Life In Pieces – Misery Turd Name Pills

By starrymag | May 1, 2019

By: Jessica Wolff

 

 

In the first story, John Short (James Brolin) tells Joan Short (Dianne Wiest) that she should get out of bed and walk around. Joan tells him she doesn’t trust the doctor and begs John not to leave, telling him she’s bored. John tells her he has an appointment and leaves with his golf clubs.

 

Sophia Hughes (Giselle Eisenberg) brings Joan food, and Joan is thrilled to see her. Joan begs her not to leave, asking Sophia to tell her about her problems at school. Sophia tells her she’s not having problems at school but tells her that she’s annoyed with Heather Hughes (Betsy Brandt) for being too busy taking care of Joan to play a game with her.

 

Joan offers to play the game with her, and they play Jenga together. She remarks that she’s never heard of truth or dare version of the game, and Sophia tells her that she found an X-rated version of Monopoly. The Jenga block tells Sophia to dare someone to run around the room, but Joan tells her she can’t do that.

 

Sophia then dares her to prank call someone, and Joan reluctantly agrees. Heather angrily tells them that Seymour Butts doesn’t live there, and Sophia laughs as Joan hangs up. Sophia tells Joan that she’s going to get more games, declaring that she loves having a “broken mom-mom” who doesn’t leave her bed.

 

Joan grows increasingly more miserable as they play games. She wakes up and finds that Sophia has put a princess dress and tiara on her, as well as tied her hands up with candy on a string. Sophia tells her she has to eat her way out and Greg Short (Colin Hanks) calls out to Joan.

 

Joan calls out to Greg, but Sophia promises to take care of it. Greg hands a bag to Sophia, and she tells him that Joan isn’t taking visitors right now before closing the door. Sophia asks if she called Greg, but Joan denies it. Sophia takes her phone away and Joan begs her to untie her. After Sophia refuses, she declares that they’re going to smash geodes.

 

Joan declares she’s had enough, and Sophia becomes sad. Joan hugs her and tells her to go home and get more games. Sophia tells her she has one where the loser gets electrocuted and Joan agrees. Once Sophia leaves, Joan forces herself to walk down the stairs and lock the door. However, Sophia is thrilled that she’s walking and tells her they can play twister now.

 

In the second story, Matt Short (Thomas Sadoski) and Colleen Brandon-Ortega (Angelique Cabral) tell John and Joan that they want to get the family together to introduce them to Morgan (Joey King). John asks when they can meet the baby mule, and Matt tells him to not call her that.

 

Joan leads a toast welcoming Morgan to the family, but Morgan answers her phone mid-speech in front of the family. Morgan tells the caller that she’s having an awkward conversation with an old lady, telling them that this seems like a dying words thing. She hangs up and Matt compliments Joan’s speech.

 

In the kitchen, Morgan declares that the party blows and hits on Tyler Hughes (Niall Cunningham). Clementine Hughes (Hunter King) tells Morgan that Tyler is her husband, but Morgan continues hitting on him. Tyler assures Clementine that Morgan isn’t her type and Colleen comments that Morgan and Clementine look like twins.

 

Morgan declares that being pregnant is the worst, but also the best as she can do whatever she wants. Jen Short (Zoe Lister-Jones) and Samantha Hughes (Holly J. Barrett) both get up, but Jen stays when Samantha walks away first. Jen decides to leave as well, and Morgan calls her a bitch under her breath.

 

Matt declares that she needs to tell Morgan that she can’t talk to his family like that, but Colleen is worried about losing their opportunity to get her baby. John overhears their argument and finds the most of the family hiding in the bathroom.

 

Joan assures Sophia that it’s not easy the first time she’s called a bitch. Matt and Colleen confirm that Morgan called her a bitch, and Sophia remarks that she thought she had a few more years, adding that she’ll go and wait for her period now.

 

John tells the rest of the family that they should be out of the bathroom supporting Matt and Colleen. Greg assures John they support them in theory, but Jen remarks that Morgan is so mean. She mentions that Morgan said something about Tim Hughes (Dan Bakkedahl) and Tim asks if it’s about his weight.

 

Jen tells him it wasn’t, and Tim starts eating potpourri. John tells them they need to support Matt and Colleen, telling him that Morgan will only be around for six weeks. He tells them they have to put up with the “turd-scrap” and everyone exits the bathroom.

 

Colleen tells Matt that they can’t put his family through this, and Matt points out their options are to confront her and lose the baby or deal with her themselves. She declares Morgan is their problem and they go to tell the rest of the family they can leave.

 

They find the rest of the family making an effort to include Morgan in the family. Morgan tells Matt and Colleen that their family is dope and answers her phone, assuring the caller that Joan didn’t die. Matt and Colleen asks what’s going on and John explains that they love them and that it’s much easier to swallow a turd if you break it up into smaller pieces.

 

In the third story, Jen is excited that Greg found a bassinet for the baby. She declares baby Alex is going to love it, telling him that she likes the name. Greg tells her he loves it too, but Jen insists that they keep the name from his family until the baby is born so they can avoid criticism.

 

Joan tells Greg and Matt that a patient is a woodworker and suggests he make rocking chairs for them. Matt likes the idea, but Greg tells her they already have one. Joan tells Matt that she wanted the chairs to match and tells them that she’ll have her client make stools for them instead.

 

Matt is annoyed that he’s not getting a rocking chair, and Greg asks for a spoon or baby rattle instead. Joan is excited by the idea of a spoon and asks for the baby’s names to engrave on them. Matt starts to answer, but Greg interrupts that they’re both keeping the names a surprise.

 

As Joan walks away, Greg tells Matt that he should keep the name a secret until the baby is born. Matt tells him they can’t ruin a name like Alex, and Greg asks if Jen told him their name. Matt replies that they chose the name Alex and Greg insists he has the right to the name. Greg declares that he’ll tell the family first and Matt pushes him before running to the rest of the family.

 

Matt declares they’re naming the baby Alex and the family is thrilled other than Greg and Jen. Later, Jen tells Greg he screwed up and orders him to get the name back. She urges him to take control of the situation and use his stature to tell Matt who’s boss.

 

Greg approaches Matt, telling him he should be helping him with parenthood. He hands Matt a piece of paper with the name Jarvis on it and Greg tells him that it’s their backup name. Greg tells him he can have it in exchange for Alex, and tells Matt he’s desperate when he says no.

 

Greg tells Jen he got the name back, and she is thrilled. Matt and Colleen ask when they can pick up the bassinet and Greg admits that he gave up the bassinet and two stools for the name. Jen isn’t happy but declares that at least everyone loves the name.

 

Greg tells the family they’re naming the baby Alex, and everyone is confused. He tells them that the family-sanctioned name is now theirs. Joan comments that putting the names Alex and Lark (Ana Sophia Heger) together doesn’t work and asks what other names they’re thinking about. Matt declares he’ll take the name if they don’t want it anymore, and Jen is unhappy that the family approves of the suggestion.

 

In the final story, Sophia approaches Heather at basketball practice and declares she isn’t feeling well. Heather hands her a pill and explains to a nearby mother that it’s just a candy that helps Sophia feel better. The mother calls the idea genius, telling Heather she can make a fortune selling them.

 

Tim finds Heather filling a bunch of pill bottles with candy and she explains that she’s selling them, calling them “Feel Betters.” Tim supports the idea and Heather is excited about the business. Heather has the family help create the bottles, telling Tim that she’s not paying him to eat the product. Tim reminds her she’s not paying them and that he already has a job as a doctor.

 

Heather gives Jen Sophia’s old toys and Jen comments that it’s just six Legos and a broken doll. At Jen’s signal, she and Sophia pitch the “Feel Betters” to the assembled mothers. The mothers are eager to buy the bottles, and Jen is horrified by it. Jen sits Heather and Tim down, telling them about the potential legal issues they face by selling even the resemblance of medicine. Jen suggests the possibility that a kid will overdose on real drugs thinking that they’re “Feel Betters.”

 

Heather declares she feels terrible and asks Tim why he didn’t stop her. Tim tells her she was so happy about the idea and goes to tell the kids they’re fired. Heather tells Jen she wanted something for herself, but Jen assures her that her next idea will be great and won’t kill children. Heather suggests that she lace glue with vitamins since kids already eat it, but declares she’ll just get a real estate license like everyone else when Jen points out that would encourage kids to eat glue.