American Horror Story – Blood Buffet

By: Kelly Kearney

Now that we know all about the stardom drugs turning success addicts into blood-sucking parasites, in “Blood Buffet” we finally get to meet the drug’s maker. The Chemist, in all her bio-engineering brilliance, brings her study on what drives human inspiration to the little Massachusetts town by the sea and, as you can imagine, the results are deadly. We also take a peek into Sarah’s past and learn about who she was and what drove her to become the baby draining grand dame of Provincetown’s rich and famous. It’s flashback time, AHS fans. So, grab your meat smoothie and hang on for the blood-curdling ride!

Flashbacks

We begin in a flashback with The Chemist (Angelica Ross) in search of a quiet and out of the way place to conduct a groundbreaking research study on human behaviors and the mind. When the divinely dressed scientist arrives, she is met by Holden Vaughn (Denis O’Hare) who acts as her welcome mat into town but also as her realtor who shows her the perfect home to set up shop. This is a switch from when we met Vaughn in the present, as he told Chief Burleson (Adina Porter) he was a New York interior designer which leads me to believe he took the black pills sometime in the last five years, between the Chemist’s past and the Gardener’s present. Holden, who assumes the dazzling and seemingly put together woman is in town looking for a secluded location to start a meth lab, couldn’t be further from the truth when she explains this is all related to her studies working in a government project.

When we next see Holden he is in the local bar being chatted up by Mickey (Macaulay Culkin) who hasn’t really updated his pickup lines over the years. And, like Harry after him, gets the brush off from the realtor. Across the bar the Chemist notices Mickey’s desperation and maybe a whiff of some hidden talent too, so she approaches him with an offer to come back to her house. Mickey, who is always up for a little play for pay, assumes this is a sexual purchase but the Chemist assures him she is only after one thing: volunteers. Mickey seems like the perfect prototype for her research after he reveals his passion for writing. The Chemist’s passions align with making Mickey’s dreams come true so she explains what she is offering in as vague detail as she can. She was a biochemist who worked for the government researching a part of the brain that held human creativity and was tasked with producing a chemical way to shut it down so the United States could make super soldiers and human killing machines. To successfully complete that she needs to figure out how that section of the brain works. She goes on to explain it is “to lock the creative mind we also have to figure out how to unlock it.” This brings her to Mickey and her offer to become a test subject. In the past she tried this occipital lobe juice on primates with shocking results. The creative region of the brain was reported to work a thousand times above normal function, which had some devastating effects on the apes who tuned cannibalistic and ripped each other to shreds. It wasn’t all blood and horror though as it did provide evidence of a massive boost in creativity for those with natural talent. It was just the ones without it that lost their minds when faced with their own mediocrity. Once Mickey hears this he declines her offer but does agree to bring her test subjects at the cost of fifty dollars each. Mickey’s first possible client is Tuberculosis Karen (Sarah Paulson), who when he asks her if she has any talent she says, “No. I’m sh*t; inside and out.” This not only shows the beginnings of these two “outsiders” bond, but also of his care for the wheezing volatile woman. With TBK not meeting the requirements for the drug, Mickey spots a singing talent (Spencer Novich) on Karaoke night at the bar and knows he found his first $50 paycheck.

Sarah’s Abusive Past

Still five years into the past, we catch up with a pre-pilled Sarah (Frances Conroy) in a local bookstore as she reads from her salacious novel about the sexual conquests of Martha Washington. Who knew a fanfiction about the first FLOTUS and the threesomes she had with husband and Ben Franklin would be so hot? Too bad the rest of the world hasn’t grabbed on to Sarah’s XXX romp through American history because the sales are less than grand and not really getting the attention she had hoped it would. Enter husband Ray (Jim Ortlieb) who has nothing but hate for his wife’s work and never misses a opportunity to remind her of it. He is an abusive and petty man who at every chance tries to squash Sarah’s hopes and dreams. His cruelty is only out matched by his contempt for her book’s content when he says, “Your books gross me out” followed by, “You’re weak, scared and boring.” So, yeah, Ray is a real gem and the soft spoken and demure Sarah is a shell of the blood-sucking woman we see today. As their relationship unfolds Ray’s vile abuse becomes intolerable to the point I found myself screaming at the television, “JUST EAT HIM, ALREADY!” This is an option after Sarah runs into Mickey at the bar. Having a drink to forget the abusive pile of skin she calls a husband, Mickey sidles up next to her and offers Sarah something even better than the Merlot she is downing to wash her troubles away. No, it’s not the black pill…yet, but something a little more crystalline and peppier. It isn’t long before Sarah is dancing the night away in a meth-fueled haze.

While Sarah gets down to breaking it badly on the dance floor, Mickey spots the karaoke singer he gave the black pills to and the man is not doing well. He is pale, frazzled and orders a bloody Mary at the bar. He then proceeds to toss it back up in the bathroom. Apparently his taste for food has waned as quickly as his hair seems to be falling out – by the handfuls – and all at once until he starts to look like a Pale Person. Whatever was in that pill is changing him in a molecular and chemical way and he doesn’t seem to be able to control it. Too bad that drug is a hot sell in P-Town because Sarah, who is feigning for another night blitzed out of her sweet gourd, approaches Mickey for more Meth but he offers her something better: a date with The Chemist and her creative juices pill. Sarah questions why Mickey never took this drug if it truly is the key to success and he casually says it only works on people like her and not, apparently, talented people with awful self-esteem of which Mickey suffers from in spades. Once Sarah seems interested in what this Chemist can offer her, the two head over to the woman’s home/laboratory to hear all about the ins and outs of this new designer drug. The Chemist admits it does have side-effects but doesn’t dig deeper into what those might be; not that it matters because Sarah is all in and even agrees to be monitored as a test subject. Belle Noir wants respect for her talent, something her abusive husband could never give her, and she is willing to do whatever it takes to get it.

Predictably, Sarah takes the pills and writes an entire book – no, a masterpiece is more like it – in one night just like Harry (Finn Wittrock) will do in the future. Her tears of joy dry up instantly when her husband arrives home to tell her he not only spent the night bedding another woman but taunts her talents and insults her desirability while offering up nothing but mockery when she explains she just finished off a certified bestseller. Like a sport he medals in, Ray squashes Sarah’s hopes for a supportive partner and the devastated woman can take no more. As he is berating her with his villainy, she smashes a bottle on the table and swings the broken glass at his throat. His wound opens up and the delicious blood pours from it like a river of temptation that is too great for Sarah to ignore. She will later admit she could smell his blood through his skin and dives in to dine on her very dead husband. It’s a gratifying kill that not only freed Sarah from a life of abuse, but also freed her from the mental constraints that kept success just out of her reach. Now Ray is dead and a bloody-faced Sarah has a new lease on life. As baby eating murderers go, you can’t help but cheer for Belle Noir and this fresh kill.

The change in Sarah is immediate, much like the Karaoke man who has gone full-blown Pale Person in the last 24 hours. All of his hair is gone and his appetite for a blood-only diet is becoming undeniable. He tries talking to The Chemist and expressing his concerns for what’s happening, but she quickly shows him the door and very little empathy. Unlike how Sarah is treated when she runs into Dr. Lark (Billie Lourd) and the two artists talk shop. Sarah, who has decided to be a full-time resident of the town, gets the vibe that Lark has also been black pilled and the two land on the topic of fangs and how a clean feed is what does the body good. Lark fits her with fangs and later fits the Pale Person with some ‘80s fashion from her thrift store. The entire vibe of fame-sucking success-hunters of P-Town was born. We later see the Pale Man in the graveyard with his shoulder pads looking like a Rocky Horror cosplayer feeding on a female mourner. Once his bloodlust is satiated, he heads back to The Chemist’s house looking for answers as to why a lifelong vegetarian would be craving human blood. She brushes off his concerns as a temporary depletion of minerals in his body and the cravings will subside once things even out biologically. She does let him in on a secret: the lack of minerals can fuel his rage for a world which granted him dreams but not the talent to make them come true. Unlike the rage Harry and Sarah feel which is based on their narcissism and contempt for those they judge to be beneath them. Rage is the side-effect but it presents differently based on the test subject innate skills and artistry. When the Pale man hears this, he becomes incensed with homicidal fury to the point The Chemist is forced to pull out her gun to hold off an attack. As he cowers in the floor at her feet, she spills another truth: 80% of the time the people who take her drug turn out just like him. Those are not great odds! It does; however, explain why she previously turned Ursula (Leslie Grossman) down when she tried to make a deal to distribute the drug across the country. Still it doesn’t really explain her motivations for creating it. Yes, she was working for the government, but we learn that ended and this experiment was a way to get back in their good graces. She also isn’t doing this for the money or else she would have partnered with Ursula. So why is she experimenting on people and why is she seemingly unphased when they turn into vampire-like killers? Is she an agent of chaos who gets off on stirring the bloody pot? Maybe, but I am inclined to believe it has something to do with an “out of this world” government cover-up and The Chemist’s concoction is the key.

Belle & Patty

With the black pills making their rounds through the town, we flash-forward two years where we see the Pale Man killing the new renters inside the home that is soon to be occupied by the Gardeners. Like Harry, they didn’t listen to the rules about keeping the windows locked and it cost them their lives. So, it’s bloody business as usual in the small-seaside town when next we get an update on Belle Noir, with her fresh fanged French twisted glamor. The Dame of Romance and Infanticide is out for a night of fun at the local drag show when she meets Patty O’Furniture A/K.A Austin Summers’ (Evan Peters) failed drag persona in desperate need of a fresher look. The struggling playwright is sitting with his fellow drag performers and swallowing their shade about his career goals. He confides in Belle about coming to town because he was promised a stage to perform his play on by the local theater owner. Coincidently, the same theater owner Belle ate for dinner! As Patty’s friend, Crystal Decanter (David Huggard) tosses more salt and shade than a moonlight stroll along the beach. Patty hits the stage for a fantastic pearl clutching performance that would make any Hedwig and the Angry Inch Fan weep with rainbow pride. He thoroughly impresses Sarah who then offers him a black pill and a partnership in Provincetown’s fame hunting hunger games. He downs it hoping to achieve what Belle calls “a highway to your true self.” After a brief moment of mouth foaming convulsions and glimpse of what might be his future, Belle takes Patty/Austin to dinner at Crystal Decanter’s pad where all the Queens from the show are hanging out. Almost instantly Belle opens fire on the group, killing some and finishing off the others by slitting their throats. It’s a large meal for the two new friends to share, but they manage to suck the whole room dry without ever noticing Crystal fled the scene during all the blood-splattering commotion. The head Drag Queen winds up running in a panic towards the graveyard and, you guessed it, Pale Male #1 is waiting for a meal delivery. And she looks tasty enough to eat.