Wynonna Earp – Look at Them Beans

By: Maggie Stankiewicz

We find that Purgatory is not at all what it once was. Men are hanging in the center of town. Shorty’s has been turned into a juice bar run by none other than Chrissy Nedley (Dana Christina) and…there’s a new Sheriff in town, as Wynonna (Melanie Scrofano) quickly finds out when she’s rescued from a public lynching of her own. Chrissy, blaming Wynonna for the death of her father, prepares to prosecute her without fair trial. The new Sheriff arrives just in the nick of time and places her under arrest while Doc (Tim Rozon) runs to the Homestead to get reinforcements. Sheriff Holt (Ty Olsson) throws Wynonna into a cell with half-demon named Casey (Andrew Phung) while she awaits trial.

Back at the Homestead Waverly (Dominique Provost-Chalkley), still basking in post-coital euphoria, meets Rachel (Martina Ortiz-Luis) for the first time and gets a sip of some sweet, sweet microbes. Before Waverly has time to down an entire glass of Rachel’s homemade kombucha, a bell rings within the home to signal something is caught in one of the many traps Nicole (Katherine Barrell) has set around the Earp’s property. When they go to investigate what kind of monster they’ve trapped they discover that this time it’s their favorite vampire, Doc. Nicole frees him of the junk-crunching bear trap and they discuss Wynonna’s plight. It seems as though no one but Waverly received a warm welcome home.

Nicole, Doc, Waverly and Rachel take a few moments to regroup. Nicole is clearly in pain, Waverly is getting ready to cosplay a lawyer and Doc is fixing to figure out what happened to Nedley (Greg Lawson). Doc eventually goes off on his little side mission to find Mercedes (Dani Kind) – whom Wynonna had left a wounded Nedley with just eighteen months prior. He finds her at a local demon bar known as The Glory Hole where she serves as an entertainer while pretending to be a vampire. Doc has a lot to learn at The Glory Hole after a very tense conversation with the owner, Amon (Noam Jenkins). He then learns that Nedley’s last known aroma was that of teenage boy feet dipped in blue cheese. Mercedes attempted to nurse Nedley back to health, but when his stench grew too much she watched him escape off into the woods where he was presumably eaten by what she calls “The People Eater,” a giant barnacle monster.

Still incarcerated Wynonna learns that Purgatory has undergone some changes. First, it’s become even more of a Hellmouth than before and it’s now run by the airhead magistrate Cleo (Savannah Basley) who elected Sheriff Holt herself. Waverly shows up fully prepared to invoke habeas corpus, but Cleo has another idea in mind. Instead of being litigious in any shape for form, the inmates will participate in the first-ever Randy Nedley Memorial Chili Cook-off FOR FREEDOM. The winner of the cook-off will be pardoned for their crimes and released. One thing leads to another and everyone makes their way to Shorty’s for the cook-off. Wynonna and Nicole see each other for the first time and share their first non-forced hug before the culinary battle begins. Wynonna is not a good cook. Luckily, Nicole and Waverly are there to assist her. In between mixing ingredients Nicole tells Wynonna that she knows she let everyone down, but before they can have a heartfelt chat the new Sheriff rolls in and piles on the Nicole Haught inferiority train.

Sheriff Holt makes snide comments to Nicole about Rachel and Nicole returns to the Homestead to make sure the teenager is okay on her own. Doc goes out to look for barnacle monster, who chases him back to the Homestead. Luckily, Doc and Nicole arrive back home around the same time – long enough for Nicole to get Rachel to safety while Doc runs amok. When they finally come together to evade the monster – Rachel tells them that the monster smells like feet and blue cheese and reacts poorly to her kombucha. Doc gets it in his head that The People Eater is more than it seems, but Nicole is dubious. She believes this is the monster who killed Nedley.

In a strange and fortuitous chain of events, Wynonna wins the chili cook-off FOR FREEDOM, but Cleo is hesitant to deliver said freedom to the eldest Earp child. She instead keeps Wynonna bound and drives her to the edge of town, where she throws her off as an offering to the monsters. Cleo has a personal vendetta against Wynonna, but her motives remain unclear. As The People Eater arrives to devour Wynonna in her little orange jumpsuit, the gang arrives with super soakers full of kombucha, a t-shirt cannon, and a lasso. They wrangle the barnacle creature and knock him down while Wynonna watches her family drench the monster in fermented juices until…the barnacles and parasites attached to him dissipate, revealing a very much alive Nedley.

Danger and barnacle creature aside, Doc once again steps away from the group to pay another visit to The Glory Hole where he has another sexually charged conversation with Amos – whose eyes glow pretty similarly to Eve’s. Doc, already scheming, tries to negotiate with Amon. Purgatory’s current monster situation has caused problems in The Glory Hole’s supply chain, but Doc wants to make a deal for cash in exchange for liquor’s safe passage through Purgatory. The men work it out, each believing that they’re outsmarting the other. Typical.

While Doc is busy making deals at The Glory Hole, the rest of the gang bring Nedley to Chrissy’s juice bar for a reunion. They all embrace and celebrate his return, but Nedley resolves to get Chrissy out of town as quickly as possible. Between the crazy magistrate, the incompetent Sheriff and the influx of demons in town, it’s not safe for her. On the way out of town Chrissy drives through a government checkpoint. While her documents are being examined, she turns up the radio in her car as none other than Jeremy (Varun Saranga) approaches! “They’re back,” she whispers to him and then hauls ass out of town. His presence is jarring, as Nicole said earlier in the episode that she hasn’t heard from him in months.

The episode concludes with a few tender moments on the Homestead. Waverly tries to get Nicole to open up about her year and a half spent alone, but Nicole is too distracted for smooches and pillow talk. There are traps to check and perimeters to patrol. Nicole extricates herself from thinking too hard about the things she had to endure without her family to make sure the Homestead is secure. Waverly asks to tag along, and Nicole welcomes her. In the kitchen, Wynonna has a chat with Rachel about Nicole’s mental state – and thanks her for taking care of her friend by surrendering her bed to the teen – but not her clothes. That’s where she draws the line. Wynonna then makes her way to the shed to sleep, but someone has other plans for her as she’s surrounded by men and kidnapped.