Crazy Ex-Girlfriend – When Will Josh and His Friend Leave Me Alone?

By: Stacy Miller

The episode picks up from where the previous one ended with Rebecca (Rachel Bloom) stopping Greg (Santino Fontana) at the airport and asking, “Where are you going?” Greg tells her that he’s going to Emory, but Rebecca knows that seeing him on that bridge was a sign. “Life isn’t about signs,” says Greg. “It’s about decisions. You make things happen.” He has decided to move forward with his life and he had to leave without saying goodbye to her because if he did, he’d never leave. “That means you love me,” Rebecca reasons. Greg may love Rebecca, but this thing they had he sings “It Was A S-t Show.” They were more Jerry Springer than Casablanca. Then, Greg leaves.

Rebecca cries on the couch while Paula (Donna Lynne Champlin) tries to comfort her. Rebecca laments that she doesn’t know who she is without Josh and Greg. When Paula urges her friend to just be herself, Rebecca is disgusted with that idea. “You just don’t know how it is to be at a crossroads and not know what to do next,” Rachel tells Paula. And of course, Paula can’t respond back, “I’m pregnant right as I decided to attend law school and now I don’t know whether I can do both.”

At the Proctor house, Paula’s son Brendan (Elijah Proctor) says he is starving (even though they just had dinner) and wanting food. He first eats a spoonful of mustard then grabs a slice of cheese and spreads the mustard onto it. He tells his mom that she doesn’t have to wake him up in the morning because he got suspended. “I was playing with my lighter and some kid got his book in my fire,” adds Brendan. Paula looks at her husband Scott (Steve Monroe) for his fatherly response. Scott is so disappointed in Brendon…for eating his cheese without bread. Brendon leaves the room. “He gets suspended and you yell at him for eating naked cheese?” Paula says, not believing Scott. She can’t believe her life. But Scott tries to be the supportive husband by reminding Paula that she does have options, they just don’t have to tell Father Bray and he won’t tell God. Maybe she can talk with Rebecca, Scott reasons, he’s sure she has a lot of options in her life.

Meanwhile, Rebecca is in a cleaning frenzy determined to scrub these men (Josh and Greg) out of her life. Greg appears and Rebecca’s happy. She knew he’d never leave her. But then Josh  (Vincent Rodriguez III) appears. Now Rebecca’s annoyed. “Great, ghosts” she says. Rebecca thinks they are “Dream Ghosts,” but Josh and Greg correct her. They are Memory Spirits, old boyfriends who haunt their exs. Then, the Josh and Greg Memory Spirits sing a musical number to rival MCM’s Kelly and Astaire called “We Tapped That Ass.” Okay, since Rebecca can’t clean those men right out of her life she tries burning some of the memories connected with her Memory Ghosts. Bad move, Rebecca starts a fire in her apartment and comes to Heather (Vella Lovell) asking if she can stay with her. Rebecca meets Heather’s parents Mr. and Mrs. Davis who are so welcoming. Mr. Davis (P.L. Brown) even offers to make Rebecca some pancakes.

The next morning, Heather shows her mom a video of Rebecca calling 911 that a neighbor upload to the internet. They aren’t the only ones looking at the video. At Whitefeather and Associates, Darryl (Pete Gardner) and some of the other employees are also watching the video when Rebecca arrives (wearing clothes she borrowed from Heather’s mom). Learning about the video, Rebecca is very embarrassed as she plays it over and over. Paula encourages her to take a “Personal Disaster Day,” but Rebecca wants to be present for the meeting with the Miss Douche Company. Trina (Yael Grobglas) of the Miss Douche company talks about rebranding in which they plan to launch a “Miss Douche” contest to find the new woman who will represent their product. Rebecca tells Paula that she’ll have to take over Trina’s case (even though Paula is not a lawyer) because Rebecca has a conflict of interest – she’s going to be Miss Douche!

At Paula’s house, Scott tries to show her that he is a helpful husband by cooking dinner while Paula is working on Trina’s legal brief. But Scott forgot to pick up their son Tommy. Paula realizes that even on their best day they couldn’t bring a baby into their lives and she attend. So she has decided…no law school.

Meanwhile, Rebecca tells Heather and her parents about the Miss Douche Contest. In order to compete with the other girls, Rebecca needs a “Makey Makeover.” The new blonde Rebecca unveils herself at Whitefeather and Associates. She is really determined to win Miss Douche, even paying $5,000 for internet bots to bring the likes on her photo up so she’ll become a finalist (Rebecca, that’s cheating). Rebecca knows that if she wins Miss Douche she’ll feel better about herself.

Rebecca runs into Josh on the street and he doesn’t recognize her at first. She tells him about the contest, but Josh’s less than excited attitude makes Rebecca doubt herself again. But after talking with Mr. and Mrs. Davis, Rebecca decides to go through with pursuing the Miss Douche title. She even made the finals. At the Miss Douche competition, the question of “Who are you Rebecca Bunch?” throws Rebecca. Does she even know who she is anymore?

Paula meets with the planning committee regarding the zoning for Trina’s case. “I don’t see an Esquire behind your name, who are you Ms. Proctor?” While answering the question of who she is, Rebecca realizes she’s not Miss Douche material. She suggests her friend Heather instead. And Paula’s petition is granted because of the great job she did on her 100 page brief. “Paula Proctor, Esquire. It has a nice ring to it,” says the planning committee head.

Heather tells her parents and Rebecca that she won Miss Douche and is also moving out. She wants Rebecca to move in with her as she needs someone to co-sign the loan.

Later, Rebecca (who is back to her original look) comes to Paula’s house. She asks what’s going on with Paula, who still doesn’t tell her she’s pregnant. Rebecca tells Paula she was trying to change her outside and is not going to do that anymore. Rebecca goes to her now empty place and confronts Memory Ghost Greg. She’s ready to move on and wants him to get out of her head.

The episode ends with Rebecca and Heather spotting Valencia (Gabrielle Ruiz) stuffing her face with a donut. “Hi Valencia,” Rebecca says.