Scorpion – Wreck the Halls

By: Kim Olson

Merry Christmas, Cyclone!

All Paige (Katharine McPhee) wants is to have a normal, old-fashioned Christmas, but like every other holiday it goes terribly wrong. On Halloween, Paige just wanted to dress up, take Ralph (Riley B. Smith) trick-or-treating and eat candy, but instead she almost died in a bat cave in Arizona. On Thanksgiving, all Paige wanted was to have a good meal with the people that mean the most to her, but instead her estranged mother waltzed back into her life. Every holiday turns into some kind of case or crisis. To avoid that on Christmas, Paige plans a quiet, no tech (phones or computers) getaway with her loved ones to a secluded cabin in the woods giving them a chance to unplug and have fun. The cabin doesn’t even get Wi-Fi or cell reception, Walter (Elyes Gabel) already asked. Like always though, Paige’s holiday doesn’t go as she’d hoped. Instead, Paige’s merry, old-fashioned Christmas is kidnapped, blown up, shot at, electrocuted, punched and knocked out cold.

When out looking for a Christmas tree, Walter and Tim (Scott Porter) find themselves saving a not so good guy, Sam (Matthew Alan), from a group of bad men set to kill him. When they bring him back to the cabin, it becomes good team versus bad team when the tough guys come to collect Sam. With only food, gifts and decorations to protect them, the cyclone has to go all Home Alone on their asses, building traps to defend the cabin. One of the Christmas presents they use is a laptop with a team photo as the wallpaper, a gift from Walter to Paige. In the photo, Tim is hiding behind a giant stack of folders that Toby (Eddie Kaye Thomas) doesn’t remember being on Walter’s desk. He asks Walter, “Is that Photoshopped?” Another present that comes in handy is a Junior Spaceman Model Rocket from absentee Veronica (Lea Thompson) to Ralph. Ralph doesn’t even like his toy rocket since he’s already built a real rocket with Walter. Once the bad team is down and out, another problem arises. Sam shows his true colors and kidnaps Ralph! Merry Christmas! Walter and Paige jump in Paige’s car, driving off together like mommy and daddy going to save their son with Toby and Cabe (Robert Patrick) following in hot pursuit! Sam messed with the wrong family by kidnapping Ralph! Ralph’s so smart! He escapes by using the pocketknife Cabe gave him as a Christmas present to perform the trick to get out of the back of a car that Walter taught him a long time ago!

Merry Christmas Waige shippers, this is Tim’s last episode! As visually demonstrated by Walter giving him the cramped elevator space with a little desk for his new office as a Christmas present, Scorpion is just too small for Tim’s britches. There are no leadership positions in Scorpion for Tim. Scorpion is Walter’s team and Walter’s not giving up them up. Also, Cabe is Scorpion’s handler and Cabe is not giving up his position either. Tim has no opportunities for leadership in Scorpion and like Toby says, “No matter how you slice it, Tim Armstrong just ain’t a little desk guy.” So, Tim has to look elsewhere. Paige encourages him to take the job in Jordan offered to him in the previous episode. It’s just for eight months of training and he’ll be in a leadership position. It’s perfect for him. Tim wants to ask Paige to come with him, but he knows it’s not a good place for Ralph so they decide to do long distance instead. Tim’s exit is kinda sad. Even Walter doesn’t want him to go. Walter tells him he’s hardworking and that he gave his best effort and Tim tells Walter he wants Walter’s team, Scorpion, to remain Walter’s team. As much as Walter doesn’t want Tim to leave, Paige thinks he does because Walter and Tim had a fight earlier in the day in which they vented their honest feelings to each other. Tim and Walter admitted they never liked each other, that they were never friends. They were just faking for Paige. Tim told Walter he doesn’t like him because Walter never made him feel welcome, which he never was. Walter tells Tim he resents him for disrupting his team by dating Paige and trying to bond with Ralph, who should be learning from Walter because he and Ralph are more alike than Tim and Ralph. Walter flat-out tells Tim, “You will never be a real member of Scorpion.” In the words of Toby, Walter is “in for a seriously unhappy new year.”

In the meantime, Toby is trying really hard to give Happy (Jadyn Wong) the “perfect Quintis Christmas.” He gets her the present she wanted most when she was four years old, a Sparking Mike, and makes Christmas cookies for her. Paige helps him and tries to get Happy to compliment all the effort Toby put into giving Happy the perfect Christmas, basically asking her “didn’t Toby do a good job?” But all Happy can focus on is the missing Christmas tree, asking “Where’s the Christmas tree?” Toby and Happy do cuddle in front of a roaring fire until the boys bring trouble back to the cabin, rudely barging in on their perfect Christmas. Their perfect Christmas ends up being literally shot at and destroying Toby’s present! When Toby gives Happy the now destroyed toy, she thinks it’s destroyed on purpose. He tells her he got all the parts so she could build it herself, when he actually paid to have it restored. She genuinely smiles, all happy and excited though.

Happy tries just as hard to make Christmas perfect for Toby. She makes a deal with Sly (Ari Stidham) that if he makes Toby’s Christmas present for her, she’ll help him with his election by handing out candy canes to voters while dressed as an elf. It’s not good. Happy threatens Sly, “If anyone takes a picture of me in this getup, I’m gonna roast your chestnuts on an open fire.” To get it over with quicker, Happy just dumps all of the candy canes in the back of some guy’s truck. “Vote Dodd,” she tells him. The present Happy worked so hard to give Toby is a picture of her on a keychain with a button that when pressed says the word “attaboy” in her voice. (She also keeps the sexy elf costume for their honeymoon because it does it for Toby.) Happy gives Toby positive reinforcement from her at the push of a button as his present because Toby feels underappreciated in their relationship. He wrote her a proposal song. He’s planning a nice wedding. He’s a darn good fiancé. “Little appreciation once in a while, all I need,” he tells Paige. Toby and Happy have drastically different ways of showing their love. According to Toby, “Happy throws attaboys around like manhole covers.” She isn’t the kinda girl that can give him positive reinforcement. It’s not in her nature. Hopefully, next year they can get past their differences and not let them break them. Hopefully 2017 is better for Quintis.

Best Lines:

• Paige (to Toby in a Christmas sweater): Did three ghosts visit you in the night and show you the error of your ways?
• Toby: When Happy sees it her tiny heart is gonna grow three sizes that day. Paige: She’s gonna love it. Toby: She better. Paige: That’s the Christmas spirit.
• Ralph: Walter, you were first in all your classes, what did your classmates give you? Walter: Wedgies.
• Toby: Since when do you cut down trees? Walter: I grew up on a farm where I cut down many trees. Toby: I’ve seen photos. It was a dairy farm. Not a lot of trees. Walter: Yes, because I cut them all down.
• Tim: You don’t bring a gun to Christmas weekend.
• Happy: You can put me in whatever you want, I’m always gonna be me. I was an elf named Happy, but I was still a grump.
• Happy: Just be yourself. Sly: Well that’s really never been easy for me. Happy: Then you’re not as smart I thought you were.
• Tim (about Scorpion): It’s a team I will always be proud to have been a part of.

And that’s that for Scorpion in 2016. I’ll see you next year for all new episodes!