say that he’s got to visit the Stone Witch to figure out how the ghost cowboys found him.