The Last Man on Earth – Designated Survivors

By: Suzanne Fox

Tandy (Will Forte) walks out of the bedroom. Half his hair, his right eyebrow and the ride side of his beard is shaved. He looks around and whispers, “Mike.” He bends down and picks up a tuft of his hair. There is a path of tufts of Tandy’s hair leading towards the living room. In awe, Tandy follows it. Upon entering the living room, he sees a pair of shoes protruding out from the long draperies. As Tandy approaches, he whispers “Gotcha.” Tandy pulls back the drape and finds just the pair of shoes. Inside one of the shoes is a note that says, “If you’re reading this, you’re a dickweed. PS: Turn over.” The back of the note says, “You’re a duckweed. PPS: Look behind you.” Tandy turns around and sees another note attached to a lampshade. It is of a hand giving the finger. Below that is another note that states, “Relax, it’s the 4^th one.” Suddenly, Tandy hears music coming from outside. He drops the card and walks out to the garage. There is a karaoke machine playing “I don’t know you, but I want you, all the more for that.” Tandy starts to sing as Mike (Jason Sudiekis) approaches from behind, singing with Tandy. Tandy and Mike start signing together. They hug and Tandy tells him he loves his haircut.

The group is eating breakfast together. Tandy walks out wearing a reggae hat with dreads while holding a towel to the shaved side of his face. Tandy is speaking in an Irish accent. He tells them he has a nasty toothache, which is why he is cradling his face. He tells them he has something serious to show them. They all follow Tandy outside to the tent. Tandy tells them he heard noises outside coming from the tent. Todd (Mel Rodriguez) asks if Jasper is back. Tandy says that is who he figured it to be because he didn’t know who else it could be. Tandy tells them to all give Jasper a big hello on the count of three. Tandy counts down and opens the tent, only to find it empty. Tandy yells, “Hello Jasper!” while searching inside the tent. At that point, Mike walks out and asks if they are looking for him. The gang screams as Gail (Mary Steenburgen) pulls out a gun and shoots Mike. Tandy goes into hysterics and runs for Mike, who is passed out on the ground. Tandy starts sobbing, asking Gail what she has done because he and Mike wanted to surprise them. As Tandy leans over Mike while crying, Mike yells out “boo” and starts laughing. Gail holds up the gun and tells Tandy they were blanks. Tandy tells Gail that she is sick. Mike chimes in with a “burn.”

The group is now in the kitchen, huddled around the table listening to Mike who is sharing a story about how he was driving through Colorado and stopped to fill his canteen with water. He saw a shiny door in the water, which is a hatch.  As he leaned over to open it, a bag came down over his head. Tandy asks what type of bag and Gail yells at him that nobody cares what type of bag it was. Tandy tells Gail he is trying to establish a “motif.” Mike shares that when the bag comes off his head, he is surrounded by dozens of people. Melissa (January Jones) asks what they did to him. Mike says he was chained up for months, tortured and drugged. Mike said they did experiments on him but he was able to escape. Mike outran some guards and into a room that had files on each person in their group. The files had photos and medical records. Mike tells them he doesn’t think they are just survivors but that they are “designated survivors.” The group reacts in shock while Gail chugs some white wine. Mike tells them the scariest part of all of this is that he is messing with them and made it all up. They all start laughing. Mike confesses that he found one of Tandy’s poop balloons. Melissa asks if Mike ever got the virus. Mike says it must have been something else, possibly a weakened immunity after spending so much time in space. Mike said once he felt better he went to Malibu to find them. Tandy tells Mike that he left him a note in Tucson. A flashback scene shows Tandy walking up to Mike’s bedroom door in their childhood home. Tandy tapes a letter to the door. Mike is in the bedroom, rocking out to music on his Walkman. Mike opens the door and the note falls off and onto the floor. Mike asks what the note said, but Tandy says it was not important.

At this point, Carol (Kristen Schaal) enters pushing a double stroller with the twins. Carol introduces Mike to their daughters “Bezequel and Mike.” Mike pops his head up as Tandy tells him they named their daughter after Michael Clarke Duncan because they are big “Green Mile fans.”  They tell him they are kidding and the baby is named after him. Tandy tells Mike it’s good to have him back.

Erica (Cleopatra Coleman) and Mike enter her bedroom. Dawn is in her crib. Mike comments that there are babies all over the place now. Mike questions the living arrangements. Erica tells Mike that she got married to Gail. Mike seems surprised but he congratulates her. Erica acknowledges that this may seem weird because they had shared a kiss. Mike tells Erica he is very happy for her. Todd walks in and says that he didn’t realize Mike was in Erica’s room. Todd reintroduces himself to Mike. Todd explains he knows him and they have been hanging out all morning. Todd asks Erica if she told Mike about their thing. Erica tells Todd she didn’t get to it yet. Todd questions whether or not they still have a thing. Erica asks if they can discuss it later. Todd insists that is not why he came to her bedroom. Todd said that he came in to check her bench. Todd bangs on the bench a few times and then leaves. Erica tells Mike that she and Todd are trying to have a baby together. Mike asks if Melissa and Todd are still together. Erica tells him that they are. Mike asks if Todd is like a sperm donor (as Todd listens at the door). Melissa said it was kind of like that.

Tandy and Mike walk outside to his truck. It’s a big truck with a satellite dish on top of it. Mike has his hands over Tandy’s eyes. Tandy opens his eyes and finds that Mike has brought Tandy’s collection of balls with faces on them. Tandy gets excited to see that “Terrance, Trent and Darby” are all together. Tandy thanks him for bringing the collection. Mike said that he grew close to them, except for Darby because Darby was a “tool.” Tandy tells Mike to cut Darby some slack since he had a “rough upbringing” since he “looks like a scrotum.” Mike says he feels badly, but Tandy agrees that Darby is a tool. Mike shows Tandy how he has a backup generator, computer, printers and a satellite dish. Then, he shows Tandy a machine that does thermal imaging. Mike says it picks up heat signals via satellite. Tandy tells him to “get out of town.” Tandy says it is like how the Predator sees. Mike shows Tandy some pictures of a moose in Siberia, some birds and how he found Jasper. Mike said when he was at his loneliest he would search for life. Tandy reminds him that now he found it. Tandy innocently says he never thought he would see Mike again. Mike agrees and then redirects Tandy back to his ball collection. Mike asks if he wants them in the house. Tandy tells Mike he can keep them.

Melissa, Todd and Gail are sitting out back. Todd tells them he is freaking out about Mike being back. Todd says that Mike is handsome, single and has charisma. Melissa nods her head in agreement. Todd says that he is worried Erica will think Mike is the better option as the Dad. Melissa agrees that Todd is a great option for Erica. Todd tells Melissa he was hoping she would calm him down. Gail tells Todd to calm down because she thinks Melissa is joking with him. Melissa says she wishes she was joking, but Mike is a solid alpha dog and Todd is a beta. Todd agrees with this. Melissa suggests that Todd go talk to Mike. Todd says he doesn’t want Mike to feel uncomfortable. Todd says he will pick out a nice card and have the group sign it. Melissa tells Todd to talk to him because Mike is a “reasonable guy.”

Tandy and Mike walk into the living room signing “Electric Avenue.” Todd enters and asks to speak with Mike. Mike asks for a minute so that he and Tandy can continue singing. As they sing, Todd interrupts and asks Mike what his intentions are. Mike says his intentions are to finish the song and then he segues into “When the Saints Go Marching In.” Tandy and Mike keep singing and dancing and a frustrated Todd interrupts and asks what his intentions with Erica are. Mike is confused. Todd tells Mike that he and Erica have an agreement. Tandy asks for a minute alone with Todd. Todd asks Tandy to choose between him and Mike. Tandy is incredulous and tells Todd that Mike is his brother. Todd gets angry and states that Tandy picked Mike. Tandy insists he didn’t choose anybody. Todd tells Tandy that he already made his choice.

Mike walks out to his truck. Todd has written in graffiti on it saying “you are lame, beat it, buzz off” and other statements. Mike walks into Todd’s bedroom and says that he didn’t vandalize Todd’s truck. Todd says it was a Mexican gang. Mike says that he is only there to see his brother and his friends. Mike tells Todd he considers him a friend. Mike suggests that Todd count his blessings since he is married to an incredible woman, another woman agreed to have his baby and he lives with a family of friends who love him.

That night, Erica is in her room. Todd enters and apologizes to Erica for his behavior. Todd suggests they take a break. Erica interrupts and tells him she is pregnant. Todd starts to cry and runs out. Todd is sitting outside crying Erica walks up to check on him. Erica reaffirms to Todd that he is a kind and gentle man who went a little off track. She promises to get him back in the second and third trimesters. They make up and hug.

Later that night, Mike and Tandy are singing “Reunited” while the group hangs out around them. Erica says that her first pregnancy test must have been false. The group all heads off to bed while Tandy and Mike opt to keep singing. Carol stops and asks Tandy to come help with the babies. Mike is left alone so he heads out to his truck. Suddenly, the truck lights up in red. Mike goes to the thermal heat scanner and sees a whole giant area in red.