Succession – Chiantishire

By: Kelly Kearney

In the penultimate episode of the season we head to Italy for Mum’s, Caroline’s, wedding to new man and rumored seat- sniffer, Peter. Everyone who’s anyone is there, per new-Dad’s request. Kendall shows up with his kids with a fresh new haircut and a two billion dollar bone to pick with Logan–who also brought both his wife and mistress to keep him occupied and drive his ex mad. If that’s not daring the fates enough, Gerri, who has been trying and failing to put distance between herself and Roman’s romantic overtures, brings her Slime Puppy’s nemesis, Laurie, on the trip all but guaranteeing those boundaries she set early on in the season won’t just be crossed but set ablaze. What was supposed to be a celebration of love, with a family whose never had any to give, turns into a merger of finances and embarrassing blunders that could change the dynamics of Waystar/Royco forever. So, grab a martini and delete that text you were about to send, because Chiantishire is about to get wanky…literally!

The Ambush and “The Items”

Is an ambush still an ambush if you’re warned ahead of time? Stewy (Arian Moayed) and Sandi (Hope Davis) don’t think so when they get called into Logan’s (Brian Cox) office a few minutes prior to their first board meeting to discuss his new merger with GoJo- which the shadow CEO claims was too sensitive to mention before. The new blood in the boardroom isn’t pleased to learn they were left in the dark on this because a merger of this magnitude means a total revamping of the company. It’s too huge to keep secret and affects all their investments. Sandi also mentions Lukkas Matsson’s (Alexander Skarsgård) mental instability and his recent Tweets that scream trouble. She also notices right away her female confidant, Shiv (Sarah Snook), is nowhere to be found and has no plans on attending the meeting in person. Instead, Pinkie dials in from her depression bed just like her brother Kendall (Jeremy Strong) because the two of them are having a sulk after what went down at le Kenfest. As the board tries to get a handle on this possible bad-boy Matsson deal, Logan glares through the glass doors making everyone uncomfortable. Apparently, the King doesn’t like to be left out and since he is technically an outsider while Gerri (J. Smith-Cameron) plays stop-gap CEO, he has nothing better to do but intimidate the new help.

With business wrapped up for the day, the Roys and extended family and friends head to Italy for Caroline’s (Harriet Walter) wedding. On the plane Roman (Kieran Culkin) pleads his “new Daddy might be a scoundrel” case to Shiv, but she still isn’t over how he treated her last week and shrugs off his mommy issues spiel. After a deep dive into Peter’s financials, Roman can’t help but be concerned that this guy isn’t just a red flag. But a field of red flags poised to grift his way closer to their inheritance. After a few insults and a Roman Roy sibling incest ratio, everyone lands in Tuscany and the first person we see is Gerri, looking finer than wine with her DOJ thorn in Roman’s side, Laurie (Thomas Arana). Now, whether she brought this guy along as a shield for Roman’s late-night vacation drop ins or she is still pumping Laurie for cruise case intel, it’s hard to tell, but the minute the couple checks into their room Roman is pulling her out of her supposed bliss. She is obviously so invested in this new romance that she immediately bounces on her elderly boyfriend, leaving him to find his own way to the wedding party so she can have a talk with Roman in private. Like two star-crossed lovers in a stairwell whispering secrets of sex and betrayal, Gerri asks Roman to “stop sending the items” and, of course, she means the unsolicited peen pics filling up her inbox. Roman calls her bluff assuming her minxy no means a low-key yes; accusing her of worrying Laurie might find out about their super-secret psychosexual partnership. He can be discreet, but Gerri claims she is serious and wants little Rome to stop making an appearance in their day-to-day conversations. On brand for these two he doesn’t take her seriously at all, posing the question many fans have been wondering – Is Gerri into Roman or is her “no” an actual no? She’s the smartest woman in any Waystar room; surviving three decades while swirling around this toxic stew of misogyny. Her hands are as filthy as the rest of them, but is consent an issue here? Is that even a word in these greedy cretins’ vocabularies? It’s tough to tell with these two and I hope we get a clearer understanding of what Gerri gets out of this relationship because so much of her brush offs in the past were followed up with an insult-laden jack-off sessions to keep him under her MILFy thumb. Gerri also has a decent read on why her photo gallery is full of X-rated Roman pics and it has to do with the recent business stresses they’re all under. Not one to delve too deeply into his psyche, he pushes her aside with a warning about all the “items” rattling around his brain she isn’t prepared to handle if she keeps digging. The fact she takes the time to dig at all and put up with this offensive clown just shows that these two, harassment or not, are the only real relationship on the show and probably why the fans are so enamored with them.

The Uninvited

Next, we catch up with a shaven headed Kendall (Jeremy Strong) who meets Peter (Pip Torrens) just after his mother unceremoniously tells him he’s not invited to the wedding party. Apparently, Logan is also coming and Peter would like to keep the money-bags happy and that means Kendall needs to stay far away. This is just another reminder of how little he means to his family. With his schedule open, Kendall checks in with Comfry (Dasha Nekrasova) about any opportunities waiting in the wings. She mentions a podcast and then drops a series of mini-bombs when she says a reporter has been sniffing around Connor’s mother, Logan’s mother, his sister Rose (the birthday mood killer from season two) and finally, the caterer’s car accident and possible suicide. That grabs his attention and before he gives Comfry the rest of the day off he tells her to keep an eye on that reporter. The drowning death of that boy acts like a sword of Damocles’ hanging over Kendall’s head, and it’s not the first time it’s mentioned this episode. Meanwhile, Roman picks up where Ken left off and tries to convince his mother to get a prenup before she signs over her money to Peter.

Back to Comfry’s downtime, and it looks like her romance with Greg (Nicholas Braun) is blossoming until he gets advice from marital hell-scapers, Shiv and Tom (Matthew Macfadyen), about whether or not she seems right for him. In between their laughter they tell him she’s too good for Greg, but she is an excellent date ladder to climb his lengthy body up towards better prospects like the Contessa (Ella Rumpf), who Greg notices right away and attempts to strike up a flirty conversation. It seems the beauty of Comfry for Greg was in the chase but now that he’s locked her in, he’s already on the hunt for someone new. Who said this cousin wasn’t a Roy through and through? Certainly not Tom, whose always flirted outside his league.

 GOJO Goes Down in Emojis

While all the party gossip swirls around Logan’s arrival with his wife and mistress, everyone takes pause to check on a notification from Matsson’s recent social media post and it points to their Gojo deal falling apart. Maybe Sandi was right to be worried? Even though Roman tries to play off Matsson’s posts like he’s some drug-fueled bad-boy planting seeds of chaos to watch the entertainment grow, he can’t help but secretly wonder if Lukkas is trying to boost his price and fish for other investors. And this right after Roman rubbed his kiss from Daddy in Shiv and Kendall’s faces! If this deal falls through Shiv reminds him they’ll be “the Pan-American Waystar Blockbuster Video Dial-Up Corporation” and it will all be his fault. With /*everyone’s attention turned towards Matsson’s eggplant emojis and belly-up deals, Connor (Alan Ruck) has his own drama going on when he hears about the press looking into his relationship with Willa (Justine Lupe). He decides to nip the sex the worker scandal in the bud by bending the knee and asking her to marry him! Putting a ring on it might help to legitimize their monetary romance but the pressure from the party crowd forces Willa to say yes without meaning it. Instead, Connor smiles as she whispers it’s more of a maybe and she still needs “a think.”

While the engagement drama is happening on one side of the party, we see Kendall make his way to his father demanding a one-on-one dinner meeting to finally put this feud between them to bed. With the invite out there, we head into the bachelorette party where we find Shiv spending quality time with her emotionally absent mother. She tries and fails to get some motherly advice from Caroline, who is admittedly thrilled over her daughter’s childless marriage. The two are alike, she points out, and she always knew she should’ve had dogs instead of children; even their father loves dogs, at least the ones he can kick and know they’ll come back. With that loving tidbit, Shiv is forced to face the truth about her parents and how their toxic brand of love is an inherited trait. Instead of taking Mommy Dearest words to heart, she finds Tom and tells him she’s ready to have it all; the Waystar job and motherhood! She seduces him into the idea with a little traumatizing roleplay, where he acts as the devoted husband while she plays the wife who doesn’t love him. The truth that she thinks she’s tucked away behind this fantasy starts to crush Tom’s spirit. His morning after attitude is something akin to a domestic abuse survivor’s, and it only gets worse when she turns their dream baby into as someday-popsicle. She isn’t ready for children now, but maybe in ten years when the frostbite comes from their frozen embryos they will revisit the baby topic. For now it’s hate-sex and loveless pillow talk for Tom and you can’t help but feel bad for the guy. He is the dog Shiv chooses to kick knowing he’ll come back every time. Like Father, like daughter.

Deals and Dinner Crimes

After a night of trying to make new bestie Laurie spill Gerri’s bedroom details, Roman heads to Lukkas’ lake side mansion and the two talk about failures. He never indulges Matsson’s whims but does get a read on what those social media posts were about. Lukkas isn’t interested in playing second string quarterback to Logan. He wants equal power, or the deal is dead.

While Roman is off trying to save billion-dollar deals, Logan takes Ken up in his dinner offer to talk about burying the hatchet-both assuming it will be in the other’s backs. The night is dark, and suspicions fill the air making the dinner’s atmosphere a bit of a choker. Logan, who is too afraid to touch the food his enemy son served him, calls his grandson into the room to taste test it first. Kendall is appalled and asks “you think I want you dead? I’ll be broken when you die,” changing the conversation to the deal Logan offered him on his birthday. Kendall agrees to the tw0 billion-dollar kiss-off money and admits his father “won this war because you’re corrupt, and so is the world.” Only, Logan isn’t interested in cutting his son lose. Again, with the kicked dog imagery, making Kendall is the most beaten down mutt around. It’s always push and pull with him, and besides, he can’t be that bad, he’s the one who’s always cleaning up his Kendall’s messes. That’s when Logan cruelly mentions the boy in the lake and asks him “how long was that kid alive before he started sucking in water?” If Logan is a monster for cleaning up that accidental death, then what does that make his son, the man who caused the accident in the first place? With that reminder, Logan exits the meeting with very little hope of the payout and freedom Ken so desperately wants.

The Peen, the Milf, and the Tyrant

When Roman meets with Gerri to update her on Matsson and the GoJo deal, she steps aside to let him tell Logan the bad news. Shocking everyone who knows him, Logan shelves his normal wrath for interest in “a merger of equals” if it means turning his media relic into a modern online money maker, and Shiv is shocked. Roman really sells him the pitch and Gerri is so impressed she sends him a “well done, Roman” text, to which he responds with a request for a celebratory dinner date and risky attached photo of the meal he’s hoping she wants to eat. Too bad he ignored her earlier wishes because as he waits for her response, he hears his father’s phone go off. If you’ve ever seen a man swallow himself whole, that’s what Roman looked like when he realized he sent his father the dick pic meant for Gerri! The mess Gerri has been trying to avoid just landed in Logan’s inbox and he is so confused he pauses the meeting to privately ask Shiv to I.D. her brother’s member! Even worse, Shiv recognizes it because apparently, she could point out that little nightmare in any penis line up! She sees where this is going and uses her father’s confusion over the ordeal to take out the competition. Gerri and Roman are in her way, so killing two birds with one hard-on seems like a smart business move. She chirps things into her father’s ear about office laughingstocks and disgusting MILF fetishes that would surely compromise them both. He dismisses Pinkie the instigator, screaming for Roman, who tries (badly) to make up an excuse for his behavior. Logan doesn’t buy it and unleashes a barrage of insults questioning if his youngest is “a sicko” for wanting a woman who’s “a million years old!” Rich, coming from a man who’s sleeping with a woman 50 years his junior! Roman never points out this hypocrisy and instead defends Gerri as best he can when Logan threatens to fire her. The company is in the middle of a rape cover up scandal, so firing the female CEO for his sexual harassment won’t play well with the public or the board. For now, Gerri is safe but that may change after Shiv corners her Godmother with fake concern over Roman’s unwanted advances. Gerri sees Shiv coming and straps on her lawyer hat when she tries to push General Counsel into filing a harassment complaint with the board. Smug as ever, Shiv questions whether or not she’s invited these advances, because either way, it puts Gerri’s job in jeopardy. The board might lose respect for her if she’s having an elicit in-office affair, and if she isn’t, it looks like she cannot control her COO and that speaks to her competency as CEO and Head Counsel. Shiv thinks she’s got the upper hand here, but don’t discount the 30 years of seasoned Roy service Gerri has accrued over time at Waystar. She knows how to handle her niece and her Slim Puppy’s mess. “I can cope” she tells Shiv and as she walks away, we can’t help but wonder if she’s about to make Roman’s castration dreams come true.

Lastly, the one person who is definitely not coping this week is Kendall, whose been flirting with his own mortality ever since Gerri told him not to take a nose dive off skyscraper in season one. When his kids leave him alone floating on a pool raft of his own irrelevance, we watch as his drunken head flops into the water along with his beer bottle. Icarus’ waxy wings of flight melted in the heat of his father’s truth. Now he’s crash landed back on earth and face first into a pool of his own failures. As the bubbles ripple from his mouth with no one around to save him, the episode ends on a masterful cliffhanger leaving us to wonder if death by irony is too dark for this deeply unsettling satire, or if Kendall’s early end is exactly the wakeup call his family needs.