The Goldbergs – The Pina Colada Episode

By: Ariba Bhuvad

It was 1980s something and Adam (Sean Giambrone) was facing a perplexing dilemma at school–running the mile. According to Coach Mellor (Bryan Callen), the state wants to know how the kids are doing physically and the results of the mile run will be reported to them. Naturally, Adam does not want to run and goes to the only person he knows can fix the problem–his mother, Beverly (Wendi McLendon-Covey). She writes Adam a note with the excuse that he is still growing and can’t participate. Coach Mellor is extremely disappointed in Adam and as punishment makes him be the goalie for a game of dodge-ball.

Every since Lainey (AJ Michalka) left Barry (Troy Gentile) and Erica (Hayley Orrantia) are having a hard time getting over it. Barry is heartbroken over losing the love of his life and Erica is upset to lose a member of her band. Joining them in their sadness are the JTP and Lainey’s dad, Bill (David Koechner). Barry is wondering when the “achy feeling in my heart place” will go away and uses every opportunity to remind himself that something was “Lainey’s thing.”

Murray (Jeff Garlin) is annoyed because, through all the sadness, he’s lost his quiet safe place in the den. Bev, on the other hand, is sad that her babies are sad and wants to do something to help them. Murray is not for this plan and knows that his wife will only make things worse for everyone–and she does. Instead of comforting them, she ends up bawling her eyes out too and says she is overwhelmed by their pain and feelings. To put a stop to all the sadness, Murray decides to recruit Geoff (Sam Lerner) to help him take care of his family. Murray’s plan is to just buy stuff, take them to Arby’s, play happy songs and take them to a Sixers game. While that sounds awesome Geoff doesn’t think it’s the way to fix things.  

Following in Adam’s footsteps, the rest of his friends decide to get notes from their parents about skipping the mile run. Considering this would look suspicious, Adam says they have to come up with something or rather he wishes Coach Mellor would leave William Penn forever. Be careful what you wish for Adam because at the next class Mellor announces that he got another job. He’ll be coaching wrestlers for the Olympics and as a result the mile run will be postponed. Adam and his friends are celebrating over the news, despite their coach leaving.

Bev continues to make it worse instead of helping Barry and Lainey. Murray steps in and asks Geoff to distract Bev while he talks to Erica and Barry. While Bev is busy bedazzling Geoff’s sweater, Murray suggests a day of dad fun. All his suggestions get the two hyped up and the excitement increases when Murray surprises them with a car stereo and compact disc. Unfortunately for Murray, Bev finishes with Geoff’s sweater too fast and ends up joining them for their day out. To create a happier mood, Murray pops in a CD that has “The Pina Colada Song” on it, but not everyone is as enthusiastic as him to listen to it. In fact, Barry tries to take the CD out and ends up breaking the stereo face. As a result, the song stays on repeat and they’re unable to stop it from playing.

For his replacement, Coach Mellor brings in someone he believes will do a great job–Coach Green (Charles Barkley). It turns out that while he may be eager to keep the kids active, he’s also a big believer of aliens. Everything he makes the kids do has to do with prepping for an alien invasion. It doesn’t look like Coach Green will work out after all.

Three hours later, Murray and the family are still stuck in the car in traffic with the song still playing. At this point, everyone is at their wit’s end and sick and tired of the optimistic song. Bill gets so fed up that he walks out of the car in the middle of the highway.

Since Coach Green did not work out, Coach Mellor went with the next best option–his brother (Bill Goldberg)! It turns out his brother is no longer coaching college football and is available to take over. He tries to fool the kids into believing they don’t need to participate in the mile run, but it was just a test to see who is loyal or not–the mile run is definitely on. Adam is upset now that the original Coach Mellor is leaving and is regretting the fact that he wanted him to leave. While talking to the original Coach Mellor, Adam learns about a woman Rosie Ruiz. During the Boston Marathon, Rosie Ruiz won the race by cheating–she took the subway and walked to the finish line. Adam decides that Ruiz is his hero and decides that he will take the same approach for the mile run. He asks Pops (George Segal) to drive him the mile and despite not having a license, he agrees to do it.

On the day of the run, Adam’s friends see him getting into the car and ask to join him as well. They make it to the finish line within five minutes ,but get caught by the original Coach Mellor. He’s disappointed that they opted to cheat and that Adam decided to pull a Rosie Ruiz. He is a coach because he wants to inspire kids that hate gym to uplift them and this is just flat out disappointing.

Meanwhile, the family is still stuck in the car listening to “The Pina Colada Song.” Murray tries to go into the breakdown lane but is stopped by a cop. He gets a ticket for being in that lane and then loses his temper because of how the kids and Bev are acting. He misses Lainey too and has known her since she was a little kid. Because of how sad they all are, he has to be the strong one and it hurts. When they finally get home, Murray ends up being sadder than everyone else. What’s the best cure to sadness? Everyone singing “The Pina Colada Song,” of course. And just like that, everyone starts to feel better all because of Murray taking the initiative initially.

Making up for their cheating, Adam and his friends end up running the mile and do it in about 18 minutes. The original Coach Mellor wasn’t there to see it, but his brother said he told him not to give up on the kids. Preparing to leave William Penn, Adam catches Coach Mellor to tell him he finished the mile. He also wanted to take the opportunity to thank Coach for everything he taught them especially not to ever give up. For the first time ever, Coach calls Adam by “Goldberg” instead of “Goldfarb.”

At home, Barry is still watching Lainey’s good-bye video and Adam steps in to say that Barry needs to cheer up. And while Barry won’t get better just yet, there is hope that he is well on his way.