Russian Doll – Matryoshka

By: Kelly Kearney

The end is finally upon us, time prisoners, and what a shocking– albeit satisfying wrap up it was. After finding themselves back in Maxine’s deadly bathroom, Nadia and Alan disagree on their next move. Maybe eternity on repeat is worth it of Nadia can spend more time with Ruth? If Alan could just agree to the repetitive ride everything will work out, right? Wrong. As this season continues to remind us, we can’t run from fate anymore than we can change the past to fix our present. What is, is, and in the finale, Nadia and Alan find a way to deal with the inevitable truth: there is no going back, but facing your fears is a good step towards building a better future.

Back To The Start

We begin with Nadia (Natasha Lyonne) holding the infant Nadia standing in Maxine’s (Greta Lee) bathroom with Alan (Charlie Barnett). It seems their time loop has somehow morphed into their death loop, or maybe they never left that bathroom because their work in there is not done. “Tabula Rasa!” Nadia exclaims, it’s a chance to start over. She can take her infant self and raise her in the way that she always wanted; not to mention helping to fill the cracks of her fractured childhood one maternal moment at a time. Unfortunately, Alan does not share her enthusiasm for returning to their deadly celebration on her 36th birthday. He’s furious because he told her fixing the past would change the future in a negative way and now, he’s paying the price for her ignoring him. The baby has thrown a wrench into all the hard work they did in season one and since they can hear Maxine in the kitchen screaming about that chicken she was making; they know that Nadia royally messed up this time. Not wanting to leave her baby Nadia behind, Alan and Nadia head out of the bathroom to join the infamous birthday party. They mingle with friends and talk with Maxine and Lizzy (Rebecca Henderson) until Alan starts begging Nadia to return the baby back to 1982 and fix this bathroom nightmare. If she doesn’t do it soon, they may be stuck in this loop and that’s not something he’s willing to go through again. Unfortunately, Nadia is determined to change the past and she’s not interested in the trauma that she lived through being inflicted on this innocent baby; and she’s certainly not interested in facing the truth about her godmother Ruth (Elizabeth Ashley). So, she comes up with all kinds of ideas on how to raise herself in that bathroom. What’s the worst that could happen? At least they’ll have a daily party to look forward too. The worst, she’s reminded of, is when she tries to walk down the steps with the baby and knows one step means falling to her death. She can’t even bring herself to look down until she sees Ruth at the bottom ready to celebrate her big day. Nadia helps her up the stairs–notably not falling to her death, and Alan points out that this is not the only Ruth walking up the steps, there’s dozens of them. Time is imploding as quickly as it is dividing. Before the two-time travelers bail on the party, Nadia gets a heartwarming moment with her godmother Ruth who reminds her that, “nothing in this world comes easy except p*ssing in the shower.” It was one of the very first things Ruth said to Nadia on her birthday, and it still holds true today. That’s what brings Nadia to the realization that she did mess up and she should have never brought herself out of the past. The three bail on the party right out the fire escape, which seems to be the popular exit method for Nadia and her mother.

Horse Knows The Way

Later on, they head to the platform at Astor Place ready to go back to 1982 and that’s when Nadia spots a subway worker conveniently slipping through a hidden door. We realize that worker is Horse (Brendan Sexton III) the transient man who gave her a haircut in the park in season one. He appears to be the guide down this proverbial River of Styx, and she asks him where the train is, He offers the location for a price. As they all head towards this secret platform to board a train, Horse begs Nadia to let him hold the baby. Apparently, he’s a husband with kids of his own and he promises he’ll be good, but Nadia doesn’t trust it and holds the infant tighter. With the train in sight, they pay Horse and board to find Maxine and Lizzy and War Dog (Waris Ahluwalia) all dressed in black enroute to Ruth’s wake. Apparently, the woman didn’t survive her pulmonary embolism and Nadia’s friends are just glad she made it to say goodbye. It’s confusing to Nadia because she insists the date is March 30^th, her birthday, but Maxine disagrees, and says it’s April 30^th–meaning somehow Nadia lost a month of time on the 6th train.

The confusion worries Alan about Nadia’s plans to return the baby in 1982. He reminds her to stay on course and escorts her off the train and down the tracks together. The two talk about the mistakes they’ve made in the past with Nadia comforting him about the situation with Lenny, as he blames himself for knowing better than to mess with the past. He also tells Nadia that Ruth only want her to be happy– meaning she probably understood why Nadia wasn’t there at the end. That’s when we hear two trains approaching and as they race towards the three Nadia clutches the baby closer to her chest as one train hits Alan and the other hits her–sending them flying into the air through space end time. When they land it’s in separate locations that look the same–as some sort of underground room that’s flooded with water waist deep. While the two are separated Nadia isn’t alone, her baby- self lands directly into her arms falling out of the sky. Alan, on the other hand, walks through the water searching for a door and when he finds one at the top of the staircase, he opens it and walk out. Mirroring his steps, Nadia also looks for a way out and finds a similar staircase. She also finds the duffel bag with the Kruggerands floating in the water and there is just one problem: she can’t carry the bag of gold and the baby at the same time. So, she makes the choice to leave the Kruggerands and save herself. As her family fortune sinks to the ground Nadia has a new lease on life and new purpose to fix the past that she screwed up; returning it to the way it was before she boarded the 6th train.

Empty Space

Once Allen steps through that door he’s confronted by his grandmother Agnes (Carolyn Michelle Smith), and she’s dressed as an MTA worker. He asked her about her boyfriend Lenny as if it was his job to stop him from digging that tunnel. He feels guilty for what happened to the man and the loss that his grandmother experienced because of him, but she discourages him from beating himself up and makes an observation that the two of them are very alike. She reminds him not to be afraid to live his life–ironic considering in the first season he ended it. He shouldn’t be afraid to jump into new experiences just because he’s worried, he will fail. Then she reveals that they’re all in something called “The Void” it’s a space that was left over from a job that was never completed, perhaps the job Nadia keeps mentioning. When Alan hears people approaching the room Agnes tells him to follow the light at the end of the exit and it will take him back to where he belongs. In the other room Nadia finds her door leading her to subway train there she sees Nora (Chloë Sevigny) and wonders if this is a sign she died. Nora looks at her and asks a poignant question, “if you could choose your mother all over again, would you choose me?” In the train car an older Ruth and a younger Ruth (Annie Murphy) appear, as well as an older Vera (Irén Bordán) and a younger Vera (Ilona McCrea). She also spots herself in many various ages and all the people she placed in a maternal role in her life. She looks to her mother and admits it wasn’t her choice to be born into this family “…but I guess that’s just how the story goes, huh, mom?” Then Nadia hands the infant baby over to Nora closing the loop and making peace with generations of trauma. That’s when the train car light flickers and we see Nadia in 1982 standing on the train with Vera and Ruth and Nora as the baby version of herself walks by. Nadia looks to Vera and in return her grandmother almost recognizes her but she’s the only one. When Ruth walks by Nadia grabs her arm and asked her if she loved her without obligation, and even though young Ruthie doesn’t recognize her there is a moment where she seems to nod a yes. Her love for this child was always limitless and when she exits the train she heads directly into Ruthie’s wake. It’s April 30^th, and the farewell to her godmother is hosted in Maxine’s cursed apartment. Everyone showed up, even Horse is there to say goodbye to the woman who cared for a little girl that time and space left behind. Lizzy and Maxine hug Nadia as a projector plays on the wall showing all the photos of Ruth throughout her life. Nadia takes a cigarette from War Dog and that’s when she sees Alan standing in the corner waiting for her. She gives his arm a loving squeeze and then heads into the bathroom because even trauma can’t erase the call of nature. In the bathroom light we see that familiar silver 3D marking on the door, but Nadia is too enamored with her own reflection in the mirror and has nothing left in her but a smile. Matryoshka in Russian means Russian nesting doll and in the season finale we realize the title is aptly named. Both Nadia and Alan moved through time and space confronting the traumas of their past to make their present survivable. There’s a valuable lesson in making do with what you have and what these two have in the end is each other. As the music cues up to pink Floyd’s “Shine on You Crazy Diamond” we have to hope that these two rare gems can find a way to move on from their past and build a shiny future in the dirty streets of New York City.