Abbott Elementary – Wrong Delivery

By: Atiya Irvin-Mitchell

There is a spirited debate amongst the teaching staff about a controversial topic: is it too soon to reboot the Spiderman franchise? Janine (Quinta Brunson)) doesn’t know who could replace Tom Holland. Melissa (Lisa Ann Walter) thinks that Daniel Radcliffe could fill his shoes, but Gregory (Tyler James Williams) points out he’s got a franchise. Jacob (Chris Perfetti) just doesn’t want to see Chris Pratt anywhere. Ava (Janelle James) votes for 50 Cent and Barbara (Sheryl Lee Ralph) is less picky. If they do go with a Black actor she’d like to see Brian Austin Green. Now, if you’re confused by this description of David from “90210,” then no worries. Barbara has a quirk. She can’t match actors’ and musicians’ names to the right faces, ever. In her world Kerry Washington’s name is Carrie Underwood and she mixes up Bobbie Brown with Millie Bobbie Brown from “Stranger Things.” The staff finds this endearing, so they decided a while back to just never tell her.

Onward and upward special delivery. Ava unveils a box of social studies books. Janine is excited that they’re so recent. The presidents don’t stop in 2012 and they include events like Brexit and Hamilton, but the joy is short lived. Melissa checks the label and realizes they’re meant for Addington Elementary, the charter school up the street. They’re going to have to return them.

They walk to Addignton and we learn that going charter has its perks, for starters you get a lot more money – no broken air conditioning, no crumbling walls, and they get a blast from the past: Tina (Kate Peterman), the teacher who Greg replaced after she kicked a student. Apparently, with more money comes a more lax hiring process. But she doesn’t kick kids anymore because of anger management. In the middle of a mini tour Tina’s giving Melissa shares a tense encounter with another teacher (Lauren Weedman) and insists that they all leave, immediately. Janine is determined to believe that Abbott is every bit as good as Addington but Melissa said it’s okay to accept defeat in this area.

After the visit Janine wants to give her classroom a paint job, but Ava nixes it on account of the district’s policy. Overhearing this makes a few of the kids sad. Some of their siblings go to Addington so they’re not unaware of how little they have at Addington in comparison to other schools.

After hearing that obviously Janine isn’t going to accept defeat. So she proposes that the school use the leftover grant money to buy a computer for the library, which doesn’t even have a librarian. She wants the kids to have something exciting. But the original plan was to use the money to buy the basics for the school meaning cleaning supplies. It might not sound flashy, Barbara and Melissa say, but the school can’t afford to splurge. Ava decides to make it interesting.

Gregory goes to Jacob for window opening help because he’s avoiding Barbara, not because he’s mad at her but because of his relationship with her daughter Taylor. They don’t have much to talk about. Gregory is a pretty low maintenance guy and Taylor is all about the glamor. He wants to end things, but he doesn’t want to because if he hurt’s Taylor’s feelings he thinks Barbara will hate him. So, Jacob proposes an alternative – the cousin ghosting: petering out. He tells Gregory to just reply to her slower and slower and let the relationship die a natural death. That way there will be no disgruntled mother or daughter.

Who needs a pros and cons list when you can simulate “Shark Tank” to make spending decisions? She assembles a panel of herself, Courtney (Lela Hoffmeister) and Mr. Johnson (William Stanford Johnson). Some teachers like Melissa feel it’s a waste of time. Janine pulled an all-nighter finishing a presentation. There’s a pitch for more kitchen supplies from the cafeteria staff. Mr. Johnson decides to pitch him getting the money to become a secret agent. All and all the sharks aren’t impressed.

When Janine gives her presentation, which includes Steve Jobs and a few charts, the sharks still aren’t totally jazzed. But much to Janine’s surprise later she manages to convince them and she gets the money. She’s hyped because she never wins stuff. Then, a kid runs in and tells them to come quickly.

It’s complete pandemonium in the cafeteria. There are mice everywhere which is really freaking out both the kids and staff. Those caught and released mice from Addington had to go somewhere. So, instead of a new computer they’re going to have to pay for an exterminator. Janine’s victory was very short lived.

Prior to the mouse fiasco Janine told Gregory that she appreciates his honestly which inspires him to talk to Barbara. He’s trying to work up the nerve to gently say there’s no future between him and Taylor. But before he even gets the words out she’s apologizing to him for Taylor dumping him. Then she takes in his surprised look and realizes Taylor never officially broke up with him. She was petering out on him right back.

So, the school won’t be getting a computer but that doesn’t mean they get nothing. Ava has the bright idea to get the kids ice cream. It’s cheap and everybody loves ice cream. Also, Philly’s weather hasn’t gotten the memo that the summer’s over so in the absence of a working air conditioner it’s a big hit with everyone. Also, there’s a sweet moment where Janine gives Gregory sympathy ice cream after she hears about his recent break-up.

Final note: Remember the teacher that made Melissa freak out earlier? That’s her sister Kristin and given that she kicks her off Abbott Elementary’s property it seems there’s no love lost there. Janine and Barbara aren’t the only ones with family drama it seems.