Legends of Tomorrow – Hell No, Dolly!

By: Maggie Stankiewicz

John Constantine (Matt Ryan) dreams of time spent in New Orleans not too long ago, when he consummated his love for a handsome fellow named Dez (Christian Keyes).  His fantasy is interrupted by the overly-enthusiastic Charlie (Maisie Richardson-Sellers) – who demonstrates her ability to slightly morph her face; a sign that John’s binding spell is wearing thin. Elsewhere on the Waverider, Sara (Caity Lotz) and Ava (Jes Macallan) discuss holiday plans and Rory’s (Dominic Purcell) abuse of the mystical journal. Their discussion carries them into the common room where Zari (Tala Ashe) and Ray (Brandon Routh) discuss Garima’s charms and Ray’s new facial hair. The Legends have different reactions to Ray’s moustache, but the trajectory of the conversation veers into uncharted territory – female serial killers and voodoo high priestesses. As Ray reads the nutrition label on Zari’s latest sugary cereal, he discovers another mythical mistake. Marie Laveau (Joyce Guy) has replaced Ted Bundy as the most prolific serial killer in the United States. Serial Killer Enthusiast Ava Sharpe identifies the misnomer and Sara promptly instructs Gideon to plot a course to the Big Easy.

During their pre-mission briefing the Legends establish a few key concepts: The killer’s M.O. of killing wealthy blondes is aligned with esteemed killer Mike the Spike’s signature. Ava, in addition to being able to identify serial killers within mere seconds, has also stolen Rory’s magical journal to prevent him from bringing his fantasies to life. John Constantine dislikes New Orleans but knows more about the town than what’s going on. Zari, after researching Marie Laveau, theorizes that she is being framed and/or positioned as a killer due to her power as a woman of color in the 1850s. Upon landing, they embark on their journey through the streets. John reminisces about his time with Dez, the city flooding him with memories of a lost lover. He separates from the group to brood and is enchanted by a posh gentleman who knocks him unconscious and brings him to the domicile of the High Priestess herself.

Marie is familiar with John, but certainly not as familiar with John as her great, great grandson Desmond was once. Marie has her assistant remove John’s medallion. She identifies it as a token that honors Saint Marron and it was once hers. Marie enters John’s mind and reads his thoughts, watching as Desmond gifted the medallion to John. Marie asks John If he loved Desmond and though he doesn’t reply as his eyes say it all. John surrenders and tells Marie the tale of his love with Desmond, but Marie only cares about keeping her family line alive. She orders him to save her kin. The other Legends are completely unaware of John’s plight. Sara struggles to manage her team while Mick and Ava butt heads and the others deal with their own short attention spans. Eventually, Zari notifies Gideon of John’s disappearance and enlists her assistance in tracking him down. When they finally locate John, he is still with Marie, who informs the group that she sensed the presence of a malicious spirit known as a Dybbuk (Paul Reubens). Marie returns the medallion to John but expects him to save Dez and protect her line in the future.

Ray finds a young girl crying over a doll in her room and uses the com system to inquire as to the creature’s manifestation. Could their killer be a possessed doll? All signs point to yes. Ray assesses one doll while another assaults him with a shovel, rendering the hero unconscious. Sara makes her way into the room and finds Ray unconscious. The little girl he was protecting runs away in fear and the Dybbuk strikes again. The doll attacks Sara with a knife while John enters with his flamethrower. He incinerates the doll, but he is still alive inside of his vessel.

The Time Bureau is also bustling with action and intrigue. Mona (Ramona Young) has secured herself a position as the official Assistant Coordinator of Creature Upkeep. Gary (Adam Tsekhman) has decided to pursue his affections for Mona (Ramona Young) through creepy impersonations and via Nate’s (Nick Zano) recon assistance.  Mona has other plans, unfortunately, as she’s grown a little too fond of the Kaupe being held in captivity. The creature shares her affections, though he communicates it in different ways. They communicate as best they can, and he shows her a wound on his neck. He tells her that someone hurt him during his stay at the Bureau. Mona leaves to try and get to the bottom of it when Nate tracks her down to subtly ask about her feelings for Nate. Hilarity ensues when the lines of communication cross. While Nate talks about Gary, Mona is talking about Kaupe.

Mona misinterprets Nate’s love advice and pays another visit to the Kaupe where she decides to tell him how she feels. The feelings are certainly reciprocal, but danger is afoot. The Kaupe catches the scent of the men who injured him, and he pushes Mona to safety where she hides and watches as two agents abduct the creature with violent fervor. The men, clearly dispatched by someone with high security clearance, are followed by an ever-courageous Mona. Distracted by the small woman, the Kaupe escapes his shackles and attacks the men. In his rage he also strikes Mona, drawing blood. This doesn’t stop Mona from caring for him and she orders him to run before they catch him again.

While the rest of the Legends scramble to interrogate the evil spirit, John steals Charlie for his own side mission. If Charlie helps John sabotage his meeting and romance with Dez, the timeline will be affected so intensely that Charlie will have never met the Legends and thus will regain her full powers. The duo highjack a time traveling pod in attempt to prevent John from meeting Dez again only to find that Zari has caught onto them and is summoning them back to the Waverider. Zari gets John to open up about his relationship with Dez and she understands…but that doesn’t change things. The demon Neron held the deed to Constantine’s soul and it was a deal that Dez circumvented to save the warlock. Dez tied his own soul to Neron to save John, but that meant Dez had to die alongside Neron. Zari explains that despite their best efforts, some events are fixed. Destiny.

Zari leaves to do some research on how to save Dez without messing up the timeline as the Dybbuk leaves the doll’s body and travels throughout the time ship – undetected. Meanwhile, Ava’s disdain for Mick puts Sara in an uncomfortable position; one that she attempts to remedy by hosting a surprise dinner for the three of them. Ava and Mick are too stubborn to surrender to one another. Mick takes a cheap shot by mentioning the fact that Ava is a clone, ending dinner on a low note. All throughout the ship conflict is coming to a head. John and Charlie have devised a plan to once again deceive Zari, but she doesn’t fall for it. Charlie, shifting into John, acts as a temporary decoy while the actual John sabotages his past relationship with Dez. Zari pulls Charlie away and the shape shifter reveals to her that she’s aging. Growing old isn’t reason enough to risk the world and Zari makes sure Charlie knows that. Zari pulls some strings and makes a call to John, but it’s no use. The warlock meddles with his destiny and the timeline rattles.

Back in the dining room, Ava and Sara clean up after the dinner mess. The power on the ship goes out and the Dybbuk makes itself known. It has inhabited the felt body of a puppet designed in Dr. Stein’s likeness. The demon puppet attacks Ava, who is quickly rescued by Mick, but the trouble isn’t over yet. John’s interference in his own past has a cataclysmic effect on the timeline and the ripples freeze time and space. The Legends on the Waverider and those back on Earth get suspended in time – with the exception of Charlie and Zari. Charlie’s powers have returned but Zari…Zari has turned into a beautiful domestic shorthair cat. The consequences of John’s actions are purr-ty bad.