Will & Grace – Anchor Away

By: Kelly Kearney

In the fall finale of Will & Grace, Will goes to extreme lengths to hide his intellectual prowess in hopes he can land a date with local news anchor and hottie, McCoy Whitman. Meanwhile, Karen gets word from Stan’s lawyer that her soon to be ex has photographs of her and Malcolm in some compromising positions. So, compromising are those positions that they threaten to send her to the post-divorcee’s poor house. Her only chance to avoid poverty is to join forces with her British nemesis and former step-daughter, Lorraine Finster.

The Real McCoy

We open at Will and Grace’s apartment where Karen (Megan Mullally) is talking to her lawyer about the upcoming divorce from Stan. It seems her bloated cash cow of a husband has some incriminating photos that could swing the outcome of the hearing his way and send Karen to the poor house. Even though Stan had been unfaithful throughout their marriage, Karen doesn’t have any real proof and without it, her socialite status is about to come to a screeching halt. If only there was some ex-lover of Stan’s that could offer Karen proof of his infidelities and that ex worked at a strip club called the Suckingham Palace…LORRAINE FINSTER (Minnie Driver)!

While Karen is plotting Stan’s take down, Will (Eric McCormack) and Jack (Sean Hayes) are at a gay cafe’ dodging shade from the barista (Olympic skater Adam Rippon) while scoping out hotties over lattes. Through the sea of Upper West Side twinks and suits, Will and Jack spot local news anchor and all-around poreless wonder McCoy Whitman (Matt Bomer) and the two men are smitten. Will thinks McCoy would be perfect for him as they’re both smart and both into current events and coffee. It sounds like the perfect match! Jack tells Will to hold his Maddows (glasses), Rachel, because he suspects McCoy’s the type that only dates pretty boys with no brains and that makes Will a no-go in the romance department. Of course, McCoy spots the two men arguing and jumps to the conclusion that Jack’s the brainiac and Will is…Well…Will is Just Jack, the empty-headed pretty boy looking for a good time. Whether or not it’s the fact Jack’s wearing Will’s glasses or the fact Will is awkwardly gaga over the newsman, Whitman winds up asking Will out while ignoring Jack completely. Does this mean the brainless charade has to continue?

Later that night, Will is at home making dinner for his date when Jack barges in to remind him the hottie likes them dumb and Will’s impression of Julia Child is a sure-fire turn off. How can he be simple minded if he’s whipping up a French dish that he shouldn’t even be able to pronounce? Not to mention the fact he’s hosting the date at his apartment. Would a dummy live in such a posh pad and be making delicious French delights? Probably not. But, luckily, Jack brought more than his appetite for dinner and tries schooling Will on how to play down his brains and keep McCoy interested. Only, Will has his own ideas as to how he should act. If he needs to be clueless than Will is going to act like Jack. After all, Will has spent enough time with Jack to pick up his mannerisms that he could almost play Jack better than Jack himself! Not knowing he’s the inspiration for Will’s performance, Jack offers to stay until McCoy shows up so they can pretend the apartment is Jack’s and the dinner is something he whipped up for his brain-dead bestie and his date. Operation No Brains to Land the Hottie is a go!

Intellectual Applesauce

Once McCoy arrives, Will makes an entrance that can only be described as Jack on gay steroids, when he flies though the front door with, “Who’s easy on the eyes and hard everywhere else?”  That certainly grabs the anchor man’s attention because Will is the complete package; a great body and brains like applesauce – a win-win for McCoy. It seems the anchor spends all day dealing with intellectuals and when it comes to his dating life, intellectualism exhausts him. He wants romance to be easy, without a lot of introspection or discussions about his work life.

Things between the two men go well, with Will adopting Jack’s clueless mannerisms. But after he drops a very familiar lie about his one man show “Watch Will,” Jack drags Truman into the hallway for a private talk. At first, Jack seems upset that Will chose him as his dummy inspiration but really he is elated! He lets Will know that he’s flattered his friend would think he’s worthy of McCoy, even if it’s Will who’s just pretending to be him. Sure, McFarland is engaged-ish and trying to be “monogam-ish,” with fiance Estefan, but he is thrilled that he gets to sleep with the hot anchor vicariously through Will. It’s like the threesome Will never asked for but Jack, let’s be real, has probably always dreampt about.

Women for Women at the Suckingham Palace

Back to Karen and her marital problems, the only way to stop Stan from blocking his wife from the Walker funds is for the heiress to fight fire with fire. So, she along with Grace (Debra Messing), head to The Suckingham Palace strip club to crash a bar mitzvah and convince dancer Lorraine to hand over any evidence that could help her case. Unfortunately, step-mummy and daughter still hate each other and no amount of pole dancing to Hava Nagila will change that. While Karen watches from the back of the club as Lorraine shakes her money maker for her thirteen-year-old Jewish clientele, Grace tries to lure the Brit to their side. Lorraine admits to the red head that she does have photos of her and Stan, but she’s not helping Karen until Grace works the pole for it. Apparently, Grace’s feminist rants about strippers didn’t sit well with Lorraine and now she wants her to put her money maker where her mouth is. Karen must mean a lot to Grace because she agrees to drop trou in one of the saddest and yet hilarious strip teases to ever hit the stage at the Suckingham. Peeled all the way down to her Spanx, Grace awkwardly spins around the pole to the sounds of boos as she yells, “This is what a real woman looks like!” She warned Lorraine that singing, not dancing, was her strong point and now we know why.

While Grace gets a taste of the stripper’s life, Karen is having issues convincing her former step-daughter to cooperate with her plans because Lorraine always felt like Mummy never respected her exotic life; like sleeping with Stan and her current career choices. Karen proves that’s not true when she gives Lorraine a lap dance while secretly stealing Lorraine’s cell phone! Once Lorraine figures out what Karen was up to, she can’t even be mad as that plan was ingenious! Once Karen’s lap gyrations are over, Finster agrees to hand over the photos of her affair with Stan since Karen went to such trouble to rope the Brit in to her schemes. Besides, Stan treated them both like trash and it’s about time he got what was coming to him. Karen leaves Suckingham Palace, promising to take Stan for all he’s worth and she owes it all to her lovely relationship with her slag of an ex- step-daughter.

Be Yourself. Everyone Else is Already, McFarland.

Back to the “Young and the Brainless,” Will gives Jack the signal to leave so he can get to the seduction part of his date, but before he can skedaddle the news anchor gets a call from Kelly Ann Conway. The call must be juicy because Whitman asks pretend law professor Jack if he can go over some of the legal points of the discussion. Jack, who’s been cosplaying as a lawyer this whole time, is at a loss as to what to say since the only law he knows about is Jude Law and it’s obvious this entire scam is beginning to unravel. McCoy starts to put the pieces together and accuses Jack of being the dumber of the two men, which forces Will to admit he’s the lawyer while also defending Jack’s intelligence. With the truth out, McCoy starts to wonder if maybe Jack’s the better option for him, but upon finding out that McFarland isn’t available, he’s done with the both of them. Especially after Will figures out the real reason McCoy likes his men with brains of mush is that it’s so they can’t see how insecure he actually is! Whitman walks out just as Jack thanks Will for being a good friend and standing up for him, even if it meant that neither of them got to sleep with McCoy…not even vicariously. Will lets Jack know that he cares more about his friend than he does landing a cute guy, even if that cutie is Matt Bomer. Jack leaves but not before smacking his face on the closing door while still thanking Will for recognizing that he’s not dumb. It’s a reminder that brains or not, relationships will come and go but friendships and a good lap dance from your step-mummy will last forever.