Modern Family – Ringmaster Keifth

By: Paige Zinaman

The first few minutes of the episode the family arrives at Jay (Ed O’Neill) and Gloria’s house for New Year’s Day. Phil (Ty Burrell) states the morning was horrible because of a New Year’s resolution to live more dangerously, which involved him and Claire (Julie Bowen) going on a sling shot ride at an amusement park, but he ended up leaving the line after seeing a man who had just gotten off not looking so well. As everyone files out back, Hailey (Sarah Hyland) and Alex (Ariel Winters) say that they are only there to raid Jay and Gloria’s closet for vintage clothes because they were going to a 90’s music festival. As Cam (Eric Stonestreet) and Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) come out carrying a dead pig they are going to roast for the party. Gloria (Sofia Vergara) and Jay tell Cam and Mitchell to open their Christmas gifts since they spent their Christmas in Missouri. Mitchell opens his to finds a gift certificate for E-Butler to use to for whatever while Cam gets an apron with bells on it that says “Cam and get it!”

After an incident involving Stella pushing the drink cart with the margarita machine into the hot tub Mitchell comes over and tells Jay and Gloria that they need finish their estate planning that they have been putting off updating since Joe was born. This leads to Mitchell telling Claire that God forbid something happens to them because they wouldn’t know who they would want raising Joe (Jeremy Maguire). Jay finally caves after Gloria keeps pulling her eye lashes and spitting, claiming he spends more money on eye lashes than they do on medical bills. He is cut off; however, by a car horn which Phil says that his dad (Fred Willard) has arrived. He and Claire go to greet him. When Claire asks how the drive was he said the radio blew and so his entertainment was billboards only to have his new girlfriend Lorraine poke her head out the RV and say he had her to keep him company surprising Phil and Claire. When Claire asks how long Frank and Lorraine (Faith Prince) have been together he said it started back when he had jury duty and Lorraine said he would go out to lunch with him if he swung his vote. They’ve been together ever since. The conversation is making Phil uncomfortable so he tells Frank and Lorraine that Claire will show them to the backyard.

Meanwhile, back inside the house Mitchell gets the paperwork and starts talking to Jay and Gloria about their estate. When Gloria starts reading the paper she says they don’t need to put money aside for Manny’s college because she already has it as she started saving money from her paychecks so she has saved enough for him. When Jay asks why he didn’t see any of that in the bank statements Gloria asks him why she would put money in that she may have to use to run away with. She says she put it in her disappear bag, but she suddenly can’t remember where it’s at. She made a song to help her remember which she can’t remember. When Mitchell notices Cam standing in the doorway, Cam motions for Mitchell to follow him and then tells Mitchell to act cool, telling Mitchell that the fire went out and the pig is cold. He says it will be colder than the family will be when they find out he ruined the meal. When Cam asks if the E-Butler would deliver one Mitchell gets all whiny saying how to was to be used for “Mitch Stuff” before finally relenting and uses it to stop Cam from crying. When Mitchell calls the butler, Cam recognizes the voice as “Ringmaster Keifth” (Kelsey Grammer) who was in the circus scene with Cam, but was also the man who got away. Cam tries to tell Mitchell to hang up, but Mitchell is already off the phone asking Cam what the problem is causing Cam to start to freak out. Cam says the circus boyfriend that left him in the middle of the night is suddenly going to be there.

Meanwhile, Jay and Gloria are in the basement looking for Gloria’s bag of money when Jay asks why they have a box full of doll heads. Gloria responds with that they are why they do not have evil spirits in the house. Jay then asks Gloria who should raise Joe causing Gloria to freak out again telling him to not say that. This makes Jay become the rational one saying that if someone other than he and Gloria had to raise Joe it should be Mitch and Cam because they are a good balance and lists off what Joe could learn from them. Jay finds a tape that was labeled “If I go missing it was my husband.” Gloria explains that it was when they had their first big fight and that she was going to run away and frame him. As this is happening, down in the kitchen Phil is hiding from Lorraine and Frank when Claire asks why he’s avoiding Frank. He tells her that Phil needs a moment to get used to them being together. Phil wonders what if Frank was looking at her when his mom was still around. Claire suggests Phil just go talk to his father, but he says they don’t talk as they do knock knock jokes. In fact, that’s how he found out his grandmother died. Claire says that this New Year’s Phil should take an emotional risk and actually talk to his dad.

Cam and Mitchell are discussing how to say Keifth’s name when Mitchell says they don’t even know if it is Keifth. Cam responds with he would never forget the velvety baritone that abandoned him and that when he walked in there that Lily (Aubrey Anderson-Emmons) would see him break down. He doesn’t want that and thankfully Mitchell says she already left for a sleepover thing. Cam then freaks out because Lily didn’t say goodbye. This causes Mitchell to realize that maybe seeing Keifth would be therapeutic for Cam because that could be the root of Cam’s abandonment issues. As Gloria and Jay continue to look for the bag of money, Gloria asks about Phil and Claire taking care of Joe. Jay says Phil is kind of silly and Gloria says all the good qualities Phil has which makes Jay kind of jealous. He then says that Joe would get Claire in the deal saying that she runs a company and a good role model. Gloria gets jealous and says, “They’ve already raised their kids. I think it’s time for them to travel.” As she’s about to put a box up she spots a hook on the wall and says that the disappear bag was hanging there. She realizes that Hailey had taken the bag to the music festival with her. When Alex calls Gloria back on Hailey’s phone after realizing she’s called about a dozen times, Gloria tells Alex that they have to come back asap because the bag that Hailey is using contains $40,000. This makes Hailey and Alex panic and head home.

Claire comes rushing into the house telling Phil to come quickly because his father passed out in the RV. When Phil gets to the RV, he finds his father blow drying his shirt. Phil asks if he’s alright and Frank says that Claire accidently sprayed him with the water hose. When Phil tries to get out of the RV, Claire locks them inside to force Frank and Phil to talk. Frank asks Phil if dating Lorraine bothered him and when Phil says no Frank is relieved. He tells Phil when Lorraine asked him out he didn’t even realize she used to be the babysitter, which sends relief through Phil. When Frank goes to get out of the RV Claire hugs him and apologizes for spraying him with the hose. He says it’s okay because the shirt needed washing anyway. As he walks away, Claire tells Phil that she felt a ring box in Frank’s pocket causing Phil to panic. Claire wonders why his father moving on bothers him so much to which Phil asks Claire why she likes tearing people down. He says, “In previous generations people would call them witches and threw water at them to see if they would scream.” He proceeds to spray Claire with the water hose before walking off calling her a witch.

When Keifth finally shows up Mitchell comes outside to greet him. Suddenly, Cam shows up. Keifth and Cam talk about what Keifth has been up to while Mitchell tries to push them to talk about the disappearing. Keifth tells them to distract the family while he will release a peacock in the yard and use Cheez-its to lure it into the house. He will then sneak the pig to the backyard. In the backyard, Claire is swinging upside down on the play set with Joe when Frank comes over to talk to Phil. That’s when Phil decides to confront Frank about the ring box. Frank pretends to have a fake memory loss only to have Phil resort back to knock knock jokes. He tells his father he would hate to see him throw away a shot at happiness to protect his feelings. Alex and Hailey run into the house and throw the bag at Gloria saying it was the most stress they have felt in their life. Gloria and Jay tell Mitch to finish the work and when they finally get to who will raise Joe it is Manny (Rico Rodriguez) who says he wants to. He shares with them a very detailed plan on how he would handle things if it ever came to him having to raise Joe.

When the family actually follows the peacock into the house Cam says they forgot to put the apple in the new pig’s mouth. Keifth says to leave it and Cam states that’s his answer for everything. This leads to their talk and how much they really did care for one another. Phil and Claire witness Frank propose to Lorraine, making Phil decide to ride the sling shot ride at the amusement park. He ends up passing out as they go up. The episode ends with the family sitting down to eat and everyone loving the roasted pig only to have Alex say that they wouldn’t make the seasoning with nuts because he knows she allergic. Alex spits in the napkin and is told that an epi pen is on the way.