Last Man On Earth – Hamilton/Berg

By: Suzanne Fox

Tandy (Will Forte) and Todd (Mel Rodriguez) are at the cemetery observing Carl (Fred Armisen) eating a recently dug up corpse. They are hiding behind huge tombstones. Tandy and Todd both struggle with not vomiting and dry heaving watching Carl cannibalize this body. Tandy talks to the tombstone and says, “Edwina Mendoza, you did not deserve to be vomited on. But if you saw what we just saw…” [vomits] As the two look up again, they witness Carl reaching into the open grave and taking out more human flesh to consume. Before throwing up again, Todd blurts out, “Oh no, he’s doing it again.” They continue to vomit behind the tombstones. Todd and Tandy manage to get to their car to race home and tell everybody back home. Carl spots their car hightailing it out of the cemetery.

Back at the house, Tandy and Todd recount what they witnessed. None of the women believe them. Todd even vouched for Tandy. As it becomes clear that Carl is returning, the group runs around in a panic. Tandy grabs a giant, oversized plate as a shield. Todd grabs a huge candlestick and holds it closely to him for security. Carl shows up and they confront him about what they saw. Tandy says to Carl, “So, what have you been getting up to, location-wise?” Carl admits that he was out at the graveyard. Tandy then asks him what he was doing out there and Carl states that he has been stressed lately. Tandy informs Carl that he and Todd were out at the cemetery. Carl forlornly and sheepishly asks what they saw. Tandy tells Carl that they saw something “rather alarming, stupefying even.” Tandy says to Carl, “You look like maybe you had dug your little fingy wingies in a little cadavy wavvy and took a teensy weensy little bitesy witesy.” Carl easily admits that he is a cannibal and took a “couple little nibbles.” Carl says that the “weight has been lifted.” Everybody freaks out. Then, Carl encourages everybody to lock their doors, take the time to think things over and come up with some questions for him. He insists this cannibal conversation should be a dialogue.

Carl ends up secured in a strait jacket. The group confers as to what to do with Carl. None of them can agree on how to handle the situation. While holding a gun, Melissa (January Jones) is adamant that she wants to kill him. Tandy believes they should dig a ditch and toss him into the desert. Todd reminds Tandy that he tried to do that to him. Gail (Mary Steenburgen) thinks they should try to cure Carl of his cannibalism. Erica (Cleopatra Coleman) announces that they should lock him up in the prison again. Todd and Tandy return Carl to prison and securely fasten the gate with chains.

Melissa announces that she is going to run some errands. Todd is eager to join her, but she cagily avoids his company. Tandy encourages Todd to leave Melissa alone because he thinks she has her period. Melissa agrees with Tandy and runs out. She heads over to meet Jasper (Keith L. Williams) on the overpass. Jasper is still silent and dressed in a onesie. Melissa continues to bring him supplies in a wheeled cooler. While sitting together, Melissa asks Jasper if he is ready to come home. Jasper shakes his head no and heads back to his hiding spot under the bridge.

Todd continues on his quest to find Jasper. As Todd drives his car past the prison, he observes that the gate to the prison is wide open. The chains are gone. Todd hurries home and informs the group that Carl has escaped. The group freaks out! Carol’s (Kristen Schaal) biggest concern is for the babies. Melissa is worried about Jasper. She ultimately had to admit that she knows where Jasper is located. The group then hears Carl playing a familiar tune on the piano.  They walk into the piano room to confront him. Carl tells them he’s back as he continues to play “Bennie and the Jets,” by Elton John. At this point, the group knows they have to kill Carl.

Tandy cuts straws into different lengths and has the group select one straw, in order to decide who will kill Carl. Unfortunately, Carol picked the shortest straw. Carol goes off to ponder this and freak out about having to perform the killing. Tandy sweetly tells her that he will handle it for her

Tandy confronts Carl and lets him know the group has decided he must die. In an attempt to make the killing easier (and in true Tandy style), Tandy suggests the execution be performed like the show, “Hamilton.” Carl asks if he can continue to play with the Mexican Rubik’s cube while he waits to be executed. Carol yells out her goodbye from the other room. Carl mistakes her voice, but she corrects him. As Tandy starts to pace in a manner similar to an old-fashioned dual (like the fight between Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr), Carl fidgets with the puzzle. It is obvious he is close to finishing it. As Tandy carries a gun and takes measured steps away from the cannibal, Carl completes the puzzle. At this point, the Rubik’s Cube explodes, as it was evident that a bomb was inside it. Tandy goes flying but is generally unharmed.  The room is seen shrouded in smoke.