By: Atiya Irvin-Mitchell
We open with an advertisement for W.O.R.M.S – not the variety found in a garden to be clear – but the World Organization for Romantic Matchmaking Science. It’s a dating app that Jimmy (Ishmel Sahid) is considering partnering with. Lois (Alice Lee) and Clark (Jack Quaid) think the partnership is a bad idea, but Jimmy says that he’s no longer just doing the news; he has evolved into a lifestyle brand and has to take opportunities like this when they arise. But, Lois doesn’t buy it and thinks he’s just agreeing to test out the app so publicly to make Kara (Kiana Madeira) jealous, which she says is unfair because Jimmy told her to play the field. Jimmy responds that he didn’t expect her to go on dates with half the city, and he didn’t anticipate how much it’d suck to have to watch her date. He hopes that seeing him with a bunch of gorgeous scientists will make Kara jealous.
In addition to thinking Jimmy should just ask Kara out, Lois points out that Perry assigned him actual work. Namely, the Distortionist, who is an unknown person using genetic manipulation to mutate people. Jimmy isn’t bothered and says that the assignment can wait because he and Clark are going to W.O.R.M.S. Except Clark says no because his Superman calendar is free, so he plans to spend all his downtime with Lois. He starts by using his superspeed to make breakfast, but is interrupted when she notices a mini version of a farmhouse he bought at the convention. Clark thinks it’s cute, but Lois gets a little freaked out by the mini Clark and Lois inside, particularly the bassinet.
Clark says it’s the farmhouse they could live in one day together. Lois isn’t sharing in the excitement, but before Clark can ask any follow-up questions about it, Jimmy insists that he come to W.O.R.M.S with him. Very reluctantly, Clark agrees to drop him off there, but that’s it.
Later, there is a purse snatcher, and a figure that looks like Superman stops him. But it’s not Clark, it’s Hank Henshaw (Max Mittelman), and he’s a lot rougher with the thief than Clark would be, and throws him into a pole. Hank is happy to give the purse back, but onlookers seem concerned about the man who hasn’t gotten up since Hank threw him. Also, since Hank looks so much like Clark, some of them still think he’s Superman, despite him identifying himself as Captain Henshaw. Additionally, he doesn’t understand why they’re all so worried about the purse snatcher and thinks he got what he deserved. He says Superman ought to be tougher on crime.
Kara has discovered chili dogs and is excited to share them with Jimmy. But it’s still only Lois at the apartment. When Lois gets out of Jimmy and Clark’s bunk beds, Lois tells Kara that Jimmy doesn’t deserve her or her delicious hot dogs. She tells Kara that Jimmy’s off at a speed dating event, trying to make her jealous. This confuses Kara, who says she doesn’t have anything to be jealous of because she is a Kryptonian warrior who is beautiful and strong. Lois takes a chili dog and tells her that Jimmy is just trying to prove he’s as desirable as Kara. So, Kara says, it’s a contest, and she plans to win and make Jimmy her mate. Lois is on board and tells Kara to escalate by joining Crushrush, a dating app.
At W.O.R.M.S HQ, Clark is true to his word, declines to be interviewed, and leaves. Jimmy, of course, stays and meets with Zazzala (Chandler Lovelle) and Tazzala, the founders of the company. Jimmy refers to them as girlfriends, and Tazzala walks away. When he asks if he said something wrong, Zazzala explains that they broke up and adds that she and Tazzala had communication issues, but it won’t stop them from helping Jimmy find his scientifically selected “soil mate.” Then Zazzala points him in the direction of said soil mate.
Back at the apartment, Lois is helping Kara fill out a dating profile, but Kara still hasn’t had enough earthly experiences to have a favorite book or movie. Lois suggests that they hit the town and find some experiences, mostly to help Kara and mostly because the mini house and cradle Clark wants to live in still makes her feel panicked. They leave as Clark is returning and Clark is disappointed that he won’t be spending the Saturday with Lois. He hopes to still get some time to relax, but then there’s a news forecast about dogs and being trapped in a fire on a yacht because of an event. So he suits up to go and help. The guests are thankful and he’s tempted to adopt a dog himself.
Jimmy meets GiGi, and she is very forward, but seems a little more interested in Jimmy’s proximity to kryptonite and adventures with Superman than in Jimmy. Doris (Vella Lovell), who goes by GiGi, says she is interested in someone open-minded because she tends to change people. Then she says she really needs someone flexible, and Jimmy says he can be flexible. She gives him mystery chocolate and jabs him with a small needle. Jimmy asks her what she did, but she doesn’t answer him.
We cut away to a promo Jimmy is doing for W.O.R.M.S and Jimmy says GiGi seems “super” into him. But he hasn’t seemed to notice yet that he’s growing fur on his arm and his hands are becoming less human.
At home, Clark is working on Clark Jr. for the mini farm house and then he’s interrupted by a news report about LexCorp being robbed. Good news, this time no dogs are involved. Bad news, Clark isn’t getting Saturday off because the robbers have superpowers.
GiGi is asking Jimmy non-Superman related questions and when they talk about work he mentions that he is an investigative journalist for the Daily Planet. He adds that he is actually meant to be out on assignment right now looking for the Distortionist. GiGi doesn’t seem that shocked to learn about the Distortionist. We get another look at Jimmy who now looks like a werewolf and sees his new claws and tail and starts freaking out and howling.
Kara and Lois are out walking and Lois tells Kara that in order for the apps to know what you’re looking for, you have to know yourself. Lois says she knows herself and she knows the Earth’s rich culture. She wants to show Kara Metropolis’s museums, but Kara is more intrigued by the mall. Lois says there isn’t anything cultural about the mall, but Kara really wants to go so they do and they grab soft pretzels.
Unrelated to food, Hank is chasing Banshee (Catherine Taber), Rough House, and Mist and he’s being too aggressive. He nearly hits a few civilians and is more violent than Clark would be. He hurts Rough House and Mist, which makes Banshee want to go after him and Clark arrives encouraging everyone to calm down. It doesn’t work and he gets into a fight with Hank. Hank accuses Clark of protecting criminals, but before Clark can respond Jimmy calls him. Clark wants to know if this is an emergency because he’s busy. Jimmy says it’s not an emergency anymore but something happened at W.O.R.M.S. Hank is going after Banshee, so Clark tells Jimmy they’ll have to circle back later. Clark tries reasoning with Banshee and narrowly stops Hank from crushing her. Hank doesn’t understand why Clark is protecting her and Clark says no one needs to be hurt. He gets Banshee to give back the tech, but this doesn’t calm down Hank because even when Banshee is disarmed and in civilian mode, he points his lasers at her.
Slade Wilson (Chris Parnell) puts a force field around Hank before he can attack and tells Hank to stand down because the boss wants to talk to him. Jimmy calls again and tries to tell Clark he changed, but Clark says unless it’s life or death he’ll have to call him back.
Kara and Lois are in the music store and they’re discussing their favorite artists. She plays Black Canary songs for Kara and explains she started listening to her as a kid. Kara wants to introduce Lois to an artist she found, but Lois says she already knows what she likes. Kara teasingly asks if it’s Earth culture to only listen to songs you heard as a child. There’s a musical sequence and the gist is that Kara is excited about all the exciting things the future has to offer, but Lois likes the way things are now.
At Lexcorp Lex (Max Mittelman) is playing the footage of Hank for Hank and tells him that people are afraid of him. Hank doesn’t understand why, because he’s a hero. But, Lex says Heroes have restraint and Hank doesn’t seem to have any. With the public not on his side, they’ll never be able to replace Superman. Hank doesn’t care what the masses think, because with his power he can do what he wants. Slade tells Hank not to get closer to Lex, but Hank doesn’t care which leads to a fight that Slade loses. But Lex wins by sending waves of electricity through Hank (reminder, he’s part cyborg now.) Lex tells Hank there isn’t a “we” and says he has the power and can take Hank’s away whenever he wants.
Later Jimmy is getting an apology and a shot filled with antidote from Zazzala. She hopes being turned into a werewolf didn’t taint his experience or encourage him to leave a bad review. Once he’s human again, Jimmy is relieved and horrified again when his arms go boneless. Zazzala apologizes again and admits she’s not the chief biologist, but she’ll try to fix whatever is wrong with his endoskeleton as he screams.Tazzala appears and taps Zazzala on the shoulder and she’s happy that Tazzala has come back. The two gaze lovingly at eachother, but Jimmy says he’s glad they’re having a moment, but he’d like them to have it later because he’s human spaghetti right now.
At the apartment Clark has added a little white dog to the mini farmhouse. Right as he’s about to naem the dog Krypto when Jimmy calls. Jimmy says he could use Clark’s help, but when Clark says he can only help in an emergency, Jimmy says it’s technically not one since Tazzala gave him back his endoskeleton. So, since he’s not in active danger, Clark says he’ll see him later. Speaking of that, GiGi is pretty angry and tells Jimmy that if she can’t have him no one can. Jimmy tries asking if they can be friends, but GiGi says she’s not looking for friendship. She sprays a purple mist and grows several feet and says Jimmy can call her Giganta. As a muscley giant, she grabs Jimmy and goes off into the city. Giganta takes Jimmy by the apartment and yells into the window that it’s an emergency now.
Elsewhere, Lois is having an existentialist crisis and wondering if everything is downhill from there. Kara is feeling a lot more relaxed and showing Lois a picture of a man on the app holding a fish. Lois says they’re all going to be holding fish on the apps. Kara is confident that she’s going to “win.” Then, Giganta comes by holding Jimmy, which worries Kara because she doesn’t think she can find a date that big. Lois says that, that isn’t what winning looks like.
Giganta is scaling a building while holding Jimmy King Kong-style and says they’re going to try again. Her plan is to make Jimmy gigantic too, but if he doesn’t like it they can call it quits. Jimmy doesn’t like the idea, but finally realizes that Giganta is the distortionist. Clark arrives and tries to stop Giganta without hurting Jimmy, but is having trouble. Zazzala and Tazzala arrive by their electronic fairy wings and say they’ve got good news. Jimmy hopes it’s that they thought of a way to stop Giganta, but they just wanted to share that they’re back together. Jimmy would be happy for them, but he is actively being held hostage. They apologize again about his endoskeleton and this alarms Clark. Annoyed, Jimmy says he’s been turned into a werewolf, had his bones dissolved and tried to tell Clark all of this, but he wasn’t listening. Giganta is trying to take off with Jimmy again, so Clark asks if they can make her bones dissolve. Zazzala says they’ll do anything for love and gives Giganta the same shot she gave Jimmy earlier. It cases her to fall and go back to her human size. Clark catches her and she compliments him for being so gentle. However, Clark tells her he’s already in a committed relationship. Jimmy says he’s done with dating and the apps, but Zazzala offers him paid sponsorship. The cameras start rolling and Clark says his appearance isn’t an endorsement.
Once everyone is home, the group swaps stories and Clark learns that Kara successfully set up her dating profile. Lois talks to Clark and admits that she’s not ready for babies, farm houses, and pets. She loves Clark, but right now she also really loves her freedom. Clark didn’t realize that she felt that way, but seems to accept it. They agree to have brunch the next day and talk about their future. Jimmy and Kara argue about who got the most dates. Then we get a flash into the future which seems pretty dark.
Robots are attacking the city and in are a lab Jimmy, John Henry Irons, Lex, and Superboy (Darren Criss) are trying to fight them off. They hustle Superboy away and tell him it’s time to leave. He wants to help, but they tell him that the best way to help is to make sure “this” never happens. With that said Lex puts a time travel device around his wrist and sends him back through time. As he’s leaving, Jimmy, John, and Lex are vaporized by the robots as Superboy watches horrified.