Wynonna Earp – Forever Mind Nevermind
By: Michelle Lopez
Ever since joining BBD, Waverly (Dominique Provost-Chalkley) has been training with a combination of CrossFit and stick fighting. With the threat of the Widows setting their demon husband free, it’s time for Waverly to show Wynonna (Melanie Scrofano) and Dolls (Shamier Anderson) that she’s ready to fight. The Earp sisters face off and, despite Waverly’s skill with sticks, she’s no match for Wynonna who dodges her attacks and does back flips like she isn’t pregnant. Dolls suggests Waverly think of someone she hates to fire her up, but when Wynonna suggests Nicole (Katherine Barrell) she gets distracted and Wynonna knocks her to the ground. The conversation shifts to the Widows and finding the third seal since Wynonna and Dolls are keeping Waverly in the dark about the ring. Wynonna changes the topic and asks for the night off and alone time at home.
At an antique shop that wishes it were a bar, Doc (Tim Rozon) wanders in because he needs a whiskey. The shopkeeper notices and offers to buy Doc’s ring, but he’s not selling. The shopkeeper changes tactics and pulls out a painting of a young girl sitting in a field, holding a doll. As soon as Doc sees it, he’s sold and will come back to pick it up. When Doc leaves, we see the real shopkeeper dead behind the counter while the demonic impostor wraps up the painting.
At Shorty’s, Rosita (Tamara Duarte) finishes up Dolls’ check-up and confirms her formula is working. Since Dolls feels great, he asks for huge supply, but the serum is only good for a week so he’s stuck relying on Rosita. To thank her for helping him out, Dolls gives her a gift card to a spa and suggests she take Doc.
A short while later, Rosita’s tending bar and chatting with Wynonna who’s a bit disturbed by the giant-baby pinata. She apologizes for missing the shower, but Rosita’s not upset. She jokingly reminds Wynonna to attend the actual birth and offers to mix up a drug cocktail that’ll make giving birth a pleasant experience. Doc comes downstairs and tells Rosita he’s leaving with Wynonna to have dinner at her place. Rosita acts like she doesn’t mind, but her face says otherwise.
At BBD Waverly, Dolls and Jeremy (Varun Saranga) are watching cricket. Jeremy’s desperate to get on Dolls’ good side so he’s feigning interest. Waverly is feeling a bit hangry and the office kitchen has been cleared out because Wynonna opted to get her dinner supplies from the office instead of a store. Nicole shows up because they’ve found a body that BBD needs to take a look at. Waverly’s still pissed so she throws some salt Nicole’s way, which is unpleasant but Nicole just takes it.
The body is charred beyond recognition, leaving a medical tag as the only way to identify it. The tag says the body is Tucker Gardner (Caleb Ellsworth-Clark). They transport it back to BBD and call Beth (Meghan Heffern) in to give her the news. Widow Beth tries to come off as upset but fails. Dolls asks if she can think of anyone who would want to hurt Tucker, which is a dumb question because who wouldn’t want to hurt that misogynistic perv. Beth suggests Tucker did it to himself since he was never told not to play with matches. She asks for his personal effects, but much like the body it’s evidence. When Dolls brings up the Widows, Beth fake faints to avoid the topic. When she wakes up, Waverly and Nicole are there to help her. She apologizes for how Tucker treated them while excusing his behavior because he loved Waverly. Nicole can’t believe she’s been transported back into “patriarchal bullshit land,” but Waverly lets it slide because Beth just lost her brother. Beth heads home and Nicole scoffs at Beth’s rationalization of Tucker’s nonsense. Waverly wasn’t going to correct her because sometimes lying is a kindness, which sets Nicole off because their relationship problems are proof to the contrary.
At the Earp house, Wynonna unwraps the painting only it’s changed into a darker version of the original, making the doll the focal point. Wynonna pretends to like it while Doc tries to figure out how he ever thought the painting looked good. The timer goes off, declaring Wynonna’s delicious meal of mac and cheese with cut-up hot dogs and a ketchup glaze is ready. As they eat, Wynonna asks Doc about the cut on his cheek. He got it while visiting Constance sans her head at the salt flats. Doc’s not keen on continuing this line of conversation so he picks up a rattle, which Wynonna mistakes as a lonely maraca, to move the conversation toward baby stuff. Of course, he assumes that is the reason why he’s there. Wynonna invited him over to break the news that his ring is the third seal. She knows Doc got the cut because a demon attacked him because they’re drawn to it. Case in point, the doll in the painting has gotten bigger and moved to the foreground, closer to the ring. She needs the ring to destroy it and kill Clootie, which is a completely bonkers plan and Doc is not impressed. Meanwhile, the doll has casually wandered out of the painting to stretch its legs and take a look at Wynonna’s decorative pillow collection.
At Shortys, Waverly’s staring longingly at her drink because it’s depressing to drink alone. Rosita has no problem drinking on the job so she makes herself a drink to have with Waverly, who is mildly embarrassed for her dramatic baby-shower exit. Rosita assures her it wasn’t that bad and assumes that Waverly’s drinking alone because she and Nicole aren’t on good terms yet. She’s there because of “WayHaught” problems, stress about the incoming demon nonsense and being kicked out of her house for Wynonna and Doc’s dinner. Waverly needs a break from life so Rosita whips out that spa gift card.
At the spa, Waverly’s having trouble relaxing so she fusses over infused water and whether or not she should grab towels. Rosita tells Waverly to relax, but there are so many things that could happen while she’s gone. Rosita tells her the one thing she desperately needs to hear — take care of yourself for once — and Waverly finally loosens up. They relax and bond over champagne and their mutual love of the spa towels.
At the homestead, Wynonna and Doc are getting fired up over the third seal. Wynonna wants to destroy it, but Doc’s not willing to give up his agelessness. To even begin to entertain the notion of giving up his ring, he wants to know how Wynonna plans to break the seal. It took the Widows a long time and a lot of magic to break the second seal and Wynonna’s got neither. Doc vowed to spend the rest of his life protecting the Earps. In order to do that, he needs to be alive and removing the ring means he’ll begin to die. Wynonna doesn’t see the big deal because everybody spends every second of every day moving closer and closer to death. The ephemeral nature of life is what makes it worth living and Doc’s lost sight of that. He claims that he would have done anything to get out of the well, but Wynonna was there and saw him pass up freedom. She calls him selfish and Doc realizes it’s time to leave before things escalate any further. Unfortunately, Wynonna’s car keys have vanished.
At the Gardner house, Widow Beth takes a crack at tossing the rings Widow Mercedes (Dani Kind) used to find Hypnos. She’s hoping to find the location of the “traitor,” Tucker, because she’s not convinced that was his body at BBD. The rings give her an answer and she heads out, telling Widow Mercedes to get some beauty sleep.
With Doc and Rosita out and about, Dolls drags Jeremy back to Shortys under the guise of re-inspecting the second seal. While Jeremy inspects and goes on one of his trademark tangents (this time featuring his attempt at noir speak) Dolls searches through Rosita’s journal for the anti-dragon serum formula. Jeremy takes issue with Dolls raiding Rosita’s journal because it’s her intellectual property, but Dolls doesn’t care. On their way out, Jeremy gets a Widow fingernail splinter and remembers that Beth had a bandage on one of her fingers. Finally, someone’s figured out the Gardner sisters are the Widows!
Back in the homestead, Doc tries to leave yet Wynonna and her baby bump aren’t letting him pass. He claims he was destined to have the ring so he’s not giving it up. Wynonna just chalks it up to a bad deal, but it wasn’t a bad deal — it was a special brand of torture designed especially for Doc. When his mother was dying of tuberculosis, teenage Doc used to crawl under the house to spend the night under her room because that’s the closest he could get to her. After she died, he couldn’t handle enclosed spaces anymore because they’re a reminder of listening to his mother die. Disembodied childish laughter echoes through the house and their fight is forgotten as Doc jumps in front of Wynonna to protect her. Wynonna isn’t helpless so she grabs one of Doc’s guns and they split up to search the house after she warns him to not mess with her decorative pillows.
In the hot tub, Rosita casually drops that she’s got two PhDs when Waverly’s phone goes off for the millionth time. Rosita’s had enough and tells Waverly to answer Nicole, especially since her messages are full of apologies. She decides to respond with an extra salty text which Rosita advises against, but there’s no stopping an Earp after she’s decided to do something. The minute she hits send, she knows it was a mistake because deep down she isn’t mad at Nicole — she’s mad at her situation. She claims their relationship was perfect until this mess, but Rosita knows that perfect is boring. She explains some crazy science about champagne and flaws and the metaphor is everything Waverly needed to hear so she leans in and kisses Rosita, who kisses her back. After a moment they jump apart because they’re both with other people and just made a huge mistake. Rosita flees to go get dressed and a few minutes later Waverly follows her into the locker room, apologizing, only to find that Tucker has killed Rosita. Waverly’s surprised he’s alive and that he just killed her friend, but Tucker is a monster who faked his own death and killed Rosita because she, much like Nicole, was corrupting his Waverly. After getting shot and going on the run, he decided to return to Purgatory to save Waverly from the Widows. He goes on a crazy rant explain his rough life as a privileged white guy while talking to Waverly as if she were his possession. It’s gross. Thinking quick, Waverly plays along with Tucker’s insanity and tells him she’s got to call Wynonna to tell her she’s leaving so that they can get away without being followed. Tucker thinks that’s a swell idea as long as she does it in front of him.
At the Gardner house, Dolls searches the property while Jeremy rambles nonsense to him from the car. He decides to check out the storm cellar and inside he finds the faceless corpse of Beth and the faceless body of Mercedes barely hanging on. He promises to come back and help faceless Mercedes after he investigates whatever’s making noise upstairs. He and Widow Mercedes share of playful banter as they stalk each other through the house. They meet up and Mercedes lunges through a mirror, thinking it was Dolls, who pops up behind her ready to take a shot when she knocks his gun away. She shoots some frost breathe his way when Jeremy jumps in front of him with his prototype vapor guard. It seems to work for a second, but he succumbs. Jeremy’s interruption was a big enough distraction that Widow Mercedes got away.
Doc and Wynonna searched the entire house and didn’t find anyone, but Wynonna did find Peacemaker in Doc’s jacket. She thinks he stole it so she wouldn’t shoot him, which he defends by bringing up pregnancy hormones. Honestly, with that comment she should have shot him; instead, she verbally dresses him down because she’s the goddamn Earp heir who’s got a curse to deal with and Doc’s ring is a part of it. The creepy real-life porcelain doll from the painting watches on from a nearby shelf. Their argument keeps escalating to the point where Wynonna pulls Peacemaker on Doc. In the hallway, a now-human-sized doll watches with Wynonna’s phone in hand, which is really unfortunate for Waverly. They keep on shouting at each other until Doc finally removes the ring and throws it past Wynonna into the open arms of the doll. Doc unloads a few rounds into the doll, which do nothing so Wynonna puts it down with Peacemaker. As the demon disappears, so does their rage. They both admit that they meant everything they said, but it wasn’t stuff either planned on ever saying out loud. They agree that they will break the seal together when the time is right and to seal that deal Doc kneels down, picks up the ring and hands it to her like a marriage proposal.
Waverly leaves Wynonna a message about leaving town for a while and when she hangs up Tucker is ready to leave. She tries to get him to let her go to her car for some clothes, but he’d rather buy her some more conservative clothes because he doesn’t like when his possessions catch the eye of other people. Thankfully. Rosita pops up behind him and clobbers him over the head with a bottle. Waverly is overjoyed that Rosita is alive and that she dealt with Captain Patriarchy. It turns out though that Rosita isn’t dead because she’s actually Rosie the Revenant.
In the woods somewhere, Tucker’s running around searching for Waverly and instead finds Beth. She acts warm toward him and entertains his ridiculous obsession with Waverly for a while. Then, she tells him that Waverly’s too special for an abomination like him, hits him with some frost-breath, and eats him.
Elsewhere in the woods, Mercedes tosses her rings, begging for the location of the third seal. She’s looking rough because the wound from Peacemaker has poisoned her and she’s literally rotting away. The rings give her an answer and she rushes off.
At Shortys, Waverly’s trying to get over the fact that Rosita is a Revenant. She asks if Waverly’s going to give her a head start before ratting her out to Wynonna, which is something Waverly has no plan on doing. A) Rosita is amazeballs and B) Waverly thinks she’s half Revenant so glass houses and all that. Rosita mentions Nicole and Waverly is hit with a ton of regret over how she’s behaved. She assumes Nicole will need space, but Rosita’s been around long enough to know that sometimes space is the worst thing you can do, after all, space is how she ended up a Revenant. Waverly’s not sure that Nicole will let her in so early but Rosita assures her that there isn’t a time when Nicole wouldn’t let Waverly in.
Cut to a knock on Nicole’s door. She rushes to open it, assuming it’s Waverly. It is most definitely not Waverly; it’s Widow Mercedes. Ruh Roh!