American Horror Stories – Drive In

By: Kelly Kearney

A horror movie that kills? That’s right, film fans, “Drive In” tackles a film goers’ worst nightmare when an unsuspecting film turns genre fanatics into killing machines. Rabbit Rabbit the movie is what happens when the criterion collection goes wild and it is all thanks it’s power-hungry creator and the pubescent urges of two teen heroes slated to save the town.

“Happy Little Trees”

We begin in Los Angeles with teen dream Chad (Rhenzy Felix) and all of his virginal urges to become a man. Playing on the TV is mood setter, Bob Ross, painting his happy little romance trees for Chad’s girlfriend, Kelley (Madison Bailey). Unlike her horny boyfriend, Kelley doesn’t seem keen on giving up the “V” and quickly slows things down before they can go all the way.

The following day at school Chad complains to his friends about his disappointing night. Even that aphrodisiac in a sweater vest, Bob Ross, didn’t convince Kelley to sleep with Chad. As the story goes a little Bob helps to stimulate a section of the female brain known to trigger arousal. Either that theory is a dud or Kelley’s brain malfunctioned because she totally intercepted Chad’s bedroom touchdown and now, he needs another plan. Cue Kelley, who also isn’t thrilled about how the previous night went and tells her friend Dee (Ben J. Pierce) about it in the school hallway. Dee, who is thirty-two flavors of delicious gender expansive expression, has a simple diagnosis for Kelley’s predicament “you’re just scared of the d*ck.” Solid and to the point, Dee. Kelley shrugs her bestie off because can’t a girl take her time when it’s her first? Chad, on the other hand, doesn’t need time and thanks to his friends, who pride themselves on being experts of the female sex, have an idea. Fear, they convince him, is an easy way to get women in the mood (it’s not, but they’re idiots) and what better way to scare the virginity out of a girl than a horror movie at the drive in. Those jump scares will have her jumping on Chad’s… LAP! Lucky for him the one in town is showing the cult classic Rabbit Rabbit and, considering the history of the movie, Kelley might become terrified enough to give it up (have I mentioned how gross Chad’s friends are?).

With flashbacks told in a documentary style, we go back to the 1986 feature Rabbit Rabbit. What started out as a fun night at the movies ended in a real-life horror show. According to news reports about half-way through the movie the audience went bonkers and attacked each other. The rabid crowd ripped through everyone in their pathway and, after it all died down (pun intended), six people were slain and countless others were injured. Since then the movie has gone underground with many claiming the killings forced the film out of print. Chad, who thinks this might be the answer to all his fear/sex prayers, goes home to do some research on the movie that kills. That’s when he discovers more news footage of a congressional hearing where Tipper Gore (Amy Grabow), wife of former Vice President Al Gore, tears into the director Larry Bitterman (John Carroll Lynch) for instigating violence with his work. This is, of course, based on Tipper’s involvement with the Parent’s Music Resource Center and their push to include parental advisory warnings on all music albums they considered offensive. After hearing her attack his life’s work as well as her recommendation to destroy all the remaining copies of his film, Larry loses it and flies out of his seat attacking Tipper in front of Congress and the press’ cameras covering the trial. The stories surrounding the film are enough to convince Chad to ask Kelley to the movies and, lucky for him, she accepts.

Roll the Tape!

When the couple pulls into the lot they are immediately met by a screaming female protestor in an eyepatch. The woman, Ruth (Naomii Grossman), tells them she lost her eye during the 1986 Rabbit Rabbit premiere when her film-crazed boyfriend cut it out. Now, she warns others about the dangers of watching the movie and it is merely a coincidence she appears dangerously crazed herself. Of course, horny Chad ignores her and he and Kelley make their way to their parking spot to get ready for the movie, which we soon find out is running behind. When drive-in owner Verna (played by ‘70’s Scream Queen Adrienne Barbeau) rants over the film reels showing up late, a minivan driven by a much older Bitterman personally delivering the last copy of the movie arrives just in time.

When the film begins Kelley decides it’s finally time to make Chad’s dreams come true and with a bit of hot and heavy petting the windows get fog up as the two get down to love-town. Those hazy windows make viewing the movie all but impossible. Not that then couple notices because once Rabbit Rabbit begins the mania within the crowd starts to rumble. Pupils of the movie goers dilate and temperatures rise with mayhem quickly taking over the audience as they go from excited horror fans to blood thirsty zombie killers. Ruth, who knew this was going to happen all along, takes off for the projector room to stop the reels before it can get worse. However, when she gets inside she sees Verna has already been infected with the film’s virus. With one eye already sacrificed to the first showing, it’s a shame when Ruth rips her other eye out. Since Kelley and Chad are otherwise occupied, although they never fully sealed the deal, they are the only ones not affected by the film’s influences. Kelley, alerted to the crowd’s unrest, acts fast and jumps behind the wheel of the car attempting to drive them to safety. Only in the midst of the chaos she runs over her best friend turned zombie killer, Dee, when she pins them to the concession stand with the front grill of Chad’s car! After that gut wrenching death Kelley and Chad exit the car and run into the projector room in an attempt to shut it all down but, of course, it’s too late. The evil has spread beyond anyone’s control and turning off the projector won’t stop this full-on death-fest in the drive-in lot and nor will it stop it from spreading beyond and into the streets of their hometown. Without any way of ending this nightmare from inside of it, Kelley finds a loaded shotgun and the two take a pro-active approach. Kill the source and prevent it from happening again…But first, Chad has to kill his zombified friend Quinn (Kyle Red Silverstein) and steal his truck for a road trip to find Director Larry.

Burn, Baby, burn!

When Kelley and Chad eventually track Bitterman down, they find him living in trailer in the middle of nowhere with a brand-new Rolls Royce parked out front. It seems like an odd combination and the two make a note of it, but more on that later because they have interrupted Larry’s news coverage of the drive-in massacre and he seems like a proud papa to learn the streets are overrun by Rabbit Rabbit fanatics. Kelley and Chad point the finger at Larry telling him this all his fault and that’s when we get his backstory and how this deadly film came about. Larry Bitterman began his career as an editor on the famed devil possession film The Exorcist. His claim to fame was splicing in a terrifying moment where the screen flips from a priest’s prayers to the face of the demon taking hold of a child’s soul. The moment is chilling and so much so that when the movie was released a terrified pregnant woman went into labor in the theater. That story influenced Larry’s entire career and, like an addict chasing his first high, he actively sought another project that could turn entertainment into a horrifying real-life experience. In the ways of John Waters’ Smell-a-Vision, and the shocking theater seats for the film The Tingler (“Drive In” mentions that like an Easter Egg for hunting horror fans), Larry has been obsessed with finding a way to trigger film goers’ brains with subliminal fear messages. If he could use science and add it into the cinematic experience than his movie Rabbit Rabbit would be the ultimate in interactive entertainment. Of course, he had plenty of time to research this while sitting in jail for assaulting the Vice President’s wife. He got tips on how to stimulate various parts of the brain by reading about government experiments like MK Ultra. He knew he found his niche in the industry after the editor of the movie lost her mind. From then on, it was only live action horror for Larry.

As Kelley and Chad listen to Larry’s story it is obvious the man has no interest in handing over the last existing copy of his precious film. Knowing what will happen if they don’t destroy it leads Kelley to shoot Larry in both of his legs to stop him from leaving with the reels. For good measure, the teens burn down Larry’s trailer with him and his movie in it preventing it from ever falling into anyone’s hands. After all, what’s a little homicidal arson of one when the alternative is a homicidal virus spread across every horror film fan and horny teenager on the planet? The choice was an obvious one for the two unlikely heroes and, thanks to all the drama, now they’re closer than ever!

When Chad and Kelley get home to finally consummate their relationship, we find them once again oblivious to the goings on outside their love orbit. In the background on Chad’s desk we see his computer is set Netflix with a pop-up notification for a surprise horror release. The film? Rabbit Rabbit! It looks like this binge watch is going to lead to an all-nighter in the killing fields of Los Angeles because minutes after the film drops we catch a glimpse outside Chad’s window and it appears that the entire city is under siege. Fires burn and chaos ensues as the Larry Bitterman’s cult film turns the city of Lost Angels upside down like the Devil’s cross. The question is how? If Kelley and Chad torched the last existing copy, then how did it land in the streaming giant’s hands? The answer is in the trunk of that luxurious Rolls Royce parked outside of Larry’s trailer. It looks like he sold it before the couple came knocking on his door! So, grab your popcorn and get your killing vibes on because this movie is just getting started!