Wynonna Earp – Waiting Forever For You

By: Maggie Stankiewicz

The gang has finally earned a little bit of downtime in the waging war against Bulshar (Jean Marchand) and they’re spending that time wisely. Jeremy (Varun Saranga) takes some pool lessons from the master herself, Wynonna (Melanie Scrofano), but their conversation quickly drifts into more dangerous territory. Wynonna reminds Jeremy of the beautiful (and the horrible things) that pool table has been a part of and then urges the young scientist to make the most of his blossoming relationship with Robin. Their conversation is interrupted by the appearance of Charlie and his firefighter pals, who Wynonna has been ghosting. Wynonna panics when Jeremy calls attention to her and she finally surrenders herself, but not without first giving Bulshar’s ring to Jeremy for safe keeping. Jeremy leaves and Wynonna is alone with Charlie (Sebastian Pigott) and his nice face.

Romance is in the air all across the Ghost River Triangle as Bulshar pays a visit to Constance Clootie’s resting place in the salt flats. He lightly drifts his fingers across an old, occult text and watches as the mummified form of his former wife rises from the sodium-filled depths. Once she is risen, Bulshar reattaches her head and commands her to not fail him again. Her skin is as dry and dark as neglected leather, weathered and worn from centuries of fighting, drying and decaying. Ever the dutiful wife, Constance has no choice but to obey her husband’s command. And speaking of following your spouse’s orders…Kate (Chantel Riley) and Doc (Tim Rozon) find themselves at odds back in the Gardner house. Kate managed to catch and imprison a meal for Doc, who does not take kindly to the gesture. He prefers to hunt on his own and that’s exactly what he’ll do. Kate channels the rejection into hunger and enjoys the day’s catch for herself.

Jeremy and Robin (Justin Kelly) are enjoying a nice mid-day phone conversation, casually discussing their upcoming “BGD” (Big Gay Dinner) with Waverly (Dominique Provost-Chalkley) and Nicole (Katherine Barrell) when a ravenous Doc finds and attacks Robin in the woods. Hunting for himself apparently means finding food by any means possible, even if your victim is the significant other of a close friend. Luckily, Jeremy hears the attack and Doc is able to come to his senses. Doc brings a bleeding Robin to Jeremy’s HQ and reveals his new self. Jeremy is saddened, even disgusted by what Doc has become. Jeremy dismisses Doc, but not before Doc tells him that Robin tastes that rancid earth. Spoiled.

Big Gay Dinner is rapidly approaching while Big Hetero Dinner takes place at a local diner. Wynonna orders some grub for herself and Charlie and they try their best to behave as a normal couple on an ordinary date. Jeremy decides to take a detour on the way to his double date and notifies Wynonna of Doc’s assault on Robin. Wynonna takes it upon herself to solve the town’s newfound vampire problem and enlists Charlie’s help to do it. Buckle up, buttercup. The couple splits up. Charlie captures Doc at Shorty’s with a rope soaked in holy water, buying Wynonna time to have a chat with Kate. The two men bicker about who is better for Wynonna, but an unexpected visitor forces them to work together. Constance Clootie’s mummified yet animated corpse. Constance expresses little interest in either of the men, she appears to be searching for something. Bulshar’s ring, perhaps, but that doesn’t stop Charlie or Doc from being afraid of her. Charlie liberates Doc from his blessed cage and they assess the now fallen corpse.

When Doc tastes salt on the back of his hand, he realizes that the body belongs to Constance – and he orders Charlie to call Wynonna. The phone keeps on ringing as the heir is busy. When Wynonna crashes into the Gardner House with Peacemaker in hand, she is met by a trigger-happy Kate. Wynonna confronts Kate about Doc’s choices, but Kate’s not buying it. Their conversation stales until Kate offers Wynonna a sip of whiskey and a story about her true past. Kate tells Wynonna about her psychic abilities, her family’s aristocracy, her vampirism…and a little encounter she’d had with the man whose future she refused to read: Bulshar. Bulshar, as Sheriff Clootie, had demanded Kate read him his tarot cards. When she refused, Doc stood up to defend her. The rest, as they say, is history. Wynonna challenges Kate’s revisionist telling of her and Doc’s past, which results in yet another standoff. Kate palms Peacemaker (and doesn’t get burned) and demonstrates to Wynonna that she comes in (mostly) peace.

Big Gay Dinner has officially commenced. Waverly drags Robin into the kitchen to serve as her culinary helper, while Jeremy unloads his anxieties onto Nicole. Robin begins by poking fun at Waverly’s taste in men, she counters by reminding him of the time he dated Nedley’s daughter…But then something changes. Robin’s tone dampens, and he holds a potato in his hand ever so delicately. Things go downhill when he asks her, “What do you think a potato feels when it’s in the ground?” And then it happens. He licks the potato ever so tenderly. He takes off. We cut to Jeremy and Nicole in the dining room. Nicole prepares to serve some biscuits when Nicole points Bulshar’s ring out to her. It falls from atop of the biscuit and chaos ensues. As Nicole bends to pick it up, Waverly enters the room and mistakes the gesture for a proposal. Terror floods Nicole’s face as Waverly expresses her excitement, which is unfortunately deflated by the fact that the ring appeared out of nowhere.

Charlie and Doc load Constance into the back of Doc’s car and drive down to the well to dump her. Distracted by their competing levels of testosterone, they turn their backs on the mummy long enough for her to reassemble, animate and steal the car. She drives off, waving at the men with her own disembodied arm. Without the Stone Witch to worry about, Doc is forced to focus on his own hunger. This results in Charlie knocking him out as a form of self-preservation. Constance’s next stop is the Gardner house. When she enters, she finds Kate and Wynonna at yet another standoff, circling each other with knives in their hands. When they notice her, Kate hands Wynonna Peacemaker and picks up her own gun. They turn, side by side, and point their pieces at the leathery witch. When the witch realizes that what she’s looking for is not there, she turns to leave. Kate and Wynonna decide to follow her.

Nicole, Waverly and Jeremy search the Earp property for Robin and find him shirtless in the corner of the barn. Robin appears to be in a trance, scratching the wound Doc left in his arm and rambling about the need to fertilize the land. The three coherent members of the unkillable gay squad discuss what to do with him. They listen as Robin says Bulshar is close, but that’s the extent of the information he dispenses before snapping back to reality. He tells them that the forest and the roots are being forced to do Bulshar’s bidding, against their will. That poor, beautiful, shirtless Roomba. Nicole comforts him by sharing her childhood trauma, Jeremy opens up about the time he was forced stuck with his own mother’s corpse and Waverly spills the beans on her own problems. They’re all in this together now. Them and Constance Clootie…who is walking about the barn behind them.

The ring in Nicole’s pocket begins to burn. She tosses it and Waverly momentarily goes all Gollum and slips the ring on her finger. It fits and it doesn’t burn. This catches the attention of Constance, who approaches Waverly. With the simple waving of her arm, ring-endowed Waverly sends Constance flying across the barn. The mummy flees, but Wynonna and Kate are close behind. When they arrive, Waverly fills her sister and the vampire in on what Constance was doing. In addition to attacking Waverly, Constance managed to pocket some Tarot Cards that Doc had been storing in the barn. Kate reveals that the cards Doc had been keeping were the cards that Kate had pulled for Sheriff Clootie – but never gave to him. She may have refused to tell Bulshar what his reading was, but she certainly performed one.

Kate did a standard three-card reading – past, present and future. Bulshar got his past and present, but is still seeking his future. Wynonna and Kate set off to retrieve the final card, the one stolen by Constance, before she can bring it to Bulshar. As they turn to leave, Kate acknowledges Bulshar’s ring on Waverly’s finger and warns her to never underestimate its power. Waverly, frightened by the warning, attempts to take the ring off – but it won’t budge. When Waverly brings her hand and the ring to Jeremy and Nicole she tells them that she feels as though she was meant to wear the ring. This theory is backed up by the appearance of an inscription on the band, one that Jeremy will have to decode.

Wynonna and Kate are too late. Constance makes it to Bulshar before they can catch up to her and hands him the cards. He is pleased by the doom they suggest is on the horizon. Constance fulfilled her mission, but she is still obsolete in his eyes. When Kate and Wynonna finally find her, she is alone in the snowbanks and she is so…tired. Constance falls to her knees before Wynonna and Kate. She has nothing left. Her power is gone. Her purpose fulfilled. She grabs the barrel of Peacemaker and brings it to her head. “It’s no small thing, to be able to choose your own end,” Kate whispers. Constance will still go out with dignity. Peacemaker burns orange, but cools to a somber shade of blue as it lays Constance Clootie to rest for good.

Kate and Wynonna stand at the final resting place of Constance Clootie and devise a plan. As an Earp, Wynonna is linked to Bulshar. If Kate can read Wynonna’s cards – then maybe they can find a way to explore and perhaps intercept Bulshar’s cards. Wynonna’s cards are: the Devil for her past, the Tower for her present, the Lovers for the future. These are the cards that Bulshar wants. If he gets the Tower, it will be darkness and destruction. His future will be the first Lovers – Adam and Eve with a new world in the Garden of Eden. This is confirmed by the ring’s translated inscription of “Garden of Paradise.” Just when they think they’ve gotten one step ahead, Robin tells them that Bulshar has already found the garden – he just needs to harvest it.

Outside we see Kate and Wynonna meet up for one more conversation. Kate tells her that she became a vampire for Doc and Doc became a vampire for Wynonna. Life’s little ironies aren’t always worth a chuckle. This revelation not only softens Wynonna to Kate, but to Doc as well. Wynonna and Doc meet in the barn a little while later and are able to have a civil conversation. Wynonna tells Doc that she doesn’t like him the way he is now, but he can’t change it. They can only move forward, in a different direction. They resolve to end the curse for good, now in the Garden of Eden. As they steep in the biblical reality of it all, Bulshar appears and blows demented fairy dust in their faces.