Modern Family – Do You Believe in Magic

By: Paige Zinaman

The episode starts with Jay (Ed O’Neill) throwing mail on the counter repeating that it’s crap. Gloria (Sofia Vergara) tells Jay that in Colombia when old men started yelling at the mail they would put them on a sandbar and wait for the tide to come in. As they talk Manny (Rico Rodriguez) comes in saying that he has a Valentine’s Day dilemma and then proceeds to explain that he has put out invites to different girls and had to keep one on the back burner. Jay tells Manny that if he has a shot at the bad girl then jump at it. Manny tells him that he doesn’t know and Jay tells him that he will dial the phone for him. Gloria comes back in the kitchen telling Jay that Joe’s (Jeremy McGuire) school called and that he’s in trouble. Manny tells Jay that Alexa wanted to use the hot tub, but couldn’t find her bathing suit. Jay then proceeds to tell Manny that if he doesn’t come home smelling like light beer and chlorine that he can’t come home at all.

Claire (Julie Bowen) walks into the kitchen to find an arrow made of rose pedals placed on the floor pointing to something sitting in the dining area covered with a white sheet with a bow on it. When Claire goes over and pulls the sheet off she finds a swing that had Phil (Ty Burrell) on it with a rose in his mouth. When Claire asks Phil what the swing was he tells her that it’s the actual swing they had their first kiss on, where the engraving still was that they did twenty-five years ago. Claire tells Phil that it will look so great out on their porch and that she couldn’t believe he got it. As Phil tells Claire how he got the swing Claire’s assistant Ben (Joe Mande) comes in carrying a bag that held Phil’s Valentine’s Day gift. Phil finds a watch that would only work when he keeps his wrist moving. Phil puts on his poker face and tells Claire he loves it when all he wanted was a pair of Houdini handcuffs that were on sale at a local magic shop. Alex (Ariel Winter) comes in carrying a bouquet of flowers that were on the front porch and says they were from a mystery admirer. She will find out who came sent them and then proceeds to ask what’s wrong with Phil’s wrist. He tells her Claire gave it to him and Alex tells him that they are long overdue for their romance to fizz out.  Phil tells Alex that he will prove that Claire is still romantic when he surprises her at the office.

Haley (Sarah Hyland) shows up to Cam (Eric Stonestreet) and Mitchell’s (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) to watch Lily (Aubrey Anderson-Emmons) while they go out and do things on their list together for Valentine’s Day. Haley tells them that Rainer (Nathan Fillion) had to work because he tracks cupid. Cam and Mitchell tell Haley that Lily gets to stay up a little later because she had a big girl moment at school because a boy named Jagger teased her and she told him off in front of everyone. She used her words, but it was really their words that they wrote down for her, saying that their society encourages women to be unassertive and that it’s their job to empower Lily. As they are getting ready to go Sal (Elizabeth Banks) comes through the door telling them in not so nice terms that they are taking her out. Cam asks whys she’s there and she tells them that her new German boyfriend is out of town and she doesn’t like to drink alone. When they tell her they already have plans she tells them that her nanny can watch Sammy (Elliot Potts) and Lily. She tells Sammy to tell Cam and Mitchell hello the way she taught him. Sammy tells them hello in French. Mitchell asks what he’s looking at she tells them that she’s raising Sammy to be gay. Haley tells them that since Sal has someone to watch the kids she will just join them. Cam asks about their plans and Mitchell tells him that they will just get Sal and Haley drinking and they won’t notice when they slip away.

Jay and Gloria meet with Mrs. Clarke (Jada Catta-Preta) who tells them that she got a very inappropriate Valentine’s gift from Joe and pulls out a sexy corset. Gloria apologizes and says she’s sure Joe doesn’t realize what he’s done. Jay notices that Joe is watching and says that he will finally have a son to fight with over the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit with which Gloria says isn’t funny. Jay goes to talk to Joe about how the gift wasn’t appropriate. Joe tells Jay that he gives gifts like that to Gloria. Jay tells him that he can give that kind of gift his wife or girlfriend, but it’s different giving it to a teacher. Joe asks if he can go back to the quiet room because he’s already missed half of his nap. When Joe goes back he tells Mrs. Clarke that everything is “squared away”.

Phil, who is acting as Clive, drops a key for a hotel room down the street onto Claire’s laptop. Ben comes in and tells Claire she has to sign off on the contracts when Phil says that maybe he can take over while he steals Claire away. Margaret (Marsha Kramer) comes in telling Claire about her appointment. Alex comes in telling Claire that she doesn’t need her mommy boosting her self-esteem by sending her flowers. She drops them on the desk when a man with a cloak and staff appears and tells them “salutations” and walks away. Claire tells Ben to finish the contracts and then has Margaret help Alex find out who sent the flowers from the work account. She then tells Phil they will do Valentine’s Day later. When Phil asks if he knows the man in the cloak Claire tells him he is a hinge specialist. She tells him she will make up for working so much later over dinner and that she has it all planned. Phil comes out and tells Margaret that the Clive thing wasn’t needed. Claire buzzes Margaret to get a reservation at a restaurant for her and Phil because she has too much going on to even think about it, which causes Phil to get upset.

Sal is telling the gang about her new boyfriend who tours a lot when Haley spots Rainer and a mystery woman (Darcy Donavan). Cam and Mitchell explain to Sal that he is Haley’s boyfriend. Haley says she should go, but they tell her that she needs to confront him. She hesitates because she has had a couple of drinks and they tell her she’s bending over backwards to avoid standing up for herself. Haley confronts Rainer telling him that he’s a lying, cheating, middle aged pointer and that they are done. She takes the woman’s drink and tosses it in his face. Haley said she’s going to go home when Sal says that Warner has a yacht and that’s she’s not going to let her go home upset. As they leave Haley answers the phone and it is Dylan (Reid Ewing) calling.  Cam and Mitchell are leaving when Lily calls saying that Jagger ran away. Rainer comes and explains to them that he was letting the woman think they were on a date to get a picture back that had an embarrassing photo of Haley in it. Cam and Mitchell head to the marina to stop Haley from hooking up with Dylan.

Joe comes through the door yelling for Gloria who comes and talks to Mrs. Kewley (Julia Meltzer). She tells Gloria they had an incident when Joe gave Bailey a very inappropriate gift handing Gloria a thong. Gloria apologizes and tells Joe his father already talked to him about this, but Joe tells her that Jay said it was okay if it was given to his girlfriend.  Jay comes in as Bailey and her mom are leaving. Gloria informed him that Joe did it again and that she should have known he would get away with it. Telling him that Joe is a mini him and that he’s so mean to Manny because he’s so different from him. When Mitchell and Cam show up Sal comes out acting very weird telling them that she called Warner and he said maybe they weren’t meant to be. Haley comes in and they tell Haley that Rainer wasn’t on a date. She runs to call Rainer and Dylan. Sal starts pouring alcohol and then lights a match after match that Cam and Mitchell blow out before she can start a fire with them still on board. They apologize for what they caused. Mitchell takes the matches away from her as she goes inside and grabs Warner’s Tony Award. She goes to toss it into the water when Cam lunges to stop it saying he won’t “tell your gay son you threw a Tony into the ocean.” He manages to grab the Tony, but not before Sal falls into the water.

When they get Sal out of the water they apologize again when she yells at them to shut up. She says the water woke her up to the hard truth and starts stating all the things she is and how she does not settle unlike them. Alex asks why Ben has a photo of her in his desk drawer. He tells her that when she temped there last summer he became tempted by her charms. Alex starts stating all his flaws and then kisses him as he tells her more about himself. She tells him to stop and kisses him again shoving him onto the desk.

Phil goes to the restaurant and finds that Claire got a table at a diner. Manny comes home and tells Jay to call him an idiot and explains what happened that night. Joe pulls a Jay which causes Jay to tell Joe that he will not talk to his brother like that and won’t give any more gifts to girls. He sends him to his room. Claire comes in dressed in overalls when Phil tells her about how it hasn’t been the best Valentine’s Day and how he got her swing and tried to surprise her at the office, but all he got was a watch. Claire holds up the watch and when Phil looks down he’s handcuffed to the seat. Claire tells him she has been taking magic lessons to surprise him and the man at the office was The Great Majesto (William Utay). She says that they really do have reservations at the restaurant so they need to go. Claire motions for the guy for the check when Phil asks if she’s really dressed for it. The man throws confetti out of the bucket he was holding as he walked by and Claire goes from overalls to a fancy dress. Phil asks if she has the key only to be told he has it. He pushes the key out of his mouth. When they get home, they talk about how their date went. Phil asks Claire if she covered the swing again and she says no. He pulls the sheet and the swing is gone. Suddenly, The Great Majesto shows up saying he transported it to the porch and hen leaves. Claire is freaked as she tells Phil she didn’t tell him to do that and that she didn’t tell him where they lived.