The Royals – More Than Kin, and Less Than Kind

By starrymag | January 21, 2017

By: Luke Joseph

 

 

All I Want For Christmas Is You

 

Twas the day before Christmas and in these palace walls Princess Eleanor (Alexandra Park who can belt those high notes) lay down on her bed with pen in hand writing it all. “It’s Christmas Eve and I’m so happy,” Eleanor gushes in her latest letter entry to Jasper (Tom Austen). It seems like it’s not just the Christmas spirit that the Princess has been hit by, but love as well.  “I said love and I meant it.”

 

A mixture of naughty and nice entering Eleanor’s room as Eleanor beams up at her boyfriend Jasper who makes his way over to the Princess. At the moment she, is unwrapping the many gifts from individuals she really doesn’t care for. All that is forgotten though the second Jasper comes and takes a seat beside her.

 

It’s quite obvious that she’s smitten and looking forward to nothing more than spending Christmas Eve with Jasper. Unfortunately, thanks to his run in this morning at the family gym with Robert (Max Brown), he’s feeling a little self conscious. This results in him telling Eleanor he’s going to lay low for the day so that she can simply spend time with her family.  “It’s your first Christmas without your father,” he explains, but promises to find her later that night. “You better because you have to unwrap your present giving him a sly smile and by present I mean me.” Settling down onto the couch with Eleanor, taking the hint she grabs a pillow placing it on the side and cuddling into Jasper. Since it is Christmas she encourages him to get in touch with his family, especially his dad. Sadly, Jasper isn’t budging as he opens up a bit explaining to her how his dad would dress him up in an elf costume so that he could steal from the charity donation bucket. Even so, Eleanor encourages him to think about it and even adds he probably made the cutest elf.

 

Figgy Pudding, Wine Cellar & Sex

 

Thanks to Liam’s heartfelt, but oh so wrong gesture the royals are now left to fend for themselves with celebrating Christmas Eve. This in turn causes Queen Helena (Elizabeth Hurley) to find herself down in the kitchen trying, but failing to cook turkey dinner. Thankfully, since Lord Chamberlain (Jules Knight) is still at the palace wanting to help with the midnight speech, he offers his assistance to her and in more ways than one. “Do you want to have sex,” she presents him with later in the wine cellar because he had helped her poor mood turn better. “When posed by you the answer to that question is always yes,” he comments before the two fall into a fit of passion. The two not only find pleasure, but end up finding the figgy pudding when an all too eager Spencer pushes Queen Helena against the shelf causing the pudding to come tumbling down as it smacks her right in the eye.

 

The Caterpillar, Helpful Elf & Blackmail

 

It looks like Jasper might have bailed out on spending Christmas Eve with Eleanor’s family not only because he’s self conscious, but also because he’s still trying to find the perfect gift for his girlfriend.  So, who does one turn to when needing gifting advice? Why the little and helpful elf Sara Alice (Miley Locke), of course. Originally, Jasper had gotten Eleanor a necklace, but from his last encounter with her he was greeted to the fact that she had received a lot of jewelry and now he was desperate to give something else wanting to make it all the more special. Sara suggests he get creative and make a book for Eleanor considering all Princesses have their own storybook. At the end of the story he can place the “happily ever after” necklace that he bought inside for her. We all know how fairytale stories end with the Princess and her Prince living happily ever after. Is this Jasper’s way of hinting that he wants that happy ending with his Princess?

 

Jasper Frost has had blood on his hands, but who would have ever thought glitter would end up there as well? With the finished product, Jasper now flips through the storybook that Sara Alice created. It’s about Frosty the Caterpillar (Jasper) who wishes to be a butterfly so that the Princess (Eleanor) will love him. It turns out though that in the end he doesn’t need to be a butterfly because the Princess loves him for who he is. Sara Alice might be just a child, but she certainly knows a lot when it comes to Jaspenor’s love story.

 

All is calm, all is bright and all is going to be a great Christmas Eve night. Right? Wrong, because one text message is enough to suddenly cause Jasper’s mood to drop. It turns out a reporter (whose skirt is a little too short and lacking professionalism) wanted to meet with Jasper because she had details on his relationship with her Highness Eleanor. Harper (Margo Stilley) threatens to expose his dark past from his time in Vegas and his real reason for coming to the palace in the first place. “Leave her out of it. Come after me. She’s in such a good place right now and you dragging her down for your selfish games is just tragic,” Jasper points out trying to reason with the reporter. Sadly, she’s not convinced because she’s the Grinch who stole Christmas or rather Jaspenor as she points out the only one bringing Eleanor down is him. Rather than fighting against that statement it seems he believes it and now I just wish there was a balcony we as fans could push her off of.

 

This Christmas You Broke My Heart

 

It wasn’t last Christmas that Jasper had broken Eleanor’s heart, it was this Christmas and it hurt. Throughout the episode Eleanor had been bursting with excitement over wanting to give Jasper his Christmas gift. “I got Jasper the best Christmas gift, an original letter from Catherine…can you believe that one of the original love letters…God, I cannot wait to give it to him,” she had gushed to her brother (who in turn confessed to seeing Robert’s ex girlfriend Kathryn). Unfortunately, Eleanor never gets to see Jasper’s reaction to the gift because it remains unopened. Rather than being greeted to Christmas cheer he greets her with heartbreak.  “I’m feeling suffocated with the gifts, letters and you saying you miss me,” he plainly states. Eleanor replies that she did miss him though (this hurts, this hurts so much I don’t like anyone right now).  Still, Eleanor isn’t accepting his cold attitude just yet as she presses him for answers coming to the conclusion it must have to do with the “love” in her letter. “I can’t be the guy that’s waiting around for letters and writing words. I don’t mean (no stop this, please) …the sex is one thing, but I’m no good in relationships. I can’t be in one and not with you.” (Jasper shut up). Please Eleanor, remember how smitten this guy is with you? Remember how he literally did a fist pump in the tunnels after you told him to ask you out. Call him on his bull s–t. What? Rather than fighting for him she’s letting him go, but she’s got one more thing to say. “I’ve given you so many chances.” Yes, she has and one can’t help, but wonder was this the last one? “Yeah well you shouldn’t have. I’m not worth it,” and without another word he leaves. Apparently, Eleanor can’t have Happy Birthday’s or Merry Christmases instead she gets heartbreak.

 

Awkward Dinner with a Christmas Miracle

 

If tonight proved anything to the royals it’s that they can’t fend for themselves. Thankfully when James Hill (Rocky Marshall) isn’t being head of security and cupid to Jaspenor, he’s preparing the Christmas Eve dinner. Throughout the day tensions between Robert and Liam (William Moseley) had been growing especially each time Robert was keen to remind Liam of his place. “If you have an issue with your code name call MI6…don’t make it seem like I’ve gone out of my way to remind you that you’re not the first born son of this family, Sparrow.” Pretty sure if Helena hadn’t walked in with a black eye and a drunk Santa Cyrus (Jake Maskall) hadn’t gotten knocked out by a Christmas tree Liam would have thrown down his brother. “In the absence of dad, I suppose it’s incumbent upon me to remind everyone how fortunate we are for the food and for everyone’s company…when I was stranded on that island I would have given anything for this moment with you, cheers.” What’s meant to be a touching speech only adding to Liam’s irritation as he rises from his seat to give his own. “I wasn’t on an island and I’m also not sure it’s incumbent upon anyone to remind us of anything in the absence of our father. Regardless, here’s to a happy Christmas and to ushering in a new year where hopefully everyone’s a little less full of s–t than they are this year, especially my brother.” This speech in turn results to Robert standing right back up and firing back, “Here’s to Liam for being disgraceful today,” and last but not least “to Robert blowing me” Liam toasts only for Helena to finally interrupt.

 

If the toasts weren’t enough to cause tension the question of who is giving the midnight Christmas address most definitely will be considering Robert, Liam and Cyrus are all fighting for it. “I’m the King I’ll give the speech,” Cyrus states but Helena isn’t having it because she believes Robert should do it. If he does I’m going to moon the entire United Kingdom on live television a still semi drunk/sober Cyrus threatens. They all go back and forth, no solution being found until Eleanor who has been silent the entire time tells everyone to shut up. Ouch, our poor Princess isn’t taking recent events with Jasper well and because of it her family and the address is suffering her wrath. However, will Christmas be saved? Once again that little helpful elf Sara Alice has the answers as she drags hidden bag loaded with presents from out of the closet. So is it from Santa? No, it’s far better and much needed for this family “they’re from dad,” Eleanor says with tears in her eyes and just like that the arguing dies down as it becomes a silent night.

 

With the family gathered around together they each take turns opening their Christmas gifts. Helena goes first and finds a bottle of perfume (the scent made Simon allergic to which she had to give it up). Cyrus is the next to go saying, “You are not the untold story you are the secret weapon,” revealing a sword crafted specially for him. “That son of a b—h,” he says in awe of the gift that his brother had given him. Believing Robert to be dead there was no gift for him so Liam is the next to go noting, “Son, you’re stronger than you know. Keep going the world can’t beat you.” It’s his father’s old boxing gloves. Though Liam is more than happy to have the gloves he realizes that they should go to Robert, but given its Christmas the brothers for those few minutes get along as Robert explains that their dad gave them to Liam and they should stay with him. The last one to go and probably the most meaningful is Eleanor who reveals that it’s her father’s old watch. She had always loved this watch and recalled how their time together as a family was the most important thing in the world. It’s time they take the late Great King’s advice to heart.  “The time has come for you to be great. Because you are. I’m so proud of you, your dad.” Did anyone else get emotional over this? The last words Eleanor’s father said to her was how disappointed he was and now she’s being reminded of how proud he is of her. It’s just what she needs and in this moment she decides she will be the one to give the Christmas address.

To All a Goodnight

“It’s midnight. It’s Christmas,” Eleanor begins. “I’m here in the palace all is calm and all is bright. But that doesn’t mean we don’t have our share of difficulties and struggles.” Like Liam who pays Kathryn a visit telling her how he wants to fight for her and for them, but it seems Kathryn is still sticking to her guns on how they can’t be together because it’s wrong. This, of course, only angering Liam which later results in him challenging Robert (who he has given the gloves back to) to three rounds in the upcoming charity event for the people’s gala promising to win the gloves back. “Sparrow, I’m not going to apologize for being alive,” Robert is quick to state. “I say thank you every day that you’re back and alive…but I won’t apologize for being the person I’ve become since you’ve left,” and with that Liam takes his leave.

“Christmas is hard sometimes. Families are hard, but being alone sometimes is the hardest of all.” Oh Eleanor, if only you knew how well your words fit Jasper. Sitting in the control room finally raising the phone to his ear “I wanted to call and wish you a Merry Christmas and tell you that,” and for a fraction of a second fans believe Jasper is listening to Eleanor’s advice to call his family and tell them he misses them. “I hope it was worth it. How much did she pay you, dad?” Holy s—t! His own father sold out his past and his relationship with Eleanor. “Because whatever it was wasn’t enough. You will never know what you just cost me…you will never know the depth of what I’ve just lost.” For a second he pauses as it seems like he wants to control his emotions and not give his father the pleasure of knowing how badly he hurt his son. “I always wondered if I was destined to be just like you so thank you for showing me that I’m not…that is the greatest gift you could have given me.” Without another word he ends the call and finally lets his walls come down along with the single tear that falls onto the storybook (with happily ever after necklace) that Sara Alice and him created. He stores the book away just in time as Sara Alice walks into the room inquiring if he’s given the gift to Eleanor yet. “She gets so many things at Christmas. I’m going to wait a little bit…I want to keep it a surprise okay? So keep it a secret (please tell me this is subtly hinting that Sara will spill the beans eventually to Eleanor? We’re counting on you Sara).” Agreeing to keep it just between them Sara apologizes to Jasper because she didn’t have time to make him anything to which Jasper asks for a hug. Thank you Sara Alice for giving him the hug we all wanted to give him, he needed it.

“We’ve all been bruised a bit and we’ve all had our hearts broken, but we are a nation of fighters so that’s what we do. We get up, we move on and we fight. The time to be great is now because you are. I’m proud of you, Merry Christmas.” Beautifully done Eleanor and though your heart is broken you should know Jasper is fighting for you, he’s fighting to protect you because that’s the depth of his love.