Hooten & the Lady – The Amazon

By: Stacy Miller

The British Museum in Bloomsbury, London.  We see a well-spoken woman with a British accent giving a passionate speech regarding priceless artifacts being sold on the black market.  She is Lady Alex Spencer-Parker (Ophelia Lovibond).  Lady Alex is trying to convince the committee of the rare opportunity to find the camp of Victorian explorer Percy Fawcett, which Alex feels is way more important than her sitting around filling out budgets.  She wants to be allowed to go exploring and sweetens her proposal by promising to find Fawcett’s camp and bring back artifacts to be used in an upcoming exhibit sponsored by the royal family. This means media attention that will be great exposure for the British Museum. The committee is convinced…now all Alex has to do is not come back empty handed.  “What could possibly go wrong?” Alex asks a museum colleague.  I love when people utter these words because what they really mean is “What couldn’t go wrong?”

Cut to three weeks later in the Amazon Basin, we see a roguish guy being offered fifty bucks for a diamond he’s trying to sell and is told that it is a fake. The man, who we learn is one Ulysses Hooten (Michael Landes), comments how he’s surprised that the stone is worth even fifty since they switched it with the real one he brought in. Hooten then grabs the real diamond and swallows it!  What follows next is Hooten being throw out a window.  No big deal, he tells his horse Clara. “I’ve got this.” It doesn’t look like it as Hooten gets into a fight, is dragged down the ground and ends up in the jungle. Hooten does find what looks like some rare skull, but the tribe that surround him doesn’t let Hooten keep it.  Instead, they tie him up and hang him upside down!  At least he won’t get lonely for next to him is Alex. She was asking the hunting party for directions, but when they caught Hooten stealing from the, the hunting party thought Alex was a diversion so they strung her up, too.  Their only hope is for Hooten to beat the hunters in combat (which he does). Alex and Hooten are released. She has a boat so Hooten suggests they run to it pronto. Why you ask?  Because Hooten stole the skull after all.  On the boat, Alex formally introduces herself to Hooten and explains that she works for The British Museum and how she’s looking for the lost camp of Percy Fawcett.  Meanwhile at The British Museum, Ella Bond (Jessica Hynes) and Clive Stephenson (Shaun Parks) are worried about where Alex is because contact was they’ve lost with her. Ella speaks with one of the last people to see Alex, her guide Pascal (Jérémie Covillault), about finding the missing Alex.

Back in the Amazon, Hooten managed to swipe some meat from the hunting party before they made their getaway. “You’re eating your horse?!” Alex exclaims (poor Clara!) “It’s what she would have wanted,” Hooten replies.  He wants Alex to take him in the opposite direction where she is going, but she can’t be swayed. So, it’s off to find the dead guy camp. They board the boat again and make their way downstream. On land, Alex takes out a map and it leads them to Percy Fawcett’s camp.  She found it! Alex is awestruck as she finds a pen and journals. She bags the artifacts and takes some photos. But when she is finished, Hooten tells Alex that as it will be dark soon, it’s safer if they don’t leave the camp. The next morning, Alex looks at the remains of Percy Fawcett and asks Hooten whether they should bury him (Fawcett).  Hooten suggests covering him over with a blanket yet when Alex does so, Percy’s skeletal arm snaps off!  “You broke his arm off,” Hooten says. “I didn’t mean to,” Alex says in way of an apology. “Poor guy’s been laying there for the better part of a hundred years and you come along and break his arm off,” Hooten continues.  Come on Hooten, give the poor girl a break (no pun intended)!  She feels bad enough. After Alex carefully places Percy’s broken limb onto his skeletal shoulder, she notices something in his hand.  It is a map. “I think this is telling us where the lost city is,” Alex says to Hooten.  He is skeptical that the map is the real McCoy; he’s seen many a fake map in his day.  But Alex is extremely excited as this isn’t just one artifact; El Dorado is an entire city of gold.  Alex thinks they should begin searching for it immediately.  However, before Hooten joins her, there’s the small matter of his cut.  The ten percent Alex offers isn’t acceptable.  Hooten will only except a fifty/fifty cut straight down the middle. Reluctantly, Alex agrees, but she wants first dibs on anything of cultural significance.  That’s not a problem for Hooten. “I want anything I can melt down,” says Hooten.  He’s such a charming, fortune hunting rogue!

Alex and Hooten go into the nearest town where Hooten exchange pleasantries with Alice (Quanita Adams). Alex asks Alice whether she has a phone then contacts Pascal via Skype, who says that Ella will be relieved that she (Alex) is okay. But when Alex puts the map to the screen to show him what she found, Pascal changes his tune.  After ending the transmission, Pascal lies to another man that there’s still no word on Alex.  Pascal also contacts Clive at The British Museum and urges that the search party be called off. My guess is that Pascal will locate Alex and steal the map from her to find the lost city treasures himself.

Meanwhile back in the Amazon, Alex discovers that Hooten stole the skull back and calls him a thief.  She decides that she no longer needs his help and can go on the search alone.  “I give you an hour before you need my help,” Hooten says as Alex stumps off in a huff. Suddenly, she screams and calls for him. “Well, less than a minute,” Hooten smirks.  He finds Alex dangling over a ravine and will only help her up if she apologizes for calling him a thief. A after a confrontation with Mrs. T (Kierston Wareing), the woman who had switched Hooten’s diamond for the fake, (in which he throws her into a water barrel) Alex and Hooten find the lost city…but also find trouble.  Someone takes a shot at him and shoots Hooten in the shoulder!  It is Pascal. He tells Alex he’s tired of taking orders from The British Embassy. Hooten has a question – If Pascal is annoyed with Alex, why did he shoot him (Hooten)?  Pascal ties Alex and Hooten up.  Hooten and The Lady have time to talk in their captivity. “You’re only half as annoying as most of the Brits I’ve met,” Hooten says. “You’re the most annoying American I’ve met,” is Alex’s retort. Hooten is surprised when Pascal addresses Alex as Lady Alex.  She’s a real lady?  He can’t believe it, she works for the British Museum. Alex takes offense; what does Hooten think she does as a lady, sit around and let butlers serve her?

Hooten asks Alex whether she can reach the rocks by her foot as he wants to use one to cut through the ropes. Pascal returns and after shooting the other man who was part of the search party, he takes Alex back to the helicopter intending for her to be found to get The British Museum off his trail. As for Hooten, he can sit there and bleed to death. But Hooten (again) pulls an Indiana Jones and jumps onto the landing gear of the helicopter.  Soon, he and Pascal are fighting aboard the helicopter and Alex gets thrown out! She holds onto the landing gear and the stolen skull falls into the lap of one of the tribesmen. Hooten tells Alex to jump while they are over the river.  She thinks he’s crazy, but decides to trust him.  Hooten joins her and jumps out of the helicopter.  It’s a good thing as the helicopter with Pascal still aboard crashes into the mountains. Hooten saved the Lady! Hooten is annoyed though that they lost Percy’s map; how will that find the lost city again?

When next we see Alex, she’s back at The British Museum for the exhibition of Percy Fawcett.  A diorama is on display of Fawcett’s camp. Ella apologizes to Alex for hiring “A homicidal Frenchman” as her guide. Ella asks Alex about the “Hooten chap” and whether he’s at the exhibit.  Alex calls Hooten “kind of rough” and says the exhibit isn’t his sort of thing.

As the episode closes, we see Hooten receive a couple of hundreds for the diamond as his cut. He keeps a one hundred dollar bill and leaves the rest at a convent as a donation. Hooten may not be a complete scoundrel after all.