The Mick – The Country Club

By: Colton Newman

Episode seven of “The Mick” opens with Mackenzie (Kaitlin Olson), Chip (Thomas Barbusca) and Sabrina (Sofia Black-D’Elia) sitting across from a far too sweaty man who is chugging a bottle of water. He appears to have been in charge of the Pemberton finances. The money manager hands them a paper and says that he found out about the money scandal through an article written by an Oliver Fishbern (Sam Pancake). Chip and Sabrina spring forward to grab the paper. Mackenzie, not sure what all the fuss is about, asks why that’s such a big deal. Panicking, Sabrina and Chip tell her that the columnist prays on the rich and famous and writes attack articles on them. Sabrina and Chip seem to think they should let everyone know that the Pembertons are doing just fine they need to be seen out at the country club. Chip then brings up that Sabrina once pooped in the country club pool and their parents had to pay for it to be cleaned. Mackenzie is in love with this story! Mackenzie wants in on the country club fun, but is soon shot down by the kids when they tell her she doesn’t really fit the Pemberton brand.

Sabrina and Chip are strolling through the country club. Chip is carrying his golf equipment when he ruddily hands it off to a waiter who is shocked to be treated this way. Chip goes to see whom he’s playing with on a board set up in the club and is shocked to find out that his regular team has switched him out. Chip is now in a new group of golfers that he defiantly doesn’t like. Chip is then dragged off by his new golf buddy Jerry (Paul Ben-Victor). Sabrina wanders around looking for someone. She spots Oliver and rushes over trying to be friendly by awkwardly laughing at one of his jokes. Oliver seems to be slightly annoyed by her. Sabrina lets him know that he doesn’t need to write more articles about her family because there are already so many other stories out there. She begins to list off scandals that other members of the country club have been involved in. Pretending to be impressed, Oliver smiles and says Sabrina is the real story. Confused, she asks what does that mean. A cunning Oliver tells her that a good article would be about the Pemberton daughter with a big mouth. Realizing what she’s done, Sabrina tries to escape before she embarrasses herself even more, but as she turns around she spots Mackenzie, Alba (Carla Jimenez) and Ben (Jack Stanton) sitting at a table. Mackenzie is complaining to a waiter that her nachos were not good and he explains that they don’t serve them and that’s the best that they could do with what they had. The waiter is about to leave when Mackenzie tells him to bring out a mojito for Alba. Alba quickly turns it down and tells Mackenzie that she wasn’t allowed to drink while at the club with the Pemberton parents. Mackenzie explains that while is a place like this you need to have a little fun. She pulls up her purse and shows Alba all the stuff she has taken from the country club. She pulls out a showerhead and a few soap boxes when Sabrina rushes over and yells at her for being there. Mackenzie says she doesn’t have to listen to a kid and she can be there if she wants. Sabrina, already fighting too many fights, gives up and tells Mackenzie what happened. Mackenzie tells Sabrina she’ll deal with Oliver.

Chip is out on the golf green now getting ready to go play. He is meeting his new teammates and having a difficult time with them pronouncing his name correctly. Giving up on that task, he tries to find a golf cart, but is mad when learns that since his team is the last out all the carts are gone. Planning to get back at the other golfers, he sets out to win the tournament. But if there first swing is any clue, it’s going to be a long day.

Mackenzie is back in the country club where she walks up to Oliver and tells him she can help him out. She gives Oliver a hundred and sixty-seven dollars and tells him it’s a bribe to leave the family alone. Already presumably rich, he takes the money and uses it to even out the table he’s at. Unimpressed by this gesture, Mackenzie grabs his laptop and throws it into a near by fountain. He tells her that wasn’t his laptop. She then reaches for his notebook, but he pulls it away. Mackenzie, losing the battle, walks away thinking about a way to win the war.

Chip and his teammates aren’t doing much better since they started. He messes up his hit and throws a tantrum (similar to one Donald Trump might throw on Twitter). His teammate tries to calm him down and Chip explains that he wants to win to help bring some glory back to the Pemberton name. Jerry suggests that he fake an injury so people have sympathy for him. Chip, desperate to have something work out, agrees. Jerry sets Chip up and is about to swing a golf ball into him. He swings and Chip screams, but Jerry just laughs as he wasn’t serious about doing that.

Mackenzie and Sabrina are eating lobster and planning how to get back at Oliver. Mackenzie suggests they should throw hot sauce in his face. Sabrina completely overlooks this idea and thinks of another. Mackenzie thinks back to how Sabrina pooped the pool when she was younger and has the idea to make Oliver poop the pool so that that story overshadows the one of the Pembertons.

Chip and Jerry are coming back from coming in dead last in the tournament when Sabrina and Mackenzie run into them. Mackenzie asks if they know where Ben is because they need his poop. Jerry asks why Chip hadn’t introduced him to Mackenzie. Chip introduces them and Jerry asks if he can buy her a drink. Mackenzie says sure and then grabs the one out of Jerry’s hand. A stunned Jerry tells Chip that she’s a real woman. Mackenzie and Sabrina leave to find Ben. Chip hears someone call him from behind and turns to find his old teammates mocking him. Jerry, trying to save Chip, tells everyone that he sunk a hole in one. Impressed, the guys announce it to the whole club. Everyone cheers. Chip starts to tell the unbelievable story about how he got a hole in one. No one speaks against him, but they announce that a round of drinks are on Chip. Shocked, Chip tells Jerry that he can’t afford that.

Mackenzie and Sabrina find Alba and Ben in the spa being treated and massaged by a herd of women. Sabrina asks Alba what she thinks they are doing?   Mackenzie cuts in a congratulates Alba on living it up. Sabrina asks Ben if he can do the family a solid. Ben says sure, but he need to use the restroom first. It was like he read their minds.

Chip is now the center of attention in the bar telling some somewhat racist jokes when Jerry walks over. Chip seems bothered by Jerry and tells him to get a move on. Jerry is obviously hurt and he leaves. The bar manager comes over and asks to speak to Chip on the side. They walk to the manager’s office where Chip’s other two golf teammates have ratted him out for not actually making a hole in one.

Mackenzie is explaining the plan to a confused but mostly drunk Alba. She has the whole plan set up first they are going to switch Oliver’s sunscreen with tanning lotion. Next, they are going to change a baby’s diaper near Oliver to gross him out. After that, Ben will distract him while Mackenzie switches out one of his clean towels with a not so clean one. Oliver will sit on the pooped on towel and he will get into the pool when Mackenzie and the kids point out he has poop on him. Mackenzie and Sabrina are standing over Ben as he tries to use the restroom but with no success. Just in time, Alba comes up with a bag of brown chocolate pudding. They’ll just have to use that instead.

Chip is being questioned by the manager about his hole in one. The manager says all he need to clear things up is to have the whole team agree that he got a hole in one. Jerry walks in and attempts to bribe the other two player to agree Chip got a hole in one. They happily agree and the manager apologizes to Chip for the misunderstanding and Chip and Jerry leaves. Jerry explains to Chip that he helped him out because he didn’t come from a wealthy family and all Chip needs to do is give Jerry the number for Mackenzie. Chip thinks it’s a fair trade.

Mackenzie and Sabrina are out by the pool waiting for Oliver. He doesn’t show up at his usual spot and is on the wrong side of the pool. The plan is already falling apart. Mackenzie looks for where Alba is with the “goods,” but only finds her asleep on a bench. Sabrina can’t wait for the plan to fall apart more so she runs over to Alba and grabs the pudding. She goes to put it on Oliver when he moves and Sabrina falls in the pool. As the pudding floats up next to her Oliver points out that she pooped the pool. Everyone starts to laugh and point. Mackenzie, not letting this go on anymore, goes up to Oliver with a bottle of hot sauce and throws it in his face. Oliver screams in pain.

Back at the mansion the Pemberton financial manager is reading the paper and is shocked to find out that Chip spent money buying drinks for the whole club, that Sabrina pooped the pool again and the Mackenzie assaulted a man. He explains that they need to be careful with their image and money, but when he mentions that they still have millions at risk Mackenzie and the kids cheer that they are still rich! The financial manager gives up trying to reason with this family.