Mama Bears

By: Jennifer Vintzileos

When we become parents something in us changes. That need to protect and support our children becomes a necessity. We give more of ourselves than we have ever thought possible to provide the younger generation with opportunities and curiosity. And in the case of the documentary Mama Bears, some make a larger sacrifice so that their children can feel comfortable in their own identity…even if it doesn’t line up with the religious and political beliefs they once valued.

Directed by Daresha Kyi, Mama Bears focuses mainly on the Shappley, Cunningham and Morris families. For Kimberly Shappley, who was a minister deeply devoted to her faith, she found that her child Kai felt more comfortable identifying as a girl. This prompted a large backlash from not only the church community, but also the Shappley family. Sara Cunningham loved being a part of church but became aware of her son Parker’s growing frustration as he was forced to hide his attraction to men. Mother Tammi Terrell Morris struggled to come to terms with her sexual identity as her parents taught her to deny her urges for women, even though she at first tried to embrace her true identity through relationships with other women and turning away from the church. To find some understanding and camaraderie for their situations at home, all three women discovered the Mama Bears Facebook Group. From there they gained clarity on their identity and discovered how they could become involved more in the LGBTQIA+ community, even against everything that they once believed in or tried to deny.

Director Kyi builds a touching story, one that reminds us of the importance of embracing our loved ones for who they wish to be and how we can change our own rigid mindset to get with the times. While each story told is different, there is a unifying theme: how does one find their faith and purpose again when their world is turned on its head? And, moreover, how does finding the path look for each of us who do?

For Kim Shappley, her determination to embrace Kai and provide her with a space to be herself after Kai deciding she “wanted to be with Jesus” is a stark reminder of what happens when we force others to hide their truth. The statement alone was heartbreaking and yet Kim needed to hear that message to understand that it is better to give Kai the space to thrive than try to make her fit the mold she had believed in. Sara Cunningham’s story had a touch more rebellion, especially when her son Parker finally put his foot down and forced his mother to accept him for who he is. And Sara’s transformation was massive, especially when she founded “Free Mom Hugs” in 2014 and set off cross-country to provide those in the LGBTQIA+ community with just that…hugs and acceptance. For Tammi Terrell Morris, she tried to fit the mold of wife and mother of two beautiful boys TJ and Terrell. But it was the San Bernadino shooting that caused Tammi to wake up and realize that she needed to accept who she was and be happy rather than compliant, eventually divorcing and setting off on her own path. And, with time, her mother Tenita also provided support for Tammi’s choices even though it goes against her church.

It is from this growth in each story that I admire Kyi’s choice of her subjects for Mama Bears. While this may not always be the case for those in the LGBTQIA+ community, we see Kim, Sara and Tammi each find a way that works for them. They don’t remain silent and, instead, embrace speaking out their truth. They are inspirational in knowing that even the most deeply rooted devotion to an idea can change if the change will be for the better. And their strength through the Mama Bears Facebook group gives them the space to explore and share what they have learned with others. Shappley fights for Kai with the Texas bathroom bill…She will go on to win an “Activist of the Year” award at the 2017 F.A.C.E. (First Achiever in Community Excellence) Awards. Cunningham visits the Matthew Shepard memorial with her son Parker and has him speak during one of her “Free Mom Hugs” tours. And Morris finds her faith again and becomes a part of the Leadership Cohort.

Mama Bears may only touch upon a fraction of those who need love and support, but the story is quite clear. Change is constant and this is a change that has been a long time coming. As Kim Shappley put it best: wherever love is, there’s gonna be growth. For more information on the Mama Bears community, please visit https://www.realmamabears.org/.