Fleabag – Episode #2.3

By: Ellie Dolan-Yates

Fleabag (Phoebe Waller-Bridge) is in the bath reading The Bible The Priest (Andrew Scott) gave her at the end of the last episode. She looks very confused. She gasps and looks at us.

We see Fleabag in a lift with Claire (Sian Clifford). Fleabag is holding the canapes for Claire’s event. Claire tells her to not say anything and not to be funny. She tells Fleabag not to be herself. Fleabag agrees, but then lets out a fart. Claire is nearly sick. It gets awkward when one of Claire’s colleagues Leslie enters the lift. Fleabag can’t help but smirk. Despite the lingering fart, Leslie (Jenny Robins) sniffs and says it smells lovely!

As Fleabag and Claire exit the lift, Claire tells her sister to make sure that it’s clear which of the canapes are vegetarian. Fleabag tells us she loves a crisis. Claire tells Fleabag not to be weird about how big her office is, but as they enter Claire’s enormous, swanky office Fleabag lets out a “what the f***!” Claire is on edge and tells Fleabag to check the award and to be careful with it as it’s worth thousands. Fleabag tells her it’s fine and looks like a sperm. As Claire is giving Fleabag her final instructions she pauses and then thanks her. As she is leaving the room, Claire tells Fleabag not to play with the award. With Claire gone, Fleabag takes the award out of the box aaaannnd drops it! It smashes all over the table. Cue dramatic music.

Fleabag runs out of the building, repeating the F word. The dramatic music continues as she runs through the streets. We see her running back and she gives us the thumbs up. Fleabag waltzes her way through the guests to place the new award for “Best Woman in Business” on the table. She takes a deep breath and begins to hand out her canapes. Claire asks her where she’s been and Fleabag says that she had to get vegetarian bites. Claire tells Fleabag her excessive sweating is attention grabbing. Claire introduces Fleabag to Sylvia (Nicola Alexis) who will be presenting the award. As Sylvia is explaining people have been fired from the company when it felt like a family, Fleabag cracks a joke about family touching each other up by the photocopier. This makes the guests laugh, but Claire tells Fleabag to stop making jokes.

Another lady approaches who Claire explains is Belinda (Kristin Scott Thomas) and tells Fleabag not to talk to her. Belinda says hello to Claire and asks Fleabag if the canapes are meaty. Fleabag looks at her, holding her breath. Claire tells her to say something and she explains they have courgette in them. Fleabag asks who Claire is so nervous about and Claire says she’s not nervous. Before she can finish her sentence though, a blonde haired male (Christian Hillborg) approaches. They kiss on the cheeks, then the lips! Awks. Claire introduces Fleabag and Fleabag asks how the pair know each other. They say they are partners… business partners. They explain that they work together in Finland and that they admire each other. Fleabag awkwardly smiles and nods. The man leaves to get champagne for Claire and she shouts after him “Let’s go f***ing crazy tonight then!” The man comes back to ask what she said and Claire repeats herself. Everyone laughs about it awkwardly and the man leaves again. After a little silence between the sisters, Claire tells Fleabag to shut up. Fleabag asks what the man’s name is. Claire doesn’t respond and Fleabag asks again. It’s Klare. Fleabag tries not to laugh. Claire tells Fleabag to mingle but don’t talk to anyone…and she’s not in love with Klare!

Claire is announcing the nominees for the Women in Business Award. She mentions the first two nominees and then Klare. Obviously, that is a mix-up. Claire and Fleabag are walking the corridors and Claire explains how the awards will be presented saying, “it has to go like cockwork.” This slip doesn’t go unnoticed by Fleabag. Claire repeats “cockwork” and as Fleabag tells her her brain is somewhere else, Claire tells her to go and fetch Sylvia. Sylvia who is being sick in the toilets! Guess those canapes had shellfish in them after all. Fleabag re-enters the room where Claire is introducing Sylvia. Fleabag tries to get Claire’s attention and as everyone is applauding Sylvia she mimes being sick. Claire presents the award instead. She makes a joke, but Fleabag is the only one who laughs. Claire makes the photocopier joke that Fleabag made earlier and everyone laughs. Claire announces the winner as Belinda and lifts the lid on the award box to find Godmother’s bust statue that Fleabag stole throughout Season 1. She looks at Fleabag in shock. She tentatively hands the award over to Belinda who makes a joke about the award.

Claire asks Fleabag what she was thinking, now she’s “awarded [Belinda] with a pair of tits!” Claire tells her to chase Belinda down. Klare appears and tells Claire that he loved her joke. Claire tells Fleabag to leave and take the stairs. Dramatic music plays as Fleabag follows Belinda in the rain. Belinda faces Fleabag and tells her that she is trained in martial arts. Fleabag explains to Belinda that she needs to take her award back. When Belinda asks why Fleabag tells her it’s a stolen piece of art and she can explain.

Fleabag and Belinda are sat in a bar drinking martinis talking about the statue. She goes on to say how she hates women’s awards as “it’s a subsection of success.” Fleabag tells us she thinks Belinda is hot. Belinda reveals she’s a lesbian and they go on to talk about films. Fleabag seems besotted with her new friend. Belinda explains how women are born with pain built in, i.e. periods, but men have to seek it out (by inventing wars and playing rugby).  She goes onto say women are finally free after the menopause. As they talk about the awards party they should be at Belinda complains how no one properly flirts with you when you’re old. She tells Fleabag there’s nothing more exciting than a room full of people, but Fleabag tells her people are shit. Belinda tells her that people are all we’ve got. She tells Fleabag to “grab the night by its nipples and go and flirt with someone.” So, Fleabag kisses her. Belinda rejects her saying she can’t be arsed. She gives Fleabag her card saying she can have anyone she wants, except her as Fleabag points out. Belinda tells Fleabag to get herself out there.

It’s night time in Claire’s office. Fleabag tells Claire she thought she’d be snogging Finland and shows her the statue and Belinda’s card. Claire is smiling, but Fleabag tells us she’s furious. When Claire says everyone loved the canapes, Fleabag tells us she’s a dead woman. As Claire continues to rave about the night, a massive smile on her face, Fleabag tells us Claire is about to blow. She does, angrily telling Fleabag that she could’ve made her own jokes if she hadn’t heard Fleabag’s. Claire declares she’s funny and interesting – showing that deep down she is jealous of Fleabag’s personality. It turns out that Claire knows that her husband kissed Fleabag, not the other way round. She says she didn’t tell Fleabag because her sister will always be fine and interesting. She makes Claire feel like she’s failed. As Fleabag looks around the office, Claire tells her not to mention it or she’ll scream. Fleabag says she thought they were friends, but Claire says they’re sisters and Fleabag should get her own friends. Fleabag is clearly upset as she leaves the office.

A doorbell rings and we see The Priest open the door. Holding a carrier bag, Fleabag reminds him that he told her she could come round with G&Ts. He says he’s been going to bed at 9:30, but he’s happy for Fleabag to come in. He explains that they’ll need to be quiet though because of Pam (yes, Pam from the church). Fleabag tells The Priest that she read The Bible and begins to analyse it, pointing out flaws. The Priest agrees that sun couldn’t have come before light, but it’s more about poetry. They joke about how many kids they would have. A thud from upstairs is their cue to take the conversation outside.

Fleabag asks The Priest if she should become a Catholic, but he disagrees. He says since she’s been questioning his faith he’s never been closer to God. There’s a slight rustling which startles The Priest. It turns out he’s scared of foxes. He says they’ve been after him for years. He makes Fleabag laugh with his fox stories. He sits back on the bench and admits he has doubts about his religion. Fleabag says she couldn’t do it, especially the celibacy. There’s more rustling and The Priest freaks out again. They carry on talking about celibacy and The Priest says it’s not as complicated as a relationship. Fleabag asks what he does if he meets someone he likes. He explains that he talks, drinks and gives them Bibles in the hope they’ll leave him alone. When Fleabag asks him what he does when he meets someone he loves, he’s taken aback. He looks into her eyes and tells her they’re not going to have sex. She laughs and he tells her that’s not what she wants from him. He says it won’t bring any good as he’s been there many times. They agree that they’d like to be friends. Fleabag tells us that they’ll last a week. The Priest looks confused and asks her what just happened. He noticed her talking to us! He says she just went somewhere and asks her where she went. She says nowhere and he accepts it. She looks at us scared and freaked out. They sit for a few seconds in silence, then scream. Must be a fox.