Preacher – Search and Rescue

By: Kelly Kearney

In this week’s episode of “Preacher,” Tulip joined forces with an unlikely ally to save Cassidy from the clutches of the Grail. Meanwhile, Jesse’s mission to meet God on the mountain hit a major snag when his plane crashes, leaving him and his pilot stranded in the ocean. The end of the world clock is ticking and it’s up to Jesse, Tulip and Cassidy to save humanity from its creator’s “ineffable,” plans.

Revenge is a Dish Best Served With Diet Dr. Pepper

We open on God (Mark Harelik) and Allfather Herr Starr (Pip Torrens) sharing a diet Dr. Pepper and talking about what they can do with Jesse Custer (Dominic Cooper), their rogue preacher. Starr is still angry with God for letting Jesse go before he could make him suffer and suffering for Starr equates to carving a vagina into Custer’s head. It’s a revenge plot that keeps Starr’s attention keenly on Jesse and some payback for his penis scarred head. God reminds Starr that if he really wants to make Jesse suffer than, “why not really make him suffer?” What God has in store for Jesse is anyone’s guess, but he does promise Allfather that with the end of the world, and the end of Custer, Starr will be gifted with the return of his good looks sans penis head carvings. This seems to appease the holy bald psychopath, but when the topic turns to Humperdoo (Tyson Ritter) the conversation takes an awkward turn. God wants to know what is happening with his son and,, even though Starr has ordered all the Humperdoo clones to be destroyed, he lies to God and tells him the holy child is just fine. Wouldn’t an all-knowing God be aware that the cloning experiments were a fail and his Allfather ordered the mass execution of said clone fails? Apparently not because God takes Starr’s word for it.

A Titanic of a Problem

When we last saw Jesse he was on a plane to his phallic mountain top meeting with God when the plane started to malfunction. Now we find out the plane did indeed have issues and, thanks to a life raft, Jesse and his Genesis-ized Pilot Steve (Ditch Davey) escaped the crash and are now stranded in the middle of the ocean. The seas are treacherous and the night is dark with heavy rains that would make Noah himself shake in fear. All the chaos seems to just add to the thrill for Jesse, who is over the moon about the both of them surviving the deadly crash. It’s not long before the raft starts taking on water, forcing Jesse and Steve to bail or sink. Dave starts to freak out because crashing into the ocean and battling the seas on a life raft tend to frighten even the bravest of men. Jesse, having he power of Genesis, decides to order Steve to remain calm and, of course, it works.

After a perilous night battling the seas and storm a now pantless Steve is still calm and remaining positive. Even his third-degree sunburn, that’s left his legs blistering and oozing, do not seem to bother him. The sight does start to get to Jesse who covers Steve’s crispy legs rather than look at them. Why is Steve blistered and burned when Jesse just has a nice tan? It makes you wonder if the preacher is being protected by some unseen and holy force.

After hours stranded with Steve we see Jesse start to get annoyed with the pilot’s positivity. Again using Genesis Jesse orders the pilot to drop his ‘tude and almost instantly Steve flies into a panic. The pain from the burns are unimaginable, so Jesse uses his powers to order Steve to feel no pain. Of course, the holy powers work and while Steve is settling into his new pain-free mood Jesse constructs a sail to steer their raft towards dry land. While the preacher is occupied with the sail Steve happens to lean too far out of the raft and a shark rips his arm off! This guy can not catch a break! Genesis can’t stop Steve’s massive blood loss, even if the man still can’t feel it. Jesse does all he can to save Steve by ordering the man to live, but death seems to overpower the word of God. Even as Steve takes his last breath and begs Jesse to use his powers to save him there’s nothing the preacher can do. The pilot succumbs to his injuries and Jesse buries him at sea. Steve’s final sendoff is a prayer followed by a shark that gobbles up his remains.

On The Hunt in Australia

As the shark finishes up his Steve sized snack Jesse notices a beach in the far off distance and starts to paddle his way to the sandy land. For now, his suffering at the hands of the unforgiving sea is over just in time for new horrors that await him…a horror that wears a cowboy hat and goes by the name The Saint of Killers (Graham McTavish).

After rescuing Eugene (Ian Colletti) from his glory hole debacle last week, The Saint and his Arseface side kick realize that walking to Australia to find Jesse is going to take too long. Armed with his gun The Saint aims it at the ground, pulls the trigger and blasts a human sized hole right through the center of the earth! It is a hole large enough for Eugene and himself to crawl through. When the two emerge on the other side of the blast site they are mere meters away from where Jesse washed up on the beach. As Jesse searches for God, The Saint hunts the preacher in the land of Oz. From the looks of things,the Godly mountain top meet and greet is the least of Jesse Custer’s concerns.

Back at Masada the Allfather is working on his own outlandish revenge plans and he’s titled them “Apocalypse 2020.” With representatives from both Heaven and Hell, namely Jesus and Hitler (Noah Taylor), Masada’s Grail workers are practically bursting with excitement. Many Grailsters are hyped to meet Hitler, the current leader of Hell, which makes you wonder if these people really acolytes of God or something else.

Someone who isn’t all a glow with the happenings in Masada is Cassidy (Joseph Gilgun), who finally breaks free from Bensonhurst Frankie (Lachy Hulme) and gives the Brooklynite a taste of his own medicine. After slipping from his straitjacket Cass goes full on Hannibal Lecter, beating Frankie to a bloody pulp and impaling him on his rifle, straight up the duff! Lifting Frankie in the air, Cass unceremoniously drops the goon on the blasty end of his gun, just as he asks him, “Have the lambs stopped screaming?!” The force of the drop sets off the gun’s trigger and a bullet rips though Frankie’s colon and out of the top of his head! It’s a messy end to a man who got his jollies cutting off the foreskins of his vampire prisoner.

With Frankie dead, Cass makes his escape to the elevators and when the doors open he comes face to face with Tulip (Ruth Negga). A smile is all Cassidy gets out before Featherstone (Julie Ann Emery) shows up and points a gun at him. Luckily for her she doesn’t see Tulip behind the elevator doors and the Grail’s female badass orders Cass back to the torture chambers and away from his escape once again.

Knowing Tulip won’t stop until she saves Cass means that Featherstone can just sit back and wait for her arch nemesis to come to her. She sets up a post at Cassidy’s cell, hoping to end O’Hare before she can free her friend. Inside his cell Cass is worried that Tulip will continue to risk her life to save him. He has to escape before Featherstone has his love killed. Thankfully, Cassidy has the gift of regeneration so self-mutilation to break free is not a problem. Scraping the skin from his wrists he manages to slip from his handcuffs and then sucks his Archangel (David Field) cellmate dry. The winged creature, who has been driving Cass crazy with his endless holy chattering, doesn’t die Cassidy does manage to regain his depleted Vampire powers thanks to his angel blood. As the ensanguined angel returns to life, he grabs Cassidy and the two fly out of Masada before anyone knows they’re missing.

Tulip Gets a Surprising Partner in Crime

Elsewhere, Tulip is gearing up to find Cassidy, having no idea he already got an Angel ride out of Masada. While still holding on to her blonde-haired Grail cover, Tulip is given a new assigned task. The Grail wants her to chauffeur a very important man. That man turns out to be Jesus (also played by Tyson Ritter) himself! Jesus knows Tulip is in trouble and, besides all the lies she tells him, he forgives her and offers his help. He does his best to get Tulip in to see Cassidy, but Featherstone throws up a roadblock and won’t let them pass. It’s not long before O’Hare discovers that her Irish vampire has flown the Grail’s coop and with him gone she has no reason to stick around. Ripping off her wig she sets off to leave, but not before Jesus asks her if he can tag along. Jesus and Tulip teaming up? It’s a match made in Heaven…or maybe Hell. Who knows where this crazy story is headed?!

As the show comes to an end, we find Hitler bribing a Masada guard to gain access to Humperdoo. The Holy child does not impress Hell’s new leader, who realizes something is not right with this clone. To be honest, nothing was right with the original Humperdoo, so the clone was destined to be a disappointment. With the knowledge that the holy child is a blathering fool of a clone, Hitler sees this as an opportunity.  We don’t know what his grand plan is or how the leg humping holy child will fit in, but blackmail seems to be on Hitler’s mind. How will he use this clone to force The Grail and Allfather to bend to his will? Will he use it to bring down God and his leaderless heaven? This is Hitler we’re talking about, so any plan of his is sure to be self-servingly evil. Heaven help this Humperdoo and anyone that gets in Hitler’s way.