Life in Pieces – Swim Survivor Zen Talk

In this week’s Life in Pieces, Matt (Thomas Sadoski) suggests honeymoon plans to Colleen (Angelique Cabral). He really wants to go to Hawaii. Colleen wants to go to Gilroy, “home of the largest garlic festival.” Matt is puzzled. Hawaii is usually the popular honeymoon destination. Where is Gilroy anyway? It turns out that it is in California, but that’s not the point. Colleen admits to him that she never learned how to swim because she ended up accidentally seeing her uncle’s testicles when he was teaching her how to swim as a kid. Matt really wants to go to Hawaii so he decides that he will teach her how to swim and it is a disaster. He even pushes her in pool by surprise and he ends up having to jump in the pool to bring her up back to the surface. Obviously, she is upset by this and they start arguing. Matt says she’s a bad student and she says that he is being mean. They both agree to get outside help so she starts taking swimming lessons from a professional. She may be the only adult in the class, but hopefully she will be able to learn so they can snorkel in Hawaii.

John (James Brolin) wants to be on Survivor and is working on his audition tape. His granddaughter Sam (Holly J. Barrett) is responsible for filming him. His son-in-law Tim (Dan Bakkedahl) is also in the video. Both men are huge fans of the CBS reality show. Tim tells John that he would be a good on the show, but John scoffs at that. He does not believe that Tim has what it takes to last on Survivor. Tim decides to use John’s video as a way to show the show producers that he would be a better pick than John. While John is preoccupied with something, Tim tells Sam that “outwitting someone in their video is the ultimate blindside.” Besides, Tim has already sent eight different audition tapes that have been rejected so he needs a fresh new angle. As the filming continues, John figures out later on that Tim is using his audition tape to showcase his talents and both men start fighting in the pool. To make it up to John, Tim offers to edit the footage to send to the producers. It is a another double cross because he edits the audition tape to show why he is the perfect candidate for Survivor. When the tape reaches Jeff Probst, who had a short cameo in this episode, and his team they have a different person in mind for the show. It is not John or Tim. They took one look at bikini-clad Clementine (Hunter King) who accidentally ended up in the tape while lounging by the pool and want her on the show.

When John and his wife Joan (Dianne Wiest) come to visit their son Greg (Colin Hanks) and his wife Jen (Zoe Lister-Jones), she is trying mediation for the first time. They do not think it will go well for her. Inside their bedroom, Jen starts mediating using a phone app, but she quickly becomes bored. She does not want to go downstairs and deal with her in-laws so she decides to stay in her room and play games on her phone while the twenty minute timer is going on the mediation app. After her twenty minutes are up, Jen comes into the living room looking refreshed and relaxed. Everyone notices and believes that the mediation went well. Jen allows them to think it worked. When John tells Greg and Jen that he and Joan will need to stay at their place while their house gets tented, Greg is not happy. Jen goes to “mediate” again. Anytime Jen is feeling stressed or does not want to be around her husband’s family, she says she is mediating, but she is actually playing games, looking at hair tutorials on YouTube and browsing the web. While at dinner with Tim and Heather (Betsy Brandt), Tim is telling them a gross story and Jen wants to leave. She tells them that she needs to mediate. They tell her it is fine and offer their bedroom. When Greg needs a breather, he heads to the bedroom. Jen quickly gets in her mediation pose, but Greg hears the game on her phone. At first she denies it, but admits that she has been pretending to mediate. Surprisingly, Greg is not mad, but he wants to “mediate” as well. Another night, another dinner but this time the couple is dining with Matt and Colleen. It seems that they are still fighting about the swimming lessons. Greg and Jen excuse themselves from the tension and go “mediate.”

Sophia (Giselle Eisenberg) tells her parents that she is pregnant. The problem with this statement is that she is nine years old and her friend Molly told her that she can get pregnant for sitting on the toilet for longer than a minute. Her parents assure her that she cannot get pregnant that way and she is relieved. Tim and Heather have different reactions to the young girl’s confusion. Heather feels she needs to talk to her about what she is hearing at school, but Tim feels she will learn everything she needs to know in college. When Sophia and Heather are eating pizza and drinking root beers, Heather decides to have an honest conversation with the young girl about sex. She tells Sophia that she is willing to answer any questions she has on the topic. Sophia apparently has been eager to have this discussion for a few years now and has come prepared with a notebook of questions. The next day, Tim and Heather have a meeting with the school principal who is not happy that Sophia is talking about her advanced knowledge of sex with her classmates. Tim is shocked that Heather told their daughter more than she needed to know, but Heather does not see the problem. She tells them both that she does not feel that anyone should feel ashamed or embarrassed talking about sex. However, she lets the principal know that she will tell her daughter to keep the sex talk out of school. Over root beers and pizza, Heather tells Sophia that sex is not an appropriate topic for school and that it should only be talked about in private and with family. Sophia took the message to heart. At a family dinner at John’s and Joan’s house, Sophia asks her Uncle Matt if the reason why he and Colleen were late was because they were having sex. Things get super awkward really fast. Tim asks Heather again if she is still okay being this open with Sophia and she still says yes. She addresses the whole family and says there is nothing wrong with her daughter’s questions. Joan agrees. Then, Sophia asks about “sex with yourself” and everyone has reached their limit. Jen and Greg go “mediate” and all the other family members leave to join them leaving Sophia, Heather, Joan and Tim at the table alone.