Wynonna Earp – Constant Cravings

By starrymag | May 11, 2016

By: Caitlin Walsh

 

 

Let’s Get Physical

 

We open with Dolls (Shamier Anderson) and Wynonna (Melanie Scrofano) tussling around on a mat, working on self-defense and reminding me that I haven’t been to the gym in over a week and I’m officially a slug. Dolls is pushing her to focus, hone in, find the weakness of her opponent and reminds her repeatedly that, basically, the fate of the world (or at least Purgatory) is on her shoulders.

 

As soon as she leaves (not long after a quick mention by Dolls that he notices she’s more limber and he’s not buying that it’s from yoga…Is that a blush I see, Wynonna?), the camera focuses in on Dolls getting the shakes in his arm. Thus beginning the main mantra of the episode: “What The Hell Is Wrong With Dolls?” Back on a snowy trail, we see a solo hiker get dragged off (presumably eaten) and beheaded. By what, we’re not sure.

 

Bobo, in the meantime, is running an excavation site for the remaining bones Constance (Rayisa Kondracki) is looking for and Doc’s come to chat with Bobo (Michael Eklund) about her. Mostly, the conversation is another testosterone filled “who-has-the-upper-hand” one, but I can’t find it in me to be mad about that. Bobo and Doc (Tim Rozon) have some serious tension between them and you could cut it with a knife.

 

Hello, Ladies

 

Waverly (Dominique Provost-Chalkley) and Wynonna meet up at a local diner and bless Wynonna for finally voicing what we’ve all been more or less screaming at the screen since the very first episode. “Don’t tell me you’re back chomping at the Champ. Come on, he is just so beneath you.” All the big sister awards go to Wynonna this episode for reminding Waverly that her boy-man is nothing but a Chump.

 

“There is more to life than crazy hot, toe curling, out of body back into body, angels singing Hallelujah sex.” The moment it was all too clear how great of a time Wynonna had rolling around in the dirt with one Doc Holliday last week and the moment I wondered if maybe she’s damn wrong—because that wistful look on her face wasn’t the most convincing.

 

Wynonna needs Waverly’s help identifying the two remaining revenants from the original seven in the photo. One looks familiar enough that Waverly remembers their Uncle Curtis making mention of going out to the Blacksmith, whoever that may be. But she warns Wynonna that nobody goes out there unless they really, really need to. (I think this qualifies.)

 

Dolls and Wynonna take a trip out to visit the Blacksmith (Rachael Ancheril), who happens to be a badass Blacksmith lady. She’s got cattle brands from the 1800s and seems to know–well, a hell of a lot, at the very least. She knows exactly which brand their looking for, which had been on the neck of the revenant in the photo and that particular brand belonged to the Tate family. As far as she knows, there are no more of them—but it’s a start.

 

Cut to Champ (Dylan Koroll) and Waverly, unloading some of Uncle Curtis’ old things. Champ, as usual, being completely unbearable and your atypical straight white boy: “How can somebody so pretty be so smart?” She retorts, “Uh, because they’re not mutually exclusive.” She’s getting fed up with the boy-man at last and realizing her own self worth—she deserves better.

 

Wynonna, on the other hand, has the best love affair of all this episode: with the motorcycle that Curtis left to her. It’s a beautiful bike that leaves her screaming in joy. Doc drops by to ask Wynonna for a word and these two are acting like two teenagers who totally made out at that house party last night, but just don’t know what they are. There are actually more important matters to attend to as Doc is looking for a meeting with Dolls in regards to Constance. They can label things later.

 

Unfortunately, Dolls isn’t the most stable this episode and we’re finally seeing more depth to this man. He is not, contrary to popular belief, perfect. He’s certainly itching for something and he’s not getting it. He’s jittery, agitated and showing all tell tale TV signs of a drug addiction–it’s just what particular drug we’re left in the dark on. Hell, even Doc knows something is up with Dolls.

 

Dolls is interested to learn that Bobo’s lawyer isn’t a lawyer at all–in fact, she’s Constance Clootie (a/k/a the Stone Witch) and Doc would very much appreciate Dolls’ help in finding her. What he can offer in exchange? Information and some concrete evidence on Bobo Del Rey.

 

Til Death Do Us Part…Or Whatever

 

Dolls and Wynonna trek it out to the Tate farm to investigate further and Dolls snaps at Wynonna about taking the job seriously and not shooting first, asking questions later. “The last guy who talked to me like that got a nail gun to the gnads.” You tell him, Wynonna!

 

As per usual, Wynonna doesn’t take orders well and takes out the Tate revenant they find. Well, six of the seven revenants are now out of the picture. That’s great and all, but Dolls is more and more pissed that his superiors are not getting what they want—which is apparently some proof of their work. That would mean a live revenant to bring in for questioning. Wynonna doesn’t agree, clearly.

 

They’re cut off when they find a cut off hand laying on the ground. Hello, cannibal revenant(s). After testing it back at headquarters, Dolls assesses that the bite marks imply that it was a female cannibal revenant.

 

Meanwhile, Doc plays a bad game of undercover cop and sneaks over to Bobo’s excavation site, looking for that concrete evidence that Dolls needs as payment. He is no closer to answers, but now Doc knows what Constance and Bobo are up to when he finds the bones. This may or may not give him a leg up, potentially making all the difference.

 

Back at the bar, Curtis has left a riddled clue behind post mortem and Waverly and Champ (really just Waverly) are working to figure it out. Clues about his seat, his drink and even a bedtime lullaby lead her to his piano where he’s hidden a skull and a note for her: “You are now the keeper of the bones. Take this and tell no one but the Blacksmith. You’re the only one I can trust.” It turns out, it was meant for her all along. Champ (in a less than tactful fashion) tells her she’ll always be the “keeper of his boner” and tells her to turn her brain off for a little while. She finally, finally snaps and lets him know that she doesn’t want to shut off her brain and that they are done!

 

 

Someone’s Hangry

 

Back at the Tate farm, Wynonna is catching onto Dolls not feeling well, noticing he has fever sweats but he’s not even warm. They don’t have time to dwell on it before happening on an underground bunker at the ranch. They find a living area and realize that back at the diner Wynonna and Waverly had been at earlier, there’s a picture of “Mama Olive” sitting in the exact chair sitting in that bunker. The place is decorated with bones and chains. They run into trouble, as per usual, and it turns out, the revenant chasing them is the sister of the revenant she shot earlier. It’s Hetty from the diner, earlier. She’s not the cannibal revenant they had in mind, though. Mama Olive is. She’s got Dolls and she’s hungry.

 

Meanwhile, Waverly heads out to meet the Blacksmith who ends up performing a ritual with Waverly and the skull, which may or may not have been a marriage. Regardless, there’s a bond between Waverly and the skull, which as chance may have it belongs to the Stone Witch. This is not good news.

 

Hetty and Wynonna start digging around for bunker keys in the house, while Mama Olive is chasing down Dolls to eat him in the bunker. Hetty’s simultaneously trying to have a heart to heart with Wynonna, wanting her to understand why they are the way they are and that she didn’t want this, want to be this. She just wanted to be normal, but her mother wanted her to be just like her brother, Herman, the one Wynonna killed earlier. Wynonna doesn’t have much time for hair braiding and feelings, unfortunately. She’s a woman on a mission and Dolls staying in tact with all his limbs is this particular mission.

 

Mama Olive only gets one bite of Dolls before realizing she doesn’t want another. In fact, she calls him spoiled meat and Dolls remarks he’s an acquired taste. Even the cannibalistic angry as hell revenant mother knows something is up with Dolls, just by the taste of him. Wynonna makes quick work of Mama Olive, but not before she gets the chance to let Wynonna know that Hetty is the one that wanted Wynonna’s father dead. She was the sixth, not her brother, who Wynonna took out earlier. It was Hetty. So, Wynonna takes care of her, too.

 

Everyone Needs Some Me Time Every Now And Again

 

We cut to Dolls meeting someone in a park, after dark, when no one else is around. The dealer turns out to be some lab attendant, one who warns Dolls that “they track this shit like it’s plutonium” and “whatever you did to get yourself cut off, undo it. The people upstairs want results.”

 

Dolls runs back to headquarters, his batch in hand, only to find Doc waiting and wanting to debrief about what went on with Bobo. Dolls cuts him off, telling him the deal is off, and just wanting him gone. But Doc puts some pieces together, recognizing a drug addict when he sees one. Dolls tells him he wants him gone, “You’re going to get Wynonna killed.”

 

Doc pays a significantly less hot and heavy visit to Wynonna, where she’s sitting on her bike wistfully dreaming of the day that winter is over and she can ride it. Freedom. She asks him about how things went with Dolls and she reiterates that she trusts him. That she won’t waiver on and Doc knows better than to argue.

 

I want to highlight this last scene as one of my favorites of television in a long time. It felt like a defining moment in the show, and once again, Scrofano and Rozon’s easy chemistry, slight smirks and twinkling eyes added weight to a loaded scene. The dialogue, delivery and lighting—I could go on and on about this scene and I just want the world to know it:

 

Doc: “Well, happiness is a myth.”

 

Wynonna: “No, no I had it before, it’s real. And it’s worth fighting for.”

 

Doc: “Well, I remember a glorious time, not so long ago, when I was very happy.” (Doc, you dog.)

 

Wynonna: “That’s the thing about glorious times. They don’t tend to stick. Friends do.”

 

Doc: “Friends? Sure. Feel like some company?

 

Wynonna: “I think I’m better driving solo. For now.”

 

We get one last look at Dolls, who shoots up this bizzaro blue liquid drug and his eyes go all lizard like. His veins pop and I have a lot of questions, chiefly: Do we actually know anything about Dolls?

 

 

End Notes:

 

• WHERE IS NICOLE HAUGHT AND HOW DID SHE NOT HEAR SIRENS GOING OFF THE SECOND WAVERLY DUMPED CHAMP?!
• Where in the world is Constance Clootie? It seems like for someone so invested in these damn bones, she’d stick close by, no?
• Here in Boston, that Winter scenery would actually be a beautiful spring day, and there would be an alarming amount of flip flops and shorts being worn with iced coffees in hand (always). I hope Spring comes soon enough for Wynonna so she can ride everywhere on that beautiful bike and break the badass meter.
• RIP Bethany, we hardly knew you. But can we blame you for having the hots for Doc? No. No we can’t.