Kate Pearson: She is I, She is You, She is Us

By: Alex Steele

“This Is Us” was one of, if not the most, highly anticipated new television show for the fall season in 2016. Promoted as the family drama to fill the void “Parenthood” would leave, “This Is Us” follows the story of a family whose lives are connected by more than just birthdays, blood and genetics. A television show that doesn’t shy away from bringing to the forefront topics such as addiction, adoption and weight loss, “This Is Us” delivers week after week with heart-stopping, soul-awakening, true to life stories that resonate with millions. There are characters and stories for everyone – from Randall’s (Sterling K. Brown) struggle with finding and wanting to know his biological father to Kevin’s (Justin Hartley) desire to be more than just a television actor, no representation is left behind. But if there were one that was going to influence me, it would be the journey of Kate Pearson, the character who is given life by the indomitable Chrissy Metz. And influence me, she did. The first season followed Kate as she journeyed through the struggle of losing weight, the yo-yo dieting, falling in love, dealing with loss and finding her voice (literally). As a personal assistant to brother Kevin, the moment she spoke up and voiced wanting to break away to do something for “her” signalled the beginning of her flourishing as an individual. Of course, nothing is ever roses and lollipops, but the journey of Kate Pearson, as unique to herself as it is, also mirrors what so many of us (especially women) experience in this life. She struggles, she succeeds, she falls hopelessly and sabotages because she doesn’t feel worthy. She’s vulnerable yet passionate. Kate Pearson was the most depth-defying character to grace our screens in 2016 and that’s because her story, her character matters. Keep reading to find out just what her story means to me; that both professionally and personally, Kate Pearson makes me proud to be who I am and to do what I do.

In a climate of television where more honest and lively stories are being told, Kate Pearson and her weight loss journey supported just how important this is. Chrissy Metz’ performance is example that no one representation is enough, that one view of the world does not tell the whole story. I remember the first episode and feeling immediately understood when I watched Kate Pearson weigh herself, naked, and try her hardest to abstain from the sweet treats in the refrigerator. I was transported back to when my weight loss journey began and the consistent struggle my clients and myself have, when faced with the “scales.” If you asked me when I was five years old what I wanted to be when I grow up a Personal Trainer would not have been at the top of my list. Maybe a famous sport’s star, but Personal Trainer? No way. In high school I was as active as they come, sports and physical education class, but the passion for exercise didn’t really start there. When it came to choosing what I wanted to study during university I just knew I wanted to do something that would keep me involved with sports. I wasn’t the fittest or strongest or even the most talented. So, getting into a course which allowed me to still be a part of something I loved was the next best thing.

Three years into my four-year Human Movement Studies degree, I travelled to the United States. It was my first time overseas, first time doing anything remotely on my own and it was liberating. I had also joined a women’s rugby team earlier that year and was overwhelmed with an actual opportunity to participate in something I loved. All in all, life was pretty good. Yet upon my return from America, a newfound kind of independence swept over me and I no longer felt passionate or driven to complete my studies. The theoretical stuff bored me to death. I needed a change and I needed to do something more hands on. Not only that, I began to recognise a change in my body. My diet had gotten out of hand; take-out every second day fizzy drinks a staple in my diet and really a non-existent relationship with the gym. It was when playing a game of rugby became too much to handle, my body wasn’t moving fast enough and my endurance decreased. This all lead up to me meeting my first personal trainer. I sought her out in the hope to lose weight and increase my overall fitness to improve my performance on the rugby field. I was put on my first diet/eating plan, with the first few weeks being the most unbearable of my life. I had debilitating migraines, cravings that had me snapping at people left, right and center and “DOMS” (delayed onset muscle soreness) for days. Session by session it got easier; the weight moved more efficiently, the soreness wasn’t as bad,and the results started to show.

My performance on the rugby field improved, my agility had increased, I was lifting more weight than I ever had and most importantly I was feeling confident in myself. At this point, studying at university had become monotonous yet when my trainer gave me some frank advice about my future something clicked. She had noticed my love for exercise just bloom; she realised that I didn’t just exercise or come to the gym as an obligation but that when I walked through the doors, it was like I had arrived home. She asked, “Why not become a personal trainer?” I had all the right ingredients, I just had to take the leap. This moment, alike Kate when she stood up and sung in front of the old folks, signified the start of something special. How I read that moment for Kate was that regardless of any fear or doubt she may have had previously, singing was what she was meant to do. It was her a calling; a calling that began right for the depths of her stomach that had been waiting to get out. “This Is Us” went further to illustrate just how important it is to have support. Toby (Chris Sullivan) – hilarious and totally smitten with Kate – was that person. Pushing her beyond any preconceived notion that she’d never be good enough, helped Kate see that she was in fact better than good. The same went for me; before I started with my first trainer, I never knew what my love for sport meant. I never really understood that feeling in the pit of my stomach that ached and ate at me until my trainer posed me that question. Being a Personal Trainer was never a dream or something I even thought about doing, until I was doing it. But now, looking back, it was always there, I just didn’t know how to let it out.

This last year I’ve been asked, more than I ever have, why I became a Personal Trainer; why I do what I do. I often laugh (my clients and others can attest to that) because as I previously stated, it was the last thing I ever pictured myself doing. But now, nearly ten years deep into this, I can’t imagine doing anything else (except write). I come to work every day knowing I have the chance to affect someone’s life. I have the opportunity to impart some kind of knowledge or offer new tools to individuals that before their time with me, may not have known. It’s not just about the practical guidance, but it’s the psychological benefit a relationship such as the one I share with my clients. In relation to Kate Pearson, I watched her story from both sides; I was Kate, with a weight loss goal, unresolved issues and a deep-seeded feeling of unworthiness. Yet I’m now the professional whose job it is to guide, assist and motivate. That is where my “why” as a trainer stems from and why the story of Kate Pearson has left me with such a profound feeling of being understood. I’ve been where Kate was; my fitness journey, although different in many ways, included most of the same experiences. The one that stands out most, similar to Kate’s experience during the Pound class where we watched every last emotion bubble to the surface, is when I completely broke down in front of my trainer. Here’s a little back story.

I had just broken up with the person I believed I’d be with forever and hitting the gym was the first point of call to do something for myself. It was about three sessions in – after a good year of inconsistent exercise – where my trainer (Jules) witnessed me at my lowest. As I completed the programmed biceps curls, tears welled in my eyes to eventually breakthrough the barrier. As I moved the weights, rep after rep, I sobbed. I cried deep, stomach turning cries for no other reason than pure brokenness. My body was responding to the exercise in a cathartic, therapeutic way. Realisations and discoveries; the only words I could muster was “it hurts” and surprisingly I wasn’t talking about the bicep curls. I was talking about the heartbreak, the loss; every previous difficult experience was pouring out of me while I pushed my body physically. So, when I watched Kate Pearson pound the crap out of the floor while simultaneously breaking through all her walls, I was understood. Not only that, my clients (there have been so many I have watched and guided through similar experiences) were understood. I had, for so long put so much into an unattainable idea of what my life should look like; the girlfriend, the body, the life and the money. Yet standing there that day, tears and sweat combining in a sort of glue on my face, exercise became more to me than just a tool. More than just a way to achieve aesthetic prowess; it became therapy. It became a place of solace and understanding. I became a personal trainer to share in life-altering moments like the one I experienced, like the one Kate Pearson experienced. Helping someone break through those walls and help them understand that it’s not always about how we look, but about how we feel is why I do what I do.

When loss occurs, we all usually reference the seven stages of grief, but often times the simplified nature of this description leaves the true emotion behind. As we watch throughout Season One, as Kate and Toby explore their relationship, we witness moments of joy, belly-laughing jokes, shocking near-death experiences but most of all love. As the first season closed the audience was still questioning what really happened to Jack (Milo Ventimiglia)? None more so than the avid fans of Kate, as it seems to us that she holds most of the guilt.  Additionally, it is through Chrissy Metz’ stirring performance that we get an insight into how deeply that loss affected her. That losing her father shook Kate’s entire world and still, years later, does. It is in the moments where Kate reminisces about her father that I am drawn into reminiscent moments of my own. I didn’t lose my father, but I lost my Gran. She was somewhat of a second mother to me and from a very young age she is all I remember. She was an avid quilter, weaving and sewing stories into quilts so timeless; she had a green thumb to boot, able to grow plants and keep them thriving. But mostly, she was one of those grandparents we all wish for. Afternoons of secret sweet treats, bicycle races, and swinging of her old beaten-down swing set, was what my days were made of. Gran died on the 12^th of August, 2011 after (sadly), not waking from a coma. Ten days earlier she woke with a splitting headache and was rushed to the hospital. With a severe bleed on the brain she was taken into surgery and never woke up. I was asked by my parents if I wanted to go visit, but at eleven years old the reality of a hospital and seeing her there was too much. So, I refused – a decision that has haunted me since. Not having the chance to say goodbye has left me with guilt; younger me always wondered if Gran knew how much I loved her and how much I miss her. When Kate opens the door, ever so slightly to Toby and talks about her dad, she’s me – a combination of undying love and adoration with such unwavering commitment and belief that her guilt is warranted. Chrissy Metz did justice to that storyline; she was poignant and breathtaking, navigating such intense emotions of loss and hurt that I felt like we had been through it together. My heart thanks you Chrissy, for giving us Kate, and for telling these stories with fearlessness and truth.

Chrissy Metz, recently nominated for an Emmy for her role on “This Is Us,” has given the world a gift in the form of Kate Pearson. She personifies what it means to tell true stories; stories that resonate with any individual from any walk of life. Kate’s journey, so far, has been one of enlightenment and resilience. Television continues to, slowly but surely, give voice and recognition to representations long before forgotten about. Chrissy Metz pulls back the curtain and bares her soul as Kate Pearson, breathing life and an eloquence into a journey full of soul-searching, weight loss, grief, burdens and unimaginable personal discovery. She has reached into our hearts, turned the key and unlocked the belief in so many, that we are more than the clothes we wear, the shape of our bodies and the style of our hair.  After nearly eight years in an industry rife with stereotypes and pressure to be “someone” we may not always want to be, Kate Pearson reiterated to me the importance of loving ones self in all that you are and that who I am isn’t dependent upon what I look like or what I do. It’s the values I hold, the moments I’ve experienced and the people I affect. Chrissy Metz continues to encourage a conversation; a must-needed change in the scope of what body image is defined as. It’s not physical, at all, but mental, emotional, philosophical, psychological and knows no boundaries. Everyone needs to be watching and listening to everything the writers have written and every moment articulated by Chrissy Metz. “This Is Us” isn’t fiction; it’s reality, it’s the world. And Kate Pearson is I, you and us.