Living With Yourself – Piña Colada

By: Ellile Dolan-Yates

Clone Miles (Paul Rudd) is in the supermarket throwing a black pillowcase over his head. Yep, like what was thrown over Miles’ (also Paul Rudd) head at the end of Episode 6. He winks at the child who has noticed him and says to himself “duct tape.”

A week earlier Clone Miles is waiting in the restaurant for Kate (Aisling Bea). He’s going through what he will say to her. After Kate arrives they talk about her work. Kate asks what it is they are doing and Clone Miles says it’s like the “Piña Colada song,” two people who know each other very well meeting as if it was the first time. They both agree that it’s kinda hot. Clone Miles goes to his pocket to pay for their food, but Kate insists on paying since the $20,000 re-appeared in the savings account. Clone Miles tells her that it was hers to begin with.

As Kate and Clone Miles take a walk, Kate tells him that she wishes Miles was more like him. Clone Miles says he is Miles. Kate tells Clone Miles that they’re not technically married. When he says that it’s his name she wrote next to hers in credenza, she says it’s a good thing they don’t have to deal with all the history. Kate tells Clone Miles that she’ll talk to him soon and they awkwardly kiss on the cheek. Clone Miles is happy with himself as Kate walks away.

Clone Miles answers the door of his apartment to see Kate is there. She’s there to move the credenza in! She says Miles doesn’t really want it and she thought Clone Miles might. He says he’ll put his keys in the drawer, never on top. Clone Miles is disappointed when she tells him she needs to leave for her conference. Kate asks him to go with her and that’s all he can think about as we see him in a meeting at work. Kate texts him saying she’s “out Fort…Fork…OUT FRONT!” Clone Miles laughs to himself as he ups and leaves halfway through the meeting. In the back of the cab Kate and Clone Miles have that tender “new relationship moment” where their hands are so close to touching, but they avoid eye contact with neither of them daring to be the one to go for it. Clone Miles stick his head out of the window and tells Kate to try it, which she does.

Kate and Clone Miles arrive at the hotel. Kate says the reservation is under Mr. & Mrs. Elliot and opts for one King bed rather than two Queens. As soon as they are in the room, Kate wastes no time in kissing Clone Miles. They awkwardly remove each other’s clothes and have very, very awkward sex. I guess it is Clone Miles’ first time. Afterwards, they lay silent. The next morning Clone Miles has brought, well wheeled in, Kate breakfast in bed. There are scrambled eggs (just the way she likes them), a choice of toast, crispy waffles, blueberry scones and a choice of drinks and Greenhill syrup, which he remembers from “their” trip to the maple farm. Kate just wants a coffee though. Clone Miles wraps up a scone for her to take. He leaves the trolley of food in the corridor outside.

In the gym Clone Miles is reading up on “recapturing the magic” when his phone rings. He rejects the call from Miles and looks up travel deals to Paris. Clone Miles has Kate’s running gear ready on the bed and asks her if she wants to go for a run. She reluctantly agrees. As they take a break from their run, Clone Miles admires the architecture of the surrounding buildings and Kate says she’s going to throw up. Clone Miles hands her a piece of paper which she observes as an ad for a frequent flyer card. He tells her to read above the ad. It’s plane tickets to Paris – the trip “they” always wanted to take but never did. Clone Miles reels off all of the things they could be doing in Paris tomorrow, but Kate says they can have red wine and croissants at the hotel. Clone Miles suggests that they get rid of the house in the suburbs and move there. Kate isn’t sure, so Clone Miles says, “It’s not where you’re at, it’s who you’re with.”

At the hotel bar Kate is pensively stirring her whisky before apologizing for being bitchy when Clone Miles invited her to Paris. Rick James’ “Give It To Me Baby” plays in the background and Clone Miles says “we have to… it’s basically the law.”  Kate tries to resist as Clone Miles tells the bar that they choreographed a routine to this song at their wedding. He dances enthusiastically, but Kate puts on a more awkward display. She doesn’t remember.

As Kate is washing her hands in their bathroom Clone Miles rubs her shoulders, but she tells him she can’t do it. He takes her hand and says whatever she’s feeling is alright. Kate explains that Miles called her today and it got her thinking. She he thought that having this fling with Clone Miles would make her re-appreciate her marriage with Miles. She tells him that she knows he thinks he was there for all of those years and feels like he lived through all their crap, but he didn’t. Clone Miles says it’s good because he’s not angry or bitter like Miles. Kate says that she is angry though. She says Clone Miles is practically glowing whereas she still has all her suffering. Kate says he should be angry and want to fight her but he’s just so…great! Clone Miles doesn’t see the problem. Kate tells him he’s too great, too loving, too kind and it’s weird and a little exhausting. She says their time together was a mistake. He shouts at her that she’ll never see him ever again and storms out. He makes it to the end of the corridor before Kate is letting him back in. They agree that their argument was weird. Clone Miles has never been broken up with before. Kate tells him it will get better.

Five days later Clone Miles is in Friday’s asking for Piña Coladas. He’s offered an extensive selection of Margaritas but, holding back tears, he asks for a Bourbon. He starts drowning his sorrows as Dan (Desmin Borges) turns up asking for a Margarita. Dan notices him and sarcastically congratulates him on the campaign and tells him that Pool (Karen Pittman) was so happy with Miles/Clone Miles that she fired him! He reminds Clone Miles that he gave “him” the spa recommendation. When Clone Miles tells Dan that he doesn’t know what he’s talking about, Dan asks him to join him outside and tell him that. They leave with Dan gearing up for a fight. To his disappointment, Clone Miles suggests they go for a ride as he wants to show him something.

They pull up at the woods. Clone Miles tells Dan to dig with his hands. Dan starts to dig up the soil using his bare hands until he finds a body. Dan calls Clone Miles a psycho and Clone Miles tells him to try the next one. He finds Tom Brady. He throws up when he finds himself. He cries as he asks why he’s there. Clone Miles explains about the cloning. Dan, or should I say “Clone Dan,” asks why they would make a clone version of him and then bury it. Clone Miles tells him to guess again. On their way home Dan says he’s going to file a complaint since he paid for the Silver Package. Clone Miles says at least it’s just him and Dan realizes that he and Miles aren’t brothers. As Clone Miles drops Dan off, Dan refers to them as “clone buds.”He tells him to get rid of Miles and they can go around town and “hit up the ladies.”

We’re back in the supermarket with Clone Miles buying his Miles kidnapping gear. He is, unsurprisingly, getting funny looks from the cashier (Allyson Kaye Daniel) – even more so when he asks if she knows where they sell guns. Clone Miles is holding a gun after sorting out his kidnapping gear in the Trunk of his car. It turns out he wasn’t hanging out of his window but peering out from the back of his car. He is trying to hide from Miles when two men approach Miles and put a black pillow case over his head and throw him into the back of a silver van! Clone Miles isn’t too bothered. He enters Miles and Kate’s house and shout,s “Honey, I’m home!” He ruffles his hair and practices what Miles would say.