UnREAL – Oath

By starrymag | March 5, 2018

By: Taylor Gates

 

 

For the last six months, Rachel (Shiri Appleby) has been meditating, tending goats, and committing herself to living an honest life. Part of her healing has been to tally up all the lies she’s ever told and keep track of the days she’s been lie-free. She assures Quinn (Constance Zimmer) that she’s in a really good place.

 

Quinn, on the other hand, is not in such a good spot. Everlasting is about to be cancelled, and she needs the show up and running in order to launch her empire. She swallows her pride and admits that she needs and misses Rachel, convincing her to come back to work.

 

Chet (Craig Bierko) and Quinn pitch Serena (Caitlin FitzGerald)—a female Elon Musk—as this season’s suitress. Gary (Christopher Cousins) is wary, but Quinn tells him that this would tick off a lot of boxes in terms of quotas and feminism. Chet is even hopeful they could bring home an Emmy. Gary reminds Quinn that her career is on life support, and Quinn points out the double standard of her only being allowed one mistake and Chet being allowed millions. Gary gives them the okay to cast Serena but warns Quinn that if this season goes south, she’s fired.

 

Rachel’s commitment to essential honesty quickly causes tension on set when Chet pushes her to tell him what she really thinks about him. She calmly shares that she thinks he’s a man baby riding on the coattails of women who do all his work for him. She never understood what Quinn saw in him, and he wasted the best years of her life. Quinn overhears this and attempts to run damage control, telling Chet that Rachel is just going through a phase. Quinn privately thanks Rachel for sticking up for her but tells her to get her shit together since Chet is still her boss.

 

Rachel leaps into Jay’s (Jeffrey Bowyer-Chapman) arms, excited to be reunited. Quinn has set up a pitch meeting with him, but he’s still not sure what idea he wants to share with her. The two of them spy a pigtail-free Madison (Genevieve Buechner) strut across the set and gossip about her slutting around in order to sell a pilot.

 

Rachel welcomes Serena (Caitlin FitzGerald) onto the set. Serena asks how the process works, asking if she’ll get headshots and resumes of each potential guy. She is horrified when Rachel tells her she won’t even be allowed to look at their social media profiles or Google them.

 

After seeing Jeremy floating around (Josh Kelly), Rachel storms into Quinn’s office. Quinn explains they need to keep him close since he’s a liability. Jeremy joins them in the room, apologizing to Rachel for the way he treated her and promising he’s sober and has been through anger management. They being to fight, but Quinn stops them, saying they all have to make a pact never to reveal that Coleman (Michael Rady) and Yael (Monica Barbaro) didn’t actually die in a car accident. Chet makes them all do a blood oath in order to solidify it.

 

Serena is horrified at the sparkly, revealing dress that’s been picked out for her. She refuses to meet the guys in the ensemble, changing into a plainer, more modest navy dress she packed. Chet is unhappy with it, but Rachel is secretly thrilled at Serena’s strong-willed nature.

 

The first car of men pulls up, and Jay asks the new shrink Dr. Simon (Brandon Jay McLaren) to give them dirt on the contestants. Dr. Simon, however, refuses to break doctor-patient confidentiality. The first man is Owen (Alex Hernandez), a single father firefighter. Then there’s Jasper (Bart Edwards), a slightly douchey wall street banker with a sexy accent, and Alexi (Alex Sparrow), a Russian ballerina with a coke problem. August (Adam Demos) is a Peace Corp volunteer with a man bun, and they all tease Rachel about when she’s going to bang him. Rachel reveals she’s actually celibate as part of her healing program.

 

The last man in round one is Norman (Joe Abraham), a short Kentucky Derby jockey. Quinn is excited, thinking Norman could get in a fistfight if they pair him with a tall guy due to his Napoleon complex. Serena is not at all thrilled that Norman is there, telling Rachel she realizes he’s going to be the butt of jokes. Rachel admits that Norman is good for the show’s drama, begging Serena not to cut him yet.

 

Rachel and Dr. Simon chat, and he shares his background with Rachel. He used to work as a therapist in the corporate world, but after one of his patients went postal and killed his colleague, he realized it was time for a change.

 

Chet brings his student/new girlfriend Crystal (Kassandra Clementi) into the control room. She tells Quinn she’s a swimsuit model in order to put herself through school, and Quinn isn’t terribly impressed. She is, however, a little envious that she’s with Chet.

 

Jasper gets a second alone with Serena and tells her about the equity firm he runs. Serena already knows all about it, having stolen a PA’s phone and Googling him. Jasper tells her about his recent trip to Japan and how it made him realize he was lonely. He asks her to take him on the first one-on-one date, and she flirtatiously tells him to earn it. Their moment is interrupted by Norman barging in.

 

Serena goes rogue and tells Norman that the producers aren’t taking him seriously. In order to save him from embarrassment, she has decided to cut him immediately. Quinn is furious, telling Rachel she needs to get Serena under control. Serena tells Quinn she’s smart and they can’t handle her the same way as the other suitors—after all, Quinn would never stand for this. Quinn says that Serena isn’t an avatar for herself, Rachel, or every other smart woman in America. She’s just the star of a reality television show that Quinn has to make work.

 

Serena gets overwhelmed and asks Owen to get her off set. He takes her to a hill overlooking the water. They have a nice, deep conversation before kissing. Eventually, Rachel picks Serena up in a golf cart and makes Owen walk back, telling him not to sneak off campus again.

 

Serena tells Rachel about her wonderful first kiss, and Rachel tells her that she can’t be doing things like that off camera. If she doesn’t play ball, Quinn is going to screw her to have a good story. She always protects the show—not the star. Rachel suspects that Quinn will show the whole world the footage of Serena cutting Norman during the party and make her out to be a bitch if she doesn’t cooperate. However, if she kisses Norman, she gets America rooting for her and instantly makes herself likable. Serena agrees, telling Rachel she’s going to need a drink.

 

Serena finds Norman on the couch and apologizes for underestimating him and rushing to judgment. At Rachel’s urging, she kisses him. The night gets progressively crazier, Serena throwing back shots and dancing around the mansion with the guys. After awhile, Quinn tells Rachel to grab Serena for the elimination ceremony.

 

Rachel finds Serena having sex with Norman in the bathroom. Norman scrambles out and Serena vomits. She freaks out, saying she never does stuff like this. She doesn’t even text guys first and won’t kiss until the third date. Rachel tells her not to worry about it, as everyone does stuff like this every once in awhile. Serena says all of her friends are married to perfect people and have perfect children. She starts to cry, saying that she did everything right in life but still nobody picks her. Rachel tells her she’s incredible and deserves to find someone who loves her for exactly who she is. Rachel promises to help make that happen.

 

At the elimination ceremony, Serena picks August, Alexi, cowboy Warren (Marcus Rosner), social media influencer Zach (Melvin Gregg), silver fox Preston (Cameron Bancroft), Jasper, Owen, and race car driver Billy (Tyler Hynes). Both Norman and the control room are upset he wasn’t picked. Serena tells Rachel she cut him because he was never going to be her husband.

 

Chet hangs around while Quinn figures out what to edit into the episode. She doesn’t understand why he’s still there, and Chet replies that he’s serious about the Emmy. Quinn thinks that makes sense considering Crystal and his obvious midlife crisis. Chet says it’s not a crisis: it’s an awakening. Things are just easier with Crystal. Instead of telling her editor to put in the clip of Serena talking about her dream wedding, she tells him to add in the part where she says she’s really good at her job and doesn’t want to apologize for it.

 

August builds a hammock outside, telling Rachel that—although it sounds pretentious—his room is too confiding since he’s used to sleeping under the stars. Rachel tells him she considered joining the Peace Corps for awhile and wanted to go to Africa, too. He starts telling her about the experience, but Jeremy interrupts.

 

Rachel tells Jeremy that she doesn’t care about what rehab he went through. She can’t get over the fact he killed two people. Jeremy says that Rachel asked him to—even if she was just venting, she knew he would do what she asked. He says he did it to keep her out of jail and that he still loves her. Dr. Simon sees it all go down and asks Rachel if she’s okay. Rachel doesn’t understand why he cares considering he’s here for her. His lack of reply makes Rachel understand that Quinn hired him for her after all.

 

Through earlier in the night Madison tells Quinn that her sleeping with Gary was only a one-time thing, she later has sex with Gary and tells him she doesn’t think Quinn has what it takes anymore.