Scorpion – This is The Pits

By: Kaitlin Olson

Walter (Elyes Gabel) is manipulating Paige (Katharine McPhee) into falling in love with him. With the help of Paige’s mom, Veronica (Lea Thompson), he’s doing everything Paige likes while dressing and smelling how she likes. Walter and Paige have a movie night with Ralph (Riley B. Smith), Toby (Eddie Kaye Thomas) and Happy (Jadyn Wong). They watch Paige’s favorite childhood movie while eating Paige’s favorite movie snack – popcorn with chocolate covered peanuts. Walter doesn’t even like movies. He’s seen a total of two movies. Once Veronica informs Walter that Paige loves grunge, he immediately (after Googling “grunge”) wraps a flannel around his waist and starts wearing flannel shirts. Then, because Veronica tells Walter that Paige’s favorie scent is rosemary he literally rubs rosemary on himself. But after Paige confides in Walter about her problems with her mother, telling him, “I’m used to her manipulating me, but I can’t have her manipulating Ralph…. I can handle a lot, but not dishonesty and not with my son. With the way I was raised, it just turns my stomach,” Walter decides to stop the tomfoolery and win Paige’s heart fair and square. He tells Veronica, “Conning Paige may have been an efficient way to impress her, but it’s not the honest way…. If she ever found out, it would hurt her very deeply. If I’m gonna win her, I wanna do it the right way.” He realizes he can’t force/fix/fake love, passion and desire and is going to just be himself, not who Veronica thinks Paige wants him to be. Paige did plan a second movie date with him though so he has that to look forward to. Meanwhile, Paige is still dating Tim (Scott Porter) who is in the middle of a life crisis after the Navy Seals honorably discharged him. Should he take a job offer in Jordan or keep risking his life to save others’ with Scorpion?

Ronnie isn’t hitting it off smoothly with anyone. Ralph has always wanted a relationship with his Grandma. He even used to write to her in prison! But, sadly, she didn’t turn out to be who he’d hoped. When they finally get to spend time alone together, Ralph just wants to learn more about Ronnie and Paige’s relationship. Instead, she teaches him how to con “hipster doofuses with lumberjack mustaches and rolled up jeans” out of their money. She schemes to sell Ralph’s Forestry Brave cookies as miniature ice cream sandwiches with questionable illusion for a 1200 percent upcharge – two cookies for five dollars, rather than forty cents, making sixty bucks per box instead of five. She knows they’ll sell big, which they do because they “fill a hole in the market and make people feel special.” Ronnie teaches Ralph, “people wanna feel special… so let them believe they’re getting something special. It makes them happy.” After all is said and done, Ralph doesn’t want to keep his cut of the profits and instead gives them back to her, disappointed. All he learned is that his mom has trouble communicating with his grandma for a reason. He wishes Ronnie were better than she is. Trying to prove she can change, Ronnie donates all her profits to Sylvester (Ari Stidham) for his campaign, making Sylvester feel special. Ralph might just make his grandma a better person! Veronica tells Paige, “He’s amazing. You are a great mom. And we both know you didn’t learn that from me.”

Best Lines:

• Toby: Think slippery thoughts: Eels. Richard Nixon.
• Toby: That’s like a caramel apple. Except your hand’s the apple, the tar’s the caramel and no one finds this delicious
• Woman: $5 for a runny ice cream sandwich? How am I gonna Instagram this? Ralph: Quickly?
• Veronica: The government will line their pockets with anything.
• Toby: So tar so good….. When I’m nervous I pun.
• Toby: That was tomfoolery to the first order. Walter: Give it up Toby. That lingo’s never coming back. Toby: Really? Cuz I think it’s the bee’s knees. Cat’s pajamas.
• Sly: How about an image of me riding a Pegasus? Cabe: How about we actually try to win this election?
• Veronica: It was all very innocent. Paige: It always is until the judge disagrees.