Scorpion – Sly and the Family Stone

By: Kim Olson

“Sly and the Family Stone” sees Walter (Elyes Gabel), Sylvester (Ari Stidham), Paige (Katharine McPhee), Cabe (Robert Patrick) and Tim (Scott Porter) go to Ireland to visit Walter’s family for Pattern Day and to memorialize Walter’s sister, Sylvester’s wife Megan, who passed away last year. It’s quickly realized why Walter never goes home. Everyone he grew up around is an absolute asshole! Walter’s parents are even needlessly mean to him, their own son! But at the very least they don’t want him to die (phew). His dad (Glenn Keogh) tells him he doesn’t want to be back at the cemetery next Pattern Day to remember another child. At least in the face of death they can show some kindness. The same is not true for Walter’s neighbors, who bullied him throughout his adolescence. They pick a schoolyard fight with him in the cemetery they’re at to memorialize his sister! Fortunately, Tim has Walter’s back and helps him fight off these two Irish thugs when Walter gets his ass handed to him.

Walter’s entire family is also closer to and likes Sylvester more than him. His parents video chat with Sylvester every Saturday night and his uncle constantly loses against Sly in Words with Friends. Because Sylvester truly loved Megan, even though he wasn’t with her for long, he wants to be close to her family as they’re his family, too. He knows she would want it that way. Realizing first-hand though that he and the rest of the team are really the only family Walter has, Sylvester tells him, “Blood doesn’t make family. Love makes family.” In return, Walter reassures him, “You’re my family, even if you hadn’t married my sister.” As a symbolic gesture, Sly gives Walter a stone to signify he’d go to the depths for him even if no one else will.

Sadly, Happy (Jadyn Wong) and Toby (Eddie Kaye Thomas) have to miss the trip to Ireland because Happy is sick with cadmium poisoning, which caused her to have a false pregnancy after trying (and apparently failing) to make solar panels for the garage. With the garage to themselves, Happy and Toby have time to plan their wedding. Happy just wants to get it over with, move fast, go down to the courthouse and become “woman and husband” before nightfall. On the other hand, Toby wants to marry his “kitten” in a real, huge wedding surrounded by his friends and family with a guest list 4000 percent greater than anything Happy ever imagined. Toby wants happy memories to write home about and fill scrapbooks or a wedding album with. Thinking it might not be too bad and might even make her happy, Happy gives in and lets Toby start planning a lavish wedding for them. The one thing she won’t give into though is letting him kiss her, instead choosing to punch him – her fiancée.

Toby and Happy are getting married, but they don’t kiss. In the past seven months, their only kiss was on the forehead. They don’t live together either. Instead, Happy lives with Cabe who is so desperate for company that she stayed up until midnight playing cribbage with him. It’s not like Happy and Toby are “old-school” and want to do things “proper,” so what gives?! Why don’t they kiss and live together? When will they ever really kiss again and move in together? Hopefully, the wait is worth it in the end!

Best Lines:

• Ralph: You could Google it. Cabe: I like to practice my human interaction. It’s a valuable skill…. Tim: When I want something at the grocery store, I usually just ask someone who works there. Walter: But with this you won’t have to talk to anyone. Cabe (to Ralph): This is what happens when you don’t interact enough.
• Paige (to Sly): All you had to do was lie and be emotionally manipulative. You’re a natural politician.
• Toby: A little dishonesty never killed anyone.
• Paige: We have to maintain relationships or they disappear.
• Toby: When I was a kid, I was actually a loser. I never dreamed I’d marry a babe like you. It’s the greatest accomplishment of my life. I just want everyone to know it. Happy: So you want to show me off like a piece of meat? Toby: Exactly. There’s dozens of people in Brooklyn who need some comeuppance. Happy: It’s just really not my style. Toby: I know.

Next Week: Paige’s mom makes her introduction!