American Horror Story – Boy Wonder

By: Kelly Kearney

This week’s American Horror Story: Apocalypse had it all – a trip to Hell, a Stevie Nicks musical interlude and an old timey take on the Test of the Seven Wonders that solidifies Michael Langdon’s place as the Alpha Supreme…or did it? When it comes to Cordelia and her girls, much like the Antichrist, not everything is what it seems to be. Hold on to your broomsticks, AHS fans because the Coven is gearing up for an all-out magical war which leads them back to the start; the Murder House.

I’ve Seen the Future

Last week Cordelia (Sarah Paulson) passed out after Michael (Cody Fern) rescued Queenie (Gabourey Sidibe) and Madison (Emma Roberts) from Hell, making it seem like his powers are only worthy of a Supreme. While unconscious the Queen Witch has a vision of a white-faced demon laughing over the ruins of her beloved Academy, Mrs. Robichaux’s, while zombies tear her to pieces. It’s a dark glimpse into an apocalyptic future and Cordelia takes this as a warning that something evil is coming. When she wakes from her nightmare she demands to see Michael and tells the warlocks of Hawthorne that they’re all facing uncertain doom. Thinking that Michael’s powers might be the only thing that can stop whatever evil is lurking, Cordelia agrees to put him through the test of the seven wonders. Myrtle (Frances Conroy) is livid and calls the warlocks desire to have their own leader a “fairytale that impotent men tell flaccid little boys to make them believe that one day they could be special.” To say Myrtle Snow is disgusted with men and their inability to rule is an understatement. She starts highlighting failed leaders like “Atilla the Hun, Harrod the Great and Mark Zuckerberg.” She is spitting mad and begs Cordelia to wait for the test. Myrtle’s misandry is fueled by her fear over what happens to the current Supreme when a new witch takes over. She loves Cordelia like a daughter and, even though she finds any warlock unworthy of the role, she can’t fathom life without her girl. She even tries to convince Cordelia that Mallory (Billie Lourd) could be the next Supreme. After all, she watched as the young witch healed the wounds of dead deer and brought it back to life. Myrtle’s pleas fall on deaf ears. Cordelia reiterates her vision and explains that Michael has two weeks before the test they will need as much power as they can muster to fight what’s ahead of them, especially since Cordelia is fading. She’s showing all the signs of her time as the Supreme coming to an end. Pretty soon she will be a shell of the witchy woman she once was and die a powerless and prolonged death. If the witches and warlocks need a powerful leader and that leader happens to be the prophetical Alpha, then so be it.

Gluten Free Witchery

While Michael is preparing for his test Cordelia and her girls go back to New Orleans where a new student is waiting for an audition. Coco St. Pierre Vanderbilt (Leslie Grossman) arrives with her father who is searching for a place to put his talentless daughter. Ever since she saved her brother from a glutinous biscotti, she’s become the fortune teller for the gluten intolerant House wives of Beverly Hills. As magic goes, spotting a wheat filled pastry is pretty low on the list of talents but Cordelia sees something in Coco and agrees to let her stay. She asks Mallory to show Coco around, a far cry from their heiress and assistant relationship before the world ended.

Meanwhile, at Hawthorne the warlocks put Michael through a ritual that’s supposed to protect him during the test. They gather salt, water and blood to protect his soul and when the word “soul” is mentioned a fearful look passes over Michael’s face. John Henry (Cheyenne Jackson) notices it and Langdon shoots him a glare that morphs into a white demonic face. John never truly trusted Michael’s magic and after that look he heads to his room to pack a bag. Chablis (Billy Porter) interrupts him and demands to know where he’s going and why he’s trying to ruin their chances of finally having a male leader. John magically shoves Chablis out of his way and explains that he’s afraid and he’s headed to Mrs. Robichaux’s to talk to Cordelia about the white-faced demon. Only John doesn’t get far. Ariel (Jon Jon Briones) overhears the conversation and rather than risk his chance to stick it to the ladies and crown the Alpha their King, he lets Miriam (Kathy Bates) know about John’s plans. Mead follows John to a gas station and winds up slashing his throat, dousing him in gasoline and setting him on fire. Ariel, who was fine with killing John, has no idea his Alpha is the Antichrist.  Miriam begs Michael to keep that part of their plan a secret.

The Test of the Seven Wonders

Done in the style of silent films and Buster Keaton, Michael flies through the first of six tests with no problems. The final test, the test of Descension, makes Ariel fly into an outrage. Cordelia asks Michael to go to Hell and bring back Misty Day (Lily Rabe), something no other Supreme has ever been asked to do. Ariel calls for a pause in the test so he can accuse Cordelia of being a weak and fearful woman, just like her mother Fiona (Jessica Lange), but Cordelia reminds him who’s boss. She has no intention of killing Michael, but she will gladly kill Ariel if he ever calls his Supreme weak again. Michael interrupts their argument and agrees to rescue Misty, which quickly shuts down Ariel’s misogynistic hissy fit.

In Hell Misty is stuck in some kind of vegan nightmare where she’s forced to kill and resurrect dissection frogs in a high school biology class. On an endless loop, the emotionally fragile Stevie Nicks fan is forced to go against her own beliefs and kill a living being. Michael shows up and disembowels the bio teacher and brings Misty back to Hawthorne. When Cordelia sees her most favorite witch she falls to her knees and the two women hold each other like their life force depends on it. Never were two witches closer than Misty and Cordelia and both of them thank Michael for bringing her home. Langdon makes it clear that he only brought her back to prove a point and Misty glares like she can smell the evil wafting off of him. With all seven tests complete, Michael and the warlocks rejoice as they crown their Alpha Supreme, while the current Supreme starts bleeding from the nose and falls to the ground.

Cordelia recovers in a guest room and Misty is hovering over her beloved Supreme. She’s always been able to smell evil like “the sweet rot of a decaying soul” and apparently Michael stinks. She might not be as smart as some of the other girls in the coven, but she knows bad when she sees it. Myrtle interrupts and pleads with Cordelia to stop Michael from being the Supreme and that’s when we find out Cordelia’s had a plan all along! She knew something wasn’t right with Langdon and that he could be the demon from her visions. Now she’s duped him into bringing all of her girls back home that level of power might be the only thing that can stop him. Misty has been in Hell too long and she doesn’t feel like her powers are any match for Langdon, but Cordelia says she just needs to rest and heal. What a better way than a private Stevie Nicks concert at Hawthorne? Stevie sings her hit “Gypsy” as Misty melts into a fangirl puddle and powers up her witching vibes. While the warlocks and witches are spellbound over the impromptu performance, Cordelia motions for Madison to meet her in the back room. There she tells Montgomery that she has to dig up dirt on Michael and Chablis walks in and agrees. Something isn’t right about Michael and he scares Chablis. Cordelia needs proof he isn’t who he seems to be, so she orders Madison and the warlock to find out everything they can about Langdon. The Supreme hands both witch and warlock two plane tickets to Los Angeles and sends them on a quest to where this all began…The Murder House!