Abbott Elementary – Volunteers

By: Atiya Irvin-Mitchell

We’re back after the holidays and Ava (Janelle James) tells the teachers of Abbott Elementary that the district has a new policy of sending their schools volunteers. This makes the teachers happy because they’re usually swamped after the winter break and a lot of the staff members have been waiting for help for years. Barbara (Sheryl Lee Ralph) is happy the community is willing to help, Melissa (Lisa Ann Walter) wishes someone would clean the coffee maker, and Janine (Quinta Brunson) is behind on the grading. Everyone else starts sharing stories of all the requests that haven’t been filled and Ava says it’s not as if she allows the school to fall apart. As if on cue the scoreboard in the gym falls down.

On the scoreboard front, Ava calls the golf course developers to ask for a new scoreboard. Unfortunately, the powers that be say that since they’re no longer using non-union labor Ava doesn’t have any more leverage. Ava tries to threaten them when she gets interrupted by the news that the volunteers have arrived.

In the teacher’s lounge Gregory (Tyler James Williams), Janine, Jacob (Chris Perfetti) and Melissa discuss all the things they need help with. Janine is behind on grading papers, Gregory has a raccoon situation in his garden, and Jacob needs help adjusting the vents in his classroom. Then Ava announces it’s time to meet the new volunteers, which excites Janine.

Meet Dee (Kaitlin Olson), Mac (Rob McElhenney), Charlie (Charlie Day), Dennis (Glenn Howerton), and Frank (Danny DeVito), they make an interesting first impression to say the least. Dennis asks about the cameras and as someone who knows a lot about cameras and consent declines to be filmed by the crew. When Gregory asks if anyone has gardening experience Frank says he lived outside. Melissa says they look familiar and Charlie ominously says they don’t usually “do” schools, then she asks if they’ve ever been in a fight at an Eagles game to which they give a unanimous, “of course.” This is how we learn that’s a regular occurrence for Melissa and Ava tells them to get to the free work.

In Jacob’s class, Charlie does help him with the vent situation but seems to know absolutely nothing about a handful of historical events. Outside, we see Gregory, Mr. Johnson (William Stanford Davis), and Frank trying to address the raccoon situation in different ways. Frank is tossing batteries into the soil much to Gregory’s confusion and Mr. Johnson’s frustration. But Frank says they have to trap the raccoons, Mr. Johnson however just wants him to quit throwing trash into the soil or else. When things start to escalate Gregory tells both men to calm down because their fighting is what the raccoons want. Frank suggests they put pellets covered in urine into the garden to scare the raccoons away, but Greogry’s plan is to put garlic and other spices into the soil to make the garden less tasty.

Janine seems to be having better luck with Dee who is hanging up the kids’ drawings while she helps the kids with their lessons. Then she finds out that Dee went to the University of Pennsylvania too and takes an instant liking to her. It helps that Dee tells the kids to not forget to write their names on their worksheets and that they’re being taught by a genius.

In Ava’s office Mac suggests that since the volunteers she sign a paper so that they can get out of their hair. But, Ava says the district says the volunteers are to be here for the whole week so she tells Mac to go make himself useful.

The teachers are comparing notes on the volunteers and with the exception of Janine they all find the volunteers a bit sketchy. Gregory says Frank accused his soil of lacking lithium, Jacob thinks they don’t have education backgrounds, and Barbara says Dee asked her to light up in her classroom. Then another teacher says Dennis, the skinny one who keeps hiding from the cameras keeps trying to convince her to go to a skeezy bar with a lot of one-star reviews. That rings a bell for Melissa and she urges the staff to come with her. She’s familiar with Paddy’s Pub and declares that the volunteers are a bunch of lowlifes. She demands to know what their angle is. At first, they insist they don’t have an angle, then they admit that they’re here for court-ordered community service.

Long story short, they dumped a lot of baby oil and T-shirts into the Schuylkill River and they were charged for it. Gregory isn’t surprised they’re criminals because Frank kept asking for one phone call. Barbara just wants them gone as soon as possible. Melissa offers to have them disappeared expeditiously. Janine isn’t sold on kicking them out for two reasons: 1) Dee has been genuinely helpful. 2)If they return the volunteers the district will never send them help again. Plus,  Janine says, they only committed a misdemeanor, so they aren’t violent criminals. Ava doesn’t want to turn down free help, so she suggests they just give them busy work and she’ll treat them as badly as she treats everyone else.

Later, Melissa and Jacob play hot potato with Charlie. Melissa doesn’t want to deal with him but Jacob thinks the 8th grade curriculum might be too hard for Charlie. He adds that he’s not sure that Charlie can actually read. Melissa points out that she has dyslexia and like many adults Charlie could be dyslexic as well and just struggle to read aloud, but he proves Jacob’s theory correct when a kid asks him to spell light and he botches it.

Gregory, Mr. Johnson, and Frank are disappointed to realize their raccoon problem has gotten worse. Frank doubles down on his belief that they need to scare the raccoons into submission, Mr. Johnson wants to catch and cage the raccoons, and Gregory decides to leave and let them fight it out.

The next morning Mac brings Ava coffee and offers to detail her car. Ava had her car detailed yesterday, but since he doesn’t want to plan a fire drill she tells Mac to go get her car filled up. In Janine’s classroom, Dee is dressed up like Benjamin Franklin for a lesson on electricity. Gregory comes in to borrow a pair of left-handed scissors and Dee makes a pass at him. Gregory is unaffected by her calling him a hunk and when he leaves Dee is unaffected by his lack of interest.

Melissa and Jacob tell Barbara about Charlie’s reading troubles and Barbara says having taught illiteracy classes, it’s not as uncommon as you’d think. She asks Charlie if he can read and Charlie says of course he can. Barbara says adult illiteracy is very common and there’s no shame in it and Charlie excuses himself to the restroom.

Mac brings back Ava’s car and is still trying to get Ava to sign the slip so that they can get out of their community service early. But, Ava still doesn’t want to sign the form. In Janine’s classroom, Dee is getting the kids to make Valentines for Gregory which Janine is surprised by. She tells Dee that she and Gregory are exclusively dating. This doesn’t mean a lot to Dee as she congratulates Janine, but says she hopes she won’t mind her taking him out for a spin.

Janine is freaked out by this and goes to Ava’s office and says the others were right, the volunteers have got to go. But, Ava says the volunteers have been so helpful she’s contemplating framing them for another crime to Mac’s horror. Melissa and Barbara sit down with Charlie and tell him again that illiteracy is nothing to be ashamed of and Barbara vows to help him. Barbara has helped many adults and says they just have to start with something he likes. Immediately he says he likes beer, but as that’s in short supply at an elementary school they settle on birds instead.

The next day Janine says she feels bad for Dee because it’s hard to have an unrequited crush on Gregory, but she’s hoping to smooth things over today. Dee comes in all dressed up and says she wants Janine to see who she’ll be losing Gregory to. Janine asks to speak with Dee privately and stresses that her relationship with Gregory is serious and committed. Unfortunately, that just makes Dee want him more which upsets Janine. Gregory enters the conversation when he overhears Dee and Janine arguing. Gregory asks Janine for a sidebar and he asks her what’s wrong. Janine explains that Dee is trying to seduce him and make him her boyfriend. While Gregory agrees that, that’s a nightmare he points ou that he’s not interested in Dee, or anyone else, Dee throwing herself at him is meaningless. This makes Janine feel a little better so she goes back to class. When Janine’s gone Dee tells Gregory to meet him behind the gym mats. Gregory says that if he doesn’t show up she should keep waiting.

Charlie is reading a picture book aloud and when Mac and Ava come in Jacob reports that they’ve gotten Charlie reading at a kindergarten level. After seeing Charlie stumble through a sentence about a protected species, Ava reads it for him and gets an idea she needs Mac’s help with.

The next morning Mr. Johnson says he caught the raccoon, but when he shows Gregory the cage Frank is inside. They deduce that it was Frank who was eating the compost. Gregory says he’s tapping out and leaves Mr. Johnson to deal with the caged man.

In Ava’s office, she calls the golf course developers and tells them that she and Mac found a protected species of bird eggs at their construction site. Then she says the gaming commission would nix their project if she told them about it and the golf course developers say they’ll be in touch. Later, Charlie gets a mini graduation for learning how to read. Dee keeps flirting with Gregory and Gregory ignores her. And Mac finally gets his community service form signed because he sent thank you notes to the teachers and Ava says they thrive off of insults. Janine says they should never ask for help again.