Dana Jacoviello – Bullies Keep Out

By starrymag | March 20, 2015

 Q) How did Bullies Keep Out begin and what is the message behind it?

A) Well, I have been asked this so many times and my answer never changes. I have been told it is a better story than I believe it to be. Ha! Ha! I can’t say it was based on any one moment in my life, but many. The one thing that stands out the most is that BKO originated after I lost one of the most important people in my life. She signified everything for me, including hope. I felt a bit lost after my grandmother passed away and wasn’t sure which way to go. It was a very strong feeling of numbness that was just overcoming me. I couldn’t get over that she was gone, so I fell a bit off track for awhile. Though she lived a long, lovely life, I was not ready for her to go and not have her there to sit with on our Sundays. We used to have our life talks and watch shows together. It might sound simple, but extremely satisfying in those few hours. Life just became so easy and full of peace in those moments. That is how she made you feel…like it was all going to be ok.

I feel she was the blessing behind BKO, she was this beautiful soul that just represented happiness and what you want out of life,. She did live a beautiful life. Sometimes I think we get caught up in the public eye that we don’t believe we can live great lives without being in some type of spotlight. Completely untrue. It all depends on what you want and are looking for out of life. Once you figure it out, you go get it with a vengeance. That I learned from both my grandmothers about life, if that was not obvious yet. In very different ways, but in the best ways you possibly can. I feel I am a piece of both of them that lives on through what I do and who I am.

I also think I got tired of donating, volunteering, writing an article to network or promote a cause or sharing things via social media. Those are all very important ways of giving back, but I always felt I was meant to do more than that, which is something my grandmother always told me as well. She believed I was this bright star in the sky that could do anything. I loved that about her when I needed that boost to pursue my various goals. Nobody was able to get inside my head as much as she did…in a good way.   

So when I couldn’t sleep one night, my mind just began overflowing with ideas. It just came to me as if I was struck by lightening. When I woke up the next morning I began my journey with BKO. The rest…well, here I am.

My grandmother always said to me, “Never give up,” which I actually have tattooed on me with a feather and her initials. It reminds me that no matter what obstacles life brings, and it does bring it at times, I must keep going. I think that was the turning point of how Bullies Keep Out began. Sometimes we get ideas and do nothing, but I was so determined when BKO came to me. I didn’t stop from the moment it came to me, and I am still going strong with a plethora of ideas and plans.

On another note, I have always been a person with a huge heart for giving back, helping others, making a difference, charity, philanthropy, and activism. I advocate for many causes that I incorporate into BKO such as bullying, hate, LGBT, equality, domestic violence, addiction, suicide awareness, animal abuse, etc. I do a little bit of everything, so the name doesn’t limit myself to just bullying or hate as some might originally think when they check out the site. I like to be everywhere doing as much as I possibly can in any way I can.

The one thing I want to make sure I mention is that BKO is about positivity and spreading good energy. I do believe there is a notion out there that we can only tell sad or negative stories, but we must tell the positive and happy ones at the same time. Just because you did not struggle coming out or had a good experience doesn’t mean you cant share that story. People out there need to see and realize that not every experience is horrible. It believe it will teach and help us to not be fearful.

A friend to BKO was not sure he wanted to tell his story for the very reason that his coming out story and what he wanted to share was a good experience. I said, “so what is your point?” Ha! Ha! We need to share all of it. That is where giving people faith and hope comes in. He then said to me, “I never thought of it that way…that’s true.”

I work and collaborate with other organizations, companies, and campaigns/projects as I believe the more we work together, the better change we can create. It isn’t a competition or just about my organization. I have some incredible collaborations coming in 2015 that I can’t wait to begin working on and share. I support many big organizations that I hope to work with at some point down the road as well. There is just so much in the works. I am truly blessed thus far with what I am doing. I am so proud of BKO and it is a big part of my life and who I am.  

To tell you a bit more, BKO a social media movement/campaign LLC. The message behind it is simple…I work to create change not just be in the media or create a presence through every means possible. I offer many services such as cyber bullying, mentoring/coaching, social media services, Live Twitter chats, motivational/public speaking, events, fundraisers, press/media, and much more which can all be found under Contact Us tab on the site along with how people can get involved. Big, big plans in the near future and so many more people coming on board.

I work both on and offline, but this year plan on doing much more offline. I want to tell people’s stories, share them and be unique in what I am doing. I work with some awesome special feature and celebrity supporters/advocates and do interviews, PSA’s, and other work as it comes about depending on any new campaigns I have going on. Right now ,there is the Message of Love campaign and I Am Not Alone campaign, which originated from a suicide awareness PSA I did awhile back.

You guys know me, I can go on and on about what BKO does and stands for, but I think we all got the point…and there is only so much room for my interview!

In a nutshell, I am not just a photo campaign or any one thing. I do a little bit of everything. There are so many out there doing great campaigns, so I want to be unique while joining the fight together but differently. This way we all offer something that in a way that caters to what a person needs or is looking for. There is also no rule that you can’t support more than one campaign or organization. As I stated above, I support many such as NOH8, HRC, GLAAD, GLSEN, and various Animal Organizations as well, and the list goes on.

 

Q) What are some of the best ways that people who are being bullied can fight back or do in response?

 

A) There is a very fine line in fighting back and becoming a bully yourself. This is something that often happens when we want to defend people we care about or admire such as what happens on social media a lot with celebrities.

Online the first advice I give is this: IGNORE, BLOCK, REPORT and DO NOT ENGAGE. The more you engage and feed into them, the more powerful they feel. Bullying is a lot about control and having a power imbalance. Most will move on when you do those few steps. If not, then there are other steps such as privacy settings, controls, and of course legal measures if it gets to that point. There is always different levels depending on the severity of the situation.

We have a tendency to be defensive, but ignoring it is better to not fuel them with more ammunition to keep going and going. It will just turn into a never ending cycle of back and forth. At that point, they might even blame the victim as being the bully. It is hard to decipher that online especially when things are said and saved.

That brings me to my other piece of advice. SAVE EVERYTHING. When I say everything, I mean everything such as emails, posts, tweets, texts, DM’s, pictures and anything else you have. You want to build up a file or portfolio of the issue that way you have a trail of proof to show how it began until now. This is the best case you can bring to anybody when you have an issue that will not go away.

Offline: Tell someone, talk to someone, report it to teachers, coaches, managers, bosses and anybody else that is above you that can help and support you in the issue. Do not be afraid to speak up and stand up for yourself in the face of a bully or hate.

Utilize every outlet you can. That is good advice for any bullying or hate situation. Tell your story to anybody and everybody. On social media things have a way of going viral. These are the things we want to go viral. It is such an epidemic that so much more work needs to be done.

This is also somewhat of a loaded question as there is no simple, easy or right or wrong answer. It is something that you can discuss for hours on end. There are various ways to combat this issue; however, not all of them will necessarily work for every person. It all depends on the particular issue the person is in and where, BUT that does not mean something cannot be done about it.

At work people are afraid of losing their job. At school people are afraid of pissing the bully off more and not being a tattle tale. There is also the fear that nothing will be done. How often do we hear people complaining that social media, the workplace, schools, parents, or anybody involved are not doing anything or enough. This creates doubt and feelings of that question, “what is the point?”  People lose hope that it will end, which in turn causes a turmoil of emotions that can be problematic. It can turn into depression, anxiety, panic, or suicide. This is what we want to prevent.

We all, at any age, needs a support system. Finding that support system and leaning on them and reaching out is key. This includes speaking out to organizations and campaigns that you can tell your story to.

Again, I am just providing the basics and first steps that also the most important ones…

 

Q) How can those interested in Bullies Keep Out get involved or learn more about it?

 

A): BKO is all over social media. As I discussed in a previous question, on the Contact Us page of my site you can find a variety of ways to get involved with BKO. There is everything from doing an interview, sharing stories, forums to chat on the site, campaigns to participate in, PSA’s, motivational podcasts and videos, quotes, educational material, events, appearances and much more.

It is always appreciated when someone simply retweets, shares posts and comments, artwork, stories, participates in chats, and follows or likes our pages. You can also subscribe to BKO YouTube channel where there are several videos and interviews that will offer some great inspiration and motivation.

I am always open to partnering and collaborating with others and discussing any new ideas people might have or suggestions. I am an open book. All are welcome as BKO is for all ages. Though some feel it is more adult oriented, it is for youth as well just as much as it is for adults. There are no age limits on bullying, and I wanted to make BKO about adults too as so many out there do focus on schools, education, and our youth. So that is why BKO is sometimes seen as being more adult oriented, but again, it is for everybody as teachers and parents have contacted me numerous times.  

If people are interested in supporting and advocating for BKO, they can contact to do so.

I am a very diverse person, so BKO is about diversity. I like to change it up a bit and keep it engaging so people will spread awareness. I am always doing something new and have new projects…so stay tuned!  

 

Q) Social media and Tumblr is where bullying runs rampant, why are these platforms such a breeding ground for bullies?

 

A) Social media itself is a breeding ground due to the fact  people think they are invincible behind their computers. They believe that they will not get caught and there is no face to face action; therefore, bullying is not actually taking place. The truth is, it is just as bad if not worse. I say worse because so much more goes on believing this way. People post private information, fake profiles, they lie, and just do not realize the torture that is involved as it is continuous in a way that you can’t walk over to your boss or call the  principal. It is more than being mean and saying a few harsh words. People take things viral, which is entirely new ball game. It isn’t a fight in the school yard. Obviously, the internet access makes one vulnerable to the entire world.

They feel they have a right to freedom of speech or just want to hurt someone, and what better way to do it then exposing them to the entire world. It is like a video game you can’t stop playing as it brings in feeders and people who want to look and comment even though they aren’t the ones bullying. In a way, you are participating by giving the bully an audience. If they do not have an audience, then there is no satisfaction. It is about being popular and having that audience that keeps them wanting to do it more. They bring in groups of people and tag team. I have seen it, and it is beyond words horrific in several cases.

You don’t see what you are doing to a person or how you are destroying them, so they aren’t showing any feelings of remorse or caring about the matter until it blows up in their face. Surprise, you are not invincible on the internet, people can find out who you are, and everything can be tracked and traced these days. You can’t really hide as much as cyber bullies believe they can. At some point, it does come full circle.

 

Q) With more and more deaths happening do to bullying, is there anything people can be doing to prevent or be proactive about bullying issues?

 

A) I have probably addressed this in my long winded responses at some point (Ha!), but getting involved, reaching out to others, being there, messages of hope, and spreading awareness are always important steps. Reach out to strangers, make new friends, and keep the momentum going. If you see someone is getting bullied or cyber bullied…do something about it or report it. Never stand by and just watch. That is the worst thing we can do…just walk away.

If you see something inspirational, then share it all over social media. This is the best place to share things and one of the many positive things about social media. We talked about some of the negatives; however, there are so many good things that social media brings that can outweigh  the negative.

I can’t stress enough that are work is never done as sadly lives are taken. This means we must push forward harder and keep going and only get bigger in numbers and what we are doing as movements and campaigns.

The more we talk, the more comes out. The more that comes out, the more we can share. The more we share, the more difference we can make. It is as easy as climbing stairs. One step at a time to the top. It all is aimed at prevention and intervention.

Our voices need to be used for good. The voices who were silenced, we must speak for them. Keep the candle lit for them in their memory. We want to stop people from getting pushed to that brink. Just because someone is gone, doesn’t mean we stop fighting for them.

One thing is communication. We text far too much and tweet and post and forget how to actually hold a conversation. When we want to talk about something important or serious people are doing it via technology. This leads to a negative outcome. Please just look up sometimes and see what is around you and the people.

Our everyday actions mean something to someone.

 

Q) What is your specific role in Bullies Keep Out?

 

A) Though I began this with a friend who helped build BKO, I am the founder, CEO, Manager and everything else that goes along with those titles. It is just me. Now, I have friends who are also supporters that do work with me and help me/volunteer. I just added one to the site actually. He is also one of my best friends and has a very empowering story of his own he has shared about suicide and coming out. So, I am reaching out more for help as BKO becomes bigger, and I am doing so much more. I can’t really say it is just me. I have a great team of people and friends who do a variety of things for me that would otherwise cost me a fortune.

I spent the first year really building my name and brand, so now it is about bringing the BOOM.

As you can see I am big on humor and making people laugh. Even with serious topics I try to keep it light as we can’t be so serious all the time…when we need to be, yes.

 

Q) Who are some of your celebrity backers or advocates?

 

A) Wow, I have some of the most incredible and humble advocates and I have been blessed to call some of them friends. They helped build and make Bullies Keep Out. If it wasn’t for some of my first supporters who did so much, and still do, I am not sure I would be building the support that I am building. My supporters range from actors, authors, musicians/singers and to other activist. There are so many to name that I am afraid I might leave some out, which is why I created a gallery for them. Some I can’t name yet as I have such a long list of people who I have yet to confirm, but who are on board.

I do want to give a special shout out to actor Terry Chen, actress Carly Pope, Cali T. Rossen, and Deborah Carroll a/k/a Nanny Deb from “Nanny 911.” These  guys boosted myself and BKO in such a way that I will be thanking them for a long time to come. When you are trying to gain support, it is not always easy. You do get ignored or not seen or a simple not interested. I get it, and I do not take it to heart. You keep going until you get that yes. They are some of the first people on board gave me that push I needed to keep going when I didn’t get that yes. Terry, Carly, Deborah, and Cali were some of my first supporters that gave me an astounding yes with hesitation. All good things from there on out. It only takes a couple of yes’s to get so many more. I was even in the Gastown Gazette along with the PSA’s Terry and Carly made for me and I did not even know it until I saw them tweeting about it. I was floored and thrilled at the same time.  

Working with schedules is challenging, but so very worth it. I appreciate every supporter/advocate that helped Bullies Keep Out. It just continues to grow in such a positive way.

I just added a bunch of new people to the gallery on the site. I hesitate to use names because there are so many…and more coming. I truly do not want to leave anybody out. The list is long, so I will just say to check out the site and every picture is there with their name.

Each one contributes something unique. Some follow, retweet and/or mention, others send autographs for my campaigns, there are interviews and PSA’s and they all are truly great people who were happy to jump aboard and do whatever they can do get involved and support. I could not be more appreciative and grateful for all of them who have been part of BKO in whatever way they were able to give.

It is not always about how much, rather what is behind it. If it is a follow and retweet that spreads awareness, that is enough for so many out there. I gain more and more support every day to lend their voice. People love hearing from who they admire and look up to. They also have some of their own stories. Just because you are on television or in the movies doesn’t mean you have never struggled in areas that we all do at one time or another.  I like to bring that reality to people.

I just can’t say enough about my supporters. We would be here all day…and we all know that I can talk already!

 

Q) Is there anything else you’d like people to know about what Bullies Keep Out stands for?

 

A) I think I have summed it up well throughout this interview. It is a social media campaign/movement looking to make a difference and change lives both online and offline. It is about spreading the message and taking action through myself and supporters. We stand up and speak out for those who feel silenced and help those struggling. It is not just about words rather action.

NOTE: Please check us out and get involved. Like our page and follow us on social media platforms. Sharing content, commenting and spreading the word is so important for the cause.

BKO has many great announcements coming so keep a look out.

Twitter: @BulliesKeepOut

Facebook: www.facebook.com/bullieskeepout

Website: www.bullieskeepout.com

IG: www.instagram.com/bullieskeepoutllc

youtube: www.youtube.com/bullieskeepout