Ted Lasso – (I Don’t Want to Go to) Chelsea

By starrymag | March 28, 2023

By: Kelly Kearney

 

 

In this week’s epsiode Ted seems to be in a better mood with an ability to focus on the team’s future. Enter new free agent and possible Richmond prospect  Zava, who is looking for a team to call home. This full-of-himself player could be just what Ted needs to make good on the promise he made to Rebecca to “win the whole f***ing thing” and bring the Greyhounds the championship gold. There is just one problem: Rupert also wants Zava for West Ham, setting up another tête-à-tête between him and his ex-wife. Also in the extended episode, we see how Roy and Keeley are managing life without each other. We also check in with Trent Crimm and what his plans are now that he’s left The Independent.

Growing Pains

We open on new and still learning the business world’s ropes, CEO of KJPR, Keeley Jones (Juno Temple). The growing pains from model to corporate head honcho are starting to show and it doesn’t help that the firm financially backing Keeley’s business stuck CFO Barbara (Katy Wix) into the mix to undermine her at every turn. Keeley is a hands-on employer and wants to find a way to get to know her stuffy data entry pool of workers. Unfortunately, Barbara is proving to be the hardest nut Keeley has ever tried to crack, and considering she dated that growling F-bomb-hurling football legend, Roy Kent, that’s saying a lot. Keeley believes there must be a way to charm Barbara and the rest of her employees but she hasn’t found it yet.

Over at Richmond Ted (Jason Sudeikis) starts his day in a better mood than we saw him during the premiere. It’s biscuits with the boss as usual but what makes this time unusual is that Rebecca (Hannah Waddingham) already has a morning chat going with none other than Trent Crimm (James Lance) – formerly of The Independent. Trent stopped by with a proposition for the club’s owner: he wants to write a book about the team and follow along throughout the season. Rebecca, Keeley–who is never far from her bestie’s side, and Higgins (Jeremy Swift) are against the idea, but of course, Ted is all for it. The Coach ignores all of their head shaking no’s to welcome Trent to the team. The meeting with the former journalist turned budding author gets a jolt of excitement when Higgins announces the news that Zava (Maximilian Osinski) – a world-class striker, is about to leave his club in Italy. Apparently, Mrs. Zava is a fan of The Office –no, not the Steve Carrell sitcom but the original British version of the American hit show was based on, and now she wants to move to the UK. Right away we learn Zava is a diva and comes with a reputation. He’s played on fourteen teams in fifteen years but with plenty of trophies to show for it. Could he be the right fit for Richmond? Rebecca isn’t so sure until she hears West Ham made him an offer. Trent catches Rebecca’s angle and when he presses her on the ex-husband thing and she admits the only reason she is interested in acquiring this new and controversial player is to get back at Rupert (Anthony Head). Trent, who seems to enjoy a bit of chaos as much as he does honesty, is thoroughly impressed with her brutal nature and her transparency of it.

After the meeting Keeley stops Ted in the hallway outside of Rebecca’s office to confide in him about her uptight and impersonal staff. He thinks she should take them out and show them a good time because who doesn’t love going from the imprisonment of a 9 to 5 directly into an escape room with their co-workers? Ted is the mentor Keeley has been looking for and between him and Rebecca, she has the best people looking out for her. After their chat, we see her approach a brooding Roy (Brett Goldstein) while Isaac (Kola Bokini), spying from the corner, spots their weird body language and assumes it must mean they broke up. He lets Jamie (Phil Dunster) in on his theory – who then finds Roy to offer the “dusty old fart” a hug and some sympathy. It goes over as well as you’d expect with a few growls and an accusation about Jamie sniffing around Keeley now that she’s single. But Jamie has changed since the season one egomaniac and while he’s floored by the fact Roy was the one who dumped Keeley and not the other way around, he has matured into someone who respects Roy more than seeing him as an obstacle to getting back with his ex. It’s a nice change in the character, but we will see how long it lasts now that his team might court the equally high on himself, Zava.  Those two inflated heads are bound to crash into each other sometime.

 

Roy Kent Vs. Trent Crimm

Speaking of the celebrity striker, Coach Beard (Brendan Hunt) is both delighted and terrified of the Zava idea when Ted brings it up. Apparently,  Coach Lasso has been reading up on football–which he now refers to with ease and without pause, thank you very much, and seems invested in this new player idea but doesn’t know a lick about Zava. Beard, the font of information that he is, reminds Ted of a viral video showing a kid headbutting a robber at a grocery checkout. That viral sensation was Zava, and as we watch him knock out the assailant the wheels in Ted’s head are turning. A brick-headed player on the team could be a good thing. Ted makes an attempt to fill the team in on this possible new addition but in a scene that highlights why this show is a master of comedic timing, the Greyhounds and the coaching staff volley back and forth a “who’s on first” style information dump about what could be in store for the season, and not all of it’s pleasant. Well, most of the unpleasantries are coming from Roy Kent’s brutal mouth. He’s a screaming ball of break-up anger similar to the player we met in season one. After threatening Jamie to keep his mouth shut about ending things with Keeley, he walks into the locker room where the whole team sympathetically sighs over what they assume is Roy’s, broken heart. This is after Ted confused everyone by letting the Zava news spill thinking that’s why the team seemed down in the dumps. The new energy wasn’t welcomed when Jamie was set to return to the team–ego and all, and Ted thinks all the whispers and sighs must be about this possible new player sucking up all the attention. It’s not; the team is thrilled about Zava and so is Roy, who sidesteps everyone’s sympathies to unleash a tirade in Trent’s direction. He refers to the journalist as “the intruder” and makes it clear he hates the man. While we aren’t privy to the reasons why yet, Roy orders the entire team to freeze out Trent unless they want a life-ending headbutt courtesy of him. Roy storms into the office with Ted cleaning up his awkward mess with some Grade-A Lasso optimism, but if the players have to choose between their names in print or the fury of Roy Kent, they are definitely sticking with Roy.

Next, we head to KJPR’s first advertising shoot and the entire experience from Keeley’s point of view is surreal. Not only do the directors she hired treat her like the help, but she’s also starting to realize she’s the boss, not one of the scantily clad models in animal ears killing it in the background. Speaking of, one of the background actors, Shandy (Ambreen Razia), is an old friend of hers who tells Keeley she is proud of her for getting out. Then Shandy proves useful to the directors when she helps solve an issue about crowd fill-in and we can see Keeley is proud of her too.

Back at Rebecca’s office, the busy owner of Richmond always has time for a phone call from her mum, Deborah (Harriet Walter). From a hotel room while supposedly on her spiritual camping retreat–because who wants to sleep under all those stars when you can have maids fluff your pillows and serve you room service, Deborah is calling because she had a dream [not a nightmare] that her daughter was murdered. If that isn’t a great way to start a video chat, she ends it on an even more awkward note by offering to let Rebecca pay to speak to her high-priced psychic because she could use some, “maternal guidance.” Next, Higgins walks in with news about Zava signing with Chelsea and Rebecca wonders why he’s smiling. Chelsea is not Richmond, but Higgins is happy because the world-famous striker stated publicly he will not play for West Ham. Rebecca can hardly stop her eyes from rolling because Zava’s announcement only means Rupert will fight harder to sign him. That man is relentless when he is told “no.”

Workplace Dynamics

Meanwhile, downstairs in the footie trenches, Trent is issued a desk in Roy’s office while simultaneously getting the silent treatment from the team. His first day isn’t going well, so let’s hope this book can write itself. When Roy walks in he takes one look at Trent and another at his desk covered in sympathy cards and balloons and is immediately angry. Bad news travels fast and he thinks it’s Jamie’s fault. One by one he takes his rage out by popping the balloons and driving Trent out of the office to take a phone call.

He isn’t the only one having problems at the office, at KJPR, Keeley tells Barbara that she hired Shandy for an on-the-spot made-up position she’s named, “consulting affiliate management for client relationships.” Barbara, like a corporate shark who can smell blood in the water, hones in on Shandy and her job experiences while also grilling her, and inadvertently Keeley, about her education and skills for the job. Barbara treats the newcomer horribly, which forces Keeley to put on her big girl boss’s pants and reprimand her CFO. But all of Keeley’s fiery rage instantly chills the moment she spots a desk filled with the woman’s rather impressive collection of snow globes. We find out each one was added to the collection after the firm sent Barbara to a new business to audit and manage. Now Keeley feels bad for the woman whose cold attitude might be coming from the fact she was never able to put down roots. She never had a chance to get to know her co-workers before she was shipped off to the next job. Social skills aside, Barb can’t treat Shandy or anyone at KJPR with the sort of contempt she flung at her boss’ friend. Keeley believes in Shandy, much like the firm must believe in Barb if they continue to send her all over the snow globe collecting world. That mix of truth delivered with kindness strikes a chord in Barbara, and so does the fact Keeley comes clean and admits she made up Shandy’s job title. After that, the CFO comes off her high horse to offer Keeley some help with a real job title for their new employee. As much as she wanted to hate Keeley, it is next to impossible to do so when that woman wears her heart on her sleeve and has a Ted Lasso level of belief in her friends. Her unrelenting decency is infectious and Barbara is starting to show signs of symptoms–if that hidden smirk she gives Keeley is anything to go by. Let’s just hope she never sees the text Keeley gets later from Shandy, proving Barb might’ve been right to question the new hire.

Richmond Stays in the Game

Next up, Richmond heads to Chelsea with the sports pundits already predicting a Greyhound slaughtering. After the first half sees the team down 1-0, they head into the locker room where Jamie tries to gather the team behind a winning strategy but shuts down the second Trent walks in. Ted Lasso has had enough of whatever is going on between Roy and Trent and drags his assistant manager into the showers for a little one-on-one. Roy’s orders to block Trent out are harming the team’s chances against Chelsea. Whatever his issue is, he needs to get over it because this is all much bigger than him now. So, Roy does what he needs to do and calls Trent into the shower where he shows the nervous writer an old wadded-up news article he carries in his wallet. As a young columnist, Trent wrote about the 17-year-old Roy’s debut in the Premier League and filled the article with skepticism about the teen phenom’s talent. Those words haunted Roy and stayed with him his whole career. Like Roy, Trent was also young and just trying to make a name for himself. He apologizes and Roy accepts and then he tells the team they are free to talk in front of him.

Lifting the gag order works because Jamie had a plan that seems to pay off. The Greyhounds come out of the locker room ready to score, and they do, with a goal courtesy of Danny’s (Cristo Fernández) face resulting in a tie. Meanwhile, up in the stands, their owner shares their confidence when Rebecca spots Zava talking with Rupert. She tells Keeley she knows her ex can charm the player away from Chelsea; he is a natural-born winner thanks to the hard work he puts into whatever game he’s playing. For example, the story of how he was able to land a wife like Rebecca. She tells Keeley that after turning down his offer for a date, he spent six weeks stalking her with romantic overtures at the bar she was tending. Eventually, the very married Rupert convinced her to say yes simply by making her feel special. It is his best skill which she recognizes when she spots that familiar smile on Zava’s face; Rupert is about to steal Chelsea’s new star player and she cannot let him win again. So, after a biting and insulting run-in with Rupert after the game, where he does his best to remind her why winning will be glorious, she makes a full-court press for Zava and Richmond. Ignoring all the boundaries of decorum, Rebecca follows Zava into the bathroom where she berates him next to the urinal. She questions his choice to sign with West Ham knowing that the big-money team doesn’t need him to win. It’s a lazy pick and she thinks he would do better if he proved to everyone–her included, that he’s the player he says he is by signing with a smaller team who doesn’t come with guarantees. Before storming out, Rebecca makes it clear that she might not think he’s all that, but she does think he needs to stop eating so much asparagus because his urine is rank! Somehow that impromptu bathroom rant works because, during the press conference where Zava is supposed to sign with Chelsea, the hot-shot player throws a wrench in everyone’s plans and says he’s planning to play for Richmond instead! Rupert is livid but Rebecca is bowled over by the news. She beat Rupert at his own game and now her team is going to beat West Ham on the pitch.

He’s Here, He’s There, He’s Every-f***ing-where…”

After hearing the fans in Chelsea sing his praise Roy heads back to the locker room with a 1-1 tie and a nostalgic feeling about the team he once called home. In the final scene, he takes his thoughts to Ted and Trent about the last season he played for Chelsea. It was the opening game and they slaughtered their opponent but as Trent knows, Roy played terribly. It was the first time he realized his age was working against him. He couldn’t drop that feeling the entire season, so after their final win of the year Roy quit. Nobody could believe it– not the team, the fans, or even the media, and Trent nods his head in agreement. Roy just didn’t want to “take up space” on the team, but being back today and listening to those fans cheer his name makes him wonder if he left too soon. Maybe he should’ve stayed and “just enjoyed myself?” His thoughts on Chelsea mirror his confusion over his break up with Keeley, and Ted can tell. He tries to put things into perspective for Roy, by reminding him that if he hadn’t left Chelsea, he would’ve never met the mustache smiling at him right now. It’s a thought that makes Roy grumble to cover up the knowing smirk that says Ted is right. The problem is, enjoying himself is not who Roy is. Ted interjects with a “not yet,” because all of the characters on this show have changed over the course of three seasons, and maybe this is Roy Kent’s moment.

After Roy leaves Trent chimes in with, “Sport. It’s quite the metaphor.” Ted has always agreed with that but manages to turn this introspective moment into a joke, by giving Trent the nickname “Sport.” After the writer says goodnight, we see a shot of Ted deep in his thoughts, and we can only imagine it might have something to do with what Roy said about knowing when it’s time to leave but making sure you don’t miss out on enjoyment before you go. Ted is still at a crossroads in his career but for right now, and with a smile on his face, he is enjoying his team’s tie…which now that he’s reading about the sport, he knows counts as a win. Coach Beard would be so proud!