Will & Grace – Dead Man Texting

By: Kelly Kearney

Will tries convincing his department head that he’s worthy of a full-time teaching position at the university. Things go haywire when Will’s “Belvedere” curse comes back to haunt him in the most surprising and opportunistic of ways. Meanwhile, Jack’s about to dive head first into of marrying his love Estefan, but his ride or die Karen has issues with his soon to be husband. Whether it’s restaurant water wrestling or moving a dead body, Karen and Grace never run out of ideas on how to show Will and Jack, they’re loved.

Robot Will, the Hag, and the Sky Waitress

We open on Will (Eric McCormack) and his frustration with his current job situation. After a huge career change from practicing law to a part time professor, Will’s been bit by the teaching bug and is devastated to learn his department head is passing him over for a permanent position. Nobody likes to watch their GBF (Gay Best Friend) pout, especially Grace (Debra Messing) who’s always full of great and totally not disastrous ideas to help him land the job of his dreams. Knowing that Will can sometimes come off a little stiff and unrelatable, she tells him to invite the department head Professor Henry Rice (Tucker Smallwood) over for dinner to showcase his less robotic side. She pleads with Will to open himself up and maybe even cry like he did when he killed his dog Belvedere. Wait… what? Will’s a dog killer? Well, not exactly. He accidentally left the front door open and his childhood dog, Belvedere, was hit by a car and it still makes him emotional. Of course, he has no intention of opening up that old wound just for a job but thinks the dinner invite might be a good idea. Before the two can hash out a plan to loosen Will up over hors d’oeuvres, Jack (Sean Hayes) comes storming in with his own problems. Namely, Karen (Megan Mullally) and Estefan (Brian Jordan Alvarez) and the fact they can’t stand each other. Not only do the two most important people in his life hate one another, but it’s his birthday and he needs everyone to get along. Jack explains their feud began when Estefan called Karen as Jack’s “hag” after she slung some flight attendant shade calling him “sky waitress.” Luckily, Jack’s been able to keep the two apart by tracking them both on an app that prevents them from entering each other’s orbit. He tells Will and Grace that he can’t take this much longer and plans on talking to Karen about it when she takes him out for his birthday dinner.

A Tale of Two Tables…

Thanks to Karen’s divorce settlement she notes, “I got all the restaurants with the Michelin stars and he got all the ones with the word bucket in it.” Jack gets treated to a birthday dinner at New York’s poshest spot; a pond themed restaurant with an ex-lover maître d. The birthday boy is in dining heaven, but all that changes when Karen excuses herself to “powder the inside of my nose” and Estefan shows up to celebrate with his beloved. The problem is Jack never told Estefan he was spending his big day with Karen since the man had to work and would’ve been out of town. When his Latin love spots an extra place setting at the table, Jack thinks quick and says it’s for Cher, in case she shows up – something that isn’t out of the realm of possibilities since Cher has been known to drop in (from heaven) on Jack from time to time. Before Karen can stagger back to the dining room, Jack escorts Estefan to another table, hoping he can go between the two and keep the feuding duo none the wiser.

Will Would Kill for This Job

Back at the apartment Professor Henry Rice isn’t wowed by Will’s “human side” and Grace interrupts with the Belvedere story, hoping Will becomes emotional. Unfortunately for Will it doesn’t really impress Rice since all humans survive trauma. Things go from awkwardly robotic to completely chaotic when the professor excuses himself to take a call and winds up keeling over! Is he dead? Well, according to Grace’s “Law and Order” knowledge, the professor looks dead and Will’s job prospects might be, too. The curse of Belvedere strikes again!

Over at the restaurant Jack is doing a decent job of keeping Karen and Estefan apart. Between bathroom breaks and switching seats to keep the two apart, Jack’s birthday has become a sort of a juggling match of lies and the pressure is starting to get to him. Even a birthday gold watch hidden in Karen’s cleavage and a designer ascot from Estefan can’t save Jack from the inevitable meltdown, especially when two sets of singing waiters, carrying two birthday desserts, manage to out Jack’s secret table switcheroo. Karen and Estefan meet face to face and no tracking device can save Jack from their fury.

Speaking of crippling under pressure, the dead professor in Will’s living room leads Grace to an alarming decision when the man’s phone starts going off. Is Professor Rice’s wife calling back? Will she wonder what happened to him? Can Will and Grace be blamed for the man’s death? Will Grace’s hair clash with her prison issued orange jumpsuit? These are important questions, but too bad the only way to know for sure is to wrangle the phone out from underneath the body. Grace summons her zombie strength and swipes the phone, only to find out the text isn’t from Henry’s wife but from a colleague asking for his decision on Will and the job. If Henry’s dead then he probably won’t mind if Grace impersonates him in a text guaranteeing Will his dream job. There’s only one problem, the phone has a lock that requires a retina scan to open it. Things have gone from bad to worse, and Grace tells Will to “Man up, Mary” and lift the man’s eyelid for the scan. Will can’t do it, but after Grace goes all Hannibal Lector and offers Will a melon baller to pop the eyeball out he relents and lifts the man’s lid.  Once the phone is open, Grace composes the text and Will’s on his way to a full-time teaching gig. That is, until Henry rises from the dead, killing any chances of Will ever teaching again. Apparently, Henry has low blood pressure and passes out from time to time making it seem like he’s dead. Obviously, Will and Grace are shook by this news but things get so much worse when Henry realizes they used his phone and borrowed his retina! He is disgusted with the two, and as he’s about to storm out of the apartment, Will begs the man to hear him out. He talks about his passion for teaching and how it reignited something inside of him that had long been extinguished. Yes, he did something unthinkable, but he only did it because he can’t imagine his life outside the classroom. Henry sees Will’s dedication to his work and surprisingly decides to give him another chance. Anyone willing to tangle with a corpse, real or not, for a job, is probably passionate enough to deserve a promotion.

Can’t We All Just Get Along?

While things worked out for Will and his job, Jack’s not having the same luck. Once Karen and Estefan realize Jack lied to them the battle really begins. Estefan starts throwing the word “hag” around and even calls Karen a “Gin Mummy.”  Karen, who is no slouch in the shade department, refers to Jack’s significant other as a “Mexican jumping Queen.” Needless to say these two are not finding common ground.  In fact, their feud becomes so riotous that it manages to land them both in the restaurant’s pond. It’s a full-blown water fight and even Jack, thanks to the jealous maître d, gets tossed in right along with them.

When the episode draws to a close, the three drowned dogs make their way back to the apartment. Once off the elevator Jack asks Estefan to give him a moment to talk to Karen in private. He explains that all he wanted was the two most important people in his life to get along for one birthday night, but it seems like that will never happen. Finally, Karen comes clean and admits in a whisper that she’s afraid of losing her best friend. Now that Stan’s gone and Rosario too, Jack is all she has. Every once in a while Karen shows us she has a heart and while it may run on vodka and insults, it beats hard for the people she loves. Jack assures her that marrying Estefan doesn’t mean she’s going to lose him. Instead he says, “You’re not losing a homo, you’re gaining homo.” Karen and Jack embrace, knowing that no matter what life throws at them, these best friends will always have each other. Through thick and thin, divorce and marriage and dead bodies and dead dogs, friendship is the tie that binds us all together.