The 100 – Ste Yuj

By starrymag | March 7, 2016

By: Caitlin Walsh

 

Before I even begin, I want to preface this by saying that even now, three days later, the right words are hard to put together. Maybe there aren’t right words. If there are, they might not be mine. But still, I’m trying to string together some thoughts–maybe someone, anyone, will read them and find something in them. At the very least, I hope my support shines through. At the end of the day, we’re all passionate about the same show, and we’re all human. I care.

 

I’m a fan of “The 100,” to say the least. I’m also a woman and one who has struggled with her sexuality. I just recently came to terms with my own bisexuality. I love the progressive routes this show has chosen to take, but I’m also someone who (up until this season) was not a major fan of Lexa (Alycia Debnam-Carey) herself. I wasn’t shipping her and Clarke (Eliza Taylor) because I was slow to trust Lexa. But I came around and that was thanks in large part to the phenomenal work done by the writers. I came to understand her thinking, even when I didn’t agree with it–her betrayal of the Sky People at Mount Weather was not honorable, in my opinion, and no, I don’t believe Clarke would have tossed aside their alliance at the time were she given the same option. I really don’t.

 

But I came to see that Lexa really believed that she had done the right thing and, furthermore, I saw her willingness to continue pursuing an alliance with the Sky People. Most of all, I saw her courage shine through when she agreed to fight for something new: peace. While Clarke pushed her there, Lexa wanted to try for peace and was willing to do what she believed was right whether that was “tradition” or not. And from then on out, I truly started to respect Lexa in a way that I previously hadn’t. Suddenly, I was seeing the honor. I was seeing the heart. (It’s important to note that regardless of how I felt about the character, I have always had the highest respect for Alycia Debnam Carey. She is insanely gifted and she brought such life and depth to Lexa–her work was such a gift to watch.) In the end, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t end up loving her as a character–just in time for her to be killed off.

 

To some extent, I can’t say I was surprised. On a rational, practical level, I’ve known for awhile that Alycia more than likely would not be a recurring guest star for too much longer, with her leading role on “Fear The Walking Dead” certainly taking precedent. Realistically, asking her to juggle such a schedule would have been exhaustive, if not impossible. So, to that extent, I was not surprised.

 

How it happened, now that’s another story. I was certainly surprised that this happened so soon after her and Clarke had finally taken a moment to be selfish–gut-wrenching, for sure. That was my first reaction, at least. It was simply, “Oh God, they finally had sex minutes ago and she dies now?!” It didn’t register as more in the moment. I was just…shocked. It was naive of me, perhaps even ignorant. I didn’t fully comprehend how much that would truly hurt some of the audience. I didn’t know the gravity. I didn’t understand just how long similar storylines have been occurring, how this is so commonplace that some members of the LGBTQ+ community aren’t used to seeing anything different. I didn’t register just how much it meant.

 

For the past few days, I’ve been following and reading…and reading some more…reactions upon reactions, ranging from angry to utterly heartbreaking. Some were to the point–they were livid or they were disheartened. Others took the time to write lengthy, poignant responses that sadly but thoroughly explained why they are so tired. It helped me understand the full weight of what had just happened–and it was so much more than I initially even realized.

 

I’ve learned so much. Myself, and I imagine so many others like me, have learned so very much over these past few days. My heart aches for some of you who sound so broken by this, for those of you who have seen this time and time again in one form or another, for those of you who have struggled so much as it is and still placed what hope you had in this show. I didn’t understand it at first, but I’m seeing it now. I’m hearing you. I’m just sorry I didn’t get it sooner.

 

That being said, I’m not ready to give up on the show. For so long, I’ve have serious respect for the cast and crew of this show. I, personally, have never witnessed a writing staff or a cast that engages with their fans so actively. The writers of this show work hard to interact with fans, despite some unfortunate vitriol that comes along with that, at times. To me, at least, they show day in and day out how much they care to hear from us. They are listening. They really, really care. I’m in awe of their work, sure, but more than that they are just wonderful people. Truly.

 

At the end of the day, I still believe Javier Grillo-Marxuach wrote a beautiful episode. From start to finish, he managed to weave multiple storylines seamlessly. He kept us on our toes, answered a few questions and gave us quite a few more. His background writing on Becca, ALIE 1.0, ALIE 2.0, the end of the world, the 13th station, all of it–outstanding. He packed so much into a single episode, and I didn’t hate it.

 

He wrote scenes that moved us, and he finally, finally brought Clarke and Lexa together and I think he did so really beautifully. (Hats off to Alycia Debnam Carey and Eliza Taylor for moving us so deeply. Jesus, if you weren’t completely overwhelmed with emotion watching them, were you even watching?) After all, that’s a writer’s job, right? To move us. To write something that strikes us so deeply, makes us react so passionately…in my eyes, at least, he succeeded.

 

Which brings me to this next point, which Maureen Ryan really articulated well, I think (for those of you who haven’t read her piece, please do: http://variety.com/2016/tv/columns/the-100-lexa-dead-clarke-relationship-13-1201722916/ ). I’m trying to think of what scenario could’ve been better and I’m just not sure. In an ideal world, Alycia would have been able to film more with “The 100,” but as that was not the case, what would have been best? To have her and Clarke together sooner, which would have seemed too rushed and lacking development? To have them together later, for the same end? To give us more time of them together just for the same fate to result? Or to never have her die, but writing her off the screen, which might not have given us closure at all?

 

Maybe one of those would have been the better option, felt less painful, but maybe not.  I guess we collectively never can be sure, really. Whatever the case is, it does not erase the hurt so many of you are feeling. It doesn’t change what happened–nothing will. Like Maureen Ryan said, “For some of you, there was a line that was crossed and that’s okay–but it hasn’t happened for me yet.”

 

I guess this is where my conflict lies. The pain is so real for so many of you and it goes so far beyond “The 100.” It’s so much more than that and while to some extent I thought I knew it before–I see it so much more, now. Thank you for that. You’ve reached me, at least. I’m appreciative for that.

 

But I still respect these writers and this cast and I stand by them. I know not everyone agrees with that and that’s okay. That’s up to you and that’s your right. But the way I see it is they’ve written this show that, at the end of the day, has brought all of us together at some point. Isn’t that amazing to think about? Thousands of us, every day, feel so passionate about this show, about these characters. I’ve seen so many people talk about friends they’ve made thanks to this show, discussions they’ve had that have opened their minds and resulted in some honest to God exchanging of ideas. That’s the point of art, isn’t it? To rock us to our cores, to make us feel and think?

 

They’re also human. Sometimes they create scenes we don’t love or that we don’t agree with. In your eyes, maybe some of what they’ve done are mistakes, even unforgivable ones–and it’s totally within your rights to feel that way and to react to those scenes. Of course it is.

 

What isn’t okay (which shouldn’t even need to be said) is threatening them. Wishing ill will on them. We’re better than that. All of us. Express your pain to them, ask them to listen, let your feelings out–but remember that they’re human, too. Attacking them in any form, bullying them–it’s disgusting. It’s ugly and it’s cruel and no one deserves that. It accomplishes nothing but more pain. It’s senseless. It’s horrible. And cheering for the cancellation of the show–please remember that means the loss of jobs for so many. You’re calling for people to be put out of work. Ask them to hear you and learn, to do better moving forward–but cheering for them to lose their jobs?

 

I have to applaud Javi and all of the staff members that have been attentive, especially in these last few days. He has been responding nearly around the clock–he’s retweeting, reblogging and has offered some very thoughtful responses to some. He’s offered resources for support lines, even. Say what you will, but you have his attention–that means something. He cares enough to do that. And not just him—it is writers, cast members, critics, bloggers and so many fans.  It might be for something so major and painful, but we’re in this together. Some deeply constructive conversations have resulted from all of this and that has to mean something, right?

 

So here it is, where I’ve landed on all of this. Lexa was such an intricate, layered character that I came to love and appreciate just as so many of the others. She was strong and she led her people with her whole being. She gave them every ounce of herself, wholly and unconditionally. She fought tradition and advisors to try something she believed was worthwhile. She fought herself internally, tooth and nail, against her own desires– loving Clarke she thought was weakness and selfish. But she let herself. She finally did. She was brave, and strong. So many fans were able to identify with her for so many reasons, one being her sexuality–and that’s powerful.

 

And she will be so, so missed.

 

Was her death unfair? Was her death just another in a long string of a tired, bigoted trope that history has fed viewers time and time again? Or was it just a matter of scheduling conflicts and the best way to tell this singular story? I don’t think there’s one answer. Maybe it just lies somewhere in the middle. Nothing is ever so cut and dry, after all. I, personally, am choosing to believe that no one meant for such pain and harm with this story. I want to stick with this show. I love these characters–I’m invested. I’m choosing to see these stories through.

 

I want Clarke to find herself a home again and maybe even some form of peace, if she can. I want Bellamy Blake (Bob Morley) to see the side of himself that his sister, Clarke and Kane (Henry Ian Cusick) see. I want him and Clarke to lead together, again. They’ve always been better as a team. I want Octavia Blake (Marie Avgeropoulos) to keep being her badass self. Her journey from the illegal child of the Ark beneath the floorboards to such a vocal warrior has been one of my favorites. Ever. I want Raven Reyes (Lindsey Morgan) to be happy. I want Kane and Abby (Paige Turco) to continue growing into better leaders. I want to see more Jasper, Monty, Miller, Harper, Roan, Indra, Lincoln…the list feels never ending.

 

I’m sticking around. For those of you who aren’t, I’m so sorry for your pain and I still support you for whatever that’s worth. I’m here and I feel for you, please know that.

 

For those of you who are sticking around, okay–

Together.