The Royals – Passing Through Nature to Eternity

By starrymag | December 17, 2016

By: Luke Joseph

 

After keeping himself hidden from a passing ship in the night, Prince Robert (Max Brown) remained stranded on the beach where he begins to have visions about a mysterious blonde woman with a triangle tattoo on her back and returning home to the Kingdom. The guy might be sporting a beard and lost as ever considering he’s talking to himself as he has visions of a mock interview on what he might be greeted from the press when returning back to the palace. “I had a flare and my father’s hunting knife,” he says to himself as he sees the press all lined up and firing questions his way. “Is it true you could have come home sooner,” the press line disappearing as he’s left with a broken vision of Eleanor confronting him. Even though he’s miles from home this just shows he’s thinking about home and those he left behind.

 

Once Upon a Time there was a Princess & her Bodyguard

 

The Princess peacefully slumbering until her eyes flutter open to find a little girl named Sara Alice (James Hill’s daughter) who like any child had millions of questions to ask the sleepy and confused Princess. “Where’s your crown,” the child asks. “I don’t sleep in a crown, it’s too pointy,” Eleanor (Alexandra Park) simply states causing the little girl to be satisfied and run out only to stop at the table. “Is this fairy dust,” the question immediately causing Eleanor to spring from her bed. “It’s poison from the Evil Queen,” (oh the irony in this was on point) Eleanor retorts.  Not having the time for this and wanting to go back to sleep, she hands the girl off to Jasper (Tom Austen) who has no idea about children. His long strides too much for little Sara Alice (Miley Locke) causing him not to pick her up, but pull her up by her suspenders and carry her like one would with luggage.

 

After Jasper (or who Sara Alice refers to as Mister Caterpillar) returns her back to his boss James Hill (Rocky Marshall). James curiosity gets the better of him causing him to ask Jasper if there is any progress with his relationship with Eleanor. As much as James is rooting for “Jaspenor” he reminds and warns Jasper that if Eleanor and him go public with their romance the media circus will be absolutely insane and this alone makes Jasper realize he has something to think about.

 

Once Upon a Time there was a Queen and a Testicle

 

Helena (Elizabeth Hurley) proves that life as a royal has it perks like waking up and being completely pampered. Enter, Lord Chamberlain (Jules Knight) who begins to go over Helena’s itinerary for the day making sure to keep it professional but adding a little flirting here and there. The action alone showing that the Queen might be smitten. Onto serious matters though Cyrus (Jake Maskall) has gone on to a talk-show wanting to reveal to the people that he has cancer. The ooh’s, ahhs and aww’s showing how Cyrus is looking for sympathy and painting himself out to be a good guy (says the guy who just poisoned Stewart and dumped his body into the canal). It’s not just the sympathy that he wants to gain, but he also to turn the people against the royal family as he trashes them. “They don’t care about you, the only one that cared was my Violet.”

 

Meanwhile, Helena knows that it’s time to go full steam ahead because now more than ever is the time to prove that Liam is the legitimate heir to the throne. That’s why she’s brought in Willow considering she did such a fantastic job with the #KingLiam movement. She wants her to also get the message out there once it’s proven of Liam’s legitimacy. In order to make this happen, Helena recruits James Hill to trick Cyrus and lure him out of his bedroom for a security protocol. The time that it would take this would be enough for the Queen and everyone else on her team to snoop around and find that DNA evidence that they need.

 

Mission success! Thanks to Hill and a Cyrus doppelganger, Helena’s plan to gain entry into Cyrus’s lair ends up working. Unfortunately, there wasn’t a single strand of DNA that could be found but fret not because something else is found. “Vanity, the enemy of all wisdom and common sense,” Helena says with glee as she holds in her hands Cyrus’s testicle that he had persevered and had memorialized on his mantle.

 

Exclusive or Not Exclusive what is the Answer?

 

After a confrontation with Jasper in the library, its game on for Eleanor when he admits that she never ruled they were exclusive (looks like Jasper’s talk with Hill might have made him skittish). This in turn causes Eleanor to beg her brother Liam who she had just used cover up to hide his black eye (who had slept over at Kathryn’s place) to go with her to the Electric Carnival. Eleanor suggests they take Jasper along as their security detail, but after some back and forth between siblings she admits she’s making it her mission to make Jasper jealous (poor Jasper). She states that it’ll be fun and the distraction they both need he happily agrees.

 

Rule number one bodyguard? Never challenge a Princess because Eleanor is out for blood or rather jealousy causing her to flirt with every guy that she sees fit to. What’s the best part in all of it? Eleanor is making it so obvious because each time she touches the guy, whispers in his ear or laughs at something her eyes always look to the Bodyguard who at this point is seething.  “You know she’s just doing it to make you jealous,” Liam says now standing at Jasper’s side. “I know,” he gruffly states and follows up with, “It’s working” not tearing his gaze away from Eleanor. To channel the anger building up inside of him Jasper seems to be eliminating the competition, by how you wonder? Following the last guy to the Port-A-Potty, knocking him out and then throwing him in. So yes, Eleanor would be very happy to know that Jasper isn’t just acting jealous, but he’s acting like a jealous boyfriend. Oh Jasper, all you have to do it admit to Eleanor you want to be exclusive and all of this will go away.

 

“Hello Jasper,” the Princess says strolling up from behind to stand right beside him. “The boys I’ve been flirting with they keep disappearing you wouldn’t happen to know anything about that,” she asks. Rather than give an answer he simply shrugs (bet he’s thankful for those shades). Eleanor then asks a follow up about what is going on with her brother and since Jasper cares about Eleanor he reveals to her how Liam is still holding the guilt of what happened at the King’s Cup, how the pressure of the King Liam movement is getting to him and how there is a girl he likes but keeps his feelings at bay because he wants to protect her. This results in a tender heart to heart chit chat when Eleanor confronts Liam. “It’s okay to be happy and to want someone who makes your heart race (talking from experience Princess?). Your goodness it’s easy to see. You deserve to have whatever you want or whoever you want.” Hopefully, both his and her highness take this sound advice. With it being sharing hour, Eleanor confesses that she does want to be exclusive with Jasper, but she feels she’s not good enough and her ‘s–t show’ lifestyle would be too much for him. “You understand he’s a con man from Las Vegas who tried to rob you and slept with our mother,” Liam is quick to remind her. Oh Jasper and Eleanor, you can be perfectly imperfect together.

 

Epic, Earth- Shattering Love Affair for the Ages

 

Later that night Jasper has finally dropped the role of bodyguard and confronts Eleanor for her childish behavior at the music festival. This causes Eleanor to ask Jasper if he had been jealous, which makes the bodyguard cross his arms in frustration. “You’re goddamn right. I just spent the last twelve hours watching a bunch of douchebags hit on my g— girl,” he wants to say but trails off. Jasper then says exactly what Eleanor had been hoping for and that is he does in fact want to be exclusive with her, but he’s trying to do what’s best for her. “They’ll find out about my past. That’s okay I’ve done what I’ve done, but they’ll hold it against you and that’s not okay. I couldn’t do that to you, I never would.” It seems that both of these two are putting the other first.

Leading Jasper to the palace library she ends up revealing the story about a young queen from about six hundred years ago who had fallen for her bodyguard. “They started this epic, earth-shattering love affair, quietly, secretly, quite scandalous, but it matters to them,” she explains with a hint of longing in her eyes. “They would write the most romantic, aching love letters and hide them in a hollowed out book,” grabbing that exact book from the shelf, opening it and showing him nothing is in it.  Confessing to Jasper how she comes to this library every day, looks into the book and wishing that one day she’d find a letter written by that special someone for her.  After asking the fate of the Queen and her bodyguard, Eleanor reveals that they ended up getting married, had a son and named him ironically enough Jasper. If this isn’t proof that Jasper and Eleanor’s love story isn’t meant to be endgame than I don’t know what is.

It looks like Eleanor isn’t the only one taking her own advice, Liam is as well when he ends up that night showing up at Kathryn’s (Christina Wolfe) apartment and finally for a change choosing to put himself first. “I can think of a million reasons why we shouldn’t do this,” Kathryn remarks. “I can think of one big reason,” Liam fires right back leaning in and kissing her. The two end up in bed and after making love Liam looks very content, but how long is that feeling going to last when a picture of Kathryn and Robert is revealed? Uh oh! It looks like we found out who the mystery woman is Robert’s ex-girlfriend. From the fact she still has his picture up it seems she’s still carrying him in her heart. How is that going to fair out for Liam? He’ll know soon enough because back at the beach Robert is finally doing the right thing by putting that flare to good use as he spots a boat. It seems like Robert is coming home and with him he’ll bring relief, happiness, disappointment, heart break and drama.