Splitting Up Together – Pilot

By starrymag | April 3, 2018

By: Taylor Gates

 

 

Lena (Jenna Fischer) and Martin (Oliver Hudson) grill each other about whether or not they’ve accomplished all the household chores. Once they’re deemed everything successful, they high five and head off to separate bedrooms. They reveal in a voiceover that it hasn’t always been like this—they used to be all over each other. Having three children put a damper on their relationship, though, making Lena naggy and Martin lazy.

 

Lena and Martin announce their plan to their friends, who are more worried about not having more couple friends to hang out with. The on-duty parent will live in the master bedroom and take care of the kids while the off-duty parent will live in the garage doing whatever they want. Martin shows the garage to his friend Artie (Bobby Lee), excited about the prospect of not following Lena’s orders. He turns the dehumidifier off, irritated at its high volume. Artie deadpans that if Camille (Lindsay Price) ever left him, he would legitimately kill himself.

 

Lena gets all dressed up, ready to mingle. Her sister Maya (Diane Farr), however, quickly crushes her dreams, telling her the dating pool is bleak at their age. She says that Martin is in great shape and will probably have a much easier time finding someone else.

 

Lena is delighted to see Martin hopelessly attempt to handle all the household chores on his own, but the kids say he actually does a pretty good job. He even manages to go on his morning run, telling them to make their own breakfast and buy lunch at school. Last week, eldest daughter Mae (Olivia Keville) skipped lunch in order to buy a “male tears” mug. Their youngest son Milo (Sander Thomas) just orders takeout since his school doesn’t sell anything.

 

Lena storms into the garage, confronting Martin about the dehumidifier, the food issue, and fact he’s getting exceptionally scruffy. Martin says he’s a terrible cook and would rather enjoy his time with the kids rather than trying to make the perfect lunch.

 

Lena grabs coffee with her father, who tells her that Martin may be a narcissist, but she has control issues. Not being in control is when all the fun happens. Just then, she gets a text from an unknown number saying that their balls hurt. Lena is intrigued, asking who it is and adding a winky face. Her son Mason (Van Crosby) replies, confused and grossed out.

 

That night, Lena tries to have a conversation with Mason about why his balls might be hurting. She struggles, not knowing what the cause could be or even how to relieve the pain. Mason hesitantly suggests they go to the garage and consult someone who might know better. She vehemently refuses, calling his doctor instead. Unfortunately, Mason can still sense the uncertainty in her advice after talking to a professional.

 

Martin and Artie go for a run. Artie tells Martin he’s not being entirely fair by blaming everything on Lena. Their marriage got off on the wrong foot when Martin refused to dance with Lena at their wedding. Martin watches their wedding video again, seeing the pain in Lena’s eyes.

 

Lena has wine with Camille and Maya. They both want her to get back together with Martin, but Lena admits that they hadn’t even had sex in two years because Martin stopped looking at her. She’s done with that, needing a relationship with romance and passion while Martin clearly doesn’t. Just then, a young, attractive woman (Kelsey Asbille) shows up looking for Martin.

 

It turns out she’s there to give him dancing lessons. She tells him the most important rule is to never break eye contact. Since he’s the man, he’s supposed to lead so she doesn’t get lost. He has the realization that this is exactly why his marriage failed.

 

Upset, Lena goes grocery shopping with Maya, lamenting how Martin stopped being attracted to her. Maya implies that’s not altogether surprising considering she’s currently wearing a onesie in public. Mason shoots Lena another text, and she decides to bring him to a specialist.

 

The doctor informs Lena that Mason is going through puberty, and his discomfort likely stems from frequent arousal that doesn’t fully culminate. He prescribes masturbation, telling Lena not to shame Mason for his natural urges. He also gives Lena his business card, telling her not to hesitate to call his cell. She interprets this as him flirting and gets excited.

 

That night at dinner, Mason asks for a poster of Kate Upton for his room. Mae strongly opposes, saying they don’t condone the objectification of women. Lena is torn on what to do, whispering to Mason that they’ll talk about it later and to Mae that he won’t be allowed to.

 

Martin walks in on Lena in the pantry. She has decorated the place with lights, candles, and pictures of Ruth Bader Ginsburg. She tells Martin that she thought it would be weird for him to masturbate in the room he shares with his little brother, but Martin replies that nothing could be weirder than doing it in a pantry his mom decorated.

 

Lena admits that maybe she does need Martin’s help sometimes. Martin suggests they replace the picture of Ruth with a picture of Wonder Woman, which Lena finds ingenious. She apologizes for ever making him feel like he had nothing to offer the family. They both say sorry for making mistakes in their marriage. The moment is interrupted by Lena getting a text from the doctor, and they switch shifts.