Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt – Kimmy is….Little Girl, Big City

By starrymag | May 31, 2018

By: Sammi Turano

 

 

The episode opens with Kimmy (Ellie Kemper) in her apartment, choosing an outfit and preparing for her day. As she dresses and leaves her house, we see snapshots of her as well as a Mary Tyler Moore-esque scene complete with the hat throwing.

 

Her hat gets stuck in a tree, but she continues on her way, in true Kimmy style. She drinks from a homeless man’s cup (not realizing it is being used to collect change, which gets caught in her tooth) and high fives and hugs people as she enters work. This is also the first appearance of CHERYL the robot. 

 

After Kimmy changes her shoes, she sits at her desk, smiling and ready to take on the day. Zach (Noah Robbins) comes into her office, telling her Kabir is late again. He says that she must fire him once he arrives. Each time someone walks in, the viewer sees the person introduced with a credit, similar to what we see on an actual TV show.

 

Titus (Tituss Burgess) is in the apartment eating breakfast when Lillian (Carol Kane) walks in with an urn, asking Titus to guess what she is holding. Titus thinks it is an award and takes it, giving a Titus-esque speech. Lillian takes it back, saying that they are Artie’s ashes. She finally got them back and reflects back on her time with him. (We get some flashbacks of their last fight over steak and water)

 

Titus says that he is glad he is not the ashiest person in the room, but he doesn’t want any more ghosts living with him. She tries to argue that there is no such thing as ghosts, but he wants her to explain why he wakes up fully slimed. Lillian says that her plan is to scatter the ashes at his former summer camp in the Lower East Side. She predicts it’s probably a condo now, but as long as he is in the right spot, he will be at peace. Titus says that when he dies, he wants to be put in the Bodies exhibit so he can be “thin and looked at.” 

 

Jacqueline (Jane Krakowski) walks in as Lillian prepares to leave. She tells Jacqueline her plan to scatter Artie’s ashes. Jacqueline says that when she dies, she wants “that thing Princess Diana did, where the whole world mourns, and people put teddy bears in front of your palace.” She thinks that’s class. Lillian says “uh, yeah” and leaves. Jacqueline wants to know why her favorite client isn’t answering his phone. Titus says he is out of datum and is on the datum plan, just the one. Titus adds that she doesn’t get good work. She reminds him of the stock footage gig she got him, which he thought was a porno. (We get a flashback of the gig, which has him was a sexy fireman with hot—as in literally on fire—ladies.) He goes on to say he will never be a star at this rate. He thinks that if he isn’t a star, his ex Mikey will never notice him. He reminds her that he declared his love for him in a boat and now he can’t “show up now and act all Contempo Casual.” Jacqueline says she is trying, but nobody is taking her seriously. She doesn’t even have an office! She only has one client with a ridiculous name. Titus doesn’t care, he just needs a job! He says there is so much TV and shows her a huge TV Guide to prove his point. She thinks the shows (“SMILF,” “Billions” and “Shameless”) sound fake. Titus says he was asleep standing up when someone covered him with a poster for a show called Ray Don-ah-van. Who or what? He thinks he should pretend to be on one of those shows, but she thinks they should say he is the star of a show they made up completely. He gets excited and tells her to double the fake wig budget. 

 

At Kimmy’s job, she is having lunch with CHERYL, who senses something is wrong. Kimmy is glad there is another woman in the office. CHERYL says she is not just a “Cybernetic Human Empathy Response Yuko Lamp” – she is also her friend/lamp. Kimmy admits the job isn’t what she thought it would be, especially since she needs to fire Kabir. CHERYL gives her advice: Chardonnay.

 

Titus arrives at the job, wanting to borrow a nerd for his new show “The Capist.” It is about a super strong crimes fighter who owns a cape store, played by “moi.” There is also a handsome white guy for believability. He needs the nerd to help make posters and Kimmy blows him off, saying she has her own problems. She goes back to talking about firing Kabir. Jacqueline is happy there will be an empty desk and gives her the idea to plant jewelry in his bag. Titus steals her fries and CHERYL complains about her period. 

 

Kimmy decides she wants to do fire Kabir in a Kimmy way because she is “not an Eyore, but a Pooh, a big ole Pooh.” She thinks if she surrounds the news with some positive things, she can let him down easy without embarrassment. She sees him come in, high fives some random guy named T-Bird (James Hosey) and starts her mission. Jacqueline and Titus recruit T-Bird to make their much-needed poster.

 

Meanwhile. Lillian is off to scatter Artie’s ashes. She ends up at a members only club with prostitute rooms and tries to join. The doorman tells her it will cost $100,000 for the initiation fee. She gives up and walks away only to come back dressed as a hooker to try to fool the doorman. When that doesn’t work, she tries dressing up as Cyndi Lauper, but it still doesn’t grant her access. She tries to knock out the doorman, but trips a real hooker leading her to run away.

 

Back at the office, Kimmy meets with Kabir (Niloy Alam) and while she tries to make him feel good, she ends up making it look like sexual harassment by massaging him, dropping her pants and suggesting they meet in the night hours. He runs away, leaving her with her pants down, holding his smoothie she got him and saying he is fired.

 

Titus gets a call from Michael (Michael Carlsen) “from the boat,” who has seen a ton of his posters for “The Capist.” They decide to meet up at some point.

 

At work, Kimmy finds out that Kabir indeed filed a sexual harassment claim, which leads to everyone in the office running from her. She is confused because she thought she was being fun Kimmy, not realizing people might not like it. She puts herself on leave to investigate herself. As she exits, Jacqueline is at a desk, playing agent for Titus.

 

Mikey and Titus meet at the construction site where Mikey teaches him about his job. They begin talking about Titus’s movie, with Mikey wanting to know about Greg Kinnear. (Greg was on the poster thanks to a Google search of “white guy, not scary”) Titus tries to play along, but the story slowly begins to unravel. Mikey wants to visit the set, so Titus tells him his assistant, Tablewood Ratbirth will call with the details. 

 

Lillian is on a stoop with a drink and the urn when she ends up talking to B (Jonathan Braylock) about all the changes in the neighborhood, mostly due to “rich white folk.” He also went from selling rock to selling powder, because MAGA.  

 

Titus calls Jacqueline to discuss seeing Mikey and how he wants to meet Greg. It turns out his son is in the same school as her son, so they might get it to work out. She also booked him an eel safety video.

 

Back at home, Kimmy and Titus talk about her sexual harassment problem. He thinks she made the guys feel powerless. This leads to a bunker flashback with Cindy (Sara Chase) and her realizing she has a lot to learn about respecting personal space.

 

The next day, Titus and Jacqueline do their fake movie shoot by the school. Mikey is there and excited to see his ex doing his job. Greg Kinnear (as himself) drops his son off at school, only to be ambushed by Titus demanding to be punched. Greg is confused, but agrees to help in the name of love. Mikey falls for it, so all is well that ends well. 

 

Lillian finally helps Artie rest in peace. She disguises him as cocaine and gives it to the random drunks in the prostitute club that rejected her entry.  They give her money and they go their separate ways.

 

Kimmy goes back to work, promising everything is okay and everyone will get their happy ending. 

 

Mikey finally meets Greg Kinnear, which makes him happy. He and Titus agree to be friends. Greg tells Titus this was fun and hopes that they someday work together for real….as in making “The Captist” an actual show. 

 

The show ends with a briefcase filled with money and a man shaking hands with a puppet.