Preacher – Masada and The Last Supper

By: Kelly Kearney

The end is coming and even Tulip can feel it deep down in her butt-kicking bones. After three outrageously violent and often times hilarious seasons, Preacher is wrapping things up in Season Four, but not before turning our stomachs and punching us square in the unholy faces. The final season kicks off like fans would expect, with a scattered timeline that begins with the end and catapults us back to where the season three finale left off. Hold on to your bibles fans, this rollercoaster ride is not for the faint of heart.

Masada

In the beginning God (Mark Harelik) was apparently angry that his poop eating dinosaur creations couldn’t revel in his double rainbow glory, so he took it out on the planet as a whole. Fire and brimstone over a cup of tea were what the creator ordered and, thus, killing off the dinosaurs and pretty much all life as we know it. God was definitely not the chill jazz aficionado he became in his later years. After the creator unleashed holy carnage on Earth, we cut to Tulip (Ruth Negga) and Cassidy (Joseph Gilgun) in a hotel room chatting about the end of the world. Cassidy, who has lived a long life, jokes with Tulip that they were all going to die sooner or later and that seems to put her in the mood. The next thing we see is her kissing the now bleached blonde Cassidy right on the mouth…but where is Jesse (Dominic Cooper)? We soon find out when he comes crashing down to earth, presumably from being pushed out of a plane above the desert. When Jesse hits rock bottom, and boy does he ever, it looks like the Preacher has finally met his end.

We flashback a few months before Jesse took his final flight and Tulip and her preacher are on the road to rescue Cassidy from The Grail and Herr Starr (Pip Torrens). The vampire is being held at Masada, “The Grail’s command center for over 2,000 years,” according to Featherstone (Julie Ann Emery) who explains it all to Cassidy as she drags him to his new digs…THE ADVANCED TORTURE ROOM!  Inside Cass is met by the Grail’s torture expert, Frankie Toscani (Lachy Hulme), who’s just giddy with the opportunity to cut the vampire to pieces. Frankie, who does his best Tony Soprano impression, really enjoys torture, especially circumcision of which he repeatedly inflicts on Cassidy thanks to vampire rejuvenation. Luckily, Tulip and Jesse are on their way, but first is a stop off at the Holy Bar & Grill where Jesse uses the voice of Genesis to recruit some Grail operatives for the fight. He orders them to follow Tulip’s orders, even he knows she’s the one with all the brains in this rag tag threesome, and the operatives line up behind her.

After a brief check in with The Saint of Killers (Graham McTavish) and Eugene (Ian Colletti) in Angelville (yes, they are still looking for Jesse) we go back to Masada where Herr Starr and his Genesis canceling headphones wearing army are waiting for Jesse to arrive. Its not long before Starr gets what he wants. Jesse casually rolls into the compound with an offer he thinks Starr won’t refuse. If Starr releases Cass then Jesse will allow him to, once again, cover up his penis cut head. The head wound is a sore subject for Starr and after Genesis ordered him forego any head coverings, the shame has eaten away at the Grail’s leader. Unfortunately, Starr wants something more than a red baseball cap to cover his shame. He wants revenge! He lured Jesse to Masada so he could return the genital head gash favor. Apparently, he dreams of carving a vagina in the preacher’s head. Talk about petty and risking the human race for a childish prank! Since a deal can’t be made, Starr’s operatives, who were out under Jesse’s command at the bar, turn on their boss and a shootout ensues. Most are killed with Starr losing an ear in the chaos, but surviving thanks to an old woman he uses as a human shield. The shootout allows Jesse to slip out and make his way to Cassidy. He proceeds to take down Frankie and unchains his BFF before he can lose another foreskin. Considering the pain Frankie put Cass through (it wasn’t all bad, he did offer him some pain killers) Jesse is surprised when his buddy was less than thankful for the rescue. It seems the two still have some mixed emotions about Tulip and their ever-evolving love triangle.

Bickering Besties and Tulip Take Downs

While Cass and Jesse bicker like an old couple, Tulip and her new Grail assistant Tammy (Alexandra Aldrich) are outside trying to keep the Masada doors open so her friends can make their escape. The plan hits a snag when some operatives that weren’t under Genesis’ influence realize something is off with Tulip and Tammy. Guns start blazing and in the commotion Tammy is crushed in the compound’s closing doors. There must be another way to get the doors open and thanks to her the crushed yet still loyal Grailster, Tulip finds out there’s another door release button sky high above them. It’s located at the top of the mountain Masada is built on. Because Tulip can do absolutely anything, she flexes her mountain climbing skills and scales her way to the top. When she manages to make it there, Featherstone is doing her best Bond villain impression by reading a newspaper and waiting for the trouble to come to her. Instantly, the two women pick up where they last left off. First, they fire their guns, but the bullets collide proving these two are quite the match. With their guns down, the two-start beating the daylights out of each other with neither woman seemingly able to get the upper hand in the brawl. Back and forth they trade punches and kicks to the lady groins until finally Tulip gets lucky and out maneuvers Featherstone. She dangles the irate woman over the mountain’s edge and offers her a chance to live, but Featherstone is too invested in her mission and chooses death instead. Tulip has no problem with that and tosses her off the cliff, but Featherstone came prepared! Her white suit is also a parachute and like a flying crypto-fascist squirrel she spreads her wings and floats down to safety. These two will have to duke it out another time because Tulip finds the door’s release button just in time for Cass and Jesse to escape the Grail and their guns. Unfortunately, the sun is scorching and for a vampire that’s worse than Frankie’s love of circumcision. Cass has no choice but to bow out of the escape, leaving Jesse outside and on his own. Maybe it was because Cassidy kept rambling about his love for Tulip or maybe it’s the fact Jesse dragged him into this petty feud with Herr Starr, but these two besties have more than a Masada door keeping them apart.

Rescue Mission Part Deux

After Cass stays behind to go another round with Frankie, Jesse and Tulip head back to the Holy Bar & Grill and neither can believe Cass didn’t come with them. “Does he know I’m here?” Tulip asks and this sets Jesse off on a jealous tirade of questions. He corners Tulip and demands she tell him the truth about her relationship with Cassidy. Did she sleep with her boyfriend’s best friend? Tulip lies and says she didn’t, even after Jesse tells her he won’t be mad. Whether or not Jesse believes Tulip’s lies the plan remains: they will drag that vampire out of Masada if it kills them and it very well might.

That night Jesse has a dream about an apocalyptic future and a phone call from his dear old dead dad who tells him, “Time to find God, son.” The paranormal phone call cuts to Jesse strangling Herr Starr, who then morphs into Tulip, who’s begging (with her eyes) for Jesse to stop. At that point the preacher wakes up and notices the world is not on fire and Tulip is sleeping peacefully. He writes his love a goodbye letter and hitchhikes to parts unknown.

When Tulip wakes up and finds the letter she knows that she’s the only chance Cassidy has left. She digs into her closet, spots her Grail costume and is soon on her way to save the day.

Meanwhile, back at Masada, Herr Starr meets with God over “one of my greatest creations,” a Diet Dr. Pepper. The two talk about Jesse and his escape. “You wanted to make him suffer,” God says. Continuing he states, “So…let’s make him suffer.”

A Vampire Buffet and a Missing Preacher

Back to Jesse where he’s just flagged down a ride with a chicken farmer and former porn star and when the woman asks where he’s headed Jesse really doesn’t know. He knows he’s meant to meet God on the top of a penis shaped mountain, but other than that he’s flying blind. The ride comes to a halt when Jesse spots a child kneeling beside a dead dog in the street. He feels for the kid, but as it turns out the dog is fine and this kid is a little thief, something the porn star chicken lady warned Jesse was probably the case.

Over at Masada Frankie can’t believe Cass didn’t escape when he had the chance. The Irishman explains, “You know us Irish, we never miss an opportunity to miss an opportunity.” Only the opportunity he’s referring to is an escape plan he’s been hatching since Frankie chained him up. One that would require him to chew through his own ankle to free himself from his shackles. Lucky for him vampires rejuvenate. With his ankle free, Cass goes on an All-You-Can- Eat-Grail buffet. Eat your heart out Golden Corral!

Outside the Masada we see Tulip is still trying and failing to find a way in to save Cass. Even a bazooka to the front door doesn’t seem to be working, but giving up is not a part of the O’Hare DNA. While she’s trying to find her way in, Featherstone heads to the Holy Bar & Grill looking to pick up where their fight left off. The bartender, Kamal (Miritana Hughes), doesn’t tell Featherstone that her arch nemesis has been hiding out at the bar and fixing up her muscle car. Likewise, Jesse isn’t having much luck in his mission either. After the dead dog trap, he manages to get involved with a roadside camel shootout that ends in dead camels and their wranglers. It seems wherever Jesse goes that blood baths follow.

Grenades, the Holy Humperdoo and Questions That Should Never be Asked…

While Jesse is cleaning camel guts off his dog collar, Cassidy manages to eat a Grail doctor and steal his identity. Sure the doctor was Asian and Cassidy is an Irish punk with a penchant for drugs and Richard Nixon t-shirts, but the Grail operatives never put two and two together. This gives Cass a chance to eat his way through the Masada and head to the exit doors. At the same time, Herr Starr has gathered some of the Grail’s top delegates for a meeting about the Holy Child. After secretly creating an army of Humperdoos (Tyson Ritter), who all escaped the Grail’s lab last season, it’s been open Humperdoo hunting season on all the messiah clones. Starr has ordered all of them to be killed, having no idea if the dead included the original Holy Child. After all, those drooling leg humpers all look the same. So far, Starr has kept this under wraps. Even after one of the delegates presses him to prove Humperdoo is safe and sound, he ends that line of questioning by shoving the delegate in a box with a live grenade. The questions, along with the delegate, dies without ever getting to the truth…just like Herr Starr (who is now going by Allfather) planned it. After the rest of the delegates witness the lethal exchange, Starr assures them all that the Holy Child will be revealed soon. So, basically, shut it with the questions or get in the box!

After fighting his way to the exit Cass realizes the sun is still shinning and he still can’t leave! It’s not long before he makes his way back to Frankie’s torture room. This vampire can not catch a break!

Back at the bar Kamal is trying to convince Tulip to wait for Jesse because the vampire rescue mission is risky. The riskier for Tulip, the better. She doesn’t need a man to help her as she is quite capable of taking on the Grail, saving her vampire friend and dealing with Featherstone, on all on her own. Later, Kamal breaks down and calls Featherstone, outing Tulip’s whereabouts and plans to storm Masada. He begs her not to hurt Tulip, but let’s be real. Featherstone gets hot for two things in life: Herr Starr and kicking Tulip O’Hare’s ass. There will be no compromises with Kamal, but she lets him believe she’s considering it. It’s not long before Featherstone and her minions roll up to the bar to finish off Tulip, but O’Hare outsmarts them all and slips away.

As Tulip makes her way to Cassidy, we see Jesse has figured out his God summit is supposed to go down in Australia, on a mountain top called “The Lost Apostle.” Before he can board a plane to the land of Oz, he realizes his trusty lighter (the one his father gave him) is missing. He must’ve left it in the porn star/chicken lady’s truck. He can’t meet God without his good lucky trinket, so he searches for the woman at her porno hang out De Sade House of Entertainment. After getting his lighter back, he spots a young child in the clutches of the chicken lady’s porno friends and decides to play hero one last time. As he swoops in to save the child Herr Starr (who is sporting a new ear thanks to Cassidy’s foreskins) watches the entire thing unfold on a security camera back at Masada. The Allfather is always watching and listening with his foreskin ear. Jesse can’t hide from God’s right-hand man forever.

Back in the desert Tulip’s car is spotted outside and Featherstone gathers the troops in their micro mobiles to try and stop her. It’s a demolition derby in the desert, with Tulip’s purple muscle car crushing the Grail’s hamster wheels. Featherstone is the only car left standing as the rest have all been crushed and the drivers rushed to the Masada doctors. Little does Featherstone know that Kamal was driving Tulip’s car while she, dressed in her Grail costume, is taken inside Masada totally undetected! Tulip was driving one of the Grail’s white microcars!

As the double episode comes to a close, we see Jesse boarding the pane to Australia and, strangely enough, Cass is with him! No, he did not stop off at Masada and save his friend from the clutches of the Grail. Cassidy is a figment of the Preacher’s imagination or maybe his guilty conscience. Leaving Tulip and his bestie to fight the Grail alone must be eating at him. As the plane takes off for Australia, we cut to God who is sipping on his Diet Dr. Pepper and playing with a model of Jesse’s church from Annville. As the camera fades out, we see God has little models of all the places from Jesse, Tulip and Cassidy’s adventures. It’s almost as if the creator has been planning this entire story from the beginning! Forget free will, this is all about entertaining a bored God. If only he had a TV show like “Preacher” to keep him entertained then maybe Jesse’s life would’ve turned out different.