GLOW – A Very GLOW Christmas

By: Ellie Dolan-Yates

Carmen (Britney Young) is handing out Secret Santa picks around the dressing room.  Arthie (Sunita Mani) says it’s weird to think about presents after what happened at the ball and she looks at Yolanda (Shakira Barrera) who says that people need to stop being surprised that there are bigots around. Carmen says she hopes that Yolanda’s Secret Santa gets her something that reminds her that there’s still some beauty in humanity. Carmen says that she picked herself out and Ruth (Alison Brie) says that she can have hers as she got Cherry (Sydelle Noel). Carmen reminds her it’s Secret Santa.

Ruth is telling Sheila (Gayle Rankin) that she’s sorry she missed her performance and it sounds like the only good thing about the night. Ruth asks her how it felt to be on stage doing exactly what she wanted to be doing. Sheila says it’s the best feeling she’s had in her life, until the fire. Debbie (Betty Gilpin) is telling Tex (Toby Huss) how crazy it is as an actor that you can drive 300 miles to audition for someone you don’t know and still not get the part. Tex says Debbie is smart for wanting to go into producing. Tex is saying that he’s getting bored of negotiating his bid for the TV outlet he wants to buy and Debbie tells him that he’s underbidding. She’s looked over the deal terms and says she should know what’s going on if she’s his partner to which he responds, “You’re my girlfriend, not my partner.” This annoys Debbie. She says she just wants to help and Tex says that she has by making all of the negotiation dinners bearable. This doesn’t go down well with Debbie who asks if she’s supposed to just sit there and look pretty. He says that he can get ugly and ruthless during negotiations and he doesn’t want his future wife, if this is where their relationship is going, near any of that.

Sandy (Geena Davis) is trying to talk to Bash (Chris Lowell) about ramp safety for Rhapsody. Bash has noticed Paul (Nick Clifford) at the bar and tells Sandy that she needs to fire him immediately! Sandy tells him it’s Paul the gigolo. Bash says he’s made a mistake and excuses himself. Arthie answers the door to an upset Rhonda (Kate Nash). She’s been crying and asks if Carmen is there. Arthie says she’s not and Rhonda asks if she can hang there for a bit…or a week. As Rhonda makes her way through an advent calendar she says she wishes they had them for all months. Arthie asks if Rhonda wants to talk, but she doesn’t. Arthie wonders if Rhonda remembers back when a guy threw a beer can at her during a match and Rhonda says she does…because it hit her in the face. Arthie said she wanted to leave GLOW afterwards. However, she says that the hate displayed during the fire made her mad and she just wanted to run to Yolanda. She’s annoyed at herself for just standing there.

Ruth is taking her buffet food back to her room when Carmen joins her in the lift and asks her what she thinks about A Christmas Carol. She wants to do it in the ring. Ruth says some of them need a break. They only have one show left before they can go home and recharge before coming back to do the same show over and over again for another year. Carmen reminds Ruth that she picked her for Secret Santa and this is what she wants for Christmas! Ruth throws her head back in annoyance. Ruth, as Zoya, is playing Scrooge. The crowd are loving it. Debbie wonders why the girl who’s worth $40 million is playing Bob Cratchit. Rhonda says it was her idea because she’s British and nice. Debbie asks her where Bash is, but Rhonda has no idea. Debbie finds Bash in his room blind drunk. Debbie says she needs him for the show. Bash tells Debbie that Rhonda watched him kiss and touch Paul and he thought it would be okay because Rhonda was there as well. She ended up watching him like it. He says that if they end up staying he’ll do it again. When Debbie asks him what he wants to do, he says that he still wants to stay married to Rhonda and he wants to be the son that his mom wants him to be. He doesn’t want to die. He places his head in Debbie’s lap and sobs. Given his awkwardness when he walked into the gay bar to find Florian, his reaction to Florian’s death and his haste to marry Rhonda (despite showing no previous feelings for her) his revelation is not much of a surprise. He asks Debbie to tell him what to do, he’ll do anything.

Back in the ring Sheila is playing Jacob Marley and comes to visit Zoya. Backstage Bash is sobering up and Debbie is trying to get him in on Tex’s TV takeover. She says the buyer will sell to the “married son of a conservative family.” They are wheeled into the ring. Debbie, as Liberty Belle, narrates the story to Bash who is dressed as her child. Zoya is visited by the ghosts of Christmas past – the biddies. They wrestle and Carmen watches on proud. Debbie tells Bash if he sells his house he’ll actually make money and says he can make back the $2.5 million that he invested in Rhapsody. As Debbie explains how Bash can make profit from the deal he asks her how she knows so much. Debbie explains that she’s been to a lot of business dinners where people think she doesn’t understand anything. Bash says he’ll get another coffee and start making phone calls.

Scrooge is with ghost of Christmas present Tammé (Kia Stevens) watching Bob Cratchit and Tiny Tim who is being played by Jenny (Ellen Wong). Scrooge asks how they can be happy when they have nothing. Tammé disappears and Carmen appears as a scary looking ghost of Christmas future. She points to Bob over Tiny Tim’s grave. She then points to Scrooge’s grave. Carmen tells Scrooge their time is up and enters the ring to wrestle. Ruth and Carmen pull of some awesome moves as Christmas Future tries to pull Scrooge into their grave. Scrooge loses but wakes up alive on Christmas Day. Scrooge begins handing out casino chips to the audience. Debbie thanks the audience and asks them to join the GLOW girls in singing ‘White Christmas’. I did not expect to feel this Christmassy in the middle of August! As they perform, Santa bursts through the doors! Well, it’s actually Keith (Bashir Salahuddin). Cherry can’t believe it. Carmen says it’s her Secret Santa present to her. Cherry is touched and thanks Carmen before running into Keith’s arms whilst the girls cheer.

In the dressing room Melrose (Jackie Tohn) gets excited to exchange presents. Ruth tells Carmen that she’s a miracle and the heart and soul of the team. Carmen says the match was the most fun she’s had all year. Ruth says thanks to Carmen she’s looking forward to seeing the snow. Carmen; however, looks distant. Cherry and Keith talk. He says he’s not sure where they’re at since he was angry but all he’s been thinking about is her. He tells her that he did meet a woman…about adoption! That way Cherry won’t have to give up working or her body and he’ll even stay home with the baby. Bash is on the phone with his lawyers about the TV network bid. Debbie says that they’re swooping in and pulling the deal out from under Tex. They’re all excited but seeing as this will definitely be the end of Debbie and Tex she tells Bash that she needs some assurances. He says for her to tell him what she wants.

The girls are exchanging Secret Santa gifts. Melrose has gifted Dawn (Rebekka Johnson) a bong and Yolanda has gifted Tammé a Hot Tub Club T-shirt. As Keith goes to hand Arthie her gift from Stacey, Arthie declares that she’s gay and looks into Yolanda’s eyes. Stacey says they know, but Arthie says that she needed to say it out loud and that she should’ve said it sooner. Yolanda looks proud. Arthie apologizes to Yolanda who tells her to open her present. Yolanda is smiling as she does. It’s a rainbow head sweatband. Arthie thanks Stacey, who has also got her a Playboy magazine! The girls love it! Debbie is giggling as she realizes that she forgot to get Jenny something. Ruth asks Debbie why she is so happy, but Debbie doesn’t let on.

Rhonda is back in the penthouse awkwardly talking to Bash. She apologizes for lying about Paul as she wanted to keep Bash interested. Rhonda says that she doesn’t ever want to be the kind of person that tricks people. She wants to be honest with him. Bash says he’s sorry he’s been so distant and weird, but he knows exactly what he wants – her. He wants to go back to L.A. Rhonda agrees and they hug. Bash tells her that he wants them to start a family. Rhonda looks confused. Sandy tells Bobby (Kevin Cahoon) that Rhapsody closes in two weeks. Bash pulled his money out due to a new investment opportunity. Sandy says she should’ve known better than to get sentimental. She still has fifty people to fire, so Bobby orders shots of Tequila. He asks if this means the “big room” is available. Sam (Marc Maron) and Justine (Britt Baron) are sat in a tinsel-decorated diner waiting for their food. Justine hands him a new shirt for him to wear on set as a present. Sam gifts Justine adoption papers as he wants to make it official so that she can “inherit all the good shit” when he dies. She asks him if he has a pen and signs.

The girls are in the airport waiting for their flights. Sheila says that her parents are picking her up from the airport and Ruth asks if they’ll recognize her. Sheila says she will hold up a sign with their names on. Arthie is wearing her rainbow sweatband and Yolanda asks if she’s going to wear it all the time. Arthie says she is – she’s ready for the fight. Yolanda says it’s like she taught her nothing and Arthie follows her. Carmen reveals to Debbie that she’s going to meet up with her brother in Phoenix and she’s going to join him on the road! Debbie tells her to sit tight, there’s going to be new opportunities on offer. Ruth asks Debbie what she means and Debbie is about to spill when Carmen tells her not to make it any harder than it already is since she didn’t want to ruin Christmas. Ruth runs off for her flight and Debbie runs after her all the way to the gate. She blurts out that Bash is buying out a TV network and she is going to be the president. They’re going to put on a new wrestling show with new characters, since they have no legal rights to the old ones, and she wants Ruth to direct it! She wants them both to run the show, no auditions, they’re in charge. Debbie hugs Ruth and tells her Merry Christmas. However, Ruth tells Debbie that it’s her catapult, not Ruth’s. Debbie tells her just to say thank you. Ruth says she doesn’t want what Debbie wants. Debbie says she doesn’t understand Ruth, but Ruth says she does better than anyone. Ruth leaves for her flight and Debbie is left standing hurt and confused.