By: Kelly Kearney
We are halfway through the season, and this week, the Lady Greyhounds face off against the best team in the league, Chelsea. Alice, the former star player turned salty assistant coach, is feeling the pressure and taking it out on everyone. Meanwhile, Rebecca and Keeley finally settle their partnership tensions with the help of Zelda, because nothing can divide these two besties. It’s all love. Unfortunately, the same can’t be said for their romantic lives. Rebecca finds herself in hot water with Matthijs after one simple question forces them to confront an uncomfortable truth about their relationship. Keeley is also trying to steer her ship toward Roy, but after taking her advice and testing the dating waters, Roy might have found someone who matches his grouch. It’s dating disasters, embarrassing moments, and big-game anxiety in “Riches of Embarrassment.”
One is the Loneliest Number
We begin with Richmond players and exes Mady (Annelise Heywood) and Margy (Mercedes Assad), walking and talking about the perks of single life. The two argue over whether audiobooks count as reading before spotting Ted Lasso (Jason Sudeikis) sitting alone in a café, eating a hot dog. They can’t help but stare and agree that the whole scene looks sad. Naturally, they snap a photo and send it to the team chat, not to make fun of Ted, but to brainstorm ways to brighten up his life a little.
This prompts Mady to realize she doesn’t want to die alone, and Margy suggests they get back together. The on-again, off-again, back-on-again couple walk away holding hands as Ted swallows the last bits of his hot dog. He has no idea the women just photographed him and seems perfectly happy sitting by himself, just him and his sausage.
Directly after the credits, we get a Lady Greyhounds promotional video featuring the team showing off their strength before ending with the tagline, “It’s my time.” It’s a powerful message that is sure to make female sports fans shiver with anticipation for their next game against Chelsea. Higgins (Jeremy Swift) and Rebecca (Hannah Waddingham) are pumped over the ad, which was a special project of Keeley’s (Juno Temple). She explains that this kind of content is important because it’s the first time the women’s team is playing at Nelson Road, and inspiring marketing should help fill those seats and drive ticket sales.
Leslie, who has been patiently waiting to speak, gets interrupted by Keeley several times as she and Rebecca gush over the upcoming game. By the time they finally stop and ask Higgins what he was going to say, he’s already forgotten. It must not have been important.
Downstairs in the coaches’ office, everyone is preparing for the big game against Chelsea. Debbie Downer Alice (Tanya Reynolds) already has the Greyhounds losing before they’ve even stepped onto the pitch, and her negativity is unshakable. She flat-out tells Ted they cannot beat Chelsea because they’re too good. So, Ted asks what she would do to help them win, and she immediately identifies the team’s weakest link: Shannon (Shannon Hayes). Alice says she would take her out of the starting lineup because she isn’t ready, and Beard can’t help but agree.
When they finally head into the locker room, the players start grilling Ted about his personal love life. Ted looks like a child who wandered into a movie halfway through because has no idea what’s going on until they show him the photo of him eating the hot dog alone. Taken aback, he dodges their questions and redirects everyone’s attention to the game. His personal life is off the table, for now.
After that uncomfortable interrogation, Ted and the coaches head back to the office, where Alice is disgusted by the players’ interest in the coach’s dating life. She rants about how inappropriate it is for the team to ask whether he is dating anyone. Ted assumes she’s upset because she has had to answer the same questions, but she admits she hasn’t, and she’s glad about it. Judging by how angry she is, however, it seems pretty clear she has some feelings about the whole thing, and “I don’t care” is definitely not one of them. She remains steadfast in her belief that if the players are going to ask the coaches anything, it should be related to the Chelsea game. She storms out, leaving Ted and Beard staring at each other like something is definitely up. Whatever it is, they’re going to have to deal with it after the game.
Speaking of dating, Keeley runs into Roy (Brett Goldstein) in the hallway, where he apologizes for missing the women’s game because he has his own match to coach. He tells her she’ll be in his thoughts, which makes her smile and prompts her to turn the flirtation up a notch. She smoothly slinks closer and asks how his dating life is going. Has he finished the ten dates he promised to go on before they reconsider their own relationship status? Roy admits he’s on date nine, prompting Keeley to respond with a very interested “interesting” before walking away. Her tone clearly piques Roy’s curiosity, as he turns around several times, seemingly ready to add something to the conversation, but never gets the chance. What has him nervously mumbling his favorite F-bomb?
While Keeley and Roy try to figure out where their relationship might go, Rebecca is at home with Matthijs (Matteo van der Grijn) and his daughter, Jelka (Fleur Bremmer), who stopped by with some big news. Rebecca won’t have to miss her long-distance Dutchman for much longer because he has taken a job with Virgin Atlantic and is moving to London. When Rebecca asks how Jelka fits into the move, knowing Matthijs shares custody with his ex, she learns that the ex is also moving to London. It’s one big happy family, plus one: Rebecca.
She plasters on a smile, but when she hugs Matthijs, her face falls. She doesn’t seem thrilled about this change in status, even if Matthijs chose the job to be closer to her.
Later, at Mae’s pub, Ted and Beard (Brendan Hunt) sit down for a drink and a chat about Alice. “She seems a bit more spring-loaded this week,” Ted observes, trying to figure out what is going on with her. Beard chalks it up to nerves over playing at Nelson Road, and Ted agrees. Nerves do make people do all sorts of things, like letting the team grill you about a hot dog photo. Beard disagrees with that one. The team took the photo because they genuinely want to know more about their coach, and this was their way of figuring him out. Before they can get much further, the bar flies, Baz (Adam Colborne), Paul (Kevin Garry), and Jeremy (Bronson Webb), interrupt to tell Beard they attended Jane’s show the night before.
“Bloody hell… WHAT A PERFORMANCE!” they exclaim.
Trouble on the Pitch
Now that Beard has emerged from his Jane-induced trauma coma, he has to see what all the fuss is about. Ted isn’t sure that’s a good idea, but agrees to go with him since he knows his bestie is going to need moral support.
At the Richmond offices the following day, the Lady Greyhounds have chipped in to buy Ted a pair of jeans. They think a fashion upgrade might help his dating life, and Alice is once again outraged. In fact, her level of anger doesn’t quite match the team’s sweet gesture, especially because it seems Beard was right. The women genuinely just want to know their coach better and be part of whatever makes him happy. Ted gave them an outlet to find their happiness, so it only makes sense that they want to return the favor. According to Alice, however, all of this is intrusive and getting in the way of their focus on Chelsea. It seems Ted’s assistant coach is officially coming apart at the seams as they head into their toughest challenge of the season.
Later, on the pitch, she singles out Shannon and lays into her for missing a pass. Gemma (Abbie Hern), who has had her own issues with Alice’s attitude, stands up for Shannon and tells the assistant coach to back off when she orders the player to run five laps. Gemma tells Shannon not to do it, and Alice does not take that well. She orders both Shannon and Gemma to run ten laps. When Gemma refuses again, Alice orders the entire team to run fifteen as punishment for Gemma’s insubordination.
The bad blood between these two is now threatening to fracture the team right before their biggest game. Ted tries one of his stories to get through to Alice, comparing coaching to learning how to barbecue. Poking, prodding, and turning up the heat makes the meat tough. The key is slow and gentle because that keeps it tender. People, Ted explains, are the same. The more you poke them, the harder they become.
Alice hears what he’s getting at, but the story doesn’t exactly open her eyes. From the sidelines, Ted and Beard realize they may need to step in soon before Alice turns the entire team against her.
“What’s Wrong, Tommy Chong?”
After his conversation with Alice goes nowhere, Ted, who isn’t sure if having the Wilson Phillips hit “Hold On” stuck in his head means he is happy or bordering on psychosis, whistles his way up to Rebecca’s office for the first official biscuits-with-the-boss chat of the season.
Rebecca eagerly digs into the sweet shortbread, hoping the treat will improve her mood. She is very much in her feelings about Matthijs’ move and worries that the reason their relationship has worked is because she has been “microdosing” it. A move to London, she says, would be more like “the full trip,” complete with a mimed vomiting gesture. After her disastrous divorce, Rebecca isn’t sure she is ready for a full-time boyfriend. What if he moves to London and she ends up hating him?
Ted listens like the human soundboard he is while Rebecca shoves shortbread into her worried mouth and points out all the drug metaphors she has managed to work into the conversation. They do make sense when you’re dating a man from Amsterdam, but who needs drugs when you have crumbly shortbread made by your caring pal Ted? So caring, in fact, that Ted realizes Rebecca’s real issue may not be Matthijs’ move, but her fear of the past repeating itself.
Pot, meet kettle.
Is this the same reason Ted is spending his Friday nights alone with his sausage? They are both afraid to leave the comfort zone they landed in after life and love got very uncomfortable. Ted just hasn’t realized yet that the advice he is giving the boss lady is advice he should probably be following himself.
Meanwhile, downstairs, the men’s team is getting on the bus for their game when Keeley stops by to wish them and Roy luck. With the flirtation volume set at 100, she tells Roy that maybe while he is on the road he’ll have that final date and officially close out his ten. She slowly moves closer and admits that if he comes back after that, who knows? Maybe it will be time to revisit their earlier conversation about trying again.
Roy remains restrained and admits he went on date ten the night before. Keeley smiles until he reveals that the last few dates have been with the same woman. He doesn’t say who, but maybe it’s the bartender he made out with or that salty doctor who might fix his knee. Whatever the case, dates six through ten have all been with the same woman. With that news, Keeley tries to hold it together and remain her usual happy, carefree self, but the light in her eyes dies and her smile never quite reaches full 100-watt status. She tells Roy that’s great news and walks away wishing him luck. Roy watches her go, clearly unsure how to read that reaction.
Beard’s Embarrassment
Sporting his new jeans, Ted and Beard head to the theater to see Jane’s much-talked-about play. They have no idea what they’re getting themselves into, but after the bar flies gave the show a glowing review and admitted they still liked Beard afterward, they know it can’t exactly be a home run for the coach’s ego.
And they are right.
When the show begins, Jane (Phoebe Walsh), in true performance-art fashion, airs all of their relationship’s dirty laundry right up until the grand finale, when she admits the pregnancy at the end of Season 3 was a lie. She lied to get Beard to marry her, and the entire play is essentially a defense of why she was right to do it. It’s going to be a long night for Ted in those stiff jeans.
Meanwhile, Rebecca is entertaining Jelka while Matthijs works an overnight flight shift. The two have a girls’ night in their pajamas, laughing and stuffing their faces with sweets, and totally ignoring Matthijs’ warnings about junk food causing nightmares.
As nightmares go, Ted and Beard have it worse than the boss lady and her pint-sized ice cream guzzling guest. They somehow manage to get through Jane’s show mostly unmoved until the end, when she turns the truth into a bizarre admission that one Kansas City mustachioed coach was the manifestation of all the men who wanted to sleep with her, and lying to Beard made her feel empowered.
Ted is understandably shocked, but he can still appreciate an artist’s interpretation of the truth, and this is certainly Jane’s and Jane’s alone. His mustache stayed clear of his best friend’s wife, and Beard knows that. As embarrassing as it is to watch your worst moments acted out onstage, Beard is also moved by the performance. He leaves Ted in the seats to go see Jane, and Ted follows behind, knowing his guy is going to need the support.
Speaking of support, after Rebecca and Jelka give themselves a brain freeze eating ice cream, it becomes clear just how well these two get along. They laugh, share sweets, and clearly have grown close over the years. Still stewing over her uncertainty with the move, Rebecca casually asks Jelka how she feels about moving to London. It’s an innocent question for any kid facing such a major change, and Jelka is thrilled. She’s especially happy for her mom and her new big job.
That catches Rebecca’s attention, and she innocently corrects the confused girl, explaining that her mom is moving to London because of her dad’s new job. It plays like a simple misunderstanding, and Jelka remains all smiles, while Rebecca is privately freaking out. Especially when Jelka clarifies that it is actually her dad and she who are following her mom to London. Jelka cannot read the room, or Rebecca’s panic-induced ice cream binge. As far as she’s concerned, everything is right with the world, while Rebecca is starting to crumble.
A Peek Behind the Curtain
Back at the theater, Beard knocks on Jane’s dressing-room door and the two have it out. She knew he would show up because, apparently, their love-hate relationship is as addictive as it is dysfunctional.
She proves it, too, when Beard asks her to stop performing the show and she immediately jumps into his arms, begging him to make her.
Whistling that same song from earlier, Ted tries to ignore the sounds of Beard and Jane reuniting in hateful love. When a female stage manager (Charlotte Riley) tells him whistling is bad luck, the two share a mildly flirtatious moment, which is exactly the speed Ted is currently operating at.
The coach is curious about her job, which surprises her, and they talk about how she became a stage manager and the similarities between stage managing and leading a team to victory. When she leaves to get back to work, Ted watches her go, almost as if she is a sign that he might be ready to turn his sausage Fridays into a date for two.
His peace doesn’t last long because Beard comes staggering out of Jane’s dressing room with bad news: Not only is Jane refusing to end the show, but someone is buying the rights to take it to London’s West End. Now Emma Stone is interested in putting a famous name and face to Beard’s worst moment of his life. So upset by the public shaming, he wound up headbutting her mirror and is now ready for Ted to escort his broken heart home.
The following morning, we catch up with Rebecca in bed next to Matthijs, still deep in thought about what Jelka said the night before. He tells her he loves her but notices her mood is less than chipper and asks what’s wrong. All of Rebecca’s worries come pouring out. She wants the truth about why he is actually moving. Is it for her, or because his ex got that job?
Matthijs is outraged! He hops out of bed, angry that Rebecca has brought his daughter into an already messy situation with his ex. He insists Jelka was confused and explains that he tries to keep her away from the troubles between himself and her mother. Rebecca didn’t trust him, and now she has stirred the pot. Instead of defending herself over what started as a simple question about the move, Rebecca takes a back seat to his anger and apologizes, but the damage is done. Matthijs throws on his clothes and breaks up with her, leaving Rebecca stunned by the sudden end to what she thought was a nice, convenient relationship.
The Shame Game
Later that day, the gates open at Nelson Road for the first match between Chelsea and the Richmond Greyhounds. The seats are filling up, although not at the numbers Keeley hoped to see after her marketing campaign. The typically optimistic woman is starting to worry.
As the teams come out of the locker rooms, the announcers remind us this is the women’s first televised game. Keeley sits with Rebecca and her business manager, Barbara (Katy Wix) as they watch Chelsea dominate the Greyhounds. By halftime, Chelsea has 95% of possession, and Keeley is 100% trying not to cry.
She admits to Rebecca that she is embarrassed by the turnout and how the game is going. She points out how even Matthijs and Jelka didn’t show up. Sure, the tickets sold, but for some reason, attendance doesn’t reflect it, and Keeley is beside herself over it. Rebecca tries to soothe Keeley’s fears, but she isn’t ready to admit what happened with her boyfriend either. She simply says he had to work and then makes room for Zelda (Tracey Ullman), who takes a seat next to them to rescue their increasingly somber moods.
Immediately, the punk-turned-tycoon points out how sparse the crowd is. When she sees Keeley’s face fall, she gives her a proper lesson in positivity: “The only way forward is through.” And apparently, the best way through is to drink themselves into a stupor.
Luckily, Zelda brought a bottle.
Keeley isn’t in the mood and bails, leaving Zelda to convince Rebecca to loosen up and have a drink. “Let’s get wankered,” she says as Rebecca takes a gulp straight from the bottle.
When Keeley returns, she sits with Barbara, and admits that she thought the online video, which garnered plenty of support and views, would translate into packed seats at Nelson Road. Barbara tells Keeley she needs to learn how to balance taking work seriously without forgetting how to have fun. After all, she was the one who taught her how important fun was in the first place. The conversation calms some of Keeley’s anxieties over the empty seats, but the game is a whole other story.
At halftime, the score is 2–0 and Alice is fuming. She storms off the pitch, while, in the stands, Rebecca is plastered. She’s so in the drink that when Keeley excuses herself during the break, Rebecca is so wasted she is kissing her bestie’s hand and not letting it go. She counts on this relationship, even if they have had their ups and downs partnering on this female team.
Zelda spots their energy and puts things into perspective for Rebecca. Keeley is a dreamer, and life can be hard for dreamers. That’s why she is perfect for Rebecca, “You get sh*t done. You’re a doer like me,” Zelda tells her. Rebecca admits she would get a lot more done if her little dreamer listened to her occasionally. Zelda takes that in and offers a thought-provoking answer to the tension between Keeley’s spending and Rebecca’s business sense. The world needs both doers and dreamers, just like the Eurythmics–a band both women take a pause to praise. Zelda admits she was at their first show, where there were more people onstage than in the audience.
Sound familiar?
It’s basically the same problem they’re having with the female footie team now. They are interrupted by Higgins, who has the unfortunate news that the very drunk Rebecca is needed on the pitch to give away a children’s charity check. Is she camera-ready? It looks like all of the U.K. is about to find out.
WHERE ARE YOU?
Downstairs, as the team filters off the field, Alice shames each and every one of them as they enter the locker room. Gemma blames Alice for working them too hard, but the assistant coach refuses to take responsibility.
Ted overhears Alice telling the team they are embarrassing themselves and everyone else, and that does not sit right with him. He tells her he wants to talk after the game, and from his tone, he is both concerned and completely over her attitude.
Down on the pitch, Leslie realizes Rebecca is not exactly fit for prime time and tries convincing her not to give the speech. Rebecca shoves her purse into his arms, invades his personal space, and announces that this is the best idea anyone has ever had. Then she takes the microphone and drunkenly shouts her thanks to all the supporters for showing up. Then she turns to the camera and shames the ones who didn’t, screaming and motioning for the crowd to join her in, “WHERE ARE YOU?” This is a football town, and she expects to see the fans come out and support their team. It’s quite the performance, and has the spectators laughing and recording the posh owner absolutely wankered on the field.
Back in the locker room, Ted gives the players one of his inspirational talks about embarrassment, something he says is “so useless that embarrassment itself should be embarrassed.” Then he gives the tea what they want by opening up about his life and that photo they took of him. He explains why looks can be deceiving. Just because he chooses to eat alone after dropping Henry off with his ex doesn’t mean he is alone. After all, he has all of them, his fellow coaches, and all of his friends in Richmond. Sure, he is single, and maybe he is finally ready to start dating again, but that doesn’t mean he is embarrassed about it.
“Embarrassment can trap you,” he explains. “It can make you feel small and scared.” It reminds him of a quote that he struggles to finish, so Alice does it for him: “When the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Ted hopes Alice hears him loud and clear, but she seems deaf to the lesson, painfully wrapped inside her own bud and afraid to reach beyond it. Sometimes you have to take the risk because not taking it can be even more painful than failing. That’s what Ted wants for the team, and for himself. So when they head back onto the pitch, they should try to score a goal. Then maybe another. And maybe even a third. Anything is better than staying embarrassed by that first half.
And after that talk, the Greyhounds are ready to take the risk.
When they get back onto the pitch, the team is inspired. Niamh Harrigan (Aisling Sharkey) passes to her twin, Siobhan (Rex Hayes), who passes it onto Gemma, who scores their first goal of the game. That lights their fire, and suddenly, Chelsea has a game on its hands.
The Greyhounds move past their shame and embarrassment and start dominating, with Gemma emerging as the star player. With Margy’s help, she pulls off a trick move, and the team manages to tie the game at 2–2.
Boots (Jude Mack), still playing without gloves, makes a triple save but loses their mojo on the fourth, and Chelsea ultimately takes the game 3–2. It’s a heartbreaking loss, but it’s also a memorable second half from Richmond’s freshman team that is sure to have the fans talking.
Hold On For One More Day
Keeley, unfortunately, doesn’t see it that way and is holding back the tears as she makes her way out of the stands and down to the locker room to see the players.
Rebecca, now very drunk, hates seeing her brokenhearted, but Zelda has a different perspective. This loss might be the best thing that could have happened for the dreamer and the doer. Sure, Keeley flew too close to the sun, and her melted wings came crashing back down to reality, but maybe now she’ll listen to Rebecca. That can only help their partnership while keeping their friendship a strong foundation to build on.
Outside the locker room, Keeley apologizes for the empty seats until Boots and Lizzie (Faye Marsay) point out that the crowd is actually twice the size of what they normally get for home games. They have never played in front of that many people. Boots tells her she needs to stop listening to the voices in her head. The players are happy, so maybe she should be too. That finally puts a smile on Keeley’s face.
The one who isn’t smiling is Beard, who tells Ted they have a coach problem, and he means Alice. This isn’t the first time they’ve had an issue with an assistant coach. Previously, Nate started as an eager assistant before becoming a jealous and vengeful opponent. Ted didn’t see that transformation coming, and he lost valuable time with his friend while the young coach lost a lot of the respect he had earned over the years. Ted isn’t going to let that happen with Alice. Whatever is bothering her, she is not going to destroy herself or the team over it.
So, when Alice enters the office and Beard leaves, Ted tells her she will be sitting out the next game. When she points out that the team goes on winter break after that, Ted admits the long stretch will give her time to think about how she has been treating the team and come up with new tactics to inspire them. He is stern but caring in that very Ted Lasso way. Suspending Alice clearly hurts his heart a little, but he knows he is doing what’s best for her and the team.
And then we cut to a scene from Bridesmaids, where Kristin Wiig is drunk and singing on the plane, a comfort watch for Keeley and Rebecca. After everything that happened that day, these two desperately need it. Snuggled up in bed together, they have the ultimate girls’ night reset when Rebecca makes an ill-timed joke about crowd sizes and Keeley starts to cry. It’s not the turnout that has her upset. It’s Roy. She’s been reeling over the news that he is seeing someone and now she is convinced this mystery woman is his soulmate. This prompts Rebecca to admit that Matthijs broke up with her, which explains why he and Jelka weren’t at the game. The two of them are crying, still a bit tipsy, but happy to have each other.
Because who needs men when you can snuggle with your best friend, make bad jokes at their expense, and cry until your Wilson Phillips “Hold On” tears dry?
Wait a minute…
Wasn’t that the same song Ted was whistling earlier? From happiness to bordering on psychosis, everyone in Richmond is just trying to hold on for one more day.