Central Park – A Fish Called Snakehead

By: Paige Zinaman

The season finale of “Central Park” kicks off with an ominous fog surrounding the city and a couple jogging. When they stop they start bickering about what kind of couple they are going to be when the guy notices something that looked like a fish scurry into the water. The woman asks if they could get back to their jog and starts to head away when he says he’s going to call somebody about the strange looking fish. While the fish is still a mystery, Paige (Kathryn Hahn), Molly (Kristen Bell), Cole (Tituss Burgess) and Owen (Leslie Odom Jr.) are all getting ready for the morning as the family brush their teeth at the same time cramped in the bathroom. Paige is confused as to why they always seem to do this. Paige tells everyone to enjoy their fresh smelling breath because soon it will smell like spicy cheese bread. At this, Owen tells the family that he loves the farmers market and that he loves going as a family, but if there is only one left he will fight them for it. Paige tells them that she has just a little bit of work and then says that she has nothing to go to print with. Cole tells her that she can’t be negative on spicy cheese bread day because it’s sacred. Paige shares that it’s just big stuff from the Mayor Whitebottom (H. Jon Benjamin) hating the park to Bitsy (Stanley Tucci) wanting to buy the park and how both of them are coming after Owen. He explains that by saying them out loud it isn’t helping him pretend things aren’t happening which is how he likes to deal with them. Elwood (Rory O’Malley) walkies for Owen to which he leaves his family in the bathroom to answer him. Elwood says that there had been a sighting at the Meer about an aggressive fish that might be a snakehead. As the family come into the room Owen tells Elwood that he’ll head up to the Meer and check it out.  Owen explains to his family what a snakehead fish is and why he’s got to go up there. This leads into a song about how snakeheads would make everything in the lake die. The family agrees to go with Owen to the Meer to check out the snakehead sighting.

As the family leaves Birdie (Josh Gad) pops up and leads the audience into the next scene where the camera goes straight to the Brandenham Hotel. Bitsy is in the middle of great confusion about why nobody likes her after a poll was done. Mayor Whitebottom, who is sitting across from Bitsy and Helen (Daveed Diggs) drinking, explains to her that the question was “How do you feel about Bitsy Brandenham?” This is still shocking to Bitsy who tells the mayor that she’s “flirty, fun and feisty.” She turns to Helen for back up on her statement, but changes the course and tells them that you don’t need to be liked because that’s what alcohol is for. Bitsy tries to do a funny drink pun on the mayor who forces a laugh and tells her that they can’t do the park deal if she’s the face of it because New York doesn’t like her. Mayor Whitebottom states to Bitsy that he has an idea and is bringing in a likability consultant who is expensive but good and likes a challenge.

Meanwhile, back in the park, Owen and the family meet up with Elwood and the joggers who saw the snakehead. As they were talking to the couple Molly shows Cole what she thinks the snakehead is going to look like. Cole is still on the lookout when Paige’s phone rings and she’s greeted by her editor Marvin (Tony Shalhoub) inquiring why he’s looking at the layout for the next day’s paper and why there is nothing from her. They discuss her Bitsy story when Marvin hears Cole in the background and asks Paige what’s happening. She tells him about the snakehead at the Meer. Marvin says that this would be a great story and tells her to write about it. Birdie is leaning against a tree telling the audience about a fish he wanted to sue for being in a taco, which pushes the scene back towards the Brandenham and Bitsy. Ashley (Audra McDonald) the consultant that Mayor Whitebottom hired arrives and is automatically disliked by Bitsy who is slinging insults at her. Ashley gets to work on Bitsy and starts giving her small things to do in order to get the poll numbers up. Helen steps around Bitsy to look and is shocked that Bitsy looks a little more likable. Ashley says that they are just getting started. A song begins while Ashley describes what she’s there to do for Bitsy and how Bitsy needs to admit that New York doesn’t like her face. Ashley seems to be just the thing Bitsy needs to open her eyes and how she needs appeal in good graces for the people of the city.

Owen, Elwood and Fran (Janelle James) grab fishing poles and get ready to head out in the boat to look for the snakehead when Elwood and Fran’s polls get tangled. He’s stopped by Paige and the kids as she tells him that they need a coffee and food run because Molly and Cole have grump no lunch faces. Owen tells them that he’s got to get the boat in the water and that they can just meet back there. This excites Cole about the possibility of having a picnic in a boat. The family are back and, in the boat, eating much to Cole and Molly’s sadness as they are cramped with the gear and both their parents. As they complain about the boat Owen reminds them that they are trying to catch a monster and that it’s not about the picnic. Owen glances over at the bank where people are gathering with cameras and microphones. Paige seems to know what happened and pulls out her phone to call Marvin who informs her that he put her story on the site and that he’s rushing it for print. Owen starts to freak out when people pull out their own fishing poles trying to catch the snakehead because they are probably using barbed hooks, which would harm the good fish. Marvin, who is still on the phone with Paige, hears what Owen is saying and tells Paige what Owen just said will be her new story. He states that she’ll write it and he’ll post it when it’s sent. Owen steers the boat back over to the bank and where the people are getting their poles ready. He asks if they knew that it was a catch and release pond and that they had to use barbless hooks. It’s after he says this that the group leaves the bank. As they are about to get out of the boat a duckling gets sucked down and pops back up much to the family’s horror.

The following day Birdie is at the pond along with some other fishers as he recaps the previous night where Owen and the workers continued searching and found no signs of the snakehead and that none of the fishermen have caught it either. Birdie ends up getting in the middle of a news cast as he rushes to tell the audience that Paige’s story got picked up by other reporters so there are a lot of camera crews there. At the Brandenham Bitsy is watching the news when the reports of the snakehead comes on and she calls for Helen. When Helen arrives Bitsy tells her to get Ashley on the phone because she wants to run something by her. In the park Paige drives up with Cole and Molly who yells about having coffee and bagels for Owen and Elwood who are busy trying to catch the snakehead and keep the duck and ducklings out of the pond. Molly and Cole talk to Elwood about how it was going with the ducks and that he started freaking out saying that he’s tried everything to keep them from swimming. This causes Cole to pull out three figures as decoys. As that is happening Cole and Paige talk about the media circus that is happening at the park because of Paige’s story. As they talk Dick Flake (Danny Burstein) arrives at the pond. Birdie tells everyone that Dick Flake is a big game fisher hunter who was hired by Bitsy to catch the snakehead. Dick starts addressing the people and the camera crew as he tells everyone that he was hired by Bitsy to catch the fish. He also pulls out a paper to read about how she cares about the park. Dick starts going into a song about how Owen and his crew aren’t doing it right and begins showing off all his stuff. From her balcony at the Brandenham Bitsy is watching the situation at the park as Helen walks out with the phone informing her that it’s Ashley on the line. Ashley tells her that New Yorkers love everything and that she’s a huge success, but they’ll need Dick to catch the fish soon. Bitsy calls Dick and asks him where the fish is. He seems stunned and tells her that he just got his boat in the water. Bitsy notes that he will call her when he catches it because she wants to be there to hand him the check as the reporters arrive. As she hangs up Shampagne starts to whimper. Bitsy tells Helen to do something to get him to stop and walks off.

Back in the park Owen and Paige are back in the boat trying to catch the snakehead as Molly and Cole try to keep the ducks from going into the water. Molly gets aggravated because all she wants to do is draw instead of keeping up with the ducks. As they are herding the ducks, Brendan (Eugene Cordero) arrives with his kite greeting both siblings. Molly asks Brendan if he came to fly his kite and is stunned when he says he is there to help catch the snakehead. He explains to Molly that he attached a hook to the kite and that it’s called kite fishing. He states that the fish don’t expect to be caught by a kite. Brendan tells Molly that he’ll take the hook off his kite and that maybe it could be useful in helping with the ducks. Paige asks Owen if he thinks she could get away with a certain piece she’s writing to which Owen tells her that he doesn’t know but if he catches the snakehead then he’s a hero as far as Owen is concerned. As they talk Dick stands up on his boat yelling that he caught it. Multiple news crews pull in along with Bitsy. Paige holds up her phone and asks him how he caught the snakehead to which he quickly sits down and tells them that it’s Bitsy show and that he’s just here. This makes Paige curious of Dick and Bitsy. They watch Bitsy and do her thing with Dick in front of the cameras. Cole points out that Shampagne looks nervous and tries to figure out why. When they go to leave and goes after them Cole and Shampagne share a moment as he tells Bitsy a little trick for when he whimpers. Paige and the kids watch on as Owen stares at the pond. Paige points out to Cole and Molly that the fish looks dead and that it didn’t come from the Meer. Birdie goes into a song about how much of a fake Dick Flake is and how he got it from the store before going to the pond. Paige tells Owen that the snakehead is still out there and that they have to go back out. As Owen sings a song about dying while trying to catch the fish he ends up catching the snakehead. The news reports that happened from that moment on shows how Bitsy was a fake.