Red One

By: Jamie Steinberg

When Santa (buff J.K. Simmons) gets kidnapped what do you do? You send in the muscles – Dwayne Johnson – and the brains – Chris Evans! Add in Lucy Liu and Kiernan Shipka and you’ve still got yourself a hot mess of a movie. Director Jake Kasdan’s attempt at modernizing the bearded man’s occupation and duties just falls flat. With all style and no substance, sadly Red One will not make your belly laugh like a bowl full of jelly.

We start off with Santa and his reindeer being escorted out of Philadelphia and back to their home base at the North Pole by fighter jets. Yes, you read that correctly. Back at the North Pole Callum Drift (Johnson), head of Santa’s security, tells the big guy about his desire to retire after this one final Christmas run as he’s sadly lost faith in the system with so many more people’s names now on the Naughty List. Unfortunately, renowned hacker Jack O’Malley (Evans) thwarts that dream when he accidentally sells Santa’s exact location to a group of kidnappers led by winter witch Grýla (Shipka). Grýla is miffed at Kris Kringle for having gone soft and has her eyes set on siphoning out his magic in order to imprison those on the Naughty List in magical snow globes. As you guessed, Drift and O’Malley team up to bring the big boss man home in order to save Christmas.

I didn’t love Shipka cast as the role of the bad girl, especially since her time as Sabrina the Teenage Witch was her as a good witch. Plus, with so many years in service to Santa, I don’t see how Drift could be so easily tempted to the dark side. Does Santa’s workshop not offer healthcare and annual bonuses? Otherwise, working in such a positive environment and with such an open-hearted boss, you would think Drift could have talked to Santa about his concerns. Plus, there is no on-screen chemistry between Drift and O’Malley where you could see them teaming up for a bromantic adventure to save Santa.

Detracting from the film is Kasdan’s action sequences with cinematographer Dan Mindel. Some scenes are hard to make out that it’s difficult to get an idea of what is truly happening on the screen at that moment. The only moment of super silliness, in my opinion, is when Drift and Krampus (Kristofer Hivju) take turns slapping each other until one is knocked out in a game called “Krampussschlap.”

If you are looking for a fun holiday film that you will want to watch as an annual tradition, I recommend passing on Red One. Santa spends most of the movie in a state of supernatural slumber – something that you might find your own self in catching this flick. What starts out as a premise that any viewer can invest in but sadly finds itself on the Naughty List.